code, jon. >.>> jon: i get it. but does it matter whose fault it is? >> yes, jon! it does. it matters to the solution. here's gingrich's. >> it would be great if inner city schools and poor neighborhood schools actually hired the children to do things. what if they cleaned out the bathrooms and what if they mop it had floors? (audience reacts) see, jon? so his plan to fix america is for black kids to start cleaning toilets? hey, what'd you learn if school today, son? i need blac learned black peoplo chew their food better, dad. he wants to give kids jobs by firing their parents from one of the few jobs they can get. >> jon: i'm sure he had good reason. >> they didn't have to become a pimp or prostitute or drug dealer. (audience reacts). >> jon: wow. >> yup. dream big, black people. (laughter) hey, you don't have to be a pimp, prostitute or drug dealer, you could clean up people's (bleep). (applause) hey! come on! gingrich, 2012! yes, we clean. (laughter). >> jon: larry wilmore, everybody. we'll be right back. (cheers (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back. my guest ton

darling. >> jon: is it? i don't really know. >> that's what it means, raw. >> jon: can i tell you what the food channel has done to me and to my children. it has instilled in them the idea that if i prepare a meal for them that they don't like, i can be sent away. that is a terrible... because i will make like scrambled eggs in the morning. my son will be like, chef, i like a consistency... i'm afraid you've been chopped. >> it was like when i was growing up in my house it's like if you don't like it, well, i'm going to set the timer. eat it. if you still don't like it, stuff it. done. >> jon: are chefs a competitive lot? i've been surprised at just how upset and deeply the chefs are feeling this competition. >> i have to say this was incredibly hard. i mean, i have been in competitions. i've been on iron chef. i've been mario's chef for years. i was on chops. i got chopped. but i'm.... >> jon: your crudeaux was magnificent. >> i had to do retail therapy. i mean alex and i are really good friends. >> jon: sh

, jon stewart is talking to you. >> >> jon: i'm sorry about that.ot the note... there was no number. it said "i had a note that said "call my grandmother" but then there was no number so i sat in my office like, "grandma?" like, i didn't know what to do. now what was it... first of all, "moneyball." you were awesome this that. >> thank you, jon. >> jon: that was tremendous. (applause) and that this one looks great, too. i can't wait to take my kids to it. it looks great. >> you shouldn't take... you shouldn't take your kids to this movie. >> jon: it's about baby-sitting, i'm assuming it's "adventures in baby-sitting." intro. >> you might as well throw away money because you'd put your children in therapy. it's kind of a response to those awful movies where it's like you don't want this guy watching your kids because he's going to give them some candy and they're going to stay up all night. our version is like, no, no, no, really... you don't want this guy watching your kids. (laughter) something really awful is going to happen. (laughter) >> jon: th

williams out. >> jon: do, [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back.t tonight is the lead singer of band u2 in recognition of world aids day which is december 1 his organizations one and red are hosting a major event in washington to discuss the fight against aids. mr. president welcome to the program -- please welcome to the program, bono. [cheers and applause] what is all this? >> missed your birthday. >> jon: thank you. >> red ipod. red iphone. >> jon: very nice. thank you. that's lovely. [cheers and applause] he comes bearing gifts. thank you. >> save lives. >> jon: what is nice about this because when you first came out with this i thought you were basically thinking this was going to be so (bleep) boring i'll just listen to music while jon is talking to america i thought you were bringing out headphones for yourself. >> i saw you rocking in your chair there. >> joe: that's what jews do. >> jon: that's what jews do. we -- [ laughter ] how have been been, man? >> been good. >> jon: you had something on your back. are you healed and healthy? >> i'll

(laughter) >> jon: we'll be right back. >> jon: welcome back. the iphone, the ipad, they seem like the perfect baby-sitters. economical, always available and you can't have an affair with them. (laughter) but did you know they could actually cost you much more than a real baby-sitter? aasif mandvi has more. >> video games. for years they've come under fire foreign couraging violence, perpetuating ethnic stereotypes, and inspiring the faulty belief that if you get stuck behind a car for a few seconds your head will repair itself. but a new era of games have arrived that are good for kids. >> our most popular game is called tap fish. it is a virtual aquarium. and you have to go in and feed your little virtual fish with virtual fish food. >> and game makers added a valuable twist that parents love. >> traditionally you had to go to the store and buy a $60 cartridge in order to play. this new model you can play games for free. >> wow, free. which explains why tap fish has been downloaded 20 million times. >> games like tap fish are valuable to child

