so shame on you, jon stewart. america cannot afford a rally to restore sanity in the middle of a recession. did you even consider how many panic related jobs that might cost most of us in the fear industrial complex. jim? >> people across the country are afraid. >> terrified of running scared. >> afraid of the future. >> petrified. freaked out. >> scared silly. >> fryingened. >> a frightening reality. >> socialist. >> racist. >> toxic. >> anchor baby. >> flu season. >> death panel. >> stephen: why do you think so many new shows are sponsored by depends? tonight, ladies and gentlemen, to fight jon stewart's creeping reasonableness, to restore truthiness, i am announcing my rally. nation, are you ready? [cheers and applause] good. because i am announcing it big! laughter jimmy, go. my fellow americans, two score and four days from now on october 30, 2010, i am calling for the nation to join me on the washington mall for the march to keep fear alive. [cheers and applause] remember, government of the people, by the pe

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the dilley show, my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, a man-- man, are we lucky, a true-- a lot of times you say a ledge enary performer. this guy ask the legend of legends, norman lear is going to be joining us. (cheers and applause) >> jon: boom, all in the family, jeffersons. but first, from time to time in the program i like to check in with congress. and when i tell you obviously like to check in, i mean force ourselves. while gagging. congress's approval rating recently has surged from a pathetic 10% all the way up to-- yeah, 11%. (laughter) puts them right below explosive cruise ship diarrhea and right above time warner cable. (laughter) so 9% approval, they must have gotten better. but 11% is still a long way from a passing grade. to reach that congress has to introduce legislation that is so popular, so nonpart son, so totally unobservationable that the whole country could unite what are the odds. >> i rise to urge passage of hr

evidently for jon stewart they don't really matter. >> jon: i used one fact-- that was one fact. you're being glib and smug and ignoring all the fact its right now! but see that's what is so tough about working in media counterrohrism. (laughter) the daily show-- daily show has to be right 100% of the time. spoke only has to be right oncement but still, this is my fault. i did it to me. i did it to me. all the stuff coming at me, i just got to accept it, bring it on. >> you want to fine-tune community relations with officers, fine. but now it's everybody feasting on you guys. just so you know, to put these stats in case jon stewart wants to include this tonight, 85 nypd officers were killed after 9/11. >> jon: [bleep] you. seriously. (cheers and applause) >> jon: [bleep] you. that is so far out of line that even within the confines of this bit, ostensibly accepting blame for everything that is coming my way for the factual error, i really do regret, [bleep] you. ears, eyes, nose and throat. in fact, if i haven't told you to [bleep] off i would have had to apologize on tomorrow's

when did jon stewart become the play guy? ( laughter ) what does jon stewart think of "oklahoma?" >> jon: you know what's sad? my kids see that on the top of the cab, and they go, "oh, can we go see that?" and i'm like, no. "you said it was great." "no." >> i lie gld i lied. it's no good pup can't go. you can't go. what is it for you? what is the experience like for you? you know, as a stand-up you're always in front of the audience. >> yes. >> jon: so you ?efer actually experience your own work. >> i've never been to a chris rock show. >> jon: exactly! >> i hear they're pretty good. ( laughter ). >> jon: can i tell you something? they're great. >> thank you. >> jon: a little overpriced, but great. ( laughter ) but as a director, so you get to experience with the audience your work. what does that feel like is there is it subversive? is it weird. what does it feel like? >> it's subversive. it's weird. you know the thing. it's like you're a comedian. you come up with a joke in the afternoon. you tell the joke at 8:30, 9:00 at night, and you get it, immediate. and when you're doing a

in new york, it is "the daily show" with jon stewart! (cheers and applause) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. i'm jon stewart. my guests tonight, kathryn bigelow and juan zarate to talk about the illegal ivory trade. but we begin tonight with big news out of washington. >> the world is bracing for the release of the senate c.i.a. torture report. this is going to be a very big deal. >> jon: it's a big deal! that's why they made it a christmas release! this report is the "frozen" of c.i.a. clan destined didacted torture reports! ♪ let me go ♪ let me go nobody's electrocuting olaf for information because he would melt.

