. >> i don't-- don't make me go, jon. >> jon: what?htmare over there. nothing but money managers and trust funds and trumps, no one knows how to cook or clean or make, what is that thing that keeps you warm. >> jon: heat. >> heat, yes. where does that come from. too many chiefs, not enough indians, you know what i mean, or mexicans. i miss the mexicans. i miss them so much. mi so sorry. why did they have to leave. do you have a clean 1200 bill. >> jon: no, i don't, john hodgman, everybody, we'll be r xçññ@ jdz welcome back, my guest tonight is a staff writing at the new worker. his new book is called dogfight. 2012 presidentate campaign in verse please welcome back to the program calvin trillin, sir. mr. trillin always a delight to see you, my friend. >> thank you, you're looking well. >> thank you. >> i have to say something about this book. >> go ahead, say as much as you can possibly say. >> i have many authors on the program, many esteemed pulitzer prize winner, people of great renown. >> right. >> jon: their books are thic

people are-- what is that now, how many kid goes there. >> 3900. >> jon: 3900. >> yeah rz and. >> jon how many should go there. >> 2300. >> jon: and that's what is going on in the schools now. you have these incredibly intelligent passionate young people. it just, what you guys are doing is incredible. i give you all the respect in the world. >> thank you. >> jon: it's tremendous. the fill some great. i urge people to see. if you and i will continue this game as we go to commercial. brooklyn castle playing in select cities, opening in more on friday, throughout the month, katie and pobo, please go see this film. (cheers and applause) kuvouno.;ááááj/ captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> jon: that's our show, join us next week at 11:00 when we all will have power an electricity and water and food. here it, your moment of zen. >> they keep playing something in my ear, some kind of weird bubbling sound. i don't know what that is supposed to indicate. >> i think from a bong, right, but i only know that from chief and chong.

people are-- what is that now, how many kid goes there. >> 3900. >> jon: 3900. >> yeah rz and. >> jonhow many should go there. >> 2300. >> jon: and that's what is going on in the schools now. you have these incredibly intelligent passionate young people. it just, what you guys are doing is incredible. i give you all the respect in the world. >> thank you. >> jon: it's tremendous. the fill some great. i urge people to see. if you and i will continue this game as we go to commercial. brooklyn castle playing in select cities, opening in more on friday, throughout the month, katie and pobo, please go see this film. (cheers and applause) i am soooo loaded. i'm totally feelin' it. this loaded breakfast sandwich is awesome! am i trippin'...or is that jack box? you're not trippin'. i'm here. and my loaded breakfast sandwich is just loaded with country grilled sausage, bacon, ham, two fried eggs, and melting cheese on toasted sourdough. you can stop pretending. the only thing you're feeling is full. i am soooo loaded... that's the sausage. thanks for your business. captioning sponsored by come

my name is jon stewart. good show today. fabulous author jon meacham. he's written a biography of jefferson. cher monohelmsley. (laughter). (laughter) hooray me! last night we had on the program jason sudeikis from s.n.l . a tremendous, very, very funny man, plays mitt romney and joe biden on the show and he was making a joke on the show about how wouldn't it be funny if in this election it turned out that romney and biden had both won and ended up as president and vice president, wouldn't that have been funny and i said, oh, i don't think that could happen, jason. as a man who knows a lot about like -- and he's like "well, i thought that was the scenario. well, it turns out that could happen! he was referring to a scenario which i found out later where if the electoral college was tied the president would have gotten kicked to the house of representatives where they might have picked mitt romney, the senate would have picked the vice president, they would have picked joe biden and that's how it would have happened. once again there's -- one of the thin

