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[cheering and applause] ♪ introducing new johnny appleseed hard apple cider. nse. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. the summer that summers from here on will be compared to. so get out there, and get the best price guaranteed. find it for less and we'll match it and give you $50 toward your next trip. expedia. find yours. well if you can pack five cseasons of your favorite showor into just one weekend... pack this much heat into one wing... this much drama into one friend... and pack this much girlie into one man... then, yes, 7up ten can pack full 7 up flavor into only ten calories. that's the power of ten. also packed in these brands. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] if you can't stand the heat, get off the test track. get the mercedes-benz you've been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedes-benz dealer. but hurry, offers end july 31st. share your summer moments in your mercedes-benz with us. >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here i

introducing new johnny appleseed hard apple cider. refreshingly sweet and intense. rsting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. the summer that summers from here on will be compared to. so get out there, and get the best price guaranteed. find it for less and we'll match it and give you $50 toward your next trip. expedia. find yours. no, no, noooh!, no and i pick you! i'll name you..... cornelius pumperdinkle only one in one hundred are lucky enough to become america's favorite nut >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. father of the internet vint cerf. is the author of the matrix reloaded, is he with us? (cheers and applause) >> what makes you think you're not in the matrix? (applause) >> stephen: i knowcraty. know e (laughter) did you have any idea of the impact this could have? by the time you turned it on in 1983 and said, okay, it's working, did you have a sense of the impact you would have because 3 billion people use it, it's only going to expand. i understand you're working on now at jet propulsion

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ introducing new johnny appleseed hard apple cider. ng with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. ♪ now t-mobile is setting music free. stream all the music you want. data charges do not apply, on the data strong network. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest this evening was recently nominated for another emmy award for his performance as don draper in the long running hit show "mad men." gosh, we love him. starting august 19th, you can see him starring opposite daniel radcliffe in another cool tv series. it's called "the young doctor's notebook" and it airs at 10:00pm on ovation, please welcome a talented actor, here is jon hamm! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: jon hamm! [ cheers and applause ] the hamm bone! jon hamm, "the ham sandwich," they call him. [ laughter ] jon hamm is in the house. >> so good to be home. >> jimmy: thank you! oh, that's what i'm talking about. >> right? >> jimmy: well, welcome, welcome to our show. welcome to our home, and your home

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hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedies flow. when the pressure's on... only secret offers clinical strength invisible solid and clear gel with 100% odor protection. secret clinical strength. hey, if you could be any dinosaur, which would you t-rex. that's dumb, cuz when you're hungry late at night, your little t-rex arms couldn't stuff your face with - my new chick-n-tater melt munchie meal. it's got crispy chicken, hash browns, and gooey cheese on a buttery croissant. that's french. ok, i get it. so what would you be? a long armed t-rex. jerk. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy-winning performer and "saturday night live" legend. you can catch his stand up this friday at the tropicana casino in atlantic city, new jersey. sunday, he's at the hard rock -- live at seminole in hollywood, florida. ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, dana carvey. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, yeah! >> hey! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ho, dana carvey here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: oh, it's a bea

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hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseede cider tonight and let the stories flow. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] here at "late night," we have a team of loyal researchers, statisticians and pollsters. all of whom would happily take a bullet for me and did last night, but don't worry, i'm fine. [ light laughter ] but i did have to hire a whole new set of researchers, statisticians and pollsters, and they are the ones who helped me bring you a little segment we call "this week in numbers." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: let's get started. two, the number of times lebron james has been a member of the cleveland cavaliers. [ light laughter ] also 2, the number of seconds it took this guy to forgive lebron and welcome him back. [ laughter and applause ] ninety-two. the percentage of statements on fox news that have been found to be not completely factual. [ light laughter ] 8, the percentage of statements on fox news that are commercials. [ cheers and applause ] 0, the numb

