write an advice column, and often people will write in to me and say, amy, jury so judge -- you're so judgey. it's kind of like that's why i'm here. >> why'd you write to me? [laughter] so i can tell you that's okay? >> but you touch on this idea that we are, we've almost prohibited the idea of shame. like being ashamed, feeling shame. >> well, one key statistic here is that the rate of single motherhood is back right after world war ii in the very lowest economic stratum of society, at the very, you know, really down where things are kind of chaotic and maybe even faintly criminal. in the lowest strata of society after world war ii, the number of kids born to unwed mothers was the same percentage as it is now among rich people, you know? and, of course, among poor people -- >> wow. >> it's like verging on 100%. and, like, that's us. you know, we did so, we were so unwilling, you know, to make moral judgments -- in many cases rightly -- we were unwilling to tell other people that's wrong. it is wrong to say being gay is wrong or being catholic is wrong or being jewish is wrong or being this,