jon stewart, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: folks, speaking of golden idols the catholic church, mason, as you know i am tv's foremost catholic and i take my faith very seriously, jesus is not only my copilot, sometimes i let him drive, unfortunately, folks, unfortunately, i have had it up to here, here with our new pope. he is washing the feet of criminals, saying atheists can be redeemed, not judging the gays, and saying w we can't sere god and money at the same time. oh, yes, we can. and at this point what is the difference? our money has in god we trust on it and i am assuming god has a tramp stamp that says a dolla makes me holla! but now the pope has given an exhaustive interview initiated by the jesuit magazine america which was filled with papal bombshells. >> the pope speaking out about some of the oldest staunchest traditions in the roman catholic church, we are talking about the acceptance of gays and lesbians, embracing prominent roles for women in the church and how about contrac

i have been lying about where jon stewart's been all summer. in fact, i've lied to you exactly 31 times it seemed appropriate to confess tonight because this is my last show at interim host. stop hiding your joy. jon stewart will be back in september. we're all looking forward to seeing him so much. before we go into our top story tonight we just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the horrifying events unfolding right now in egypt. our deepest thoughts are with everyone over there for more on that developing story, you should probably watch the real news. that's kind of what they're built for. in the meantime we're going to push ahead with our final silly show of the summer, our guest tonight writer and of the silly show simon peg will be with us. frankly, simon has a lot to live up to tonight guest wisement i don't know if he saw last night's show but regis phil pynn ended the interview in a slightly unexpected manner. ♪ looks like we made it ♪ he kissed me on the head. and you know what, i woke up this morning and hi a gray patch of hair

i have been lying about where jon stewart's been all summer. in fact, i've lied to you exactly 31 times it seemed appropriate to confess tonight because this is my last show at interim host. stop hiding your joy. jon stewart will be back in september. we're all looking forward to seeing him so much. before we go into our top story tonight we just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the horrifying events unfolding right now in egypt. our deepest thoughts are with everyone over there for more on that developing story, you should probably watch the real news. that's kind of what they're built for. in the meantime we're going to push ahead with our final silly show of the summer, our guest tonight writer and of the silly show simon peg will be with us. frankly, simon has a lot to live up to tonight guest wisement i don't know if he saw last night's show but regis phil pynn ended the interview in a slightly unexpected manner. ♪ looks like we made it ♪ he kissed me on the head. and you know what, i woke up this morning and hi a gray patch of hair

i make it appearance on jon stewart's daily show.er, you will see the whole thing. [ male announcer ] at his current pace, bob will retire when he's 153, which would be fine if bob were a vampire. but he's not. ♪ he's an architect with two kids and a mortgage. luckily, he found someone who gave him a fresh perspective on hisortfolio. and with some planning and effort, hopefully bob can retire at a more appropriate age. it's not rocket science. it's just common sense. from td ameritrade. ask me what it's likee. to get your best night's sleep every night. [announcer] why not talk to someone who's sleeping on the most highly recommended d in america? ask me about my tempur-pedic. ask me how fast i fall asleep. ask me about staying asleep. [announcer] tempur-pedic owners are more satisfied than owners of any traditional mattress brand. tempur-pedic. the most highly recommended bed in america. now each of you can personalize your comfort at the touch of a button with our new tempur-choice. so both of you can get your best night's sleep to

jon stewart being back, isn't it great? you can take a three-month vacation, everyone is like, hey, good to have you back. >> if we disappeared for three months, what, who? >> you, they would know. i'm richard lui, this is "early today." we hope it's just your first stop of the day on nbc. >>> leading the news in "the denver post," naacp-kkk meeting in wyoming believed to be a first. this meeting was requested by casper's local naacp chapter while reports of kkk literature being delivered in that region. >>> boston mayor on detroit, blow the place up and start all over. the mayor now apologizing for his remarks. they've been criticized by detroit's mayor as an unfortunate choice of words after this year's boston bombing. >>> ariel castro has committed suicide. castro sentenced to life in prison without parole, plus 1,000 years for holding three women captive in his home for nearly a decade. we're still waiting for confirmed responses from those three victims to what has happened. >>> the senate reaches an agreement for u.s.

stewart: why? >> because you are boring me, jon. and this is what real gentlemen do. they play poker on their iphones whenever they become inexplicably bored by something incredibly important. i bid you good day, sir. >> stewart: sir archibald -- >> i bid you good day! >> stewart: sir -xf3,x vroom. >> stewart: so we are talking a little bit about the foreign policies and the proxy wars. president obama met with russian's president putin, head of the g-20 this week and after some consideration he decided ah, i am not going to do that, so instead our, we decided to give diplomacy a bit of a try. >> since 1989 the united states and russia have been allies but recently the nations have struggled with one crisis nestled inside ott crisis inside another. to see how to keep these two nations from another cold war i sat down who heads the kremlin approved policy group. let's start with an easy issue. edward snowden. >> you don't want him and we do want him. why can't we figure this (bleep) out like right now? >> this was your fault. why the hell you canceled his passport in mo