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseede cider tonight and let the stories flow. we're trying our best to be role models.dels. we don't jump at the sound of the opening bell, because we're trying to make the school bell. corner booth beats corner office any day. we make the most of our time... and our money. the 2014 malibu. highest ranked midsize car in initial quality the car for the richest guys on earth. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. father of the internet vint cerf. is the author of the matrix reloaded, is he with us? (cheers and applause) >> what makes you think you're not in the matrix? (applause) >> stephen: i knowcraty. know e (laughter) did you have any idea of the impact this could have? by the time you turned it on in 1983 and said, okay, it's working, did you have a sense of the impact you would have because 3 billion people use it, it's only going to expand. i understand you're working on now at jet propulsion laboratories establish an interplanetary protocol? jesus has influence add few people. mohamed

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedapple cider tonight and let the stories flow. qheers plaus (cheers and applause) >> it's 11:59 and 59 seconds... this happened on reddit today! >> i'm charlie. >> nice to meet you. >> sorry i'm -- >> you're cool. chris: don't be fooled that's official taco bell greeter, charlie sheen. not a carney working hitching a ride. even though the mating call "sorry i'm so [beep] hammered" was uttered. i can not turn away, let's watch more together. >> what's up with that tattoo? >> that one there. >> hell ya. >> gary.

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedd apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. sfx: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering sfx: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering so, i'm walking down the street, x: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering just you know walking, sfx: sounds of marching bandnd and crowd cheering and i found myself in the middle of this paradeeet, x: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering honoring america's troops. sfx: sounds of marching bandnd and crowd cheering which is actually in tquite fitting becauseadeeet, x: sounds of marching band and crowd cheering geico has been serving e military for over 75 years. aawh no, look, i know this is about the troops and not about me. right, but i don't look like that. who can i write a letter to about this? geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. >> jon: that's our show. here it is, your moment of zen. >> the u.s. is not just talking about what it can do, but they're talking to countries in the region,

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedthe stories flow. i dit's...it's..it! it's beggin', disengage. my heavens, it's beggin'! never mind, it's beggin'. it's flying beggin'! (vo) introducing beggin' party poppers, new bacon-y wrapped, cheesy bites that you launch from a rubber pig's nose. fun for you and your best friend. it's beggin'!!! mmm, i love you, i love beggin'. i love you, i love poppers, i love you.. (vo) new party poppers, only from beggin'. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our first guest this evening is an emmy award-winning television host alongside michael strayhan on the very popular syndicated morning show "live with kelly and michael." please welcome -- it's not michael -- [ light laughter ] a good friend of the show. we love her so much. kelly ripa, everybody! oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: european? that was it. that's what i'm talking about. >> oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: that's an entrance right there! >> look at you, globally dominating. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> lo

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. >> welcome back. welcome back. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. it's very rare that i feel like we coin a phrase on this program, but if bring me my smelling turds doesn't catch on, i'm just going to be sad. that's all. but welcome back. as americans it's, of course, our duty to take sides in every conflict. but sometimes the choice is very difficult. house republicans versus the i.r.s. i don't know. alec baldwin versus paparazzi. i don't know which one. paula deen versus diabetes. i don't know. i don't know. who do you choose? and now another battle looms. >> we're going to begin this half hour with that showdown between two powerful men, donald trump and chicago mayor rahm emanuel. >> oh, it's badger fighting a mongoose. i just don't know who to cheer for. get me my smelling turds. >> the stakes: five 20-foot high stainless steel letters spelling out trump's name on his 96-story hotel tower. at night it glows. [laughter] >> jon: donald trump n

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedapple cider tonight and let the stories flow. honey, look i got one to land. uh-huh. (vo) there's good more... honey, look at all these smart rewards points verizon just gave me. ooh, you got a buddy. i'm like a statue. i just signed up and, boom, all these points. ...and there's not-so-good more. you're a big guy... ...oh no. get the good more with verizon smart rewards and rack up points to use towards the things you really want. get the lg g3 for $199.99. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, her new series is called "the honourable woman"." after >> they don't want you to choose a palestinian. they want an israeli. >> it doesn't matter what anyone wants. >> we want you to choose a palestinian. >>ly choose whoever best protects the aims and ideals of this company. and nothing you or anyone else wants will affect that decision. >> you cannot choose an israeli, not after this. >> i'll choose exactly who i want. >> then you will have made a mistake. >> and if i do, at least it will b

