sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we got it going for you tonight. i'm excited. tonight's program, i get to talk almost the entire show about my two favorite systems. political and reproductive. (laughter) >> jon: neither of which i understand in any, shape or form. my guest will be cathleen kaveny, a professor of law and theology at notre dame university and we've asked her to company by and help me understand law and theology. apparently that sweet spot at the intersection of law street and theology avenue has no stoplight and a fire car pileup is on it and the whole society is very up set on it. it all boils down to this issue of a health insurance mandate that requires employers to provide plans that cover contraception as part of women's preventive health care. some religious groups that also hire the unfortunately named lady, have said that this violates their principleses. thus, yesterday, and today the united states senate debated a measure that would only require employers to provide health-care coverage, qu

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hello, everybody. welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart and we have a very, very pleasant show for you this evening. our guest, will ferrell will be our guest, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) wow. wow. wow. i can't believe people remember that old show mash. well, that's mike farrell. i apologize. oh, really, that's the same joke i used last time will ferrell was here? they didn't laugh at that one either. what are you doing? listen. over the past few weeks, there has been something of a national hullabaloo, a countrywide brouhaha, an american (mumbling), all over comments made by radio shock- blob rush limbaugh. >> sandra fluke said that it's too expensive to have sex in law school without mandated insurance coverage. it makes her a slut, right? it makes her a prostitute. >> jon: sure. my god. that is the most noxious, hateful filth i've heard

my same in jon stewart. we have -- my name is jon stewart. we have a good show for you tonight. seestephen merchant will be on e show tonight. when his partner ricky gervais was here we had a refined conversation with raccoon and panda sex so don't know what we'll talk about tonight. but you may want to leave the room when we do. i'm going to say romney won arizona handelly but the big result was michigan where all four candidates were defeated by a late surprise entrance the schitcy when from i understand he made impressive promises. >> when you order the schitky you get the little one. >> jon: it's a populous message that resonates in the difficult yet schmootzy times. romney kept putting his foot in the mouth he hired sew own mouth doesn't get feet in it and santorum released a robo call telling democratic voters to vote for him since michigan's republican party is open to all voters and mitt romney didn't care for the tactic. >> outrageous and disgusting. it's a new low in this campaign. i think rick santorum has a lot of explaining to do. >> jon: you've got a lot of splaini

the subject of our new segment jon stewart examines other men's boners. no, is that shall did -- that should not be the name of the segment. can we please-- let's change this before the show airs. is-- good, thank you. you will edit out this entire conversation as well, right, perfect. okay. all right, that's good. we begin with our new segment gaffe-watch, that is the edit point right there and that will be seamless when people watch it at home, right, they won't-- they won't see the boner part. right? i don't know where i'm supposed to fake look in this bit. (laughter) amazingly obama's gaffe gave birth to a second gaffe from another individual. this from the mouth of one mitworth willard romney uny the fourth. >> he is plan on doing more and suggests to russia that he has things he's willing to do with them, he's not willing to tell the american people. this is to russia. this is, without question, our number one geo political foe. >> jon: boo gaffe. words hurt, mitt romney. and i for one want to take this moment to reassure our many, many foes around

, 2012 from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewartd applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central ask >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a great one for you tonight. actress julianne moore is here tonight. she plays a inexperienced alaska governor catapulted to fame when she's nominated to become the second most powerful person in the country it's based a on a story that shouldn't be true but -- [ laughter ] my chair doesn't have wheels but my ass does. [ laughter ] yesterday president obama broke out the good chairs to welcome israeli prime minister benjamin bibi netanyahu in town for a quick nosh to remind us that we face annihilation at the iranians.Ñi >> when it's flying to a location near you, ladies and gentlemen, if it looks like a duck, if it walks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck, then what is it? what is it? [cheers and applause] that's right. it's a duck. but this duck is a nuclear duck. [ laughter ] >> jon: i think going with the duck undercuts the urgency of your message. [ laught

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, everybody. thank you very much. very nice of you. welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we got a good one for you tonight. my guest, cecile richards, the star of nbc's "parenthood." [laughter] oh. she's the president of planned parenthood. i guess my questions about what craigt. nelson is really like are... anyway, we begin tonight with accident yes's paradox, which boston chewlates that to get to your destination, you must first travel half the distance towards it and from there half the remaining distance so on and so on ipso facto et al, err go, vis-a-vis, say law vie. one can never arrive at the end point, which brings us to the race for the republican nomination for president. our coverage of endless suffrage 2012. all i heard, all i heard from these fools was that tuesday was super tuesday. so named not so much because it was sent to earth by its parent in a crystal space ship moments before krypton exploded, alt