jon stewart. se] >> stephen: jon, good to see you again. [crowd chanting. [ is that how you introduce the guests. >> stephen: every night. i say it over there and i run over here. [laughter] yes. >> i just don't know how sustainable something like that is. >> stephen: 12 more shows. [laughter] savor me. welcome to my parlor said the spider to the fly. >> are you trying to nail me. you're not going to nail me my friend. >> i used to be inside the belly of the beast. i used to work for you forgot. i remember thing you said behind closed doors and behind i can reveal that for 15 years, i used to be over there with your writers and their opium bangs. how many writes do you have. >> i'm going to say this, behind closed doors i only quote rabbiniccal text. >> stephen: there are scribes writing down everything you say. >> that's right. >> and you say let it be written. >> thank you. i open every meeting and i'veéj. on the one hand. [laughter] but on the other hand, i don't know. you know that's how i've a

when did jon stewart become the play guy? ( laughter ) what does jon stewart think of "oklahoma?" ow what's sad? my kids see that on the top of the cab, and they go, "oh, can we go see that?" and i'm like, no. "you said it was great." "no." >> i lie gld i lied. it's no good pup can't go. you can't go. what is it for you? what is the experience like for you? you know, as a stand-up you're always in front of the audience. >> yes. >> jon: so you ?efer actually experience your own work. >> i've never been to a chris rock show. >> jon: exactly! >> i hear they're pretty good. ( laughter ). >> jon: can i tell you something? they're great. >> thank you. >> jon: a little overpriced, but great. ( laughter ) but as a director, so you get to experience with the audience your work. what does that feel like is there is it subversive? is it weird. what does it feel like? >> it's subversive. it's weird. you know the thing. it's like you're a comedian. you come up with a joke in the afternoon. you tell the joke at 8:30, 9:00 at night, and you get it, immediate. and when you're doing a movie, you co

welcome to "the daily show" i'm jon stewart. our guest tonight sir paul mccartney is joining us later to talk. [cheers and applause] >> jon: first ladies and gentlemen, we know the esteemed members of our united states congress [beep] hate each other. [laughing] >> jon: in fact the only thing lower than congress' approval rating among the public is how they feel about each other now as the new year fast approaches they must enact a variety of items including the one trillion dollar budget. to keep them basting in their own hateful juices -frp. >> we have important stuff to do. we could complete everything if we wanted today. i want to go home. i bought a new home, there i would like to be able to see the home. i haven't slept in it. we bought it in may. i have not been there. [laughing] >> jon: haven't been home in such a long time. you just had a break over thanksgiving. you're not washington addressing the troops, we're headed back to mount vernon. oh, mr. president. [laughing] >> jon: it's a good home. split level, colonial. i

and later, jon stewart says he's story for a major mistake, but milks it for comedy. and ah, so you can see like right here i can just... you know, check my policy here, add a car, ah speak to customer service, check on a claim...you know, all with the ah, tap of my geico app. oh, that's so cool. well, i would disagree with you but, ah, that would make me a liar. no dude, you're on the jumbotron! whoa. ah...yeah, pretty much walked into that one. geico anywhere anytime. just a tap away on the geico app. to the dealership because it's the largest purchase in they're gonna make in their lifetime next to their house. so they have to figure, can i afford this? truecar gets to the heart of the matter. within 60 seconds you're gonna find out what the average customer is paying for that car. truecar helps you enjoy the car buying process because you're spending less time negotiating price. you're gonna find yourself focusing on what's the right car for you and have a lot of fun with that. experience a whole new way to buy a car, with truecar. . . . . . >>> live from america'

this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to the daily show i'm jon stewart. by popular demand our guest tonight sophie delaunay from doctors without boarders, she is here tonight to look at this thing on my ankle. a lovely courageous individual as they all are. i want to first talk to you about professional futbol. the american plan. it has seen controversy from a gay player that couldn't kick hard enough is to a straight player that could and shouldn't of hit at all, really. to a team on paper before the season should of been in the hupt. do we have an offensive line, not have an offensive line? are the prediction schemes hilarious and under escalated. the point is this [beep] odel beckham jr., man. okay. not a futbol crowd. more of a journalism crowd. >> journalism. on: i give the worst career advice in the history. you know what you should do. should you drop out of school and hang out around the improve theater. that's what you should do. that's what you should d