[laughter] >> jon: it is bigger and appears to be somewhat useless. >> i'm not even done, jon. watch this. i found click, boom. okay, real time insta instagram. it doesn't even stop. i just tweak it again while simultaneously posting that image. so if you go to one of those places you can see this image, the one dwreur you'r you're seew here later somewhere else. don't tell me it's alive and kicking my friend. i will be here all night. [crowd cheering] >> jon: we've got an awful lot. we'll check back in with john oliver. the combination of a decades long battle between governor mitt romney of massachusetts and current president barack obama saying from m nairobi. jessica, we'll start with you default scribe the mood that obama had described in chicago. >> it's intense, jon, everyone is glued to their computers and smart phones. >> jon: checking the polling. >> no, they're second out fund raising e-mails. jon, they're down to the wire and this campaign is saying cannot make it through in the next two hours unless everybody in this country chips in $8. >> jon: it's 11:00 p.m. on

is a biblical model jon: the biblical model is polygamy. >> no, jon. adam and eve. polygamy came much later than that and later was repudiated >> jon: the people in the bible redefined >> jesus said a shall leave his mother and father and the woman will leave her home and the two shall become one >> jon: isn't it the height of man's arrogance to presume what jesus would vote for down the line as a value? this is my point. we can come on and have a conversation. when i see that and i go mike huckabee doesn't just disagree witme. he believes my position that gay people are members of the species and whoever they love marriage strengthens traditional families because gay families are wonderful families raising wonderful kids. that's a value... and the value of them is not their gayness. marriage is about honest, trust worthy people working in a loving household, having nothing to do with what their sexuality is. how can you say that me believing that is registered in the book of fire? >> it's not the book of fire. jon: the anvil of fire with the fire guy

we're together. >> jon: exactly.atico. >> and she's got these white things coming out of her ears and i'm going "that poor girl. she's listening to real crap." >> jon: (laughs) and i go "it's so easy to fix that." and then i put together a team of people and we fix it. >> jon: that's the pono. so this is a man -- i never realized it. i thought you take muse frick an l.p. and when you compress it, i didn't realize how much of it -- of that information you lose. how did you go about addressing that? >> well, people don't have mp3 listening parties. >> jon: right. >> they have vinyl listening parties, a vinyl evening at my house or something. and people -- like my own daughter is having her wedding and she's so excited and called me up "daddy, i've got a d.j., they're only going to play soul 45s, real 45s and a turntable." and they're doing this because you can feel it, you can hear it. so i don't want to go on a big rap here, but the 21st century digital, what we have at pono, it's not your mother's digital. >> jon: i

. >> jon: hey, everybody, welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. good a good one tonight. from "saturday night live", the very funny jason sudeikis is going to be joining us later. it was just one week ago tonight that barack obama won reelection to the presidency ending a heated political campaign and hopefully setting the stage for the healing that this country so desperately needs. >> the white house has received online petitions from not so proud americans in 20 states who would like to secede from the union. (laughter) wait! i'm not sure exactly which 20 states those are or which people in those 20 state bus i think i can best express how i feel about these states and people in the word of the great william wonka. >> (flatly) stop, don't, come back. (cheers and applause) >> jon: at least now i'm beginning to understand why southern states were so hesitant to get rid of the confederate flag. it's like keeping your fat pants after you lose some weight. (laughter) you're happy for now with the new you but pretty soon you're going to need those fa

(laughter). >> jon: actually, al, there is an "i" in "urine." >> well, there's also a "u." >> jon: thank you, everybody, we'll check if with you guys later. anyway, it's been a harrowing couple of days for all of us. once again a huge debt of gratitude not only to first responders who have risked their lives to save others or-- as they call it-- going to work. (laughter) but also the m.t.a., power companies, phone companies, public officials, we thank you all tonight in our brand new segment "a daily show tribute to institutional competence." (cheers and applause) it's amazing! amazing! once you remove political and partisan gamesmanship from a situation performance improves dramatically. down the line government's been on top of its stuff, we'll start with n.y.c. mayor michael bloomberg. but, listen, i think we all agree if these cups were still legal -- (laughter). -- maybe the city would haven't flooded at all. (laughter) but that's not the point, that's not the point. the point is -- (cheers and applause) the point is mayor bloomberg kicked ass at his job and did in the two languages

not too far >> jon: did you bring us any gasoline? >> a whole truck load jon: any m.r.e.s?t it but got through it okay. >> jon: where it's going to take a while here. i wanted to congratulate you. you moderated the vice presidential debate between joe biden -- and he didn't curse the whole time. and paul ryan. he was very thirsty. >> do you know why you missed that, martha? because you were moderating the debate. i thought you were very impressive in your exercise of authority. you didn't let it... you didn't pretend that the role of the journalist is to be a lump of malleable clay to absolve yourself of any charges of liberal bias or, you know, being on that team. is that a problem within the journalists' world now? >> actually that's how i approached the debate. i just was doing my job. i'm a journalist. i'm not a host of anything. i'm not an anchor. i'm a journalist. that's what i do every single day. it never occurred to me to do anything different. i to say that >> jon: where does the pressure come from on journalists to not be journalists anymore, for the moderating?