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart.eers & applause] >> jon: hey, everybody! welcome to "the daily show." i'm jon stewart. guests tonight, atoms for peace. [cheers & applause] as you know, that is a band and also the slogan of the iranian nuclear program. thom yorke from radiohead, flea from the chili peppers. very talented group. we've wasted too much time. we have to get to the senate florida. texas senator ted cruz has been speaking with authority. >> i rise today in an effort to speak for 26 million texans. and for 300 million americans. as americans, we value liberty and opportunity above all else. what the american people are interested in is what we've all been interested in. >> jon: stuff-crusted pizza. no, wait! tacos made from doritos. no. frappe. >> what we've always been interested in, which is freedom. >> jon: didn't see that coming. does freedom have cheese stuffed in its crust? [laughter] clearly senator cruz believes our freedom is under assault. senator cruz, would you care to offer a historical preceden

central from comedy central world view's headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewartstewart, and boy did we put on a program for you, our guest, mr. david crosby. i'm very excited. we begin tonight, of course, president obama's address on syria. i'm kidding around. that's not the big story. the big news last night was not syria, but there was new york's mayoral primary, bill de blasio won the night with his incredibly awesome family. >> they're blowing kisses through the crowd. a very photogenic family. >> jon: i rarely say this about the media, but you're underselling it. photogenic doesn't go anywhere near what these folks are. check this out. >> ladies and gentlemen, and now the smackdown. >> reporter: the entire family, including son dante and daughter kiara did a weird gymnastic move that brought huge cheers from the crowd. [applause]

my name is jon stewart. oh, we got a good one. we got a good one.e got a good one for you tonight. our guest tonight, my man crush... [laughter] mr. hugh jackman will be joining us. let's begin tonight, though, we're going to go from excitement to not as much. let's begin tonight with our sadly recurring segment, depressing familiar post-tragedy analysis. so, the guy who killed all those people monday with a shotgun he legally purchased two days before that, warning signs? >> alexis' families has told investigators he suffered from mental illness for a decade. >> jon: a decade of mental illness. that's peculiar. wouldn't there be a paper trail for ten years of psychiatric issues. >> he sought and received treatment through the department of veterans' affairs. >> >> jon: oh. [laughter] so the v.a. lots of paper, not a lot of trail. well, at least the shooter had no legal issues that might preclude him from gun ownership. >> twice he was arrested in minor shooting incidents, in salt until 2004 and in texas in 2010. >> jon: you know, if i wanted to pic

. >>> also jon stewart not take ing it easy on his college roommate. we want to get you up to speed on syria. president obama and secretary of state john kerry will spend today making the case for action to the world's leaders. secretary kerry heads to lithuania and paris and london while obama wraps up the g-20. president obama and putin, their relationship has been chilly as of late. that's at best. they were cordial enough at the outset, but an early session meant to be all about the global economy reportedly was overshadowed by pressure from russia, china and a letter from the pope to avoid strikes against syria. >> i also look forward to having an extensive conversation about the situation in syria. and i think our joint recognition that the use of chemical weapons in syria is not only a tragedy, but also a violation of international law that must be addressed. >> last night at a working dinner that stretched for more than four hours, it didn't break up until about 2:00 a.m., president obama reportedly expressed confidence in reports syria used ch

jon stewart is back.is summer is off and now he's just catching up on some of the beg stories he missed like anthony weiner. or should we call him carlos danger. wait until you see how jon puts him on the skewer. what ya looking for? well, you've found delicious! ♪ ♪ must be the honey! ♪ it is so honey swagalish ♪ so much crunch, can you handle this? ♪ ♪ the party in the bowl don't stop! ♪ ♪ must be the honey! with new roc® multi correxion® 5 in 1 proven to hydrate dryness, illuminate dullness lift sagging diminish the look of dark spots and smooth the appearance of wrinkles high performance skincare™ only from roc® the house caught fire and we were out on the streets. [ whispering ] shhh. it's only a dream. and we have home insurance. but if we made a claim, our rate would go up... [ whispering ] shhh. you did it right. you have allstate claim rate guard so your rates won't go up just because of a claim. [ whispering ] are we still in a dream? no, you're in an allstate commercial. so get allstate home in

