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May 22, 2024
05/24
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jordan klepper's special is "moscow tools." we're going to fit in a break.ould be more lyrics. >>> we turn to an important story about the women's right backlash and what that could mean in november. that's important. stay with us. - so this is pickleball? - pickle! ah, these guys are intense. with e*trade from morgan stanley, we're ready for whatever gets served up. dude, you gotta work on your trash talk. i'd rather work on saving for retirement. or college, since you like to get schooled. that's a pretty good burn, right? ava: i was just feeling sick. and it was the worst day. mom was crying. i was sad. colton: i was diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma. brett: once we got the first initial hit, it was just straight tears, sickness in your stomach, just don't want to get up out of bed. joe: there's always that saying, well, you've got to look on the bright side of things. tell me what the bright side of childhood cancer is. lakesha: it's a long road. it's hard. but saint jude has gotten us through it. narrator: saint jude children's research hospital works day
jordan klepper's special is "moscow tools." we're going to fit in a break.ould be more lyrics. >>> we turn to an important story about the women's right backlash and what that could mean in november. that's important. stay with us. - so this is pickleball? - pickle! ah, these guys are intense. with e*trade from morgan stanley, we're ready for whatever gets served up. dude, you gotta work on your trash talk. i'd rather work on saving for retirement. or college, since you like...
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May 16, 2024
05/24
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>> and i'm jordan klepper!at's right -- i mean, that's wrong! >> no, you're wrong! let's get right to the biggest story of the night: caitlin clark made her pro debut, and learned everything gets a little less fun after college. >> welcome to the wnba, caitlin clark. the ncaa's all-time division-one scoring leader made her professional debut on the road with the indiana fever last night. she got off to a slow start, though, missing her first four shots before scoring on a lay-up midway through the second quarter. clark finished with 20 points in the fever's 92-71 loss to the connecticut sun. she also committed 10 turnovers. >> sorry, feminists! 10 turnovers and her team lost by 20 points? in her first game? i've seen enough, man. i think caitlin clark is the worst basketball player in history. she's tall, white, and didn't show up when it mattered. she's the jordan klepper of the wnba. >> whoa, ronny, ronny, ronny, i'm going to hit you with my car and leave the scene. let's look at the stats, ronny. she scored
>> and i'm jordan klepper!at's right -- i mean, that's wrong! >> no, you're wrong! let's get right to the biggest story of the night: caitlin clark made her pro debut, and learned everything gets a little less fun after college. >> welcome to the wnba, caitlin clark. the ncaa's all-time division-one scoring leader made her professional debut on the road with the indiana fever last night. she got off to a slow start, though, missing her first four shots before scoring on a...
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May 19, 2024
05/24
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jordan klepper , so looking forward to watching this.orrow night on comedy central at 11:30 p.m. eastern and unparalleled plus the following day. we will see you tomorrow night at 8:00 p.m. eastern with a big show stay where you are because there is much more news coming up on msnbc. nbc. just l a day blocks heartburn for a full 24 hours. for one and done heartburn relief, prilosec otc. one pill a day, 24 hours, zero heartburn. do you want to close out? should i? normally i'd hold. but... taking the gains is smart here, right? feel more confident with stock ratings from j.p. morgan analysts in the chase app. when you've got a decision to make... the answer is j.p. morgan wealth management. ♪ limu emu... ♪ and doug. (bell ringing) limu, someone needs to customize and save hundreds on car insurance with liberty mutual. let's fly! (inaudible sounds) chief! doug. (inaudible sounds) ooooo ah. (elevator doors opening) (inaudible sounds) i thought you were right behind me. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, ♪ ♪ liberty. ♪
jordan klepper , so looking forward to watching this.orrow night on comedy central at 11:30 p.m. eastern and unparalleled plus the following day. we will see you tomorrow night at 8:00 p.m. eastern with a big show stay where you are because there is much more news coming up on msnbc. nbc. just l a day blocks heartburn for a full 24 hours. for one and done heartburn relief, prilosec otc. one pill a day, 24 hours, zero heartburn. do you want to close out? should i? normally i'd hold. but......