[laughter] >> jon: it is bigger and appears to be somewhat useless. >> i'm not even done, jon. watch this. i found click, boom. okay, real time insta instagram. it doesn't even stop. i just tweak it again while simultaneously posting that image. so if you go to one of those places you can see this image, the one dwreur you'r you're seew here later somewhere else. don't tell me it's alive and kicking my friend. i will be here all night. [crowd cheering] >> jon: we've got an awful lot. we'll check back in with john oliver. the combination of a decades long battle between governor mitt romney of massachusetts and current president barack obama saying from m nairobi. jessica, we'll start with you default scribe the mood that obama had described in chicago. >> it's intense, jon, everyone is glued to their computers and smart phones. >> jon: checking the polling. >> no, they're second out fund raising e-mails. jon, they're down to the wire and this campaign is saying cannot make it through in the next two hours unless everybody in this country chips in $8. >> jon: it's 11:00 p.m. on

>> jon: i'm so sorry. we'e' b b -Ïx=uhr(ú'2lt:eá (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back! guest tonight, he is the c.e.o. of berkshire hathaway, she is the senior editor at large of "fortune" magazine as well as author of the new book "tap dancing to work: warren buffett on practically everything, 1966 to 2012." please welcome to the program warren buffett and carol loomis. (cheers and applause) nice to see you, sir. nice to see you. (applause) how are you? >> never better. never better. >> jon: great to see you guys. the book is called "tap dancing to work." tell me about this collaboration first of all. you are a very renown and well-respected financial writer. you run -- >> let's not get into it. (laughter) >> jon: how did this come to be? >> how did the book come to be? >>> jon: yes. >> well i got the idea when we had been covering warren for 40 years. i thought we ought to pull all this together. because we'd had a great collection of stories, many of them written by other writers, not me at all, and i thought we should do it and then it only took me six years to get

people are-- what is that now, how many kid goes there. >> 3900. >> jon: 3900. >> yeah rz and. >> jon and how many should go there. >> 2300. >> jon: and that's what is going on in the schools now. you have these incredibly intelligent passionate young people. it just, what you guys are doing is incredible. i give you all the respect in the world. >> thank you. >> jon: it's tremendous. the fill some great. i urge people to see. if you and i will continue this game as we go to commercial. brooklyn castle playing in select cities, opening in more on friday, throughout the month, katie and pobo, please go see this film. (cheers and applause) ú?úfrbzczc-1q@4.-x i!b&2("@-xpáá@"y"yp8,x)tac-x (á6c bdr$erfa 

give me that hand. >> jon: absolute! this and then this. >> right! >> jon: they grew up poor.iversity at that time was free. they got an excellent, free education. now,-- from the government. >> from a local city and state government. not from the federal government. you see, there's this thing called the constitution. that's why i wrote this book because these two characters didn't believe i believe that the constitution meant what it said. the constitution limits the federal government and lets the states and local governments to do things. if you don't want to pay fair city college in your taxes, go to another state where they don't have these columns. if you want to live where people can get a good education, people who otherwise couldn't afford it, go live where the taxes pay for those schools. as ronald reagan said people can vote with their feet. >> jon: ultimate the federal government-- poor people, obviously their suz, the soles are not as quick, have trouble trouble with mobility in some sparse. you're saying the federal government should not be involved in education

