team kimmel plays team shepard. that's it. >> dicky: to follow all the playoff action, go to the "jimmy kimmel live" youtube channel and click on fantasy league for scores, videos and more. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with music from the temper trap, beau garrett and mark wahlberg. moments ago, we gave this group of people stylish orbit packs. [ orbit trumpet ] let's see what they think. cork my canteen! churn my butterscotch! [ laughs ] shut the front door! more dirty mouths cleaned up with orbit. in stylish packs. feeling fresh enough to last through my parent's cocktail party? that's where we're going? ♪ [ female announcer ] feel fresh up to five times longer with scope outlast. still feeling fresh? oh yeah. [ female announcer ] what will you outlast? [ male announcer ] not sure what to take? now click on the robitussin relief finder. click on your symptoms. get the right relief. makes the cold aisle easy. the robitussin relief finder. it's that simple. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] at&t and b

kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you, i'm jimmy. appreciate that. thank you for being here. welcome to the show. it's -- it's a holiday evening, tonight is the eighth and final night of hanukkah. and anyone celebrating hanukkah here tonight? all employees. i tell you what, eight presents per kid is a lot to come up with. i have trouble coming up with two good things for my kids. if i was locked into an eight-present deal, there would be a lot of batteries and notes that say, isn't us being together enough of a gift? [ laughter ] the white house christmas tree is lit. you know how much twine it takes to strap a pine tree to the hood of air force one. someone at the white house shot time lapse video of the tree being brought in and decorated. well, look at this. ♪ >> jimmy: oh, bo, the white house dog, what will you pee on next? i think that was a wikileak, by the way. thank you. we have a decorating tradition here at our show. it isn't on the level of the white h

, here's jimmy kimmel!and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome to the show. i'm jimmy, thank you for watching. and i want to wish a happy first night of hanukkah to our jewish viewers. tonight is the first night of eight nights of celebrating and misspelling hanukkah. maybe there is no wrong way to spell it. because you can spell it start with an h or a ch. you can have either one or two ns in the middle. you can have one or two ks in the middle and you can end it with or without an h, your choice. i think even spilling it what ka khan is acceptable. very flexible word. the story behind hanukkah is at i understand it, there was only enough oil to keep the men morra lit for one night but the oil lasted for eight nights. and, i guess that's a big deal? it's -- let's be honest. as far as religious miracles go it's not exactly the resurrection of the easter bunny, but it's fun for the kids. our super governor arnold schwarzenegger celebrated with jewish leaders in sacramento this morning. he was at the 17

here's jimmy kimmel!nd applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for being here and for watching and for undressing me with your eyes. i don't mind it. hey, something amazing happened last night on monday night football. i don't know if you saw this. the jets played the patriots. it was a blowout. and not just on the field. it was windy in foxboro and that is robert kraft. the patriots owner. now, next to him is donald trump. and donald's hair appears to be trying to escape from his head. [ laughter ] have to say, when i saw it, i said, i feel like i've been waiting my whole life to see this video. let's take a look at it again, if we could, it's -- there the crowd doing the wave and the -- whoa! and looks like, oh, they're going to go around and -- whoa! there it goes. his hair is more into the game than he is. [ cheers and applause ] to me, this -- incredible. see, now, anyone who thought donald trump's hair was fake, not only isn't it fake, it's alive. [ laughter

here's jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: happy early thanksgiving to each and every one of you. thank you for sharing it with me and with my husband guillermo. it's a pleasure to have you here. you know what tonight is? thanksgiving eve, you realize? this is the one-year anniversary of the last time tiger woods had sexual intercourse. what a day this has got to be for him. in my family we don't give thanks anymore. we give big ups. we celebrate big ups-giving. we like to keep it fresh. thanksgiving commemorates the day in 1621 when native americans and pilgrims came together to share a meal. it was kind of the first pot luck dinner. you bring the maize, we'll bring the smallpox. and from there on -- president lincoln made it a national holiday in 1863 and almost 150 years later, this morning at the white house, president obama granted the traditional pardons of the turkey. two turkeys, in fact. i would have loved to have been able to watch this with real prisoners on death row. hey, look, he's

. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a message about google demo slam. for those of you who haven't seen it yet, demo slam shows online videos people are making that show all the cool stuff you can do with google technology. the videos then fight each other on demoslam.com to determine which video is best. for instance, i thought it'd be fun to make my own demo slam with the help of guillermo's chihuahuas, paco and pepe. hey, guys. >> they only speak spanish, jimmy. >> jimmy: i know they do. and that's why i have google translate all ready to go. "do you want a treat?" okay, now translate. we'll take that as a yes. let's try another one. "is it fun to be a chihuahua?" and translate. [ speaking foreign language ] okay. all right, one more. that was cute. "put your feet up." i would like to see that again. and translate. [ speaking foreign language ] oh, look at. that guillermo, you're not supposed to do it. google translate. there has never been a more adorable way to rule the world. he's very suggestible. >> dicky: google demo slam. see jimmy's demo and

