i'm jimmy kimmel! hey! hey. jimmy kimmel. hey. don't worry about it. hey. how you doing?immel. that's nice. he's got nice lips. give you this. oh! jimmy kimmel. recognize me? i'm from next door. right? >> oh yeah, jimmy kimmel. you're looking very good tonight. >> thank you, better than usual. why don't you drop by the show some night, i'll put you on the list. bring a broad. >> thank you so much. have a great day, ms. mccarthy. i loved you in "bridesmaids." >> jimmy: well, thank you so much. let's get together sometime. [ cheers and applause ] >> well-played, mr. doubtfire. [ applause ] >> i must tell you, ms. mccarthy, i've always been in love with you. >> jimmy: it's me, jimmy. >> don't ruin themoment. >> jimmy: we'll be right back. >> dicky: up next, jacoby jones shows off his moves. >> the night before the game, i'll be there practicing the whole time. you know what i'm saying? >> dicky: jimmy and ewan mcgregor talk sports. and still ahead, dr. phil mcgraw. portions of jimmy kimmel this week are brought to you by teleflora. impress your lady with a teleflora bouquet.

[ bleep ] kimmel?s a film adaptation of a hit broadway musical. ♪ have sex have sex all you can ♪ ♪ have sex have sex like a man ♪ >> a break dancing musical. sometimes the only way to fight sexy is with sexy. >> release the tatum! >> this arbor day, witness the incredible true story based on a tweet by gary busey. >> stead! >> and the best selling board game. >> now! >> django! >> "movie the movie 2v." >> no! >> thank you all for participating. tomorrow night we will have a special behind the scenes look at the making of "movie to movie 2v." we will be right back with jamie foxx and channing tatum! ♪ sonos playbox. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] get sweep. and get email that keeps your inbox in order, automatically. [ telephone rings ] hello. [ man ] jen, there are a lot of beauty brands that want you to represent them. really, who? no. they add too much fragrance. no, they make you wear pink. are you kidding? no. nah. [ telephone rings ] no. not my style. no. [ cellphone rings ] [ man ] you might like th

so stick around. >> jimmy: hi, jimmy kimmel here.e" has helped countless struggling bar get back on their feet. we have a bar in their green room that needed a little work. so we called john taffert. >> this green room is ten years old and it looks it. i'm going to use proven bar sciences to make it the coolest green room in town. i've got some great ideas to do it. >> hi. >> guillermo, what are you doing here? >> jimmy kimmel told me to come and help you. >> you gonna work hard? >> i'm ready. >> let's go to work. >> all right, let's go. >> guillermo. wake up, we're finished. come on. look at this beautiful bar. solid. look at the shelves for catering when you have parties here. you can put food here. >> yes, i love food. so i built that for them to play. >> nice bottle displays. >> i love drinking. that's why i built those shelves right there. >> so here's the next thing i gave you. perfect beer tap system to pour the perfect guinness and guinness is the best beer in the world. >> john, i built this. you put beer in there, it pops t

i didn't miss his little league games. >> i'm talking to jimmy kimmel laes parents who couldn't be -- kimmel's parents who couldn't be more in awe of a-their o' son. >> they realized early on that nothing would be out of jimmy's reach. >> he was resiting the pledge of a-allegiance the day before his second birthday. >> joan had him dressed at john kennedy in the middle of the winter. >> no one in the kimmel family had any idea that jimmy one one day reign over the boulevard. >> 35 years later, he would pose again, this time with his own star. >> my parents brought me here to hollywood to visit the hall of fame. i never imagined they would leave me here to fin for myself. >> even before jimmy kimmel became the super star we all know and love, he shined brightly. >> i got a phone call saying they were going to test our daughter for genius and jimmy was so proud o' of her and she said you should have that too. they both tested genius. >> there's another thing you would never know about this man. >> he thought he would be an artist and then david letterman came into his life. lettermancre