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedple cider tonight and let the stories flow. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, an actor and an activist. a new documentary film about his life is called "to be takei." >> george is the love of my life. i'm proud of him. >> i've heard that before. >> he's wonderful. >> well, if you see him talking to me sometimes, you wouldn't think so. >> i didn't understand that answer. >> he's argumentative and i'm defensive. >> notice every time george says something serious about our relationship he always laughs immediately afterwards. [laughter] >> please welcome george takei. [cheering and applause] >> good to be here. >> jon: so nice to see you. this documentary about your life, "to be takei," there is an awful lot in it that is interesting and fascinating. we can talk about your time on "star trek," your relationships, your fight for equal rights in marriage, all those things. if you don't mind, there is something in there that i thought was so interesting, and that was your family's time

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseeder tonight and let the stories flow. >> jon: that's our show. here it is, your moment of zen. >> your running mate, sarah palin, she's calling for his impeachment. what do you think of that? >> well, i don't agree. i think that we should focus our attention on winning elections. captioning sponsored by

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedapple cider tonight and let the stories flow. couple pieces of chicken, gigantic mashed potatoes. a biscuit, and a cookie. and a drink! [chuckles] you can eat the cookie first, if you want. if you want, if you feel that way. it's your choice! it's amazing. yeah. every summer, my nana sends me a check for $5. it's a pain to cash, but when i do, i can buy all of this for $5. i need to write her a thank you letter. yeah, you probably should've done that way long ago. let's chow down. spork! ♪ [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. foarks we all know video killed the radiostar. ask your parents. [laughter] but has the internet killed newspapers? yes! or has it? jordan klepper reports. >> the people of ann arbor, michigan, used to have a lot of local newspapers to choose from, but now all of them have closed up shop or proved online, all except one, the university of michigan student-run daily. i went to their news troop see if they had what it takes to survive. what do you guys thin

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedple cider tonight and let the stories flow. [music]"aye" by: new world sound sweat... ♪ ...it says i was here. i worked here. it says i only have so much to give. before i have to take. what i lose... ...i wanna get back. ♪ sweat says, i earned this. gatorade. created to help replace what you sweat out. [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. you know, far long time now, we found out our intelligence agencies have spied on us, tapping our phones, stretching our e-mail, watching us while we bathe. yes, while we bathe! well, guess what, it's payback time. >> we're learning about trouble at the central intelligence agency. >> thanks not freedom of information, a we now have access to all kinds of information that otherwise we probably never would have seen the light of day. [laughter] >> jon: that's what i'm talking about. the spiers have become the spy-ees. c.i.a., this is going to be juicy. what are we going to hear about, espionage, poisoning the russians? what do we got? >> the

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedapple cider tonight and let the stories flow. [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my gust tonight, a director, his latest film is called "boyhood." >> good-bye, yard. good-bye, mailbox. good-bye, box of stuff mommy won't let us take with her so we don't want to throw away. good-bye, house. i'll never like mommy as much for making us move. >> samantha, why don't you say good-bye to that little horrible attitude. we're not taking that in the car. >> good-bye, old lady who listens to rock music and rides a motorcycle. >> jon: please welcome richard linklater. [cheering and applause] >> hey. >> jon: here's all i'm going to say: holy [bleeped]. this movie is so beautiful. >> thank you. >> jon: and so just beautifully made, 12 years. >> yeah, it's long time shoot a movie, yeah. >> jon: it's... how could you possibly have cast it? how did your star... explain just very briefly how you did this. >> well, i wanted to tell a story about growing up, you know, but most stories about kids

