we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever. ♪ ♪ i voted for culture... ...with a 'k.' how are you?

we're going to party karamu fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever. [cheers and applause] >> chris: welcome back@ mid neat. it's time for "for the win." i'm wiping the slates clean. wipe, wipe wipe wipe. i will read your answers allowed. you will emerge as the victor. give us a amazon.com review of

we're going to party karamu fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever.

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever.and applause) >> stephen: sorry. >> it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on bleacher report today! peyton manning's an m.v.p. quarterback, a super bowl champ, and a future hall of famer. he is also, without question, the whitest dancer alive. ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ >> he looks like a drunk bridesmaid trying to get ( bleep ). wait a minute, wait a minute! i could have just said a drunk bridesmaid. the footage of that ragin' caucasian breaking out the ol' bend-and-clap to "rocky top" was one of the top trending videos on facebook today.

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever. hey pal?dy? can you pick me up at 6:30? ah... (boy) i'm here! i'm here! (cop) too late. i was gone for five minutes! ugh! move it. you're killing me. you know what, dad? i'm good. (dad) it may be quite a while before he's ready, but our subaru legacy will be waiting for him. (vo) the longest-lasting midsize sedan in its class. introducing the all-new subaru legacy. it's not just a sedan. >> stephen: welcome back. my guest tonight is here to talk about russia and ukraine. please welcome julia ioffe! (cheers and applause) julia ioffe, thank you so much for being here. you are a senior editor at the new republic and you've worked for the "new yorker." you're a native russian even though you're an american citizen, came here when you were seven. >> mm-hmm. >> stephen: we are talking a lot these days about the ukraine and russia and that relationship. i know this is a huge story and i care about it. why is it huge and why do i care in ways i never care about other international stories. i can ignor

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever.esta forever. ♪ ♪ i voted for culture... ...with a 'k.' how are you? i voted for plausible deniability. i didn't kill her, david. and i voted for decisive military action. ♪ america, you cast your votes. now, go to xfinity on demand and select the people's hotlist to see this summer's top 100 shows and movies. i voted! >> stephen: get ready to dance because here with the song off new social music, ladies and gentlemen, john batiste and "stay human." ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: we'll be right back! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when francois thibault said he was going to make vodka in cognac, with spring water and the best french wheat. everyone here said... non, non! but little by little, the world got to love what he had made. grey goose, francois? the extraordinary belongs to those who make it. remind me to tell her happy anniversary. [ cortana ] next time you talk to caroline, i'll remind you. [ siri ] oh no, i cannot do that.

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever.you know that dream... where you're the hero? hey... you guys mind warming this fella up for me? i'm gonna go back down, i saw some recyclables. make it happen with verizon xlte. find a car service. we've doubled our 4g lte bandwidth in cities coast to coast. thanks! sure. we've got a spike in temperature. so save the day... don't worry, i got this... oh yeah, i see your spaceship's broken. with xlte on largest, most reliable network. get 50% off all new smartphones like the lg g3. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: that's it for the report, everybody. good night. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org . >> it's so good to be back. this happened on vine today. the world cup finale was yesterday. which means we have a new world leader, goe germany. they took to the streets of munich to celebrate. nothing bad happens when germany celebrates wld

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever.forever. >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> everybody is talking about inversion, as well you should, but if you look at it through the lens of patriotism, i think you're wrong. and don't use the word "patriotism" unless it's truly patriotic conversation. back to you. >> all right. thanks so much, rick. if oinlt were that easy. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome stott report, everybody, good to have you with us. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. (cheers and applause)

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. light lime ritas fiesta forever. music: lively orchesyes! score kids never get this excited about cleaning teeth. you want a greenies? but dogs do. watch them go wild for an irresistible treat that fights tartar and freshens breath. greenies dental chews. it's time for a joy ride. take the t-mobile test drive. we'll give you a 4g lte phone for 7 days then see how much you can download, post, and stream on the network designed data strong. enjoy the power of the t-mobile network free for 7 days. sign up at t-moble.com/testdrive ♪ bulldog: bulldog: oooh! mattress discounters' $197 mattress sale! television announcer: get a serta mattress, any size, for just $197 each piece when you buy the complete set. the $197 mattress sale... bulldog: oh boy! television announcer: ...is on now. ♪ mattress discounters [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight has a very distinctive style. his guest series is called "comedians in cars getting coffee." >> so i used to put 50-pound b