. >>> straight ahead, jon stewart be rates himself for getting the facts wrong. and stephen colbert goes easy on president obama. what happened to the search for truth in our video individual comedy edition is up next. test >>> time now for our video verdict. jon stewart made a serious mistake in a segment on police shootings yesterday referring to the case in san bernardino, california with the police shootings of unarmed black men. >> he was so wrong about those facts. they did not shoot him, they tasered him after he had committed a burglary and he was attempting to assault a deputy sheriff. >> district attorney ramos is right, we were wrong. so i'm sorry about that. we shouldn't have done that. dah! i [ bleep ] hate making unforced errors like this. i get so mad at myself. stupid, stupid, stupid. >> jon stewart uses his show to slam the cops. >> and i deserve that! >> he did deserve that, and good for him for putting the apology front and center. yes, he turned it into comedy schtick, and he later lashed out at another fox commentator, but i know how he feels

. >> but jon stewart apologizes if a big mistake about a deadly police confrontation. >> i was sloppy. i did this to me. it can become an opportunity to necessity gate the -- to negate the conversation. >> stephen colbert goes easy on president obama. what:su happened to being truth? this is "media buzz" and i am howard kurtz. >> when it comes to the debate over torture it depens where the shine the spotlight. the dominant news in the senate report on c.i.a. interrogation was in the details. >> this was a program. despicable program. a program you read about you are sickened to hear about this and the sexual humiliation of the people. >> stripped naked and diapered one changed to a wall street for 17 days in standing position and another threatened by a drill one left to die in a cell from hypo thermia. >> as former c.i.a. director made the round he got questions. >> what if you or members of your family had to undergo some of these treatments we are reading ay(v] in this report. >> look, we are people month like you and all your viewers. we have a soul and conscience. we knew as bad

people like you here at al jazeera - there's jon stewart, steven colbert, rachel madaw. people that spend their lives picking about politics and that is not my first love. >> you joined the cast of "brooklyn 99", can you talk about your character. >> it's starting, i play chelsea's mother, the other policeman she's have been an affair with and his father and i start hooking up. the two of them are horrified at the two of us getting together. again, you know, it's sort of - you know, she's a little cookie, out there, which is fun for me. i like playing characters that are not always - who i am, sophisticated, tongue in cheek, but a little more grounded and reality, like a reality of the world we are living in, you know, and play a little more of a loose canon. >> thank you for entertaining all of us for a long time. we hope you do it for many, many years. >> i foresee doing it for as long as i can get up and kick it out. >> great to meet you, thank you. appreciate it. >> as you can see it's been a year in the world of hart. i'm john seigenthaler -- world of art. i'm john

>> jon: yeah, five. >> are you ( bleep ) me, stewart. >> jon: five. >> five jellybeans is correct! >> jon: oh, my god. >> you win yourself a torture report! ( laughter ) don't eat them all at once. it will make you puke. >> jon: thank you very much, jordan. i appreciate it. well, by now, we've all had an opportunity to digest, in all its prutrid glory the shocking acts carried out by our government after 9/11 in the name of keeping us safe from forced rectal hydration to a half naked prisoner dying of hypothermia, chained to a floor. on the other hand, isn't 24 hours long enough for us to feel bad about ourselves as a country? ( laughter ) there's got to be myriad ways we can minimize this. to the push-back mobile. >> george tenet was thed had of the c.i.a. he maintains it wasn't torture. >> dick cheney is slamming the release of this report and the references to, he says, so-called torture. >> general, do you, that what took place is torture? >> no, legally not. >> jon: look, i understand the release of this report puts these gentlemen in a stressful and painful position, in that

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ). captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey! welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good one tonight. my guest, suki kim. she is the author of "without you, there is no us." it's a book about her time teaching in north korea. what! yes! first, i'll tell you, it's an exciting night. it's snowing out here, and you got the whole thing. i'm so excited. hold on. let me just get all the pens. okay... yeah. it's a whole wonderland down there. layoff laug( laughter ) of 29-cent pens. the exciting thing tonight is we have a choice of stories we're looking at for you. we have the royal couple with a whirlwind tour of new york city. hip-hip, cherio. or the aftermath of the senate intelligence committees torture report. ( laughter ) what choice do we make on this holiday season hump day? you know what? why don't i just flip a coin, flip a coin. heads, we do the super-fun royal visit. tails, a swan dive into the grim morass of sa say satan's

