about crime, jon?o back to running in fear of gangs wearing roller skates. >> jon: that's footage from the warriors. the documentary the warriors by ken burns. >> jon: i'm surprised you are not happier that nanny state bloomberg is leaving with all his laws about where you can smoke and what soda you can buy. >> i drink big soda and smoke where i want. i'm a rich person. here i am at the museum of natural history. >> jon: you are inside -- >> i'm a donor i can pet the taxidermy. >> jon: that's a maternity ward. i was handing out cigars to babies. here i am seeing how the other half live. >> jon: that's my house. >> i come and go as i please. you are out of whole milk, q-tips, half a frozen turkey and you have to replace your pillow cases. >> jon: what did you do? >> a private event weapon masks -- a private event with masks. the party is over. i've leaving for brighter shores singapore is letting us hunt the homeless. unless new york would like to woo us back. may a suggest a counter offer. >> jon: fro

, jon?at's a lie, then this is probably just some cheap costume from halloween shop and not a priceless tribal heirloom that beale gave to me out of the kindness of his cherokee heart. >> jon: first of all... sitting bull... >> i guess it's all a lie to you, isn't it? >> jon: sitting bull wasn't cherokee. he was lakota, sioux. that's got a price tag on it. >> apparently his people use every part of the merchandise. >> jon: he's lying to you. i can't even figure out why beale is lying to you. >> exactly. why would he, jon, why would the 1938 wimbledon champion have to lie? he does not. >> jon: john mcenroe won wimbledon in 1983. >> oh, please. now you're going to believe everything that john mcenroe tells you, jon? i happen to have john beale's wimbledon trophy. >> jon: that's a dixie cup! >> excuse me, jon, i'm british. i think i i'd recognize the gentleman's singles championship trophy. >> jon: what else did this guy tell you, that his urine tastes like champagne? oh, for god's sake, you di

my name is jon stewart. tonight's guest -- we have a good one univision and fusion anchor jorge ramos is joining us. first if it took you long tier to get your -- if it took you a little bit longer to get your sausage mcmuffin this morning it wasn't because the sausage crop had eye poor concreate. >> staging a walkout saying it's nearly impossible to survive on $7.25 an hour. >> jon: the wages are so low some fast food workers have had to resort a life of crime. [ laughter ] or worse prostitution. [ laughter ] you have a pretty mouth there grimace. [ laughter ] so the question is: raise the minimum wage from the very difficult to live on $7.25 an hour to something more livable. it seems reasonable for an industry that is that profitable. so let's hear while it will be destroy the very foundation of our democracy. >> let's give people more purchasing power. >> that's the daysan view,. >> government assistance. how is that government -- yes i'm sick of these welfare queens suckelling at the teet of the employe

jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome. [cheers and applause] welcome to "the daily show." jon stewart. my guest tonight former pakistani ambassador to the united states husain haqqani is on the program. let us begin tonight with the national security administration which is the subject of the new ongoing series "that thing they said they are not doing, they are totally doing." [laughter] over the past six months or so people have been playing something of a fun little game with the n.s.a. the n.s.a. tells us they are not doing something and then we found out they are totally doing it. [ laughter ] for instance, -- >> nobody is listening to to your telephone calls. >> jon: turns out they are totally listening to your telephone calls. they storing them in this giant utah fortress of surveilitude. next. >> with respect to the internet and e-mails, this does not allow to united states citizens. >> jon: go on. >> the obama administration quietly won permis

cover your skin. >> jon: j [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back.st tonight academy award winning actor. the new movie is called "the hunger games. : catching fire." >> you fought very hard in the games miss everdeen but they were games. would you like to be in a real war? >> no. >> neither would i. >> what do i need to do? >> when you and peeta are on tour you need to smile and be grateful but above all you need be madly prepared to end it all in love. can you do that? >> yes. >> yes what? >> i'll convince them. >> no, convince me. >> jon: please welcome jennifer lawrence. [cheers and applause] how are you? [cheers and applause] nice to see you. >> good to see you. >> jon: thanks for being here. >> wow. >> jon: you have to be exhausted. >> i'm so tired. >> jon: how many of these crap fests have you done? >> 100,000. >> jon: it's crazy. >> you are 100,001. >> jon: is this it? >> yes, this is my last one and i'm on vacation. not that i haven't had a blast. >> jon: it's wonderful. we're getting along famously. i'm not even going to talk about -- you t