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever.t-mobile is setting music free. stream all the music you want. data charges do not apply, on the data strong network. say hello to stackerz. the treat that's got two tasty flavors. stackerz ain't just a treat. it's got real meat. new stackerz. sooooooooo meaty. ♪he cadillac summer collection is here. ♪ during the cadillac summer's best event, lease this 2014 ats for around $299 a month and make this the summer of style. ♪ >> stephen: well, that's it for the show, everybody. but before we go, i just want to take one last opportunity to thank my good friend p.k. winsome. thank you for being here tonight and thank you for being here for the past nine years. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: might be the last time you're ever on the show because it's ending this year. you mind if i ask, p.k., before we go, what does park stand for? >> percy kittens. >> stephen: thank you, percy. thank you for your service. (cheers and applause) good n captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media acc

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever. with the best writing experience.? make it incredibly thin. add an adjustable kickstand, a keyboard, a usb port, and the freedom of touch. and, of course, make it run microsoft office, with the power and speed to do real work. introducing surface pro 3. the tablet that can replace your laptop. ♪ now t-mobile is setting music free. stream all the music you want. data charges do not apply, on the data strong network. [cheering and applause] >> welcome back. my gust tonight, a new film is called "magic in the moonlight." >> and when you contact the spirits, will we be able to see the souls, and how are they different from ghosts? or are they ghosts? >> i should think souls are quite different? >> have you ever heard of extoe plasm. >> extoe plasm. is that a milky substance rather like yogurt? >> you are a joker, aren't you? >> you're saying it might look like yogurt, but it will be her former husband? >> please welcome emma stone. [cheering and applause] >> jon: what's going on? >> what'

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever.t takes place in anhaha, cleveland... i love it babe. i'm not your babe. you weren't saying that this morning, when you're like... mmmmm mmmm mmm alright we're done. break up with lingering food. (ding!) mmmmm mmmm for that just brushed clean feeling... ♪ eat, drink, chew orbit >> stephen: well come back, everybody, thank you so much. nation, you probably already know this but we live in a golden era of digital toys. my favorite are fitness like the fitbit, i got one right here, uses motion sensors to record all of my exercise. and evidently i did not move today. (laughter) last week, last week i wanted to run a marathon so i strapped this bad boy to a paint shaker for about 20 minutes. for some reason i'm still not losing weight g figure. for the most exciting personal info device is called vessyl, a brand-new digital cup that tracks and identifies all your beverages. >> let's just say i have this soda on the table. and this one is an orange crush. if i was to pour my soda into the ve

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we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever.ering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. last week on the show, we were discussing rupert murdoch's increasingly worrisome addiction, addiction, to purchasing more media companies. most recently his bid to buy time warner, it's sad to watch what's happening here. at this rate he needs media so bad it won't be long until we find him in an alley. the web site, wants to add it to his media empire. [laughter] so he's [bleeped] in an alley for some reason. he's actually rich enough, he could probably buy, that but we also mentioned how since murdoch already controls the fox news channel, which is so good, if he did buy time warner, he would have to put cnn on the auction block, leylanding us to ask for your help with our $10 billion kickstarter campaign to buy cnn some the good news is this: boy there are some real enthusiasm for this idea. we have raised, and this is just recently as of tonight, $4.3 trillion. i assume all of it legitimate. apparently every adult person in america wants t

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever.. use these innertubes in the so, you're sapool?we can't sorry, sir. it's hotel policy. is it really hotel policy? i'm afraid so, sir. do it. how about now? woo-hoo! i deserve this. you deserve to be fired. full flavors, full shapes. cheetos mix-ups. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight-- (cheers and applause) please welcome steven wise. (cheers and applause) mr. wise, thank you for being here. all right, sir, thanks for coming on the show. i got a couple warnings right up front, okay. you want-- you're a lawyer right. >> i am. >> an you're trying to get animals the same rights as humans have. in a court of law. >> i'm trying to get a chimpanzee the right to get out of a cage on a rit of habeas corpus. >> stephen: okay so, humans, first of all-- don't worry, i'll get him. now-- what's your argument here. animals are animals, humans are humans, never the twain shall meet, read your bible. what's your argument. >> a chimpanzee is an extraordinary being. she is autonomous