. >> then later on kimmel live. >> tonight katie is here.ic from sarah and oscar nominee jennifer lawrence. >> couldn't be happier to be here. >> see what a terrific actress >> see what a terrific actress she is >> jimmy kimmel live starts >> jimmy kimmel live starts right after us fichlt abc 7 fuss i team uncovered new complaint of excessive force used by vallejo police. this incident caught on camera. >> keep in mind the department is already reeling after a violent year including 6 people shot and killed by officers. >> dan is here now with an exclusive i team investigation. >>reporter: the story began when package arrived in the mail from someone inside the department. dvd. police report. letter complaining about a cowboy attitude by officers and command staff. imagine you are a police officer on patrol. warm enter day. when the call comes in. 22-year-old complaining his roommate beat him up and kicked him out of the apartment. >> are you injured. >> yes. they punched me in my face checked mow out ripped my clothes tried to steal thousan

it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight matthew fox. from "red widow", radha mitchell. and music from ryan bingham. with cleto and the cletones. and now,s scheduled, here jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. it's a pleasure to have you here. and our -- last night the 85th annual academy awards. was anybody at the show? really? last night the biggest stars in the world squeezed into the smallest spanx in the world across the streets. the bleachers are being broken down. the dirty superheroes are back out on the street. it's nice to see our neighborhood getting back to abnormal. the ratings for the oscars were good. 40 million people watched. up from last year. the show was 3 hours and 35 minutes. i don't know why they need a best actor and actress category. you don't separate best director and best directress. and no one cares about the sound editors and makeup people. we'll mail them their oscars. daniel day-lewis now has one oscars for each of his names. if i was dani

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kelly ripa. space entrepreneur, elon musk. jimmy at the barbershop. and music from the mowgli's. with cleto and the cletones. ? now if i'm not mistaken, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you for watching at home. thank you for coming to work with me. you did the right thing. we have some fun stuff playing for you tonight. first of all, kelly ripa is here with us tonight. a lot of fun. she jogged here from new york. it took her an hour and 20 minutes. she is very, very speedy. we'll be joined by a brilliant guy, elon musk. he co-founded pay pal, the space transport company, space x which is working to send us to other planets and he is only 11 years old. elon musk is here. plus we've got music from the mowgli's tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and i have to say, i might be looking forward to meeting most, this kid. his name is titus. he is the star of a very popular youtube video. you can see he makes a lot of shots on his little plastic basketball hoop off th

jimmy kimmel. recognize me from next door. right? >> jimmy: oh, yeah, jimmy kimmel.her. >> better than usual. why don't you drop by the show some night. >> thank you, jimmy kimmel. have a great day ms. mccarthy. i loved you in brides mates. >> thank you so much. i'm going to write my number down here. let's get together and have sex some time. >> well played. [ cheers and applause ] >> i must tell you ms. mccarty i always been in love with you. >> jimmy: it's me, jimmy. >> don't ruin the moment. >> jimmy: we'll be right back. stop it. hey! hey honey! hey alan. uh, hey.... i'm bob, we talked at the tax store. i did your taxes. i thought you were a tax expert? today, i'm a master plumber. major tax stores advertise for preparers with "no tax experience necessary." at turbotax, you only get answers from cpas, eas or tax attorneys - all real tax experts. ...than h&r block stores and all other major tax stores combined. people have been daring them to clean up tough messes. [ phone ding! ] another dare. they're proving that viva doesn't play by the rules. dunk it again fo

jimmy kimmel once we wrap up. jimmy kimmel once we wrap up. we gotta sell the car.ere would we even start? get the car. hi howard. get in. hi, good to see you. start with an actual written offer when selling your car, no strings attached. carmax. start here. so, sunshine. >> get ready for some sunshine. we have a new blog. it is a lot of fun. ofside tomorrow, a lot sunshine. temperatures in the 40's. there might be a sprinkle. after that, a chilly weekend coming up. thank you. >> "jimmy kimmel live" is next.

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, andy samberg, david steinberg, and music from ben harper with charlie musselwhite. with cleto and the cletones and now, all of a sudden, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you all. yeah. jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. [ cheers and applause ] for a lot of people, the end of a three-day weekend. it's president's day today. today, mitt romney spent the day quietly staring out of one of 1,200 windows in his home. a tear streaming down his eye. hey, here's a -- here's a fun presidential fact. did you know our 12th president, zachary taylor was a cast member on the show "home improvement." think about it, it's kind of true. president obama celebrated by playing golf with tiger woods. obama took a three-day golf vacation to florida, and the first lady took the daughters to colorado to ski. sure, honey, go have a guys' weekend with tiger woods. stop by the hooter's and have some wings. [ cheers and applause ] i tell you one th

