[laughter ] >> jimmy: juliet pierson, the director of secret service, officially resigned yesterday.udience oohs ] when asked what she'll do next, pierson says, "she just wants to go home and spend some quality time letting strangers into her own house for a a while." [ laughter ] [applause ] >> jimmy: please -- leave me alone. of course, after the director of the secret service stepped down, there was a lot of speculation about who might replace her and we actually have a list of some of the top candidates who would do a a better job of keeping out intruders. [laughter ] than julia pierson. >> steve: really? we got a list? >> jimmy: here they are, first, there's a loosely swinging screen door. [applause ] you got to time it right, you know? >> steve: maybe i shouldn't go in. >> jimmy: next, we have paul blart, mall cop. they're gonna get him. he is not even real. >> steve: he's a fictional character. >> jimmy: after that, we a a drunk matador, that's pretty fun. and finally, of course, the goalie for the brazilian soccer team. [applause ] >> jimmy: i saw that president obama just ap