. >> from comedy central's world view's headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart! (cheers and applause) ♪ >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm jon stewart! my guest tonight is angelina jolie, director of the film "unbroken". but first, i want to apologize for yesterday. i began the show somewhat overwrought because no one involved in the death of eric garner was never invited. i was wrong. >> the person who did the videography of this, that person was indicted by a grand jury in staten island over gun charges. >> well, at least they indicted the shooter... of the video... let that be a lesson to you kids out there. photographing crime does not pay. but what's so hard to understand about this is that for months we've been going back and forth about what really happened with darren wilson and michael brown in ferguson, missouri. did brown have his hands up? did he not have his hands up? was wilson afraid for his life when he killed brown? reasonable people -- as well as plenty of (bleep) ones -- okay, their pictures didn't come up. (laughter) -- could reach diff

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers an captioning sponsored by comedy central d applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. boom! top tea guest, andrew napolitano, suicide pact. it's really funnier than it sounds. but first, while we were all home last week, ridding the nation of its turkey scourge-- (laughter) they know what they do. the grand jury verdict in missouri was deciding that ferguson police officer now former ferguson police officer darren wilson did nothing indictful whbl he shot unarmed but large michael brown. the angry reaction to this decision was swift and sustained. the protests breaking out throughout the country. those who took the streets it thought they were speaking out against systemic injustice, but they could not have been more wrong. >> this is not a civil rights issue. >> it's not a black white situation. >> it's a thug-police officer situation. >> people forget, he had committed a robbery. >> michael brown was the bad guy in this case. and please, america,

. >> stephen: jon stewart! (cheers and applause) >> jay leno! (laughter) jay leno! >> hello? hey, jay, how's it going? yeah, yeah, i understand. it is a long way. no, i understand, it was short notice. okay-- bye. jay's not going to make it. >> stephen: let's get him any way way. >> jon: are we fighting fallon? z yeah. >> stephen: . >> jon: because i thought we were fighting diabetes. i thought that is why you called me. i thought you were fighting diabetes. >> stephen: you fight diabetes with a bat. >> stephen: i'm not a doctor. (laughter) just going to poke some diabetics, that's all. >> stephen: you know what, i don't even know what i am doing in a-- fight between you ice cream barrons. both with your own delicious flavors named after your own-- you know what? i'm just going home-- no, i'm just going to go home and eat my own flavored ice cream, the daley sherbert with jon. >> stephen: with the. >> the daley sherbert. >> stephen: with who? >> with jon stewberry. (laughter) by the way, they both sound delicious. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: well, sounds like a good fla

this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. our guest tonight sophie delaunay from doctors without boarders, she is here tonight to look at this thing on my ankle. a lovely courageous individual as they all are. i want to first talk to you about professional futbol. the ame

3rd, 2014 from comedy central world news headquarters in new york this is the "daily show" with jon stewartonsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the "daily show i'm jon stewart. my show is a fine one. my guest to the is dave goal. hgrohl.first the past couple ofs we have dealt with a grand jury decision in month movement failing to indict the officer for the shooting of brown. we did our best. even at the expense of rams and the st. louis police sa association, twitter war. i know doing those bits help no one other then us at the show as a outlet, a ka tha a way to dige process. that process brought to you by arby's. arby's, you think pain and grief had hard to digest. [laughing]

access.wgbh.org >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewartwelcome to the dilley show, my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, a man-- man, are we lucky, a true-- a lot of times you say a ledge enary performer. this guy ask the legend of legends, norman lear is going to be joining us. (cheers and applause) >> jon: boom, all in the family, jeffersons. but first, from time to time in the program i like to

jon stewart's secret message to angelina jolie. that's up next. >>> happy friday morning. welcome back to "early today." i'm meteorologist domenica davis. yes, we're still talking about rain that will be in friday's forecast, san francisco all the way up to seattle. that's where we're going to see moderate to heavy rain showers. the rain does ease up by saturday. it is looking a bit better. we'll see early morning showers before that clears in the afternoon. it is dry on saturday in los angeles and vegas. that's a look at your friday forecast. back to you, dara. >> thanks, domenica. >>> time for entertainment news. when he said he'll be back, well, he meant it. the first trailer for terminator genesis has been released. in it we see arnold schwarzenegger reprise his classic role in the film. it hits theaters in july of next year. >>> it looks like sherlock star benedict cumberbatch is going to the big screen. he'll take on the role of dr. strange, the newest superhero in the marvel universe. it is expected to hit theaters in 2016. >>> mark wahlberg is asking for a pardon f