>> jon, you see what he's doing! this isn't a question of romney's biography, this is about hard experience. you've heard the president, he's been everywhere. from pah-kee-stahn, to bra-see-o, to (southern accent) south carolina and of course (southern accent) australia. >> jon: (laughs) that's how australians say australia? >> they do if they're from south carolina, jon, yes. >> jon: pronouncing these different regions like you're a sophomore just back from a semester abroad is pretentious. it's a little dickish. >> jon, this is no time for name calling and, in fact, governor romney understands john oliver's frustration. (laughter) it's a feeling that's been nagging at him since he was a scrappy little street rat selling papers for tuppence in chittany square. can. (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> jon: what? >> (in a cockney accent) that's the life wot i lived! romney for presidentnt ♪74lys 2rst gettzo 2vf.]tn' b free-crediÑv-pbyováwt-co b b (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, his new f

(cheers and applause). >> jon: jason jone (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back.y guest tonight, the legendary musician whose memoir is called "waging heavy peace." please welcome back to the program mr. neil young. (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> jon: thank you for being here. >> thank you. thank you for asking me, having me. >> jon: we're delighted to have you. "waging heavy peace" is the book. i have read -- there have been a spate of these that have come out, these sort of the rock legend autobiographies. so many of them have a formality to them, i felt reading this like i was hanging out with you as you puttered around your garage or somehow walking around -- (laughter). >> yeah. >> jon: -- inside your brain. it's so -- you wrote this yourself. >> yeah, oh, yeah. you know, ghost writers scare the hell out of me. (laughter). >> jon: nobody likes ghosts. >> nobody likes ghosts. (laughter) no, i'm guilty as charged. i wrote it. >> jon: but it's really -- it has such a hospitable charm to it that -- and your image is not necessarily as warm -- >> (

. >> jon: married women! (laughter) now why do you think specifically married women would favor mitt romney? please feel free to paint this demographic in the most positive light you can. >> married women think about the future of their children. >> they have more responsibility and you're running a household. >> so married you tend to be more settled, you're thinking about the kids, thinking about how the country's going to be when they grow up. >> they're not just some selfish (bleep). (laughter) (cheers and applause) oh. i'm sorry. they didn't say that. they paraphrased it. >> among single women, a whopping 67% voted for the president. >> i can't explain, for example, single women other than the abortion issue. >> their issue is about borg. >> turns out they are one-issue voters. >> we had women who could actually afford birth control, suburban college educated women turn out and say "i want free birth control." >> jon: i mean, it was unbelievable. these weren't gross slutty poor people women! we're talkin

my name is jon stewart. my guest one william james bill o'reilly will be discussing his book killing kennedy which i can only assume is a confession. let's get right to, it. we know this is a deeply divided nation, until last night when something brought all americans together in agreement. >> president obama took a shell acting. >> he was not properly prepared for this. >> the president didn't bring his a game. >> he was just so dull. >> he looked tired to me. >> romney won hands down. >> he was very, very bad last night. >> jon: there is no red america there is no blue america there is only the america that can't believe how bad this guy did in the debate. how bad was the defeat o bama lost despite mitt romney doing this. >> i'm sorry, i will stop the sub sid to pgs. i like big board, i like few, but i'm not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from china to pay for it. >> jon: mother [bleep] fired big board. america's favorite nonfried bird. he fired big board and won. beloved childre

>> jon: hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, the house democratic minority leader nancy pelosi will be joining us tonight. maybe we'll talk about the election! maybe we'll fwaukt selection, which you may have heard is happening, 12 days from now in the great state of ohio. (laughter) i'm not sure if any other states are voting this year, but candidates are beginning to make their closing arguments. and if i could frame them through lyrics and music of the great britney spears, barack obama is saying to the electorate, hit me baby, one more time. (laughter) whereas mitt romney is perhaps suggesting, i'm a genie in a bottle. (laughter) really, they're not sung by the same person, are you sure? no, they are sung by the wonders that judge on the talent show. there's two music talent shows? i have got to get myself a zune. (laughter) what are we talking about? oh, yeah, mitt romney's closing arguments. >> the government of the united states is not a good venture capitalists, he likes to pick winners and losers, abo