. >> jimmy: i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about google demo slam. for those of you who haven't seen it yet, demo slam shows online videos people are making that show all the cool stuff you can do with google technology. the videos then fight each other on demoslam.com to determine which one is best. in fact, about 40 minutes ago, my uncle frank and i made one ourselves. your move. you can't go that way. yeah. okay, good. what should our demo slam video be? >> jim, i'm in the mood for fried chicken. >> jimmy: okay. let's use that. all right. and how about some waffles, too. >> okay. google local search uses my current location to tell me if there's a restaurant nearby that serves chicken and waffles. >> jim, i want fried chicken. >> jimmy: i know you do. this one's great. hi, could we get an order over here at "jimmy kimmel live," as fast as possible? >> fried chicken. >> jimmy: my uncle wants fried chicken. okay, all right, it's on its way. >> good. wow. look at this. unbelievable. there you go. thanks. there you go. happy holidays. and there's your

jimmy kimmel!ause ] >> jimmy: thanks. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you, cleto. thank you for watching. thank you for clearing. i tell you what, you wouldn't know it from being here. but it is freezing in much of the country. the big snowstorm that covered the midwest over the past couple of days is now moving south. it's dipped into the 20s in parts of florida. new york and pennsylvania are still expecting two feet of snow. i don't note how she did it, but the whole country has suddenly turned into "sarah palin's alaska." a cold miser or something. but here in l.a., it -- well, it got down to the 60s this morning. which doesn't sound cold but i got the worst brain freeze from a slurpee that i bought last night at midnight. so i can empathize. you know what i like to do when it's chilly out? >> cleto: what's that? >> jimmy: chilllax. the bad weather has led to a large number of flight delays. there are airports closed because of the cold. tsa workers have been forced to grope each othe

♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now what do you know here's jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i lost the button. that's what i was looking for. if you see my button, will you retrieve that for me? i feel nude without my buttons. actually, i was out visiting my parents this weekend. and my mother's reminded me of a story where she convinced us she had no bellybutton. we were stupid and so we believed that -- and ever since then, i've clung to my button for dear life. it was a very special day today. it was a day of great anticipation for every american with the ability to read. the final official book club selection on "the oprah winfrey show." after this year, oprah's leaving and she's sworn never to read again. there was much speculation about which selection she would select. here it was. >> i'm about to announce my next book club selection. it will be number 65. my new book for you is "knitting with dog hair." [ cheers and applause ] it's dog hair for the holidays. >> jimmy: wasn't that last year's pi

he's front row kimmel.e a model, do you leave the country to go modeling? >> yeah, i spent a lot of time in europe, in paris. i lived in paris when i was 16. >> jimmy: really? by yourself? >> i did. yeah, it was interesting. >> jimmy: and who do you live with? when you're there? >> it was one of those models apartment, which are not as glamorous as they sound -- >> jimmy: they sound fine to me. >> they probably do. you would have liked it. >> jimmy: i would have liked it. >> i lived there and -- >> jimmy: with other models? >> yeah, but i had my own little space and i was kind of like the mamma bear. >> jimmy: at 16? you were the mama bear? >> yeah, the other girls were a bit crazy and they liked to go out and party and i was kind of a hermit. >> jimmy: that's what you told your parents? >> i was. i was a hermit. i read -- i missed the whole high school experience, so i kind of just educated myself in paris. >> jimmy: and now you're in the "tron" and not only in "tron" but what is this suit made out of? >>

jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. wow, what a day it was today, huh? the midwest and the east coast got slammed with a brutal snowstorm. here in l.a., it was sunny and 80 degrees. kels yu celsius, by the way. crazy, right? that we're in the same country? if you're visiting, it's not always 80 degrees and sunny. at night, the sun disappears, sometimes for hours. and the temperature drops. sometimes we have winds from the southwest at 4 miles an hour. it can get terrible. [ laughter ] i'm sure the earth will eventually swallow us whole but until then, i tell you, i'll keep rollerblading to work with my shirt off and enjoying it. almost a foot and a half of snow fell on minneapolis over the weekend. the vikings were supposed to play the giants at the metrodome yesterday. roof actually caved in from the weight of the snow. rarely do you see the weather affect a game in a dome. but look at th

