can kang that. >> jon, jon, jon v a little faith in america. we can go anything we put our minds to. we're the country that put a man on the moon. and we're also the country that created the rumor that we did not put a man on the money. (laughter) >> jon: you're saying, john, to save our economy, we need to create some sort of new conspiracy theory about osama bin laden from scratch. >> yes, that's what we do best. >> jon: how would you even get a bin laden conspiracy theory going now. >> right, well jon, the key is to make people feel like texas. you can't be too obvious. for example showing bin laden that tuesday's met-marlin game isn't going to work. (laughter) >> jon: obviously that's fake. >> even i know there is no way city field would be almost half full. you have to be-- you have to be more subtle. now we've all seen this video of bin laden watching television in this compound. now freeze there, and enhance. see, jon. that's countries hemsworth, the star of thor, bin laden watching an episode of entertainment tonight covering a movie th

>> the nuptials. >> jon: yes. >> i believe it was a wedding, i think. >> jon: i see.t if i googled... is there... would the william and... uh... middle... kate. >> yes. >> jon: do you think that they are in england as big a deal as they were here or do you think americans were more fascinated? >> it was a big deal here. wasn't it. >> jon: we stopped everything. >> did you? were you there? >> jon: stopping or in england? >> were you stopping in england. >> jon: we were not allowed to even use the footage from inside the church. the royal family had put out i guess they call them a decree. >> oh. >> jon: they said that you are not allowed to use the footage for satirical purposes. only to comment... there were only three things you were allowed to say, comment on the footage. you were allowed to say (ha-ff-) they made it so that you couldn't make jokes. >> did they really? really? i'm sorry. i feel like i should apologize. i'm terribly sorry. >> jon: this is not you. >> this is not my fault. okay. >> jon: it's kind of in some ways crystalizes the relationship between th

the point, is i'm broke, jon. i even had to sell the fingers on my gloves. >> jon: pull yourself together, oliver. >> i'm sorry. >> jon: god dammit, trump, look what you're doing. run, for god's sake, run. america needs you. >> run, please, please. >> jon: john oliver, every >> welcome back. my guest tonight, con trib utilitying editor at the los angeles times magazine and an investigative reporter. her new book is called an undemocratic national censored history of america's top secrets. please welcome annie jacobsen. hello. [applause] thank you so much for being here. this is really a great book. area 51. so this is area 51 is a military base. >> yes, it is. it's a military base in southern never never, 75 miles from vegas. >> jon: 75 miles from vegas. >> we set off 100 nuclear bombs there during the cold war in the air. >> jon: above vegas. >> a little north of vegas. >> jon: is that how vegas began? because at around the same time this nuclear radiation is spilling out over the desert, bugsy siegel had an idea

>> well, jon, it's bad. it is real bad. on the presidential candidate viability scale it's not just john kerry's i look like a sperm moment, it's a full-on howard dean. >> whoooahhh! >> pack it in, newt. it was a good run. >>. >> jon: don't you think he can come back from this? >> no new york city, he criticized a fellow republican. if he wants to undo that kind of damage he needs a sister soulja moment. >> jon: isn't that when a democrat distances himself from his base. >> every democrat has to have one like when obama extended the bush cats. >> is this his sister soulja moment. when bill clinton took on that rap singer in 1992 he was trying to say i'm a different type of democrat, i'm not going to cow tow to this? >> that's what newt gingrich needs to go that now. >> jon: that was what he was doing with the ryan statement criticizing the extremism of it. >> for democrats it's about distancing themselves from the left. for the republicans it's about distancing them self-from the left. as far as pundits are concerned no mat

my name is jon stewart. we've got a nice show for you tonight. thanks for joining us. tonight on the program we have a young comedic actor, willis ferrell. (laughter) young gentleman's going to be joining us, i hear great things. really excited to meet him. let's begin tonight in the south. our hearts go out to those along the mississippi who are suffering not just from a catastrophic flood of water but also from a monsoon of media one upmanship. (laughter) the debilitating coverage began as the waters rose up to swallow one reporter's feet, creeping up to the knee, moving slowly up to the thigh, consuming the hips and finally, thank god, cresting at the nipple! (laughter and applause) the water crested at the nipple. (laughter) all these reporters bravely waded into the surging mississippi to give us absolutely no idea how high the floodwaters were or the extent of damage. you know, guys, i'm glad you're down thing there bringing attention to the story but you could have done the exact same stories on dry l