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedt and let the stories flow. can i pet your cloud please? sure! [ rumbling ] woah! aah! he doesn't like to be touched there. mmm! [ male announcer ] pet the rainbow! taste the rainbow. >> that's it for its report, everybody, good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. very good show tonight. my guest tonight, oh, one of our favorite, mr. fareed zakaria. fareed zakaria will be joining us on the program tonight. people are hooting because apparently tonight at "the daily show" it's chuck e. cheese night. everybody in the audience, it's their birthday, the entire, entire audience. but first, we've thrown certain public figures a fair amount of shade for one unseemly dining habit, a pizza with a fork. it's the greatest sin a new yorker can commit next to doing carnal things w

we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ introducing new johnny appleseed hard apple cider sweet and intense. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. that's about as american as it gets. woman: what do you mean? blueberry pancakes, strawberries and cream cheese icing, starting at just $4.99. apple pie, watch out. [bell rings] waitress: welcome to denny's! double your trade-in to get up to $200 on any working smartphone. [ male announcer ] dogs smile longer when you give them dentastix. the oral care treat that tastes great, and is clinically proven to reduce tartar buildup. and for dogs that really love to chew, there's new dentastix deep clean. the treat that encourages chewing, keeping dogs -- and their mouths -- happier even longer. two great reasons to keep smiling. dentastix, and new dentastix deep clean. smile! it's dentastix time. that's why we pushed ourselves to create dentastix, and new dentastix deep clean. new and improved degree motionsense, the only antiperspirant that releases extra pr

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedpple cider tonight and let the stories flow. thlook what i got.p. oh my froot loops! [sniffs] let's do this? get up! get up! get up! get up! loop me! bring back the awesome... yeah! yeah! yeah! with the great taste of kellogg's froot loops. follow your nose! at some than to share.me more important to show off we started missing the good stuff around us just so we could focus on what makes our lives look good. but it's not the quality of the picture that matters... it's the quality of the moment. the chevrolet malibu. j.d. power's highest ranked midsize car in initial quality. for people who know what's truly valuable. ifyou may be muddlingble withrough allergies.nger... try zyrtec® for powerful allergy relief. and zyrtec® is different than claritin. because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. zyrtec®. muddle no more™. [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight spent five years as correspondent for rt, russia today. please welcome sara firth. hello

hard apple cider. thank you! get back to work! and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedght and let the stories flow. qheers plaus (cheers and applause) >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we got a good one for you tonight. our guest tonight, one of my favorite comedians in the entire universe, young jerry seinfeld will be joining us tonight. we're very excited about that. he's very talented. [cheering and applause] a top dog. first, if you're like many of our viewers, you ask me if i like getting blown. no, i'm just kidding. [laughter] weird. sometimes the q&a in the beginning gets a little out of hand is what i'm saying, but if you're like many of our viewers, you're probably watching this show right now while driving. and if that's the case, stop! very dangerous, not because it pulls your focus from the road but because of the road itself. >> the federal hig

hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseedt and let the stories flow. mounta taco bell original, is now in bottles and cans. whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- aaaaaaaaaaaaa! what?! get some while you still can. here this summer. gone this summer. >> stephen: that's it for "the report," everybody. dwight. thank you very much. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good show. oh, it's good show. my guest tonight, jennifer esposito. she's an actress, but she's going to talk about her book. she's got celiac disease. it's named after a ballplayer, lucilleback. played for the new york yankees. [laughter] but first, you know, for most of its existence, the irs was america's favorite government agency. [laughter] but that all changed a

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so try a johnny appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow.. it starts with our famous alfredo made from scratch. and features four new recipes. like shrimp caprese and chicken with broccoli. the three course italian dinner served with unlimited salad and breadsticks plus dessert. starting at $11.99. at olive garden. you could be using a better clinical antiperspirant. because everhing can bemproved. a dive into the water can be better. a night out can be more exciting. a wedding entrance can be extraordinary. just as you work hard to our strongest protection ever.u that'shy we created degree clinical shower clean. protection improved. superior odor prection versus secret clinical.clinl ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welco our next guest is one of the world's most iconic living artists. his first new york museu retrospecte is currently on view athe whitney museum of american art and his piece "split rocker" is on display right here at rockefeller center. ladies and gentlemen, jeff koons. ♪ [ cheers and applae ] >> seth:o, congratulations o