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, kelly ripa, michael strahan, andy am berg and 2-year-old basketball prodigy titus. >> jimmy: here we go. >> dicky: plus, jimmy visitsed barber shop. a performance by internet sensation and exclusive preview of "game of thrones." and now, once again, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you all. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. for a lot of people, the end of a three-day weekend. it's president's day today. today, mitt romney spent the day quietly staring out of one of 1,200 windows in his home. a tear streaming down his eye. hey, here's a -- here's a fun presidential fact. did you know our 12th president, zachary taylor, was a cast member on the show "home improvement." think about it, it's kind of true. president obama celebrated by playing golf with tiger woods. obama took a three-day golf vacation to florida, and the first lady took the daughters to colorado to ski. you know you have a good marriage when

. >> then later on kimmel live. >> tonight katie is here.ic from sarah and oscar nominee jennifer lawrence. >> couldn't be happier to be here. >> see what a terrific actress >> see what a terrific actress she is >> jimmy kimmel live starts >> jimmy kimmel live starts right afyou, catherine! have we met? yeah, last week at the tax store i did your taxes. you work here too. yep. i thought you were an expert with returns? oh i am, especially after the holidays! major tax stores advertise for preparers with "no taxes experience necessary." at turbotax, you only get answers from cpas, eas or tax attorneys - all real tax experts. ...than h&r block stores and all other major tax stores combined. fichlt abc 7 fuss i team uncovered new complaint of excessive force used by vallejo police. this incident caught on camera. >> keep in mind the department is already reeling after a violent year including 6 people shot and killed by officers. >> dan is here now with an exclusive i team investigation. >>reporter: the story began when package arrived in the m

and the next day titus' dad responded with this. >> hello, jimmy kimmel.' dad here. i caught your show the other day. i saw that up titus stinks without editing. now, i could point out that we had just flown halfway across the country. we woke up at 4:00 a.m. or that he was in a place he had never been before but i won't bring that up. titus wouldn't want that. at least i think that's not what he would want. he doesn't really talk so it's hard to know for sure. what i think he would want is to challenge you, jimmy. and one more thing. titus? can you say jimmy? >> jimmy. >> you're -- >> going -- down. >> wow! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll see about that. tonight i have accepted the challenge. joining us all the way from derby, kansas, the ashby family. we've got isabel, anthony joseph, titus, kristen and lincoln. they're all here. [ applause ] so when did titus get interested in basketball? >> when he was real little like before -- >> jimmy: when he was little? >> before he walked, when he first started to walk. he would sit by me and we would wat

>> my name is guillermo for "jimmy kimmel live." you're nominated for an oscar.id not know that? >> i'm going to give you a roll up, a little snack. thank you very much. >> i have to pea so badly for so long. >> what are you wearing on your feet? >> i don't know. >> can i rub your feet real quick? >> all right. >> good, huh? >> go pea. >> she really have to go to the restroom. >> what is your favorite pie? >> my favorite pie? apple i will say. i'm not a pie person. you know, probably i -- >> mine is chocolate. >> they have chocolate pie? i don't know. >> you like doing movies? >> i do. >> yeah? what happened to your other ear. >> you are funny. >> you're good. you're good. >> my wife dawn. >> where guillermo from? >> mexico. >> i'm from "jimmy kimmel live" but origin from mexico. how is everything? >> everything's good. >> are you nervous today? >> no. >> you not nervous. you want a shot of my expensive tequila? >> no, thank you. >> you want a shot of my expensive expensive tequila. >> it has diamonds and everything. >> i think i recognize the bottle. >> it's goo