(laughter). >> jon: where, sam?y witness, i am telling you now that herman cain is underneath my skirt. (laughter). >> jon: herman cain is there right now? >> let me confirm that with my sources. yeah, that's going to be a 10464. >> jon: sam, this is it! this is direct evidence of impropriety. >> not according to herman cain, jon. he as issued a statement admitting he knows me and is, in fact, under my skirt but he says he's just providing much-needed financial assistance to my vagina. (laughter) as a friend. just as friends. >> jon: can you confirm that? >> i can confirm herman cain does not understand the term "financial assistance." quit it! herman, you are bad! (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back. shocking political news yesterday. >> as expected, barney frank, a congressman in the united states house of representatives for over three decades announcing his retirement today, suddenly. >> jon: quitter! he only served 16 terms. or as it's known in the house of representatives, the freshman 32. (laughter) h

jon. >> jon: what you have got there. >> i'm in the green room. >> jon: uh-huh. >> right, and in addition to a boufl goodies. >> jon: uh-huh. >> snickers and what not, and the usual things you would find in a fringe there is an entire display case of red bull. >> jon: that's right. >> all right, the only shot that gives you wings. i'm there for 20 minutes. there's nine little things of red bull. >> jon: that's right. >> my question is just how jacked up do i have to be to talk to you. if i was to take all of this on my way out, i wouldn't need to hop a flight home to st. louis. >> jon: let me explain something, you know this is not necessarily for you. we get people in here like jimmy carter-- desmond tutu, you know, people that they're used to being treated a certain way. some people have green room requests. this and a bottle of atarol and i will do your show. >> hi no touch demands. >> jon: yes, i'm being serious. how are you. >> i'm good. i want to talk to you about this san dust key interview you did. that was the craziest thing i saw on television. the question was, and his lawyer w

is jon stewart. oh, we got one for you tonight, one matthew damon will be joining us on the program tonight, a well-known actor. (applause) >> jon: first let's begin on the campaign trail with indecision 2012, the great white hope. as you know, republicans are working overtime to keep themselves from having to spend next fall with a mitt romney sign on their lawn. they'll do anything to avoid that honey, they stole our romney sign. no, that was me, i just put it away. (laughter) voters have test-driven everybody from bachmann to perry in increased desperation. over the first vote finally in sight, it appears that the ride may have arrived. the form of a white 1994 chevy capricious. >> we are just weeks away from the iowa caucuses and newt gingrich has risen to the top. >> according to one new national poll, "the wall street journal" poll puts gingrich ahead by 17%. >> very hard not to look at the recently polls and think that the odds are very high i'm going to be the nominee (laughter) >> jon: wow.

thank you, jon. >> jon: "the sitter" hopes in theaters on friday. jonah >> jon: that's our show.e it is, your moment of zen. >> the scottsdale, arizona, gun club were offering to take a picture with santa and, of course, your favorite high-powered weapon. >> in addition to the picture, they also let you fire you captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org airport (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: welcome to the report, thank you so much. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. boy, folks, thank you so much. i've got to tell you, i absolutely needed that, ladies and gentlemen, because i'm exhausted. i am going to need a little help to get through tonight's show. got here, you know it was a little five hour energy do it for me. although you know what, i only need this for a half an hour. so-- there you are. whooo! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: whooo

(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart.t, republican strategist ed gillespie will be joining us, i will ask him about the gop republican field and i will sit back and watch him weep, weep, like a child, will weep. (laughter) oh, where are you, jeb bush? captioning sponsored by comedy central (laughter) quick off the top. a couple nights ago i responded to the way christmas sell brants feel when they are unable to celebrate christmas at all times and all places. and i addressed our nation thusly. >> my fellow american, tonight i hum below come before you to declare war on christmas. >> that was two days ago. now look at me. (laughter) look how war ages a man. that is weird, how can i age in two days. is that-- well, last night one of santa's unusually large elves fired back. >> our pal jon stewart is following the various christmas controversies very closely. >> no, there is no question that mr. stewart is going to hell. (laughter) (applause) (laughter) >> jon: i know. (laughter) but here's what you and your mignons don't un