, here's jimmy kimmel!d applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, thank you. welcome to the show. thank you for watching at home. that's very nice of you. you make me feel like the opposite of lebron james returning to cleveland. before we get to that, though, some stunning news from the world of soccer this morning. today, fifa, the world governing body of soccer awarded the 2018 and 2022 world cups to russia and the tiny fashion of qatar, which is -- totally qatarded, i think. the announcement was made this morning as the world held its collective breath. >> so, the 2018 fifa world cup, 2018 fifa world cup, ladies and gentlemen, will be organized in russia. >> jimmy: they seem happy. so, that's good, i guess. the final vote wasn't even close. qatar beat the united states 14-8 and i don't want to point fingers, but this celebrity endorsement probably didn't help. >> in a country that admired individual achievement, we truly cherish what can be done when we come together as a group. and there is no stronger, more res

jimmy kimmel!use ] >> jimmy: hi there, thank you for watching. thank you, cleto. thank you for those who have journeyed from far away places. welcome to the show. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the program. and i'm also barbara walters' 11th most fascinating person of 2010. i just missed the cut for the show, but happy to be in the top 20 anyway. tonight, barbara walters hosted her 18th ten most fascinating people of the year special. included on the list, sarah palin, betty white, justin bieber, the cast of "jersey shore." i read articles today that complained about the cast there. they're only on the show because barbara is dating the situation. it was funny watching barbara interview them. it was like watching jane goodall communicate with her chimpanzees. barbara conducted a very personal interview with oprah winfrey. they released excerpts of the interview yesterday. a lot was made of the fact that oprah cried and the fact she denied she was a lesbian. she did. she denied. i was surprised to see b

later, jimmy kimmel mocking me and using christmas to do it. uh-oh.er these messages. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] print from any mobile vice so your ideas can be there even when you're not. introducing the new web-connected printers with eprint from hp. john: yea, well, there you go. beth: yea, so what else is new? john: well, i just changed my medicare plan. beth: open enrollment? john: yup. i compared plans and found better coverage for me. beth: of course you noticed the new benefits we get under the new healthcare law. john: what? beth: well, like 50 percent off brand name prescription drugs for people who are in the donut hole. john: really? i didn't know that. beth: you have to keep up. john: come on. i'll keep up. anncr: it's open enrollment. time to compare and review plans at medicare.gov or call 1-800-medicare. >> bill: back of the book segment tonight, the great american news quiz. here they are, the epitome of brilliance fox news anchor martha maccallum from danville, ohio. and steve doocy representing representing a player from louisiana. be

kimmel a pinhead or patriot for that?r nba star charles barkley make fun of the president's basketball prowess. check out the fox news.com web site and we'd like you to spout off about

"jimmy kimmel live" is next. lllt

it's that simple. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!"ht -- from "tron: legacy", jeff bridges. sean "diddy" combs. and music from diddy dirty with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, you better not pout. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. hi there, i'm jimmy, welcome to the show. thank you for watching. happy holidays, and may i say, a pox on your enemies, too. may you smite them down with the force of a thousand oprahs. that is my wish for you. for many americans, tomorrow is the last work day of the year. we had our staff holiday party last night and secret santa exchange this morning. hey, here's a tip for giving holiday gifts at work. it perfectly fine to get a coworker a gift certificate for a full body massage. it's not okay to just start giving them one. the -- i tell you what, you know, the kardashian family surprised me. they really get into the holiday spirit. they sent out their christmas card and i guess they sent it to the media, but look at this. it took

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to the show.e program. thank you for your warmth. thank you for, well, thank you for watching. i hope you're ready for christmas because the christmas season kicked off officially tonight with the lighting of the christmas tree at rockefeller center in new york. hundreds of thousands of people gathered in the cold to see the tree, and then times square, a month from now, they will gatter in the cold again to see the big silver ball. you know, we're really not that much different from dogs, when you think about it. if someone shook a giant set of keys over our heads we would probably watch that, too. it fun to see, i guess, and it was a spectacular site to behold. >> all right, let's light this tree! >> here we go! >> five, four, three, two, one -- yeah! >> jimmy: they cut back a little bit on the size because of the economy. of course, the tree, of course, was enormous. this year, it was a 74-foot tall norway spruce. and it came from a special place. it was cut from the backyard of a new york city

♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, from what i've gathered, here's jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, thank you for coming. thank you for watching. is it christmas yet? if you're a turkey or a sweet potato and you're still alive today, congratulations on making it through the weekend. i did some research over the weekend. it turns out it's not the turkey that makes you fall asleep. it's actually the result of being drunk at 4:00 in the afternoon on a thursday. i hope you had a fine thanksgiving. i had a weird -- one of my native american friends turned into a werewolf and ate all my it was very upsetting. other than that, though, it was great. this is pretty good. from a local morning show in san diego. on wednesday, they had a guy on to do turkey calls. i guess in case instead of going to the supermarket you wanted to lure one into your home. but i don't know what the reason was. watch very closely for what happened at the end here. >> one way to do a turkey call is with this gobbler and it has a little diaphragm in it that all

. >> jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: you did a movie in china recently. >> i did. >> jimmy: and what is it like shooting in china? >> well, first of all, not a lot of people spoke english on the crew. >> jimmy: almost all chinese? >> right, yeah. and in fact it made me the first western actor that has ever starred in a fully financed chinese film. >> jimmy: really? wow. >> so i've -- do you speak -- >> i don't know what that means, so -- >> jimmy: do you speak chinese in the film? >> i speak a little mandarin in the film. i had to swear in mandarin in the film. i won't say it here -- >> jimmy: we don't want to upset the mandarins.

but here's jimmy kimmel with what's next on "jimmy kimmel live." >> tonight, mark wahlberg, beau garrett the temper trap, and frosty the snowman meets maury the povich. "jimmy kimmel live" is next. [ alarm clock buzzing, indistinct conversations ] [ female announcer ] important events can sneak up on you. oh, i am not ready. can i have a couple weeks? you could be ready. you could lose 5 pounds in 2 weeks when you replace breakfast and lunch with a fru, ain, and yoplait light. betsy bets. you haven't changed a bit. oh...neither have you... sean.

"jimmy kimmel live" is next.áñáñ >>> time for tonight's closing arguments.ion was back on its heels again today, warning fellow democrats that if they defea

but first, here's jimmy kimmel with what's coming up next on "jimmy kimmel live." >> jimmy: tonight,f bridges, diddy and his band diddy dirty money

"jimmy kimmel live" is next. hey, you got groceries! = = yeah! i thought we'd eat at home.ve some money. $200 bucks? that's not saving! [jacks voice] at my place i'm bringing back the bonus jack. two patties, melting cheese and my secret sauce plus fries and a drink for only $3.99. i get it. you can eat lot cheaper atouar placthan y c]n at home. but do have this? i have dessert. what about this? ohhh. ohhhhhh. jack. that's for max. >>> and now, a final chapter of our story, when dan met dan. after an arrival full of hope, a

we'll be right back with tonight's closing argument but first, here's jimmy kimmel with what's comingmy kimmel live". >> jimmy: tonight, darius rucker and next year's armless lessless oscar wsllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

"jimmy kimmel live" is next.i saw all the jobs disappearing, i knew i needed to find a better way to support my daughter. at age forty, greg flowers went back to school. i got a job as a computer applications engineer. but now some in washington want regulations restricting access to career colleges and universities, denying opportunity to millions of people like greg, letting government decide who can go to college. it's my education, my job, it should be my choice. don't let washington get in the way.

but first, here's what's up next with jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: tonight, larry king, kate bosworth andgreg fitzsimmo fitzsimmons. it's going to be best hanukkah ever. "jimmy kimmel live" is next. ♪ i'm gonna get it, i know i'm gonna get it. ♪ ♪ i can't wait ♪ every little step, brings me closer to the gift. can't be late. ♪ ♪ rip it open in a second and it's time to play. ♪ ♪ i was up all night in anticipation feeling electric jewels of jubilation. ♪ ♪ yule tide carols from the local congregation. ♪ ♪ make it tough to hold my patience in check. ♪ ♪ is it time yet, is it time, i can't wait. ♪ ♪ is it time yet, is it time, i can't wait. ♪

"jimmy kimmel live" is next. mmmm. you don't love me anymore do you billy? what?ereal to sweet talk your taste buds it's for my heart health. so i can't have any? if you can deprive me of what can help lower my cholesterol... and live with yourself. right. mmm, i worry about your mother. cry herself to sleep every night over my arteries but have yourself a bowl. good speech dad. [ whimper ] [ male announcer ] honey nut cheerios tastes great and its whole grain oats can help lower cholesterol. bee happy. bee healthy.

we'll be right back but first, here's jimmy kimmel with what's coming up next. jimmy?mark wahlberg, beau garrett, music from the temper trap and frosty the snowman meets maury the povich. "jimmy kimmel live" is next. ♪ ♪ ten thousand watts of xmas cheer ♪ ♪ ten thousand watts glow brightly clear ♪ ♪ the colored lights will shine sincere, ho, ho, ho ♪ ♪ ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ♪