. >> then later on jimmy kimmel live. >> we have this and always normal ick kelly rip a. she's more of a morning person. more of a morning person. kelly >> all right. stay with us. 7 >> all right. stay with us. 7 news at 11:00 with this dermatologist dr. patrick bitter. he developed the popular photo facial more than a decade ago. dr. bitter says current version now employ broadband light known as bbl. >> the light as it interacts with skin treating the skin will lessen rednesses. fade away pigment age spots and sun spots. here's our first batch. okay. how is that? >> that's fine. >>reporter: is technology proud good results over the years the recent study with colleague at the department of term dermatology documented changes underneath the skin. using biopsy the team examine the expression of genes associated with the aiming of skin cells. they found that more than half took on the characteristics of gene in younger skin cell and patients receiving broadband light treatment. >> what we didn't know is exactly what happening to the skin. we knew light was heating skin cel

now here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you, everybody. here. this is our eighth annual after the oscars special. i'm your host jimmy kimmel. this show is to the oscars what ikea is to furniture. a little flimsy, but it will do. did you like the oscars tonight? i thought it was a pretty good show. [ cheers ] seth macfarlane did a very nice job hoeing. but should a 4-hour-long television show be allowed to give out awards for editing? i say no. this is the 85th award because 85 is the average weight of the women on the red carpet. instead of asking who are you wearing, they should ask when you are eating? one of these years some poor starving actress is going to take a bite out of a mike. the dolby theatre is directly across the street from us which is why security around here is so tight. they confist kated both of my cans of aqua net this morning. security's way over the top. i guess you have to have it. you have almost every big celebrity in the world in one building. if something were to happen we'd have to give awards to real housewive

and now roses are red, violets are blue, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: welcome. how are you?hank you. hi there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to you for joining me here on this romantic night. i'd like to wish each and every one of you a happy -- oh crap, i forgot today was valentine's day day. there's nothing sadder than the guy standing in line at the supermarket on valentine's night clutching whatever wilted roses were left in the store. maybe a panty hose egg as a gift. do they still come in eggs? it's just a bad scene. there's a lot of pressure on valentine's, though. not for me. tonight i'm taking a very special lady out for valentine's and that lady is myself. [ applause ] for those of you

>> you do. >> probably jimmy kimmel.d applause ] >> jimmy: kind of a shutout. i did get one. guess what, he's not kissing any of you. he's kissing me tonight. tonight on the show from "house of cards," kate mara is here. we have music from emeli sande and we have bradley cooper so stick around. go! go olive garden's three course italian dinner. it's back for just $12.95. featuring 5 delicious new entrees to choose from. go creamy and dig into rich new penne di mare with shrimp. or maybe go crunchy with new parmesan potato crusted chicken. served with unlimited fresh salad and warm breadsticks. finish with a decadent dessert. 3 courses, just $12.95! go tonight! go olive garden! and try our unlimited homemade soup, crisp salad, and warm breadsticks lunch. just $6.95! ♪ ♪ ♪ hey! pbht! [ children laughing ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ beads rattling ]g ] [ male announcer ] spearmint that tingles as you chew. stimulate your senses. 5 gum. now in micro pack. >> jimmy: tonight on the program, you can see her star alongside kevin spacey in the new

and now, that's not good enough, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. that's very kind of you. i appreciate it. just out of curiosity who in our audience tonight did not watch the super bowl yesterday? about eight terrorists in the crowd. i did watch the super bowl. i remember is a blackout, beyonce, a fat kid making out with a model and a guy with a weird relationship with a clydesdale. and we're paying way too m

heart stopping. >> jimmy kimmel live up next tonight. guest andy and caved and ben harper. >> stay tune. thanks for your time appreciate it. >> 7 news continues tomorrow morning starting at 4:30 with the latest on the storm is that i'll see you from washington. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, andy samberg, david steinberg, and music from ben harper with charlie musselwhite. with cleto and the cletones and now, all of a sudden, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you all. yeah. jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. [ cheers and applause ] for a lot of people, the end of a three-day weekend. it's president's day today. today, mitt romney spent the day quietly staring out of one of 1,200 windows in his home. a tear streaming down his eye. hey, here's a -- here's a fun presidential fact. did you know our 12th president, zachary taylor was a cast member on the show "home improvement." think about it, it's kind of true. president obama celebrated by playing golf wit

have a good night "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- mindy kaling, carl reiner and music from family of the year. with cleto and the cletones. and now, ready or not -- here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for -- braving modern temperatures to be here tonight. it was 62 degrees and sunny in l.a. today where most of the country got hit by a coors light commercial. some areas got 3 feet of snow. for some people that meant power outages and cancelled flights and for others new instagram photos. snow has replaced lunch this week. while a lot of people are suffering no one has it worst than our nation's weather reporters. when the weather is

>> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, bradley cooper, kate mara, and music from emeli sande with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you for coming. i appreciate that. you know, i know there are a lot of things you could be doing on a tuesday night. you could be playing laser tag, doing volunteer boring, you could be writing angry letters to strangers but i'm glad you chose to be here with me tonight. and it was a big day in baltimore today. the ravens were honored with the super bowl victory parade. hundreds of thousands of spectators lined the streets, filled the stadium. there are so many fans. look at them touching it. they shouldn't do that during flu season. very unsanitary. but the ravens free safety ed reed addressed them from the stems of city hall with the words of another famous ed. >> baltimore! ♪ we got two tickets to paradise ♪ ♪ pack your bags we can leave tonight ♪ ♪ whoa whoa whoa whoa >> jimmy: i don't have that child

and she said i'm jimmy kimmel's mother. >> jimmy: that sounds about right.e is not jewish, i don't know why she would say that. >> i love your mother. that is a great mother to have if you are a comedian, actor, whatever. it is the best. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess so. jess. back to this johnny carson thing. was any one on more than you? that's a lot. >> no, bob hope was on more than i was. >> jimmy: johnny never wanted him on the show. he would walk on the show. force himself on johnny. you were the most wanted guest probably? >> i was more or less wanted, yes. >> jimmy: you spent more time with johnny than probably some of his wives did, i think. >> i did. but you know -- the, i started with him, really, in new york and, in the '60s. i was in my early 20s. let me give you bottom line. i was bumped off the show, four times in a row. actually five times. so that means that every day i went from, never having been on the show, i went to the tonight show in new york with my agent, irvin arthur. they said you'll get on. they announced me. they bumped me to the next

with cleto and the cletones and now for your information here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> welcome to the show. thank you for watching at home. thank you for coming to visit ussus in oured to joe. was traffic all right. los angeles became the first city to synchronize all of the traffic lights. they just set them all to yellow. they will leave it like that forever. city estimates that the new system will reduce travel times by 12% which means instead of taking 1:45 to get home it will only take 1:33 to get home. but they're saying if this is as successful, synchronized traffic lights could become an event in the next olympics. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. things will be a little less congested for the 85th annual oscars which are live sunday, 7:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific. while that show is designed to single out those people who are in movies, tonight we are going to single out the people who go to the movies. tonight we present the award for "most obnoxious movie-goer." the spoiler. >> he's going to pass the 13th amendment. watch him. see. >

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- jessica alba. chef bobby flay. and music from ellie goulding. with cleto and the cletones. and now, it must be nice, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hello. welcome. thank you very much. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me here in front of the big picture of hollywood. it's great to have you here. we have a fun show for you tonight. chef bobby flay is going to cook. we've got music from ellie goulding tonight. and jessica alba is here, too. [ cheers and applause ] we have a special plan for jessica tonight. out on hollywood boulevard, we built a box, and the purpose of this box is to allow pedestrians to make out with their favorite hollywood stars. i'll show you how it works. this is it. our brand-new celebrity kissing booth. and that is guillermo, who is in it. do you know how this works, guillermo? >> yes. >> jimmy: so we got some people lined up waiting to kiss you through the glass. okay? are you willing to try this, guillermo? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay, very

hate as a gift, videotape her opening the gift and upload it to youtube with the title, "hey jimmy kimmel i gave my girlfriend a terrible thing for valentine's day." we got some disturbing submissions, i'll let you be the judge of which are which. enjoy. >> this is the box. that i bought her wedding ring in. my wife hates lizards. i splurged. >> you really got me something from tiffany's? >> hold the box up. >> i think, did you really? >> ah! >> i would like you to have this. happy valentine's day. >> i can't think of what you are talking about. >> oh, my god! >> happy valentine's. >> that's terrible. >> hey, jimmy, i made a ring out of a kidney stone that i passed. >> kidney stone. oh. oh. ew. that better not be my promise ring you stuck that on. is it? >> maybe. >> honey. >> you don't like your picture of matt damon? >> no. >> thanks, matt damon, you ruined valentine's day. >> ew, gross. >> chicken feet. >> okay. >> i thought you needed some. >> you [ bleep ]. >> ah! [ laughter ] you told me you weren't going to get me anything. >> i know. open it. [ bleep ] is that a real snake? you're