central from comedy central world view's headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewartpplause] [cheering] >> jon: hello, everybody. i'm jon stewart, and boy did we put on a program for you, our guest, mr. david crosby. i'm very excited. we begin tonight, of course, president obama's address on syria. i'm kidding around. that's not the big story. the big news last night was not syria, but there was new york's mayoral primary, bill de blasio won the night with his incredibly awesome family. >> they're blowing kisses through the crowd. a very photogenic family. >> jon: i rarely say this about the media, but you're underselling it. photogenic doesn't go anywhere near what these folks are. check this out. >> ladies and gentlemen, and now the smackdown. >> reporter: the entire family, including son dante and daughter kiara did a weird gymnastic move that brought huge cheers from the crowd. [applause] [laughter] >> jon: adopt me. yes, somehow after 12 years of captain soda narc, i think new york city might be ready for a charismatic biracial family with their own synchronized

my name is jon stewart. coming upton today's show -- coming up on today's show richard talkins will be joining us. -- dawkins will be joining us. i have one regret about the emmys. i have one regret about the emmys on sunday night and that is that i was unable to attend and share in the joy for my friend stephen colbert and those at the court "the colbert reporo won a long served well overdue emmy. i have been in awe of that show from episode one. i believe stephen and everyone there has created something that has never before been seen on television and things happen on that show that could only happen on that show and they are remarkable. to my staff and crew, here is the best thing about my staff and crew it's not about -- win or lose, it doesn't matter. you know i saw newhart on stage, if anybody should have a house made out of emmys it's bob newhart. he was getting his first at age 135. [ laughter ] so everyone here, never forgets how fortunate they are to have had the kind of run that we've had, to hav

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. this is jon stewart for news 12. my guest tonight is robert riche. let's turn overseas. a week ago just one week-- seven-- seven days it seemed the only way that these united states might avoid war with syria was through our usual semantic shenanigans. we would bomb them but we would call it a freedom play date. you know what i'm talking about. but over the weekend the wings of war shifted dramatically. >> secretary of state john kerry and russia top diplomats could end syria weapons program. they sealed a deal in geneva one that could leave syria with no chemical weapons by the end of next year. >> we-- i condition believe it! we pulled it-- we managed not to have a war withson somebody? i done-- you don't get a war. and you don't get a war! you don't get a war! everybody doesn't get a war! you don't get a war. wait, you seem up set about not getting a war. >> -- i'll get one. i'll get a war-- (laughter) so we get to take assa

9th, 2013, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart, good show, my guest sheri fink the author of five days at memorial, five da

that's it for from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we've got a program for you tonight that we worked on almost all day. our guest tonight chelsea clinton, the daughter, of course, the same musician george clinton-- wine me

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. this is jon stewart for news 12. my guest tonight is robert riche. let's turn overseas. a week ago just one week-- seven-- seven days it seemed the only way that these united states might avoid war with syria was through our usual semantic shenanigans. we would bomb them but we would call it a freed

jon stewart making his return. he's been on a little hiatus.recting a film "rosewater. "did not know this. incredibly interesting. the true story of an iran-born journalist detained by iranian officials held as suspected spy in solitary confinement for three months. very special connection to stewart, apparently some of the proof they used against this journalist was very obvious and playful video that jon used on his show of that journalist dressed as a spy. and they used that over in iran against him. this holds a very deep connection to jon stewart. that's why he went over there to do it. look out for "rosewater." come back today. >> "fifty shade of grey" -- did you read the book? >> no. >> dakota johnson, anastasia steel, and christian grey. will be by charlie -- >> the daughter of melanie griffith, don johnson, naked for speed, 21 jump street, and the british hunan, jack taylor on fx, sons of anarchy, and by the way there is, i didn't realize this, there is three in the series, a trilogy. i guess the guys are going to go to the bank if the

my name is jon stewart. a great one tonight. andrew harper, the head of the u.n.gency refugee camp on the syrian border in jordan. >> whee! >> i missed you so much! >> you don't know what it is like out there. living all by myself. nobody to applaud every stupid little (bleep) you do! [ cheers and applause ] >> i have to tell you, i am so excited to be back. i learned an awful lot this summer. one, i learned i have the bard of a 90-year-old prospector. i learned that i am western. because for all that i appreciated and learned about the culture that i was immersed in, boy, i am western. in all its glorious decadent imper tech shunls, i recall driving back to new york city thinking, hello dildo shop near a school. i learned something i already knew which is i truly have the finest staff and crew in all of television and i want to thank them. they have been incredible. [ cheers and applause ] >> i will say this. here is something else i knew. i knew john oliver was incredibly talented and do great. what i didn't know is that john oliver has dimples you can lose your

applause) >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewartcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. a good one for you tonight, my guest michael c. hall, handsome and scary at the same time. that's not easy to pull off. the mayorral race, our new segment indecision 2013. (laughter) the question on everyone's mind who will fill mayor michael bloomberg's shoes, tiny, tiny shoes. (laughter) he's very small. you i have a pair of his shoes right here. i took them from his arm other, i have his az rmoire as well. there we are, there are his little shoes. i'm michael bloomberg. i'm going to work. (cheers and applause) >> jon: actually, very interesting. he puts these on every morning and commutes to work on the subway. rat, he rides a rat because he's tiny. it's funny story, we're actually-- (laughter) but i'm actually obviously i can't take the subway i'm too famous. i fly a pigeon to work. (laughter) but mr. bloomberg's third term ends this year. so he is done unless he manages to pull a putin which-- no, not that, not riding around with his

