jon, jon, please, can we make this quick? >> jon: make it quick? >> i want to make sure liam neeson gets enough time to talk about "the gray." (laughter). >> jon: very suspenseful. i'm concerned. i don't want to seem ungrateful for the staggering amount of money with almost no limitations you put at my disposal from the superpac. >> as you know, jon, federal law prohibits me from coordinating with you. >> jon: damn it! so close yet stymied by the unpossibly strict regulations concerning federal elections. >> jon, if i may, there is one small loop-chasm. >> i'm calling on the superpac. i cannot coordinate or communicate with them directly but i can speak out as a citizen talking to you. i'm calling on them to edit out every single mistake or to pull the entire film. >> i can't tell you, but i can tell everyone through television. and if you happen to be watching, well, i can't prevent that, jon. (laughter). >> jon: stephen, i don't have time to watch your show tonight. wait a second. oh, i have an idea. hold on. (laughter) (cheers and applause) is t

>> jon: i read it. >> and? >> jon: she seems nice. >> (laughing). >> jon: really. i'm surprised at the controversy because the book seems to portray michelle obama as a complex yet human individual struggling with this unbelievable situation yet remaining the moral compass and center of an administration trying to find its footing. the only thing i would say to you is, how dare you? >> it is really weird to me. i've been covering the obamas for five years. basically i asked two questions: what happens when you take these two pretty regular people and put them in the extremely abnormal situation at the white house. the reporting is filled with details of how life there is really kind of weird and hard. and also, you know, what is there adjustment like to being president and first lady. their rise was so fast. so the white house really cooperated with the book. >> jon: who talks to you about their relationship? >> well, 33 current and former white house aides. a lot of their best friends. also i've interviewed the obamas a bunch of times. >> jon: names. tell me their

(applause) >> jon: a moon base? your solution to being accused of groonsdity is give me eight years and i have have a [bleep] moon base. did you start with deathstar and got kind of reigned in? by the way mr. moon bas base-- mr. moonbase what was your problem with ron paul again? >> you look at ron paul's total record of systemic avoidance of reality, there will come a morning people won't take him as a serious person. >> jon: yeah, no, they won't, you're right, they won't. you're right, mr. moonbase they won't take ron paul seriously. and that's why i'm going make ron paul my first ambassador to moonlandia. he's out there. so what exactly are we supposed to do with this moon bass? >> when we have 13,000 americans living on the moon they can competition to become a state. >> jon: 13,000, that's not a state, that's like a condo development. that's not a state. you want to be a condo developer on the moon. you want to be like a lunar trump. and may i say this, like earth trump, you will not shall president. here's the

. >> jon: true story.lmost went to the university of pennsylvania but they had a test. >> yes, the sat, the sat test. >> jon: i didn't want to do that. >> and you came down there and my husband interviewed you. he wrote a piece on you. >> jon: a hit piece. >> i wouldn't say a hit piece. >> jon: a lot of santa semitic stuff in that piece. >> my husband is a jew. >> jon: that's right, i forgot. >> as well. >> jon: that's what it was. >> no, he-- . >> jon: a discussion of purim. >> he was concerned that you weren't going to make it in late night because you were not-- you were challenged heightwise. (laughter) >> jon: that was the how could i compete against letterman and conan. >> these big tall hulking guy, craig kilborn at the time. >> jon: exactly. i had to explain to your husband that i don't have to dunk on my show. >> right, that's true. >> jon: but and so 18 years, still there and backstage. >> my guy ising ba stage, yeah. >> jon: so he just actually just now, we just did some follup questions. it was

he's already done t jon. he's already there. >> thank you very much, jon, >> jon: welcome back. i'll tell you what, people. there is one open marriage in this country that will never go south. america's open marriage with the free market. that's the worst segue ever. (laughter) jason jones has this report. >> reporter: there's no question there's one thing systemically destroying the backbone of our economy. >> the regulations are what are killing the job creation in this country. >> regulation is crushing american business. >> and now according to small businessman lou feranta one of the nation's proudest family-run organizations is feeling the squeeze of overregulation. >> the mafia is the longest running family business in this country. with all the regulations [bleep]ed everything up, they're destroying the mafia. >> that's sad. >> it is [bleep] sad, the rico laws are killing the business of the mafia. >> yes, capitalism is being strangled thanks to the rico act which makes it easier to prosecute an entire organization based on the criminal action of a few members. it also p

jon, forgive me for not being clear. >> jon: this is not fair. >> no, it is not fair. >> jon: a judge should step in. >> that's right. let me be the referee. >> jon: here's the thing. don't we have fun together? >> we do absolutely. >> jon: can i tell you what would be a hilarious movie. >> i'm ready. >> jon: you and me road trip to mexico. >> you're on. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: lou dobbs, fox business week. lou dobbs. hey ladies. enjoying the film? of course not. because this is our movie. and dr pepper ten is our soda! it's only ten manly calories, but with all 23 flavors of dr pepper. it's what guys want. like this... catch phrase! so you can keep the romantic comedies and lady drinks. we're good. >> jon: boom. ( cheers and applause ) that's our show, everybody. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> jon stewart, you hold it right there. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: what a pleasant spridz surprise. i was just.... >> you know why i'm here, jon. >> jon: valentine's day isn't for two w