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever.ta forever. >> that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it, is your moment of zen. >> in terms of grumpy cat, everybody knows grumpy cat. what is grumpy cat's personality? we know grumpy cat's face, but what's the personality of gulf war syndromey cat? captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight rick perry faces criticism from a fellow texan. turns out there is some of them he hasn't executed. then big news from the world of comic books. you're going to want to save tonight's show in a plastic sleeve. and my guest is the mayor of new york bill de blasio. i'll ask if this interview can count as jury duty. (laughter) a first edition of das kapital has sold for $40,000. so suck it, mark, the rich win again. this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever.r since we launched snapshot, my life has been positively cray-cray. what's snapshot, you ask? only a revolutionary tool that can save you big-time. just plug it in, and the better you drive, the more cash you'll stash. switching to progressive can already save ye $500. snapshot could save ye even more. meat maiden! bringeth to me thine spiciest wings of buffalo. [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. last week on the show, we were discussing rupert murdoch's increasingly worrisome addiction, addiction, to purchasing more media companies. most recently his bid to buy time warner, it's sad to watch what's happening here. at this rate he needs media so bad it won't be long until we find him in an alley. the web site, wants to add it to his media empire. [laughter] so he's [bleeped] in an alley for some reason. he's actually rich enough, he could probably buy, that but we also mentioned how since murdoch already controls the fox news channel, which is so good, if he did buy time wa

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever.'m living the life of dreams. i'm living the life of dreams, with good people all around me. i'm living the life of dreams. no! i'm living the life of dreams. i'm feeling hopefully. feeling quite hopefully, it's right up here, turn right, turn right. with good people all around me. right, right, right, right, right! with good people all around me. ok look you guys, she's up here somewhere. with good people all around me. there she is! ra! come here girl! m feeling hopefully. ok look you guys, she's up here somewhere. d the light shines bright all with rough the night.around me. oh i don't know it. and the light shines bright all through the night. yes, you do. and the light shines bright all rough the night. oh i d42.t know it. d the light shines bright allll rough the night.t. good job.u do. d the light shines bright allll rough the night. oh i d42.t know it. d the light shines bright allll rough the night.t. good job.u do. dd our dreams are making usllll rougce stories.. oh i d42.t k

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever.e ritas fiesta forever. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, her new series is called "the honourable woman"." after >> they don't want you to choose a palestinian. they want an israeli. >> it doesn't matter what anyone wants. >> we want you to choose a palestinian. >>ly choose whoever best protects the aims and ideals of this company. and nothing you or anyone else wants will affect that decision. >> you cannot choose an israeli, not after this. >> i'll choose exactly who i want. >> then you will have made a mistake. >> and if i do, at least it will be mine. >> jon: seems like an interesting subject. please welcome back to the program maggie gyllenhaal. come on! look at you. how are you? >> i'm good. i'm good. >> jon: what are you doing to me? >> sorry. i'm sorry. let's do it. >> jon: all right. so when did you start filming this thing, this miniseries? >> in 2013. >> jon: 2013. you probably thought to you're, well, jeerkz we'll make this and then probably be obsolete because by th

we're going to party, karamu, fiesta forever. bud light lime ritas fiesta forever.es ...like the new grilled vidalia onion sirloin or the new light and zesty rimp scampi linguine. you can have both! great choice buddy! applebee's take two menu, starting at $10.99 see you tomorrow! good afternoon. chase sapphire. this is stacy from springfield. direct access to a live advisor so you can get answers fast, and get back to the beach. chase sapphire preferred. so you can. a mint flavor that hointensifies as you chew.. 5 ascent gum. stimulate your senses. yyyup. with xfinity internet soyour family can use all their devices at once. works anywhere in the house. even in the garage. max what's going on? we're doing a tech startup. we're streamlining an algorithm. what's grandpa doing? hi... sssh, grandpa you don't want to be an intern forever. sorry dad, we have to get back to work, we have a deadline. we're going public! [cheering] the fastest in-home wifi for your entire family. the x-1 entertainment operating system. only from xfinity. >> that's our show. join us tomorrow