>> jon: maybe. >> no-- . >> jon: i understand. >> sorry, it's tough to breathe in that bunker. >> jon: the oxygen in that budget certificate terrible. >> totally. >> jon: wyatt, are you in a bunker, the oxygen gets bad. >> would you think somebody would febreze this place. >> jon: i know. why can't they-- why can't they-- oh, you know what, i saw they had water down there. (laughter) >> holy crap there's water in here. >> jon: i bet there is water in the budgeter. >> there's water in here oh, come down with that water. (laughter) i threw it on a shelf, i think there was a shelf there. >> jon: it just fell off the-- (laughter) so-- so getting back to this --. >> i mean they can't go to mitch pitch if that is what you were suggested. >> jon: oh, right, michigan, amish country is nearby. >> oh, yeah, like those guys don't take super pac money. >> jon: wyatt cenac, everybody. ÷e2[?úpr x >> jon: welcome back. thank you. in the midst of an ugly election season one might forget there remains a place where democracy remains clean and cool. middle school. john olver and jason jones decided it

-x >> jon: welcome back.ast night brought a big storm to ( bleep ) mountain of which the citizens were unrepaired having relied on their internal forecast. they're professionals and after the initial panic over the number decide the party of person responsibility did what is itt does best-- figure out why it wasn't their fault. subject number one, the media. >> the mainstream media favors obama. >> the numbers from the exit polling seemed to mirror or parrot the liberal media. >> when you have the national media working compulse eiffel your behalf it is very difficult to break thiew the noise to the reality. >> jon: sure, and even though the pew research center found the media was being about equally negative tow beating candidates in the run-up to election day, that story itself was reported in... ♪ ♪ the media. ( laughter ) and don't think god is getting off the hook in this election. >> i do think that the storm threw a monkey wrench in mitt romney's momentum because it disrupted the story line. >> one pho

captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. man n-we have a good show for you tonight. last night eye don't know if you knew this-- we had an election and tonight on this program, the winner of that election, the president of the u.s.a., the united states of arithmetic, nate silver will be joining us ( cheers and applause ) it was a big night last night. the big news, of course, president barack obama not just re-elected but seemingly given fresh batteries. >> we remain more than a collection of red states and blue states. ry are and forever will be the united states of america. and together, with your help, and god's grace, we will continue our journey forward. ( laughter ). >> jon: so that's all it took for to you get back in the groove was the fact that you never have to run for president again? ( laughter ) that's all it took? ( cheers and applause ) of course, on the other side, governor mitt romney broke the bad news to his supporters before reluctantly being asked to pose for his family's yearly christmas card. ( laughte

>> jon: we'll be right >> jon: hey, everybody, welcome back to the show! so yesterday we were talking about that story of the four star general and c.i.a. chief david petraeus who has had this affair with his biographer paula broadwell, it was discovered when she started harassing this other lady jill kelley because she thought kelley might be getting too close to petraeus. anyway. (laughter) since then we found out jill kellye may have been inappropriately e-mailing with general john allen who has now had his promotion to supreme allied commander of europe ended. i've got to say, all this has the makings of a pretty sweet military-themed video game. (laughter) now, in case -- (laughter). don't -- you know if you're just going to encourage this kind of thing -- (laughter). we will continue to pun this way. (laughter) in case you're having difficulty reconciling the hard news value of this with the high school lunchroom table gossip element, rest assured, you are not alone. >> just a second, i think we're getting breaking news. hold on. >> the e-mails were

>> jon? >> jon: no, i'm going float to commercial and we'll have a conversation. we do have to go to >> jon: welcome back. here speaking to president barack obama. second half starts to go faster. the questions will get a little tougher. how many times a week does biden show up in a wet bathing suit to a meeting? just ball park figure you're? >> i had to put out a presidential directive on that. we had to stop it. >> jon: have you to put towels down. >> i have to say he looks pretty good. >> jon: i don't doubt that. this is something i call still or no. so you're president now. before you ran you had certain things that you thought -- i wonder if four years of president has changed that. first is we don't have to trade our values and ideals for our security. do you still feel that way? >> we don't. there are things we haven't gotten done. i still want to close guantanamo bay. one thing we have to do is put a legal architecture in place and we need congressional help do that to make sure not only am i reined in and an president's reigned in in terms of decisions. t