. >> jon: what is the... (laughter). if i may... and not, like, oh, hay, i have an idea for a game. you were mad. what is the statute of limitations for two gigantic men throwing a ball at each other's head. like, in the... do you have a-to-discuss that before you sit together? had you discussed it prior like, hey, man, sorry i almost killed you with that ball? >> it was over that night. i'm a firm believer... like sometimes things do happen in the game. i'm a firm believer once the game is over it's squashed. >> jon: the beep is gone. >> the beep is gone. sometimes in the heat of the moment things do happen. but i think once the game is over, the beep is over. >> jon: this is what i like. in hockey they have a tradition-- and it's probably the most violent sports that they fight each other for two minutes but at the end of the game they do that little skate and they all shake each other's... >> jon: wother's... >> we can't do that because we're brothers and we don't know how to skate. (laughter) so we don't

thank you, jon. >> jon: "the sitter" hopes in theaters on friday. jonah >> jon: that's our show.e it is, your moment of zen. >> the scottsdale, arizona, gun club were offering to take a picture with santa and, of course, your favorite high-powered weapon. >> in addition to the picture, they also let you fire you captioning sponsored by

. >> jon: big.laughter) >> i'm sorry, who? >> jon: all right, did any of you catch the republican rebuttal by mitch daniels of indiana? >> oh, my god! is that who that was? >> jon: uh-huh. >> i thought that was the ghost of calvin coolidge. (laughter) >> that's ridiculous. the republican rebuttal was clearly a surrealist homage to "egg balance on top of a hat." >> jon: i got more of a "benjamin button" vibe. just a couple minutes before he gets super handsome. anybody? >> sorry, jon, please, if we're going with movies this is obviously "albert nobbs." it's glenn close dressed like a victorian gentlemen. >> i don't see it. >> wait for it. wait for it. okay. >> oh, yeah, all right. snoo. >> i thought that guy looked like one of those spooky portraits in a scooby do haunted house with the eyes that follow you. ruh-roh. >> jon: i get that. well, listen guys thanks so much for your analysis. this met all of my expectations. i think from now on panels shouldn't watch these speeches. >> i agree. >> well do

exactly, jon.how dare they use the exact same pro forma session technique that harry reid used in 2007 to keep george w. bush from appointing stephen bradbury to head the justice department's office of legal counsel. how dare they. how dare they. (laughter) >> jon: wait, you-- can i ask you a question. >> what? >> jon: you had to know all that for a green card. >> no, not for a green card, jon, i've got the platinum card. >> jon: i didn't know. >> i wanted to carry a concealed weapon and complain about mexicans. >> jon: i see, all right. but i have t if the democrats control the senate -- >> i think i know where this is going. >> jon: why can't the democrats move to adjourn to allow the recess appointment? see the republicans can't filibuster an adjournment. >> well done, little girl. well done. well done. you can finally take off that training bra because you have really solve this problem, haven't you. quick, call the white house. i think you've cracked it. >> jon: you're very kind. >> you have

>> jon: what are you doing now? you've got this republican new hampshire primary -- >> i think it's going on as we spk. >> jon: you just told people that we taped it earlier. >> but we don't know the results there's no time machine. >> jon: do you know what happens to the magic when it disappears? [ laughter ] >> don't let that happen! >> jon: judge, let me ask you this: everybody seems to be lining up. the republicans don't seem to want mitt romney. they don't seem to like mitt romney even though he has been designed in a presidential lab beneath a volcano with like a skull head. >> he does have that look. but what does he stand for that is particularly republican? he likes big government, tarp, bailing out the banks, bailing out the insurance companies, fighting wars of opportunity. >> jon: i thought that was your thing. >> i thought that was -- that was george w. bush which the country josh becketted. >> jon: the republicans -- country josh josh rejected. >> jon: the republicans didn't. they almost renounced thei