>> jon: i thought it was funny. did you think us discussing this was that we got laughs. >> yeah, a few, not bad. >> jon: do you think it's weird that we worked on this will all day -- [laughter] -- this bit we did here. i don't know if you know this like john oliver how long have you been here? >> seven and a half years. >> jon: seven and a half years but john, we know this, you are a tremendously talented individual. you know we know you are talented. john -- john got his own show on hbo which is long overdue and we're excited for him but this is unfortunately his last night with us. [audience awwwws] i went through a charade of writing this royal nut bit. >> we're to the doing the (bleep) bit. >> jon: of course not. what do you think we're doing here. >> i thought you cared about the queen. >> jon: i don't care. there's only one british royal i care about tonight and his name is prince john oliver. [cheers and applause] here is what i want to talk about a little bit. you came to us from -- i think you came from h

the point is, jon.'m saying on the scale of miraculous congressional achievements this budget bill ranks up there with the civil rights act and a 90% incouple againstcy rate. >> jon: it's a modest, a modest, let's just not shut the government down for a couple years and try to figure this out. >> jon, you are not recognizing the distance the two sides had to travel to that. you don't understand where they started just two months ago. let me read to you, jon, from the congressional record of their first meeting. >> jon: please. please do this. >> day one of negotiations. hey (bleep). we start things on time around here. [ laughter ] oh, i'm sorry i'm late, perhaps the gentleman from the great state of wisconsin didn't realize that i was at home (bleep) his mom. >> jon: whoa. >> i know. >> jon: whoa whoa. >> i know. patty murray has a mouth on her, jon. a filthy mouth. >> jon: that's not a promising start. >> it got worse. here is the audio from day four. listen [screaming] >> jon: pretty sure that's from

my name is jon stewart. from the film p "dallas buyers club" this is a good movie you have to check it out. jared leto is here. unbelievable. listen to this, we're currently in what i feel like is the most wonderful time of the year. [laughter] why not? [laughter] festive trees go up, carolers break out in song. starbucks switches out the vat of pumpkin spice additives for the vat of peppermint additives. it's a time to cherish what we have because we could lose it. >> how majorities are become are notes at the pool. how sharia law is changing everything. >> jon: it's changing everything and probably not for the better. while i don't know what sharia law is i know it's muslim-y. and if fox is talking about it it's going to destroy the nation. >> a ymca in st. paul is starting a swim group for muslim girls but special considerations have to be made to keep with religious beliefs. >> jon: oh, my god! special considerations. everything has changed. [ laughter ] wait, what has changed? >> during the one hour cla

[ applause ] >> jon: hey, welcome to "the daily show", my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, we are very excited, we have sir ian mckellen, he is here to promote jennifer lawrence in "the hunger games", we don't know why but we will continue to do that. we have been gone a week, our top story yet again tonight, a update on healthcare.gov that was supposed to provide a online marketplace for health insurance but instead it records you having sex and mails it to your parents with the title christmas surprise. >> why does do it that? obama administration officials promised us by november 30th the web site will be functional and as you know it has already been november 30th so the so. >> white house is now work fog the vast majority of people who are trying to use it. it can now handle 50,000 users at a time, 800,000 a day. >> they say they have lowered response time to about one second and the error rate below one percent. >> jon: oh, my god. that one percent. i don't know what that is. of course the down side is that the only error that occurs is a really bad

the good news is that jesus is white thing is that jews are white now, congratulations, jon. >> jon:santa is white? >> santa is white. it's a fact. it's miracle on 34th street not miracle on 134th street. [ laughter ] the only miracle on 134th street is that we get to participate at all. half the time santa skips us on the way downtown just like a taxicab. >> jon: santa is fiction he's not real. >> hey, man, what the hell are you doing? kids, stop crying, santa is real (bleep) and he's really white. really white. >> jon: jessica, if we're talking history here and that's what they are saying we're talking fact and history st. nicholas was from the area of the world that is now turkey. he was no a cherubic wilford brimley type. >> that makes us uncomfortable. >> jon: meghan said there's no needle change it. >> she said if i feel uncomfortable then we don't have to change it. if white people are uncomfortable we have to change it. that's how this became this. it works that way for everything like how this becomes this. why people don't want to hear jailhouse rock from somebody who went