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May 23, 2024
05/24
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tell everyone that jordan klepper's special is moscow tools. you can check it out. a break. there could be more lyrics by the end of the hour. >>> we turn to an important story about the women's rights backlash and what that could mean going into november. that's important. stay with us. that's important. stay with us. this is clem. like sushi classy- clem's not a morning person. i'm tasting it- or a night person. or a... people person. but he is an “i can solve this in 4 different ways” person. and that person... is impossible to replace. you need clem. clem needs benefits. work with principal so we can help you help clem with a retirement and benefits plan that's right for him. i'm short but i'm... i'm confident. you know? let our expertise round out yours. an alternative to pills, voltaren is a clinically proven arthritis pain relief gel, which penetrates deep to target the source of pain with nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medicine directly at the source. voltaren, the joy of movement. ( ♪♪ ) my name is jaxon, and i have spastic cerebral palsy. it's a mouthful.
tell everyone that jordan klepper's special is moscow tools. you can check it out. a break. there could be more lyrics by the end of the hour. >>> we turn to an important story about the women's rights backlash and what that could mean going into november. that's important. stay with us. that's important. stay with us. this is clem. like sushi classy- clem's not a morning person. i'm tasting it- or a night person. or a... people person. but he is an “i can solve this in 4 different...
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this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. vladimir putin somehow wins re-election, new yorkers are getting paid to snitch, and we find out if donald trump is good at sex. he's not. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with last now the magical night when the world's most fashionable cultural icons try to figure out how the [bleep] they're going to fit their spikey headdress into an uber pool. >> on fashion's biggest night, garden-inspired looks on full display, right in bloom with this year's dress code, the garden of time. >> fans tried to figure out which star was fully covered head to toe in a floor-length beige umbrella. >> now this is singer tyla. so many people talking about this, she had to be carried up the stairs of the met. the dress, which was made of sand, was simply too heavy. >> jordan: okay, okay! a dress made of sand is super impressive. "who are you
this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. vladimir putin somehow wins re-election, new yorkers are getting paid to snitch, and we find out if donald trump is good at sex. he's not. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with last now the magical night when the world's most fashionable...
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this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. lewis black takes on the cybertruck. [cheers and applause] rfk jr. has something he just can't get out of his head. and kristi noem's hopes of becoming vp have been taken out to the gravel pit and shot. plus, matt damon joins us tonight! not a bad show, huh? [cheers and applause] but first, let's catch up on all the latest in the presidential race with another installment of "indecision 2024." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ let's kick things off with the huge trial that threatens to destroy a politician's career. not trump's trial, he'll get off scot-free. no, i'm talking about public opinion v. kristi noem, south dakota governor and big fan of the last two minutes of "old yeller." the mainstream liberal media has been coming at her for days, just because her new memoir has a little story in it about executing a puppy. so now she's turning to her base on conservative me
this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. lewis black takes on the cybertruck. [cheers and applause] rfk jr. has something he just can't get out of his head. and kristi noem's hopes of becoming vp have been taken out to the gravel pit and shot. plus, matt damon joins us tonight! not a bad show, huh? [cheers and applause] but...
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this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. donald trump is looking for a new vice president, kendrick and drake are at war, and bring your dogs in the house at night, because kristi noem is on the loose. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off right here in new york city, where week three of the donald trump hush money trial kicked off with a stern warning for the defendant-in-chief. >> we just got that decision from the judge on whether or not donald trump has in fact violated his gag order again, and the judge has decided that yes, donald trump has now violated it for the tenth time and he said, going forward, if donald trump violates it again, he will consider jail time. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: ooh! whoa! whoa, you've done it now, donald! if you violate that gag order for an eleventh time, the judge is gonna really consider jail time! i mean, he's going to st
this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. donald trump is looking for a new vice president, kendrick and drake are at war, and bring your dogs in the house at night, because kristi noem is on the loose. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off right here in new york city, where week three...