>>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, james franco. from "the taste", nigella lawson. and music from fall out boy. with cleto and the cletones. and now, act accordingly, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me on this meandering journey. i appreciate that. today is ash wednesday, which marks the beginning of lent. this is the day on which catholic gkath catholics go to work and hear hey, you have a little something on your forehead, which they hear 20 times a day. you're used to give something up for lent. i usually used to try to pick something i didn't like, like radishes, but my mother never fell for that. here i am a monster. president obama made the annual state of the union address last night. the president told congress and the american people that the state of the union is strong. i bet even lincoln said that when the state of the union was happening during his era. the democrats say for everything obama says, the republicans cheer for nothing obama says. b

. >>> and later, jimmy kimmel gets schooled by a 2-year-old. the adorable beatdown, coming up. ♪ with so much competition, finding the right job is never easy. but with the nation's largest alumni network, including those in key hiring positions, university of phoenix can help connect you to a world of opportunity. hd 8. . when it comes to getting my family to eat breakfast, i need all the help i can get. that's why i like nutella. mom, what's the capital of west virginia? charleston. nutella is a delicious hazelnut spread my whole family loves. mom, have you seen my -- backpack? nutella goes great on whole-wheat toast or whole-grain waffles. and its great taste comes from a unique combination of simple ingredients like hazelnuts, skim milk and a hint of cocoa. yeah, bye. have you seen my -- yes. and...thank you. [ male announcer ] nutella. breakfast never tasted this good. >>> conditions should clear in kansas for the morning commute. but it could get messy around raleigh, north carolina. some freezing rain expected there. also, snow could mak

. >> jimmy kimmel live. his guest are matthew fox. >> thanks for joining us everyone. >> for all of us here thanks so much for watching we appreciate your time good morning news begins tomorrow at 4:30 am. >> alw it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight matthew fox. from "red widow", radha mitchell. and music from ryan bingham. with cleto and the cletones. and now, as scheduled, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. it's a pleasure to have you here. and our -- last night the 85th annual academy awards. was anybody at the show? really? last night the biggest stars in the world squeezed into the smallest spanx in the world across the streets. the bleachers are being broken down. the dirty superheroes are back out on the street. it's nice to see our neighborhood getting back to abnormal. the ratings for the oscars were good. 40 million people watched. up from last year. the show was 3 hours and 35 minutes. i do

and now, with all due respect, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here with us tonight. it's thursday night. you know what that means, right? i don't either. [ laughter ] we have quite a show for you tonight. wide receiver for the baltimore ravens, jacoby jones is here. [ cheers and applause ] we're told the word is that he's still in the middle of the post-super bowl celebration right now. so that should be fun. the ravens had their big victory parade in baltimore yesterday. more than -- tuesday, rather. more than 200,000 people showed up and here's jacoby

"jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- mindy kaling, carl reiner and music from family of the year. with cleto and the cletones. and now, ready or not -- here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for -- braving modern temperatures to be here tonight. it was 62 degrees and sunny in l.a. today where most of the country got hit by a coors light commercial. some areas got 3 feet of snow. for some people that meant power outages and cancelled flights and for others new instagram photos. snow has replaced lunch this week. while a lot of people are suffering no one has it worst than our nation's weather reporters. when the weather is at its worst these brave and dumb men and women fly into it. their networks make them go into it, evidently. it is not easy to be a weatherman. i would like to salute those who risk their extremities just so we can see what snow looks like from the comfort of our homes. >> it's difficult to walk. >> right now we have about 5 inches. >> it's a dense snow. >> it's trench -- treach

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, ewan mcgregor. julianne hough. and music from gary clark jr. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: hi there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. i have a lot to share with you tonight. first of all, some very big news. some very important news, actually. amazon.com released a list of the most romantic cities in north america and for the second year in a row, knoxville, tennessee, is number one. [ laughter ] people in knoxville bought more romance novels and adult toys per capita than any other city. which means they are either the most romantic or have the most horny shut-ins. congratulations to you, knoxville, you sneaky little perverts. and while knoxville may be the most romantic city around here, dalkeith, scotland, in an effort to get people to come to the public library is offering a free pole dancing class. that's the library. [ applause ] give it up for -- shh -- we're reading. this is part of a celebration called love your library day. i think this is goin