>> jon: all right. >> i'm a proud dwarf palladin. >> jon: aasif. >> gray chalk. >> jon: gray chalk were people aware that the n.s.a. was monitoring world of warcraft and people playing the game seen the effect? there. >> were signs. it seems every time i'm trying to board a flying mound i'm pulled out of the line and searched randomly. [ laughter ] they never search the elves, no. >> jon: i understand gray chalk. are people upset about the n.s.a. infiltrate? >> we feel betrayed. the idea that people are joining world of warcraft and misrepresenting themselves is unthinkable. [ laughter ] >> jon: really? >> yes this place is all about trust. if we thought that people might not be who they say they are the whole world would fall apart. [ laughter ] >> jon: really? >> that's right. >> jon: let me ask you something gray chalk, say that you were strolling through the azara and you encountered an attractive young elf maiden. >> blood elf or night elf. >> jon: who the (bleep) knows. which one is hotter? >> night elf. >> jon: say you are playing with this night elf and you get to know her. >> o

>> zero. >> jon: nothing? >> wait there was um, nothing. >> jon: really?00 television channels three 24 hour news networks. >> and no stories but it's (bleep) crazy. they are not going to get away with it. what blackstone did was clearly a huge story but the business networks eager young reporters have better things to explain. i went to the "new york times" the paper of record to find out why all those tv (bleep) wouldn't cover it. this say complex story and it takes a lot to unpack it. there's sort of a rule that you can't describe it in ten seconds it's not something they want to cover. >> i take it as a challenge and -- >> can i just lay out the facts. >> go. >> blackstone loaned money to a spanish gambling parlor company. they bought insurance. >> time is up. that was terrible let me try. rich (bleep) want all the money for themselves. i have seven seconds left. baba booey. baba boy. done. likely they were willing to blow the whistle. this is a huge story how does the "new york times" cover it? >> "new york times" didn't cover. why, why didn't you cov

i bought it to you for, jon. >> jon: it's lovely.hat a lovely wonderful film. >> ah. >> jon: can you explain just briefly the plot for everybody? >> yeah, it took a while to get it off the ground, five years of work. it's a journey after i little girl, a saudi. she's feisty, has a great sense of humor. >> jon: this is the woman that we saw? >> wadjda, yeah. she wants a bicycle. you know saudi arabia all conservative and it's ball what women cannot do and everything. but she manages to get it and it's about achieving dreams and working hard. it concentrates more about human dignity and resistance and resillance. >> jon: but this is what i so appreciate about it. the theme is so universal and simple that you forget. and then the context of where it is just becomes part of the backdrop, and i really helps to humanize all the different characters and inform in a way that i think it won't otherwise. >> i tried to just like complain about reality and make it inspiring. people in saudi arabia women in general need to have reference of peopl

> jon: exactly.ayed mystique. >> yes. >> jon: see now. >> she is the blue one. >> jon: now you know that was my jam. now how about for you when you were sort of a young guy, did you read the comic books? were you interested this that sort of thing is was it a literature thing? >> well, they were american, and during the war, we didn't get much of anything from anywhere so the local comics were very paltry and nothing like the comics that you have, so no, i didn't read them. >> jon: during the -- do you recall the isolation of that? what was that feeling like? i didn't realize you were there during that time. >> well, i was born in 1939 and i lived in the north of england, we were safe from bombs and we had evacuees who came from london to live with us, and we had families to escape the blitz. but i slept under a metal table until i was five years old, in case there was a bomb in the house. we put tape over the windows so the germans couldn't see where we lived, it was a factor of life. >> jon: of doi

