my same in jon stewart. oh, doctor my name is jon stewart. oh, our program tonight -- you are going to love it. my guest spacex c.e.o. elon musk. has his own rockets. whether they are tipped with lasers, i do not know. [ laughter ] before we get started, business news after the top. ♪ >> breaking news on rick santorum dropping out -- [cheers and applause] >> jon: sure that's -- i'm stuck with the santorum dropping out -- well i can't do those jokes anymore. not just because of moral issue but we shredded all of them for god sakes. word of his departure came in the form of just in, standard modifier which discontinuing wishes in a temporal sense just in news from regular stale, run of the mill news. it's the only news modifier you need just temporal stuff. recently cnn would disagree. >> time now for the political pop. >> time now for the cnn political gut check. >> this time new for no talking points. >> checking stories across the country now. >> time for politics update. time for r andr not rest and relaxation but reynolds and randy time. >

>> jon: april 17, 2012. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! boom, my name is jon stewart. good one tonight. oh, my guest, julia louise dreyfus will be joining us from her brand new vie "v.p." but we're going to start with our brand new segment on the show called hey, that guy live there is! (laughter) you'll understand it in a second. yesterday professional ad adventurer and part time snidely whiplash impersonator geraldo rivera was in afghanistan covering the taliban's recently relaunched spring offensive where he scored an exclusive phone interview with a taliban spokesperson. >> all right. our dear friend, long time afghan producer, he has the taliban spokesman on the line. ask how he feels about getting his ass kicked. (audience reacts) (laughter) >> okay, two things, one, i can't believe how good

jon. reporter who isn't wearing a hoodie right now is a racist. >> jon: i assume you're referring to me. i am not wearing a hoodie. >> you're not? then i guess i'll have to do some soul searching as to whether or not i want to work for such a colossal racist. for me, jon, i will keep wearing my solidarity hoodie until tragic ens dents like this one are a thing of the past which i hope will happen before tomorrow because tomorrow it's going to be hot as bulls down here. >> jon: werb we can appreciate that, jon. we also have wyatt cenac live. wyatt. ( cheers and applause ) i notice, wyatt, you do not seem to be wearing the hoodie. >> of course i'm not. i'm not (beep) crazy. it's easy for oliver to rock a hoodie. he's white. >> jon:. >> it's true, jon. it's true. i am incredibly white. >> the last time anyone felt threatened by a pastey white british guy was 1776. >> jon: i can understand not wearing the hoodie. what are you wearing? >> this is my propeller beany. >> jon: why? >> i'm in flori

hey, jon. (cheers and applause) >> jon: what are you doing. guy, i'm not paying six of you down there reporting the same story. >> i'm not with you guys. i'm with hln, animal planet, life-- going to book two more but they don't make hexagons. they make journalist career, jon, you can read all about it in my future best-seller missions impossible, the asif mandvi story. >> jon: that's it everybody get back it up to new york right now. that's the end. we'll be right back. ♪ [ lil wayne ] ladies and gentlemen if you got anything from me. it's to find your thing and do you! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ because we all know it's not what you do ♪ it's how you do. ♪ and this is how we do. >> jon: welcome back. dem -- certainly october see. you condition spell it without almost spelling crazy. and lately it's busting out all over. most recently egypt, their upcoming election is the subject of our new segment. we probably should have looked that up but we're a little lazy. wick pedestriania, something. egy

(laughter). >> jon: but? >> but... >> jon: that could be another show.i could see that as a show. >> that could be a spinoff. >> jon: that could be a spinoff. "bathroom run." >> but we got a lot of backstage tours and stuff of capitol hill and we got to go to the senate, to the floor of the senate and i have a couple of very interesting little tidbits i think you should know. >> jon: sure. >> one, is you're walking on the senate floor, one of the senator's desk-- and, god, i cannot remember which one, doesn't matter-- if you open it up, filled with candy. >> jon: what? (laughter) >> swear to god! >> jon: what kind of candy? >> good candy. >> jon: like chocolate? >> kit-kats, reeses. the whole deal. >> jon: we should be able to figure that out by watching c-span. >> candy desk. >> jon: candy? >> i swear. no wonder... >> jon: any pens? just candy? >> just candy. just candy. then i went to senator al franken's desk and iy little note and i stuck it in his desk and i left the building. (laughter) do you want to know what the note says? >> i want to know why

hey, jon. (cheers and applause) >> jon: what are you doing. guy, i'm not paying six of you down there reporting the same story. >> i'm not with you guys. i'm with hln, animal planet, life-- going to book two more but they don't make hexagons. they make journalist career, jon, you can read all about it in my future best-seller missions impossible, the asif mandvi story. >> jon: that's it everybody get back it up to new york right now. that's the end. we'll be right back. you' a route map shows you where we go. but not how we get there. because in this business, there are no straight lines. only the twists and turns of an unpredictable industry. so the eighty-thousand employees at delta... must anticipate the unexpected. and never let the rules overrule common sense. this is how we tame the unwieldiness of air travel, until it's not just lines you see... it's the world. ♪ [swing music plays] >> jon: welcome back. dem -- certainly october see. you condition spell it without almost spelling crazy.