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May 24, 2024
05/24
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but stay tuned: an encore airing of jordan klepper's newest special "moscow tools" is coming up righte able to divide that capability so people can grow. that's what it's about. >> whoa! >> [indistinct audience questions] >> this concludes the press conference. thanks, everybody. [suspenseful music] we're in estonia. they're training to fight the russians. do you have any more camo? no? ok. that's cool. we're just-- are you using all these leaves? yeah, ok, sorry. the crawling helps? the leaves, it looks like you're a moving bush. yeah, yeah, no, i got it. i got it. yeah, yeah. [theme music] [orthodox chanting] jordan (voiceover): america is heading into an election nobody wants, and the world has serious problems that demand serious conversations. however, after years of trump rallies, the only people i know how to talk to about the state of the world are old pals like maga edward. we may already be in the middle of world war iii. it just hasn't gotten real hot yet. we could blame biden, but we all know who's running this country. - who is running this country? - barack obama. this i
but stay tuned: an encore airing of jordan klepper's newest special "moscow tools" is coming up righte able to divide that capability so people can grow. that's what it's about. >> whoa! >> [indistinct audience questions] >> this concludes the press conference. thanks, everybody. [suspenseful music] we're in estonia. they're training to fight the russians. do you have any more camo? no? ok. that's cool. we're just-- are you using all these leaves? yeah, ok, sorry....
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May 21, 2024
05/24
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my special, "jordan klepper fingers the pulse: moscow tools" will be airing right after this.. so enjoy your little "hosting" week. >> okay, well, look, i plan on it. because while you were off jet-setting to the tropical paradise in sunny estonia, some of us -- me -- were pulling all-nighters at the office, preparing for the rest of the week. >> you were pulling all-nighters? >> you think can jon hear me right now? >> maybe? frankly, i don't know how old people's ears work. >> well, then yes. yes. but not to prepare for the show. i stayed up all night mining crypto. it's cheaper if i use the studio's power supply. >> jon: hey, good job, guys! stay tuned for jordan's special coming up next and "the daily show" the rest of the week with michael kosta. here it is, your "moment of zen." >> when i'm in new york, the amount of people that show support is actually huge. they do it like this. it is a thumbs up like hanging out of their jacket so no one else can possibly see. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> sorry. [suspenseful music] we're in estonia. they're training to fight the russia
my special, "jordan klepper fingers the pulse: moscow tools" will be airing right after this.. so enjoy your little "hosting" week. >> okay, well, look, i plan on it. because while you were off jet-setting to the tropical paradise in sunny estonia, some of us -- me -- were pulling all-nighters at the office, preparing for the rest of the week. >> you were pulling all-nighters? >> you think can jon hear me right now? >> maybe? frankly, i don't know how...
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May 24, 2024
05/24
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but stay tuned: an encore airing of jordan klepper's newest special "moscow tools" is coming up rightrow. that's what it's about. >> whoa! >> [indistinct audience questions] >> this concludes the press conference. thanks, everybody. ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ when we started our business we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. i remember setting up shipstation. one or two clicks and everything was up and running. i was printing out labels and saving money. shipstation saves us so much time. it makes it really easy and seamless. pick an order, print everything you need, slap the label onto the box, and it's ready to go. our costs for shipping were cut in half. just like that. shipstation. the #1 choice of on
but stay tuned: an encore airing of jordan klepper's newest special "moscow tools" is coming up rightrow. that's what it's about. >> whoa! >> [indistinct audience questions] >> this concludes the press conference. thanks, everybody. ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people...
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May 31, 2024
05/24
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>> well, i would say at university of delaware, jordan klepper was there, the comedian. he came on stage and everybody had that advanced notice, it was like punches. one and two, three, four. and because there was an advanced notice, everybody kind of leaned forward in the country to find out what was going to happen, and it's devastating. president trump now is in this rare ivory tower of the only president charged with 34 felony counts, as he's going to roll into a debate and roll into the milwaukee convention. and he can frame it any way he wants. it's a terrible embarrassment. there's nobody that gets hit with felonies that feels good with it. i thought for a minute, even though he was mopey out of the court, i thought history will show that he kind of pulled himself together and showed this iota of dignity. today he's breaking the gag order, mocking people, jurors now have to be fearful. so it's, again, the authoritarian tactics of trump to intimidate. this isn't two impeachments. these are peers and 24 persons that said, we can't trust our jury system in this count
>> well, i would say at university of delaware, jordan klepper was there, the comedian. he came on stage and everybody had that advanced notice, it was like punches. one and two, three, four. and because there was an advanced notice, everybody kind of leaned forward in the country to find out what was going to happen, and it's devastating. president trump now is in this rare ivory tower of the only president charged with 34 felony counts, as he's going to roll into a debate and roll into...