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. a good one for you tonight, my guest michael c. hall, handsome and scary at the same time. that's not easy to pull off. the mayorral race, our new segment indecision 2013. (laughter) the question on everyone's mind who will fill mayor michael bloomberg's shoes, tiny, tiny shoes. (laughter) he's very small. you i have a pair of his shoes right here. i took them from his arm other, i have his az rmoire as well. there we are, there are his little shoes. i'm michael bloomberg. i'm going to work. (cheers and applause) >> jon: actually, very interesting. he puts these on every morning and commutes to work on the subway. rat, he rides a rat because he's tiny. it's funny story, we're actually-- (laughter) but i'm actually obviously i can't take the subway i'm too famous. i fly a pigeon to work. (laughter) but mr. bloomberg's third term ends this year. so he is done unless he

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart.cheers & applause] >> jon: hey, everybody! welcome to "the daily show." i'm jon stewart. guests tonight, atoms for peace. [cheers & applause] as you know, that is a band and also the slogan of the iranian nuclear program. thom yorke from radiohead, flea from the chili peppers. very talented group. we've wasted too much time. we have to get to the senate florida. texas senator ted cruz has been speaking with authority. >> i rise today in an effort to speak for 26 million texans. and for 300 million americans. as americans, we value liberty and opportunity above all else. what the american people are interested in is what we've all been interested in. >> jon: stuff-crusted pizza. no, wait! tacos made from doritos. no. frappe. >> what we've always been interested in, which is freedom. >> jon: didn't see that coming. does freedom have cheese stuffed in its crust? [laughter] clearly senator cruz believes our freedom is under assault. senator cruz, would you care to offer a historical preced

that's it for from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we've got a program for you tonight that we worked on almost all day. our guest tonight chelsea clinton, the daughter, of course, the same musician george clinton-- wine me up. (laughter) let's begin tonight on the subject of the american spirit. we are a can-do people. with pioneering spirit, individually. well, at least our great, great grandparents were. but they didn't have to contend with all the distractions we do like tv or masturbation. did you know steve jobs invented that in 1981? (laughter) called it-- (laughter) all right, here we go. i believe he called it the backintosh. (cheers and applause) anyhow, what i'm trying to say is americans like freedom. we don't like being told what to do, whether by a king or the government. that's why things like seat belt laws or having to get rid of slaves was met with so much resistance. and guess what, now they're coming for your health care. obamacare wi

9th, 2013, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart, good show, my guest sheri fink the author of five days at memorial, five days post katrina at a hospital-- very disturbing. of course our top story the ongoing debate on what to do about syria. that is actually the logo for syria. (laughter) michael cera. pretty sure that's the duck from wonder pets this is sewious ♪ ♪. >> i am aware of ming ming's catch-phrase. thank you. obviously this is a difficult and complicated topic and reasonable people can reach different conclusion for completely defensible reasons, or you can watch cable television where unreasonable people reach different conclusion for insane reasons. here is a terrible argument against war. >> listen this video senator mccain of a syrian, looks like a fighter jet being shot out of the sky. listen to what they say afterwards. allah akbar, allah akbar! >> i have a problem helping those people out screaming that after a hit. >> you have a rob

[cheers and applause] >> this is the daily show with jon stewart captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: ladies and gentlemen, my name is jon stewart, big show, robin williams going to be joining us, but first we meet on the cusp of a sea change in u.s. iranian relation. >> iran's new president hasan rouhani touched down in new york. >> rouhani was elected in june as a moderate candidate who advocated improving relations with the international community. >> jon: rouhani is a moderate as well as an accomplished mannedi patinkin impersonator. down in the days of ahmadinejad and the hunt for stereotype of the crazy america-hating anti-semitic wearing jacket wearing president. but how different can this rouhani guy be. >> though iran usually blocks iranians from twitter, now rouhani is tweeting. >> the surprising and unprecedented outreach that began with another tweet two weeks ago wishing the world's jews a happy rosh hashanah holiday. (laughter) >> jon: did not see that coming. well that is different, finally iran has reached the same level of tolerance as your local ford dealersh