>> jon, in this case, the answer is no bull (bleep). >> jon: amazing. >> jon, your opening credits stillthe earth rotating in the wrong direction. i'm just saying. (laughter) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back to the show. i don't know if you noticed this, by the way, neil degrasse tyson was holding a rubik's cube. i swear to you that thing was not solved when we gave it to him maybe 25 seconds before he walked out here. (laughter) he's e.t . i believe he is e.t . i think he did one of these. "solve it." (laughter) listen, having spent the first act of tonight's show on asteroid mining-- which i did-- we turn now reluctantly to the 2012 presidential campaign. today stunning new development. >> this just into cnn. we have confirmed that newt gingrich will, indeed, drop out of the presidential race next week. (cheers and applause) >> jon: no, not yay. not yay. (laughter) anyway, he announced he was dropping out next week. (laughter) that is so gingrich. (laughter) "today i am calling off this grotesque and hopeless charade of a campaign seven days from now. gi

>> jon, in this case, the answer is no bull (bleep). >> jon: amazing. >> jon, your opening credits stillthe earth rotating in the wrong direction. i'm just saying. (laughter) (cheers and applause) so we're writing a whole bunch of different poems at the same time. i'm a writer. i'm a teacher. i'm a poet. when i see somebody's handwriting i have an immediate connection to who that person is. pass! any new technology introduces new forms of expression... this is so cool. ...and that moment of connection is really powerful. ...that's all he's really pleased about. the revolutionary galaxy note... ...from samsung. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back to the show. i don't know if you noticed this, by the way, neil degrasse tyson was holding a rubik's cube. i swear to you that thing was not solved when we gave it to him maybe 25 seconds before he walked out here. (laughter) he's e.t . i believe he is e.t . i think he did one of these. "solve it." (laughter) listen, having spent the first act of tonight's show on asteroid mining-- which i did-- we turn now reluctantly to the 2012 presiden

. >> jon: april 4, 2012. central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! my name is jon stewart. big one tonight. our guest jack goldsmith, the author of a new book on the limits of presidential power. i'm sorry, that must be a typoment i thought that said "limits." (laughs) let's begin tonight with last night's trio of primary nights for... victories, mitt romney. he beat santorum in wisconsin, he beat rick santorum in washington, d.c., beat him 70% to "wasn't even on the ballot." (laughter) it was without question one of the best primary showings for rick santorum yet. or to put it another way... >> everybody knows he's going to be the nominee. >> game over. >> rick santorum is done. >> you lose! good day sir! (laughter) >> jon: how over is this race? candidate newt gingrich didn't even bother giving a speech last night. fo

>> oscar. >> jon: oscar. >> um-hum. >> jon: is taken in by freddy? >> it was luck. luck. they were going to film the development of a young chimp in his family and his group. when the mother was killed by a leopard.... >> jon: it was luck. >> it was luck that they were there to see what happened because he should have died. >> jon: why should he have died? if in his tribe if the mother leaves, does the tribe not normally take over for the orphaned chimp? >> usually it's an older brother or sister. in all the years we've had just one or two examples of a non-relative adopting. normally it doesn't happen because the mothers are looking after the babies and the males are doing male things. >> jon: so freddy who is... freddy is the leader of this chimp family. >> he is. >> jon: he is the one who takes over oscar's education. >> yes. honestly it's so moving. it brings tears to your eyes to see this great big male. in order to care for little oscar, the relationship develops over time. he is really neglecting his duties of leading his guys to patrol the boundary of the te

jon, it's amazing! >> jon: what are you doing? >> everything and everyone, jon!qui. >> i have no idea what she's talking about. this is crazy, jon. >> jon: are you saying you don't know she's talking about? >> yes, because she was (bleep) up last night. jon, i have so many pictures. >> don't you dare! >> run slideshow. [ laughter. >> awesome clip. got a little hands-y but we settled the beef. we talked it out. everyone went their accept are rate ways and we headed back to the boor, jon. it was all good. >> jon: sorry who was that? >> it was old hitler. jon, we found and drank with old hitler. >> jon: what? i thought he was in argentina? were you partying with old hitler, sam? >> after the cat tranquilizers i was pretty sure he was a had a loose nation. >> that old hitler (bleep) was real. >> jon: i think it's time for you level headed females to come home. >> we are, home, john. >> if you see jason remind him to feed my children. >> jon: all [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. hey it's a new yorkú"eprimary. [ laughter ] you know why -- because doesn't mat