from comedy central's worldview's headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart! (cheers and applause) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: weekum to "the daily show"! i'm jon stewart. my guest tonight, tim burton for his new movie, "big eyes". but first, this weekend we saw people all over the country come together to protest the unnecessary use of extreme force by our justice system. to state unequivocally even the most depraved violence is justified in the face of fear. no, where's my excusing -- there we go! yes, the directors of the c.i.a. turned informer approached the bench and argued the pro case rebutting the senate black site torture prison report. first, michael hayden. >> three out of the last four attorneys general have defined this as not being torture. so let's get the legal definition off the table. >> jon: three out of four! you're not even making it to sugarless gum approval percentages! (laughter) >> i did the math on the fractions there. coincidentally, those all happened to be president george w. bush's a.g.'s. so if you want an e

access.wgbh.org from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewarty central nd applause ) >> jon: hey! welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. it's a really special night tonight, a really special night. the great chris rock is going to be joining us. ( cheers and applause ). before we get to that, as you know, as we've discussed on this program on numerous occasions, america, america

my name is jon stewart.night, wrestling star and all-around greatest guy in the world, mick foley with his movie, "i am santa". (cheers and applause) we'll be excited to talk to mick again. but

my name is jon stewart.y guest tonight, wrestling star and all-around greatest guy in the world, mick foley with his movie, "i am santa". (cheers and applause) we'll be excited to talk to mick again. but first! ahhh! for the past 48 hours, america has been forced to ask itself some very difficult questions about the way we force other people to answer some difficult questions. (laughter) >> jon: for a country that prized itself on its moral identity, it has been a time of great introspection, one that i am happy to announce ends now, mother (bleep)! (laughter) because you know why? the royal family was in town, and i finally understand why england clings to the antiquated, irrelevant and more primitive time... because they are pretty, they are shiny, and they are more fun to look at than the shame that lives inside of us all! (laughter) join he, won't you? as we embark on a wonderous journey we call... will and cate's fourth rectal-free feeding american adventure! (laughter) just look at the excitement they

i'm jon stewart.y guests tonight, kathryn bigelow and juan zarate to talk about the illegal ivory trade. but we begin tonight with big news out of washington. >> the world is bracing for the release of the senate c.i.a. torture report. this is going to be a very big deal. >> jon: it's a big deal! that's why they made it a christmas release! this report is the "frozen" of c.i.a. clan destined didacted torture reports! ♪ let me go ♪ let me go nobody's electrocuting olaf for information because he would melt. why to we need to see the torture report anyway? we got to the bottom of this h years ago! >> this government does not torture people. >> jon: pow! if that famed patter of feet says we don't torture, who are we do disagree? when he says, this government does not torture people, what do you think of my feet? (laughter) let's let dianne feinstein try to make a meal out of a morsel. >> c.i.a. detainees kept in darkness, constantly shackled in isolated cells with loud noise or music and only a bucket to

i'm jon stewart.night with big news out of washington. >> the world is bracing for the release of the senate c.i.a. torture report. this is going to be a very big deal. >> jon: it's a big deal!

3rd, 2014 from comedy central world news headquarters in new york this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the "daily show i'm jon stewart. my show is a fine one. my guest to the is dave goal. hgrohl.first the past couple ofs we have dealt with a grand jury decision in month movement failing to indict the officer for the shooting of brown. we did our best. even at the expense of rams and the st. louis police sa association, twitter war. i know doing those bits help no one other then us at the show as a outlet, a ka tha a way to dige process. that process brought to you by arby's. arby's, you think pain and grief had hard to digest. [laughing] >> jon: but anyways. at least that process has begun. we were glad to be able to move forward ever so slowly hoping that we might as a country have a respite of these injustices. we did have a respite for maybe [beep] what time is it? >> no indictment in the death *f eric gardner. a grand jury in new york city has decided not to charge the white police officer in the deat