. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, mark ruffalo -- national school scrabble champions -- and music from reggie watts -- with cleto and the cletones. and now, furthermore, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: it's very nice. hi there. i'm jimmy kimmel, the host of the show. thank you for watching. and thank you for showing up. they say that's half the battle. i'm glad you're enthusiastic tonight. this is a -- you know, this weekend many of our nation's high school students will go to prom. is it go to prom or is it go to the prom? i guess we'll never know. this is pretty great. "time" magazine published president obama's prom photos. there he is. with a friend and their dates. the girls in kenya are very good looking. obama is 17 years old here. he's the only one not holding champagne. that's called plausible deniability. the girl on the right side of the screen is megan hughes. the other two are his friends kelly and greg. he seems so happy back then. like he was allowed to eat junk food or

today, host of "jimmy kimmel live" jimmy kimmel. mother" start your alyson hannigan.ly ripa and dr. michael strahan! cheers and applause] ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, rod stewart and edie falco with cleto and the cletones, and now, don't change a thing, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. can you feel it? you know what that is? that's love we're feeling in the air right now. it has nothing to do with anyone in this room. yesterday in mcintire, georgia, honey boo-boo's mom and dad finally tied the knot. is that beautiful? mama june and sugar bear met in an online chat room nine years ago and it made love so sweet it gave us a honey boo-boo and now at long last they have been joined in holy mat nairobi. i'll be honest when sugar bear and june cut the mack reenie contain cheesecake, i cried like a baby. the bride wore this from the ted nugent collection. this is why the groom isn't allowed to see the bride behave the wedding. sugar bear wore camouflage pants and an orange vest. it was a match made in a wal-mart dumpster. and honey boo-b

thank you. >> congratulations, jimmy kimmel of the "jimmy kimmel live" program. your recent musings about anthony weiner were indeed hilarious. catching us all off-guard and causing up roar yus laughter to ensue. keep up the ha-has, cheers and godspeed. sincerely, her majesty, the queen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, thank you very much. the queen. from the queen. she got it here fast, too. well, i never felt more beautiful. we're going to take a break. but when we come back, my aunt chippy is prone to fits of rage. when we come back, we're going to drive her into one. jason bateman, chadwick boseman and alice in chains. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] [ female announcer ] degree antiperspirant does more for you, so you can do more. ♪ ♪ only degree has motionsense activated by your movement, the more you move the more it protects. ♪ do more. ♪ degree. it won't let you down. ♪ you know this walmart breakfast is less than a dollar. no way. if your family of four switches from fast food breakfast just once a week... you can save over $650 a yea

>> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" concert: their new album,"magnetic," comes out june 11th. here with the song, "rebel beat," goo goo dolls! ♪ ♪ we keep heading in the same direction you've become my own reflection ♪ ♪ is that your soul that you're trying to protect i always hope that we would intersect, yeah ♪ ♪ you need time to cope and time to heal time to cry ♪ ♪ if it's what you feel life can hurt with hen it gets too real i can hold you up ♪ ♪ when it's hard to deal alive, alive alive is all i wanna feel tonight, tonight ♪ ♪ i need to be where you are i need to be where you are hey you, look around can you hear that ♪ ♪ noise it's a rebel sound we got nowhere else to go and when the sun goes down ♪ ♪ and we fill the streets you're gonna dance 'til the morning to the rebel's beat ♪ ♪ you can take everything from me cause this is all i need ♪ you got it? ♪ you know that life is ♪ like a ticking clock nobody knows when it's gonna stop, yeah before i'm gone ♪ ♪ i need to touch someone with a word with a kiss with a decent s

jimmy kimmel has something to keep you awake.e you working on for us. >> tonight we have music from reggie watts the, the national scrabble champs are are here, and mark ruffalo is here. his name rhymes with çhlpñbuffa >> it does..(@= >>> excessive gas making his major -- kevin gaus making his major league debut. he ended uí8jhgoingm()jjájjták a grand slam in the 6th and four more runs in the 8th. ñ 12-6. >> [déÑit's his first game, giv him time, he'll get there. >>> quick check of the radar, we're going to get it back weather wise for the weekend. tonight, still heavy downpours, lake shore, this whole line continuing to take its time. heavy rain overnight. a few showers tomorrow, a cooler windier day in the mid- 60s. the sunshine comes back for the weekend. we're going to jamie's house. >> the 4th of july. >> okay. not this hour. >>> friday morning on good morning maryland, high schoolers promise that two former students will never be forgotten. >>> and if you have plans for memorial day weekend, you may be wondering how ocean c

