at first, it was really my john wasbecause dr.nly person who had ever seen what felt so intensely true to me. it was making me insane it was invisible to the rest of the world. he saw, here is a mother with her baby who has died. it is not likely would email about that night. but it was a comfort to be interacting with someone who was there and saw that happen. and then it was just a matter of chance. we just happened to connect beyond that. charlie: being in love is another. it took a while? through emails and everything else? >> normally, i think people would think it was not convenient if you lived in new york to fall in love with someone who worked in mongolia and lived in south africa. but for me, it was convenient because that way there was time for me to grieve and for us to fall in love sort of simultaneously. nothing thate is really happen to you? terrible things happened to you. >> this showed me i had never experienced real suffering before. charlie: did you know how to deal with it? anyone couldow if know before they h