>> 100,000. >> jon: it's crazy. >> you are 100,001. >> jon: is this it? >> yes, this is my last one and i'm on vacation. not that i haven't had a blast. >> jon: it's wonderful. we're getting along famously. i'm not even going to talk about -- you talked about the movie -- >> why would we talk about the movie? >> jon: can i tell you this? i got a cnn breaking news alert when you got your haircut. >> i know. that was seriously the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. >> jon: it has to be this scrutiny. >> can you imagine getting your haircut and finding out about it on the news. it was the wordest thing that ever happened to me. >> jon: in cnn's defense -- if they watched cnn they would bet only ones. i'm going to blow your mind. you've done your work. you can sit back. you are smart and charming but i'm going to blow your mind here. are you ready? >> yes. >> jon: this is something i just found on the internet. >> oh, no. >> jon: look at that picture. that looks like you, yeah. >> okay. >> jon: no good? >> does it? >> jon: it's a y

i'm talking about a (bleep) fest, jon. >> jon: we understand that. íx1d ,x [cheers and applause] >> jonme back. so. [cheers and applause] -- a bipartisan deal has been reached. a crease fire declared -- cease fire declared in the partisan battles that have ravaged washington. are we really ready to give up this fight. before you scream yes, for the love of god, yes you might want to watch this from jason jones. >> you've seen the smash hits budget battle one, two, three and four. they had it all, countdown clocks, count-up clocks. counting down and up clocks but now it looks like the congressional shutdown gravy train is pulling into station. >> congress may be ready to call a truce in the ongoing budget wars. >> a christmas miracle, a budget deal. >> but a budget deal doesn't mean it's time to throw in the towel. >> thank god it's over. >> i was so sick of covering that. >> i never want to do another -- >> i'll do your budget story for you. >> why? there's no story. >> i'll bring you the antagonistic sound bites, silly graphics and a real sense of imminent fiscal doom. >> john, it's ov

you. >> jon: it's out.y can see it. >> you can see it. >> you can walk to a theater and see it. >> jon: you won an award today. >> i did. >> jon: the new york circle -- critic's circle. >> yeah, i did. >> jon: is that a ceremony? do they call you? >> just a couple of hours -- i didn't know about it. i know now. [ laughter ] he didn't just tell me. [ laughter ] >> jon: i'm a news man! [laughter] breaking news, you are an award winning actor. >> finally. but, yeah, i did. this new york film critic's circle award. it's quite an honor, really humbling. i hadn't made a film in almost six years. to come back and get this love and support is nuts. >> jon: you hadn't made -- was there something in particular about this story that you thought i need to get back in the game, or had you decided prior to that? >> i thought i would look pretty good in a skirt. >> jon: as most would agree you pretty much look good. i don't think it matters, skirt, bag, top hat, beard. i doesn't really -- you know, it's a nice thing for y

my name is jon stewart. [cheers and applause] our guest tonight amy adams from the movie "american hustle" but what be this devil's stick? [laughter] what sort of witchcraft? [laughter] question for the audience tonight. what do you do with that thing? that thing in your hand there? what do you do with that? we begin tonight with american exceptionalism there are many reasons that this nation is great starius stripeiest flag, the most loco tacos and the best oprah on earth. seriously. [cheers and applause] canada's oprah, she ain't (bleep). [ laughter ] canada's oprah doesn't even have a show. she's just some lady who lives in canada and is named oprah and looks identical to our oprah. what a surprise. [ laughter ] recently america's greatness has come into question. >> u.s. high school students getting a bad grade from a new report that measures proficiency in reading math and science among 65 countries. the u.s. was 36th behind the slovak republic. >> jon: oh! i always feel bad for whatever country is just

>> jon: you are the first person who also sees it.one that young should be that good at something. when you are that young you should suck at things. >> the only thing i was good at being was a mess at her age. i was really good at being mess. >> jon: you and i have a lot in common. >> i think so. >> this film must be for an actor a thanksgiving feast. david o'russell, the dialog is so vivid and crackling but man all the way through. >> it is. it doesn't stop. working with david it has that energy. i don't they if you have heard anything about how he works. he stands like right off the camera and yells at you. he does -- he is encouraging but -- [laughter] -- at times but he also like has a bullhorn sometimes from outside the car. >> jon: no! >> yes, it's amazing. >> jon: will he yell things like good job! >> no, not typically. he yells suggestions like now try it like this or do the line reading and while this camera is rolling. it creates beautiful chaos that creates electric performances and focuses and you end up with these perfor