my name is jon stewart. tonight's guest sean donovan the president's secretary of housing and urban development. that's right, people. a male secretary. oh, it's 2012. next thing you know they're going to want to be nurses. anyway, all right. let's get going here. we begin with a warning. i know many of our viewers have busy lives and often use the time of this program to reconnect with their significant others for laughing and a little bit of a sexy time. i know a lot of you do it while the show is on. tonight you may want to postpone those activities. because while the show will still be employing the spanish fly that is a comedyic take on political news we will be mixing it the electrodes to your genitals that is this cat. human cold shower rush limbaugh. see. as you probably heard, georgetown university law student testified before congress about how she supports the government mandate for health insurers to include contraception as part of women's preventive health care relating to her own situation uti

my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, rachel weisz, star of "the deep blue sea," but i bring you greetings tonight from lebanon via germany. [applause] that is the broad international audience that we have here, lebanon via germany, or as we're referring to it now, lebarnany, germanon. last night was obviously tuesday night. you know what that means. once more on to the breech of endless suffrage 2012 as voters in alabama, mississippi, hawaii and american samoa headed to the polls to select the republican nominee for president, and the big story line was... >> it is make-or-break night for newt gingrich. >> this could be gingrich's last stand. >> if gingrich loses either of these southern states, where can he win? >> if you can't win there, you can't win anywhere. >> his rationale for moving forward starts to slip away. >> newt has to have the south. >> oh, it appears we have a gentleman caller and his head is enormous. [in southern accent] so did newt win the south? well, actually rick santorum won alab

from comedy central's world fuse headquarters in new york, this is dale dale with jon stewart. ers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show" .n my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, ladies and gentlemen, masha gessen. (cheers and applause) that is a clued in audience, my friends. (laughter) she's the author of a new book about vladimir putin and, you know, some sexy pictures in there. i think you're going to enjoy the book. let's begin tonight with the long winding bumpy ass road to the white house. yesterday another primary night. so at 9:00 p.m. the polls closed and i tuned in for the latest results. >> polls closing. seven seconds and we can make a call in three seconds. (laughter) >> jon: chih seconds? (cheers and applause) three second? who's got that time! i don't have time to wait. twitter already told me who won the 2016 election. (laughter) congratulations, gatt tkpwa. (laughter) gaga. i'm kidding. tell us the results. >> we at fox news can project that mitt romney will easily win arizona. >> jon: yes, romney wins ariz

, 2012 from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a very nice show for you tonight. my guest is maria goodavage, her new about dogs in the militarism we'll get into the controversial don't ask, don't smell. [ laughter ] did i mention we're back from vacation? last night around 10:00 put the kids to bed and i'm watching, as i always do at this time the lawrence o'donnell show because that's the premises of the bit we're about to do. anyhoo mr. o'don't is supposed to interview craig sonner the lawyer at the center of george zimmerman case. >> george sonner the courageous defender of george zimmerman walked out of studio. there is his chair in orlando. >> not the most enthralling television but it's miss neeb. i didn't think dressing a grizzly bear in human clothes of a good idea but you know they made that work. [ laughter ] panda, what no? [ laughter ] anyway have it it. w

my name is jon stewart.ight's program, my guest tonight, oh, i'm very excited about this, no one. (laughter) we do not have a guest tonight. i'm going to have to, i'm just going sit for five, six minutes and just stare. (laughter) actually we don't have a guest tonight because we do have a blockbuster two-part investigation by our own john olver that you do not want to miss. if for no other reason at the end of his expose he we are giving away a van. chaers plaus that does not long to us. (laughter) so the winner will receive a stolen van. (laughter) i have 20 minutes to steal a van. (laughter) all right, no van. but first, i am sick of the elections. i want to start with a story of international intrigue. >> syrian dictator assad his personal e-mails were leaked to the british newspaper guardiance. >> britian fwaurdian newspaper said it obtained thousands of e-mails to and from president bashar assad. >> jon: finally, an e-mail hack of someone who actually deserves to have their e-mail hacked. thank god. (a

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is is jon stewart. we have a good nun for you tonight. tonight's guest grover nor quist. my kids are going to be so excited that i got to interview grover. i'm assuming i'm thinking of the right person. let's begin tonight with the internet. that magical series of tubes that al gore invented so he'd never have to leave the house to get porn. it's true. anyway, tweets and hash tags about this new viral sensation kony trending all week. rihanna talking about him. seacrest, the beebs, this guy kony is probably dropping some thick beef, joe. let's check it out. >> for 26 years kony has been kidnapping children into his rebel groups, the l.r.a. turning the girls into sex slaves and the boys into child soldiers. (laughing) >> jon: wow. wow. that song sucked. that's what happens when you get sick rolled. anyway, it turns out the hot new viral sensation is a 30- minute you-tube directed by