news headquarte in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: we will... welcome to the daily show. jon stewart. our guest tonight, the great jane goodall, the world's foremost expert on chimps. our topic tonight: the coming ape rebellion. and will bananas save us all? before we get to that, folks. you know i'm a simple man. all i need to be happy is a decent cheese burger, a tasty brew and a world championship from all my favorite sports teams and on occasion where a powerful organization trips on (beep). >> president obama at the white house following a trip to colombia, a visit that was overshadowed by a prostitution scandal involving members of the secret service. >> jon: ah-ah. somebody loves me. somebody loves me. yeah! oh, my god. to the point-nator. this is going to be awesome! >> 11 special agent allegedly brought prostitutes back to the hotel. thursday morning hotel managers realized one woman hadn't picked up her i.d.by checkout time and found her in a room fighting with an agent after he failed to pay her. >> jon: red eagle, this is

"the daily show" with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. oh, baby, the show we've got for you tonight. my guest tonight, economist robert reich. we're going to talk about economic... (makes mother ising noisess)noise. (laughter) two days ago we were discussing an issue concerning the general services administration. basically the facilities manager of the united states government. their mission is exemplify efficiency and cost-cutting, a task they felt could best be expressed by a lavish $2822,000 three-day las vegas conference/epic (bleep) fest. (laughter and applause) since then scandal has broadened out from one ostentation not lost enough week end to apparently systemic issues of corruption and so the g.s.a. must now face one of the most feared groups in all of washington. the house... did it rear have or no? the house oversight committee (bleep). sounds better when you... the terrible collec

>> jon: so you're a socialist? you know, i mean, under dwightize hower the highest marginal income tax rate was 91%. >> jon: so he was a communist. (laughter) >> he was a republican. he was a former general and, you know, nobody accused him of being a communist or a socialist. and i'm not suggesting we go to 91%. i'm just saying in those years we had three decades after the second world war, the economy grew faster than it's grown since and even the effective... even after all the deductions and tax credits people at the top were still taxed around 5%, 56%. >> jon: but this was the heyday of big government and people's confidence and it was after world war ii, we had the marshall plan, we rebuilt nations, we had won world war ii, we had the g.i. bill. people felt like government was competent and that it was worthwhile for these programs to exist. has that sentiment changed? >> yes. it has. (laughter) >> jon: so would it be fair to say that because that sentiment has changed that there... that we have to look to al

>> jon: i'll take that. we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] josh and joannie and curtis went to college in one. ♪ kevin and carla grew old in one. chloe was born in one, then learned to drive in one. ♪ veronica said yes in one. anna wept in one; joey lost his first tooth in one; rusty and mr. sprinkles came home in one. there are nearly 7 million camry drivers out there. every one of them has a story. what's yours? ♪ we ran a mile before breakfast ♪ ♪ sure, i had a salad for lunch ♪ ♪ but a miller 64 at dinner? ♪ oh yes, 'cause i've worked off my paunch ♪ ♪ 'cause we live a life of balance ♪ ♪ and no one can say that we're wrong ♪ ♪ so here's to good miller, who cut out the filler ♪ ♪ and made a beer worthy of song ♪ ♪ to miller 64 ♪ to miller 64 ♪ to love, sweat and beers and well deserved cheers ♪ ♪ to miller 64 >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, she is a crisis management advisor who has worked with some high profile people that were not at liberty to discuss her new book is called good self, bad

> jon: when the seas rise.... >> we go down. >> jon: you are fighting this but the back drop of your fight is also a political fight. you were the first democratically elected president of the maldives. >> we've been in the middle of the indian ocean for the last 2,500 years. we had our first democratic election in 2008. i was fortunate to beat the dictator. unfortunately after the coups he is back again. all his three children are in the cabinet. he's calling the shots. we have to have an election in the maldives as quickly as possible. >> jon: now, is there... your supporters, i imagine, and your opponent's supporters, have there been clashes? >> since the coups, the vast majority of the people have been out on the streets every day for the last seven weeks. i'm afraid we are not seeing many supporters that come out in favor of my opponent. but he has the military police and the judiciary and the institutions, as such. it's easy to beat a dictator through an election. but it's not so easy to overcome the dictatorship. when they come back, they come back with a vengeance. we're aski

my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, young ricky gervais. ( cheers and applause ) so, we can all start taking bets now on what animal he's going to mime having sex with. ( laughter ). marsupial. all right. ( laughter ). so, listen, folks, it's over. rick santorum, religious conservative, the pennsylvania prude sweater vest johnson, the keystone ( bleep ), ended his campaign for the republican presidential nomination in a heartfelt concession speech yesterday afternoon. >> over and over again we were told, "forget it, you can't win." we were winning. we were winning in a very different way. ( laughter ). >> jon: in fact, you may know it as losing. ( laughter ). like win, but in reverse. ( laughter ) hanging upside down. but even in defeat, santorum was clear on just how impressed we should all be that a well-known former two-term senator lobbyist and television analyst even got this far. >> miracle after miracle, this race was as improbable as any race that you will ever see for president. >> jon: really