>> libya. >> jon: yeah, that's right. >> i get around. >> jon: you get around.ho are you? it turns out you have been traveling to these... you're a photographer that travels to the most dangerous places in the world. >> those and other places. i mean i've done my share. i've done the sports illustrated swim suit shoot. >> jon: did you take any shrapnel there? >> it wasn't necessarily shrapnel. >> jon: they tell me it's very difficult for them to stand sometimes in the pools of water are not as warm as you would think. >> it can be tough with the light and the suntan lotion, yeah. >> jon: i understand. tell me what... i just want to show some of these. the selection of pictures... these are all through humvee windows. can you cut to that? do we have one? it's through a humvee window. the orange post-it is not actually part of the book. >> i was wondering about that. >> jon: is that central park in baghdad? what is that? >> that is actually a residency building for like the basically the ministry of prisons and interior where lawyers and investigators live but it

(laughter) >> jon: we'll r r ♪ ♪ >> jon: welcome back.rybody knows the expression, neither rain nor snow nor sleet nor hail shall keep the postman from their appointed rounds. it does turn out that precipitation in a variety of temperatures isn't the only threat to mail. wyatt cenac has more. >> the post office, everybody loves it, for just 44 cents they'll deliver your mail anywhere, whether it's wishing someone a merry christmas or flirting with prisoners. but that time may be over. >> deep in debt and facing hundreds of thousands of layoffs, it's no secret the u.s. postal service is desperate to stay afloat. >> reporter: these are tough times for president of the postal workers union cliff guthie. >> the post service say great lady, where the flag flies in america n all these small communities. to start backing that, solely for budgetary constraints, i think it's kind of add in a way. >> but you're saying we don't need to back that lady that lady, let's just slowly choke her out. >> choke her out or i don't think that's the proper term

thank you, jon. >> jon: "the sitter" hopes in theaters on friday. jonah >> jon: that's our show.e it is, your moment of zen. >> the scottsdale, arizona, gun club were offering to take a picture with santa and, of course, your favorite high-powered weapon. >> in addition to the picture,

jon? >> jon: so what happened in court today?iff's lawyer claims that all arrests were legitimate. if it later turned outs that a suspect was a citizen or legal resident police released them. the aclu disagrees. it alleges that arpaio purposely and intentionally targeted hispanic neighborhoods. >> this agency has terrorized an entire segment of the very community that it is sworn to protect. >> sheriff arpaio's policies demonstrate exactly why local law enforcement agencies should not get into the business of immigration enforcement. >> the sheriff and others are enforcing the human smuggling law. they are doing so fairly, impartially and constitutionally. >> the aclu wants the judge to sanction arpaio. that could come tomorrow or next week, jon? >> jon: are these legal troubles, are they going to hurt the sheriff in any way? >> well, you know, he has always been a very polarizing figure. you love him or hate him. with voters sitting on the fence. last week's highly critical report from the department of justice could be damaging

>> yes, i am. >> jon: when are you leaving? >> at the end of the year. >> jon: so in two weeks?yes. >> jon: let me tell you how i know that. look at how happy you are. look at your smiling, radiant, excited face. we had austan goolsbee on two weeks before he left. he had that same creepy giddy excitement. >> it's a mixture of emotions. >> jon:, no no, it didn't look like a mixture. that ain't a mixture. that's pure joy. if you could bottle whatever it is at that high-powered elation that's that comes from leaving the white house, i think the deficit could be solved. >> that's my next move. >> jon: now, you were... what is in the purview of the director of the domestic policy council? what would be the kind of thing you're working on? >> sure. sure. that's basically the question my parents asked when the president tagged me for this job. >> jon: do they have a show? >> no. it's a range of things. there are everything from health care to energy to education to immigration to civil rights, national service. it is a very, very broad portfolio. >> jon: as you walk out to, you most...