the point, is i'm broke, jon. i even had to sell the fingers on my gloves. >> jon: pull yourself together, oliver. >> i'm sorry. >> jon: god dammit, trump, look what you're doing. run, for god's sake, run. america needs you. >> run, please, please. >> jon: john oliver, >> jon: john oliver, everybody. [ man ] ♪ trouble ♪ trouble, trouble trouble, trouble ♪ ♪ trouble been doggin' my soul ♪ since the day i was born ♪ worry ♪ oh, worry, worry worry, worry ♪ [ announcer ] when it comes to things you care about, leave nothing to chance. travelers. take the scary out of life. what's the most amazing ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe ...it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. my guest tonight, con trib utilitying editor at the los angeles times magazine and an investigative reporter. her new book is called an undemocratic national censored

jon jon welcome back, everybody. as we all now know, just yesterday donald trump announced at the nbc fall schedule unveiling that he would not be seeking the office of the presidency. his announcements followed quickly by the announcement that amanda peet will be going to series. both important. luckily trump did not allow the objective reality of his failed presidential run to dampen his imaginary presidential victory. >> this decision does not come easily without regret, especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by the ranking at the top of the republican contenders in polls across the country. i maintain the strong conviction that if i were to run, i would be able to win the primary. i love this guy. and ultimately the general election. >> jon: i very easily could have become the leader of the free world, restored america's status abroad and such and such, but i realized i can do for more good and mankind building upscale golf courses and condominiums in the greater tri-state area as well a

and she's real. >> jon: she has a lizard on her shoulder. >> yes. >> jon: did you guys-- is this somethingt you-- that you had planned for a while and inc. baited or one night came up with? >> we had talked for a while about maybe writing something, and after i did "knocked up," judd said-- he's a one-name guy, judd. asked me if i wanted to write something, and he's like, "you can write it with yourself. you can write it with someone. just pitch me ideas." and so, yeah. it went from there. >> jon: did he know that you were-- when you first gave it to him, did he go, "oh, this is great?" or did you think at first it was one of those things that people say like at an l.a. party like, hey, dude, you should write something?" >> i took him-- i don't know, maybe he was just saying, that but i took him seriously, and i sent him a bunch of e-mails. >> jon: and he sent them back. >> yeah-- no, he was serious. and i told him about the idea, and he was like, "great, just start writing," ask we bought, like, "how to write a screenplay" book. i'm not kidding. we really did. i 21 her house for the first

>> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. what a show for you tonight. actress karen knightly will be joining us tonight. but first let's move on to what the latest developments are in the death of osama bin biden. what? is there any one of our leaders names that can not be confused with osama bin laden? anyway, i've shooting bin laden in the head and throwing him in the ocean... do you want me to soft sell this to you? no. there's really only one last bit unfinished business to go through all of this (beep). as it turns out bin laden was a rare combination. not only was he evil, he was lame. >> a new picture of osama bin laden is emerging tonight. >> a haggard osama bin laden watching himself on tv. >> sitting on the floor covering by a blanket, remote control in hand. >> jon: just sitting there all alone, gray, rocking back and forth. watching tv. wrapped in a blanket. cause he's cold but too damned cheap to turn the heat on. this guy, this guy, this guy... wait a minute. can i see that shot of me wa

he did this deal.... >> jon: really?> he did a deal with the american government that they wouldn't expedite him to haiti to stand trial for war crimes but he had to live with his mother in queens. he wasn't allowed to go into manhattan. he would cry and had a misty- eyed look on his face. anyhow, i met him then. at one point during the interview 15 years ago he starteded pretending to cry. you know, i'm innocent of all the crimes. he was like crying but it was like kind of pretending to cry. it seemed like a very odd, you know, at the time i was thinking, i can't do anything with this guy because we're not connecting on any kind of human level. later when i was thinking, wow, is it true that psychopaths rule the world which is what psychologists believe, which is what the book is about, that basically the brain anomaly that psychopaths suffer from is the brain anomaly that affects us all. >> jon: talking about the book i was expecting everything to be the guy who has the bodies buried in the backyard. it's very prevalen

>> jon: no. well, if you enjoyed, that you'll love this album of fox news personalities ruining songs from many of your other favorite hip-hop artists. now that's what those people call music. [applause] now, those more expolice celt lyrics, the more explicit lyrics describing violent action that hannity was quoting, those lyrics actually end on the couplet, "no time for that cause there's things to be done. stay true to what i do so the youth dream come." basically common says, you know that violence i was talking about earlier in my poem, let's end that in our communities so our dreams can come true. it's a call for peace. but hannity makes a good point. it sounds like killing cops to him. [laughter] and if fox newsstands for anything, it is a zero-tolerance policy for any individual who might have or actually did write a song about cop killing. >> and happy birthday to rapper and actor ice-t. he is 52. [cheers and applause] >> jon: well, to be fair, that's different because ice-t was not celeb