(laughter) >> exactly, jon. exactly. >> jon: i don't know... wait. black people don't get the benefit of the doubt? >> in shooting cases? (laughter) it's the one entitlement black people can't get from the government, jon. (audience reacts) look... oh, shut up. plaxico burress went to prison for two years when his gun accidentally went off in his pants! he couldn't get the benefit of the doubt for shooting himself! (laughter) by the way, black on black crime widely reported. >> jon: so you think white people get more benefit of the doubt in shooting cases? >> well, maybe not even consciously, jon, but look. when vice president dvp shot his buddy in the case, oh, it was just two white guys having fun with guns! (laughter) hey! hey! you pumped your buddy full of bird shot? you didn't mean that, i give you the benefit of the doubt. (laughter) come on, jon, can you imagine if obama shot eric holder in the face? (laughter) come on! trust me. one of those (bleep)ers would be going to jail. the only thing is, that would be the length of the sentence. >> jon

good self, bad self on the book shelves now. >> thank you. >> jon: thank you so much. >> jon: that'soin us next week at 11:00, for those of you watching a the home, if over these past few years you have seen our field pieces where the cor cost go out and interview people,-- our correspondents interview people who still want to be on television, many of those, if you have seen those, in ten years have either been filmed or overseen by a man named jim margoles, jim like many incredibly talented people that have worked here, has been given an opportunity in the los angeles region to produce television for other people who will pay him more than minimum wage. (laughter) so he has decided to move on to that experience. we wish him nothing but the best. we will miss him dearly, he is a good man. here it is, your moment of jim. >> did you guys order a pizza? >> no.

no. >> jon: welcome back. social media, the phrase about a thing, people everywhere are talking about on social media. and it's something our president is known to excel at. >> president obama was the ringleader when it came to social media and engaging those young voters, is he still the king. >> mr. obama pioneered the president's use of social media. >> obama during the presidential campaign used social media very, very well. they raised a lot of money on-line. >> he is our first social media president. he has connected with supporters on facebook, twitter and tumbler and is now on instagram. >> jon: wow, oh my god. he wastes a lot of time on [bleep]. (laughter) mr. president, the russians are on the line. >> sh, i'm a check in away from being the mayor of white house on four square. and then it's on to the cinnamon challenge. (laughter) >> jon: i didn't know what it was either. don't-- all right. this president is 1/10 level techno e wizard. and that is why on behalf of myself and any like-minded individua

they got momentos. >> jon: yearbooks!book, the people in government known for efficiency and cost-cutting made sure they would have physical evidence of the boondoggle they had in vegas. i believe we have a picture of the agency's director from the yearbook. oh yeah look, she was voted most lakely to resign over this comical misunderstanding of the agency's mission. (cheers and applause) by now you are probably saying oh, right, it's boondoggle of epic and ironic proportions, but is there one single expenditure that in and of itself isn't exorbitant but is still able to capture the distilled esence of hubris and incompetence that was on display here. >> more than $6300 for commemorative coins. (laughter) >> jon: 6,300 of our money to make fake money come mem rating the weekend they all wasted our money. all told, this scandal has created that rarest of things, a truly justifiable media firestorm. commentators everywhere have had a field day with this thing, particularly at fox news. and let me just say this, you're right.

my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight author robert draper has written a book on the house of representatives called-- this is the real title-- "do not ask what good we do." ( laughter ) like the no exit of house of representatives of books. but tonight, we begin overseas where australian rupert murdoch, known as yahoo, finds himself still in a spot of trouble in great britain, simply because several of his newspapers hacked the phones of celebrityes, politicians, a 13-year-old murder victim and the relatives of some killed in action british soldiers and allegedly bribed scotland yard detectives to help with the cover-up. i could go on but i know many of you are probably eating in the next 24 hours. ( laughter ) but, of course, mr. murdoch has already answered for those crimes against decency last july. >> you said that ultimately you are responsible for the whole fiasco. >> no. >> jon: okay! well, that's a wrap, people! clear the chamber the house of common. i said good day. come on, murdoch! if you're