jon newt romney?mney is something that's been made in a lab. >> a product of private equity. imagining the next horror movie series. >> jon: here's what makes me upset, and i'm not quite sure to, question whether or not these growth and capital gains have metastasized and got out of balance with their value to the economy, because there is a value to capital and investment and risk and the economy. but to question that is somehow conflated with to question the basic underpinnings of capitalism. to suggest that what they're doing is just very fair, laissez faire, it's just simple rules of the road as they gosh, it doesn't seem correct that that is the case, but to question that, you're suddenly called a socialist for even bringing it up. >> well, that's what's so great about this republican primary and these fights. i mean, that used to be completely right. the question that was to be said, oh, well, you don't understand how capitalism works, you don't understand how wall street works. you don't unders

sir. >> hello, jon. >> jon: nice to see you. >> good to see you.i think i'm afraid to go home to south carolina now after i've senior report. >> jon: i don't blame you. we'll get to the book in a second, so how do the people from south carolina feel about the change in at most fear every year? it goes from field of dreams to "the shining." south carolina is always the bloodbath. >> it's kind of the last stand for a lot of the candidates. so i think there are some that are desperate and in south carolina guess the brunt of it. but it's a rough and tangled political state, and after lookingwhat you showed tonight, i wonder how i ever got through a primary in south carolina myself. but i'm going to stay in new york a couple days. >> jon: i think you should, where people are kind. [laughter] >> no commercials. >> jon: no commercials. now before south carolina in 2008, you endorsed mitt romney. >> yes, i did. >> now it turns out he's running again, has been actually, since then. [laughter] do you want the make history tonight? do you want to make news?

>> jon: oh, it's not fair. he's using unlimited money to buy influence, rigging the system in some way. interesting. i can't imagine how frustrated and helpless newt gingrich must feel. hey, how do guys like mitt romney come to be anyway? >> believing in the bottom up, believing in free people and free markets. >> pull back the regulation that are strangling the american entrepreneurship. >> we have to lower tax rates considerably on job creator. >> get government out of the way. >> lower taxes, less regulation. and the people who create jobs. >> jon: your platform. unmitigated corporate money in politics. handsomeness, distinguished gray temples. >> i started my own business. i've learned from that. i learned the lessons of a free economy over 25 years. corporations are people, my friend. >> jon: you're mad at mitt romney? for god's sakes it's like mitt romney answer the republicans' e-harmony ad and now you're saying it's unfair. it's not what you meant. you don't mean it that much. mitt romney is the pure di

>> jon: so him. he throws that -- i'll bet you whatever i make in the time it takes me to finish this sentence. $10,000. $12,000, take the bet before i keep talking. how in the world do you mitt romney justify making more in one day than the median american family makes in a year while paying an effective tax rate of the guy who scans your shoes at the airport. >> i pay all the taxes legally required and not a dollar more. i don't want someone as the candidate for president with who pays more taxes than he owes. >> jon: no, but you might want one who thinks that is wrong. [cheers and applause] here is the little game romney gets to play. here is the game. here is the game. this is the game that mitt romney plays. his tax burden is absurdly low. but he is just following the provisions in the tax code. there's nothing he can do about it. he's just a law abiding citizen. here is what you don't know about the rules. in 2007 there was a bipartisan bill to make private equity vettors like romney pay the or

trevor, jon, jon, trevor. thank you. jon, thank you so much for being here, jon, let me ask you, are you here to offer to take over colbert superpac. >> jon: i'm not even going to diminish-- i won't offer, i'm honored. i would be honored, but i can-- if i may. can we do this, because you and i are also business partners. >> stephen: yes. >> jon: we're about to open up that combination bagel shop. >> stephen: and travel agency. >> jon: yes, from shmear to eternity. so i don't know-- . >> stephen: is that a problem, trevor, is being business partners a problem? >> being business partners does not count as coordination legally. >> stephen: great. >> jon: all right, well-- that's pretty good. >> stephen: yes. >> jon: i assume there's reams of complicated paperwork to be executed before we transfer the reigns of power with something as critical to our very foundation of democracy as a superpac. >> stephen: trevor? >> i brought the one document with me. >> stephen: good man. >> jon: that's excellent. thank you very much. >> st

i'm with you on that. >> jon: thank you so much. >> both of us love america. >> jon: we really do.et it's not legal for us to marry america. i don't know why. if you give the oversight to the states that we didn't think had the ability to regulate their insurance companies enough to let us shop there, why do we think that they'll have the ability to regulate it enough to create reasonable plans for people? won't that put those states at a disadvantage? >> they're kind of two different things. first of all, there will be ground rules for all insurance companies. news that's already now being calculated. the new 80/20 rule says that every company, every plan has to spend 80 cents out of every dollar collected on health benefits not on ceo salaries, not on overhead. we're collecting that data this year. ( applause ) yes, very good. next year consumers.... >> jon: hold on one second. really? >> yes. >> jon: explain to us very quickly if they can't do that and they don't want to, they get a waiver. >> no, no. here's what's going to happen. insurance companies are actually going to start