. >> okay, jimmy kimmel live up just after us at 11:30 so stick around for the laughs. all right on your next trip down south, you can get i thinked for oklahoma. a lose d inc.ed for oak inked  for oklahoma. atattoo parlor in louisiana is giving away tattoos. >> kevin durant got a tattoo with a misspelling. thescripture is supposed to read let it do its work so you become the chore. if you look at the word on the left, it's spelled wrong. quick check on the radar. it's going to be more active starting tomorrow, but tonight light downpours out there. one in the dundalk area and most of them dissipating right now. a little rain in carroll county. hour by hour tomorrow, hit or miss shower in the morning and then storms in the afternoon lingering into tomorrow night. we'll be here all day on it tomorrow. . >> thursday on good morning maryland, job well done teachers of baltimore city schools. thestrict has some of the best schools in the state [technical difficulties] Ñ here is a your chance tonight to join with dozens of people to win a dodge dart. it was put together by

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- director j.j. abrams, jason and jarron collins, and music from huey lewis and the news with cleto and the cletones. and now, as always, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to hollywood. i was hoping you would and you did. i was in new york last night for the whole weekend. here's the thing about new york. here in l.a., people do a lot of texting and driving. it's mostly women. i haven't done a full scientific study but it seems women are more involved with their phones than men are. but in new york, people do something that i think is worse than texting and driving. they text and walk. they have their heads down and they just move forward. doesn't matter who's in the path, they just go. you have to dodge them like a bull fighter. they'll go right out in traffic. it's nuts. i'm working on a plan, though, to stop it. i had my research and development team building me a . er -- nerf car, b

, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, rod stewart and edie falco with cleto and the cletones, and now, don't change a thing, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. can you feel it? you know what that is?

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- zoe saldana -- from espn, bill simmons -- and music from fitz and the tantrums -- with cleto and the cletones -- and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: i'm jimmy kimmel. thank you for watching. we have a lot to get to right now. if you don't like the show we have tonight, i'm sorry, i apologize. and i blame others. i like to start the show this evening with one of the strangest relationships maybe ever. that of former nba player dennis rod map -- and really, you could fill in the next blank with any name. but the other name happens to be north korean dictator kim jong-un. i don't know what the hell it is. february dennis rodman visited north korea and when he came back, he called him a friend for life. unfortunately dennis' friend for life is holding an american kenneth bay prisoner for life. he was sentenced to 15 years of hard labor for unspecified hostile acts against the country. so yesterday, "the seattle times" challenged dennis to ask his friend to release that pris

. >>> jimmy kimmel has on the couch tonight. jimmy. >> we have music from band of horses from the big sea, plus are iron man himself, john favro is here. actually not iron man, you were iron man. >>> what's at 11:35, abc2 news at 11. >>> you're not going to have to wait much longer to see hostess snacks in store. twinkies are back on the way, reopening several bakeries and expect several locations will be up and running, and the popular snack cakes back on the shelves. >> and cup cake and a cup of coffee. >> right. >> forget about that, now they're talking about caffeinated gum. gum candy and other snacks, the fda wants to know the answer and watching all the new caffeinated snacks, especially when it comes to effects on kids. the agency is investigating the safety of energy drinks after customer complaints. >> the gun that get rid of your coffee breath. >> and makes you wacy. >> candy, that's taking it to a new level. >>> let's take a look at it, caffeine free, the sun coming back, we're talking after midday tomorrow, i think w

and now, face the facts, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming.

. >> "jimmy kimmel live", musical guest will i am. >> stay tune for.hat that's our report for now. thanks for watching. >> abc 7 news continues tomorrow morning starting at 4:30. >> for all of us here we apprec >> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, tobey maguire -- kerry washington -- and music from will.i.am with cleto and the cletones. and now, what could be better than this? here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. i don't normally do

. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!"night, mark ruffalo -- national school scrabble champions -- and music from reggie watts -- with cleto and the cletones. and now, furthermore, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: it's very nice. hi there. i'm jimmy kimmel, the host of the show. thank you for watching. and thank you for showing up. they say that's half the battle.

. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- zoe saldana -- from espn, bill simmons -- and music from fitz and the tantrums -- with cleto and the cletones -- and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: i'm jimmy kimmel. thank you for watching. we have a lot to get to right now. if you don't like the show we

"jimmy kimmel live", is next with collins >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" director j.j. abrams, jason and jarron collins, and music from huey lewis and the news with cleto and the cletones. and now, as always, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to hollywood. i was hoping you would and you

>> jimmy: i'm jimmy kimmel. thank you for watching.

jimmy kimmel goes numero dos. jimmy: thank you. >> and everyone use charmin because it is numero uno with numero dos. we all go so why not enjoy the go. >> jimmy: that's a really great question, guillermo. that is amazing. i had no idea you were a writer, i didn't know this. >> i wrote two other books. everyone goes numero uno and everyone goes numero tres. >> jimmy: what is numero tres? >> read it yourself, dumbass. >> charmin, america's number one bathroom tissue for number two. use up to four times less n than the leading value brand. oh! there it is. thanks son. hey! [ female announcer ] charmin ultra strong has a duraclean texture that can help you get clean while still using less. and it's four times stronger versus the leading value brand. charmin ultra strong helps keep you and your underwear clean. we all go. why not enjoy the go with charmin ultra strong? charmin ultra strong helps keep you and your underwear clean. olive garden's three course italian dinner, just $12.95. five new choices like new grille

thanks for joining us. >> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!t -- robert downey jr. from "star trek into darkness", simon pegg. and music from goo goo dolls. with cleto and the cletones. and now, thank you for your patronage. here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] ♪ >> that's very nice. thank you for watching. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. i can see you're excited. it's friday night.

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- ethan hawke -- the bachelorette, desiree hartsock -- episode two of "the baby bachelor" -- and music from thirty seconds to mars -- with cleto and the cletones -- and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i appreciate that. i want you to know something. i'll never forget what you guys just did for me, thank you. hey, this is a fun story i've been following since last week. the tale of toronto mayor rob ford. any canadians? that's rob right there. he's the mayor of toronto. he's having a difficult week since the "toronto star" reported there's cell phone video on which he's seen smoking a crack pipe. reportedly shot by drug dealers in toronto who are trying to sell it for $200,000. the drug dealers showed it to two reporters from "the star" who described it as shocking saying it does appear to be the mayor smoking a crack pipe with so mali drug dealers. i know it sounds like a joke, but it is far from it. the mayor says it couldn't be him. he denies any and all al

and now, not a moment too soon, here's jimmy kimmel! and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, very nice. thank you for watching. as you've been coming, hey, is

right now we're going to toss to jimmy kimmel making fun of president obama's prom picture. >> did you see the photo? >> "time" magazine just published president obama's prom photos. there he is with a friend and

"jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ed helms. and jewel. with cleto and the cletones. and now, that's not all, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. it's very nice. hello, thank you for watching. thank you for joining me on your television. i do appreciate that. i am your host. my name is jimmy. i want to mention that yesterday i was presented with an honorary doctorate at the university of nevada, las vegas which means you can call me dr. kimmel. i will be writing medical marijuana prescriptions in the alley after the show. did you know i'm a doctor now guillermo? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: you know what that means? >> yeah. >> jimmy:s you a nurse. i'm a doctor of humane letters and i don't know what that means. i didn't have to do anything to get it. i didn't have to read or write a thesis. i made a mockery of higher education this weekend and i can invite strangers into my office and ask them to take their clothes off without getting arrested. that's how it works, right? i gave the commencement speech at the unlv commencement ceremony.

>> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, tobey maguire -- kerry washington -- and music from will.i.am with cleto and the cletones. and now, what could be better than this? here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. i don't normally do this, but since you're here, i would like to take a moment to tell you about an amazing new investment opportunity. i'm very excited about it. i'll give you an idea in a nutshell. are you ready? drinkable shampoo. anybody in? as you're hopefully aware, sunday, this sunday is on the day in which we celebrate the people we came out of, our moms. mother's day is on sunday. and then monday is how long do i have to keep this homemade macaroni picture on the refrigerator day? americans will spend between $17 billion and $20 billion on mother's day. the average spending is about $169 per mom. which is the reason nba players need so much money. mother's day is -- it's a good opportunity to take time to reflect on all the things our mother's h

>> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight alyssa milano. chris "ludacris" bridges. and music from darius rucker. with cleto and the cletones. and now, let the truth be known, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. we have a great show. thank you for traveling from near and far for what i'm 85% sure is going to be the best night of your love. it will at least be in the top four. my therapist told me i should be more positive. we had an election here in los angeles yesterday. any of you vote? [ applause ] >> jimmy: i don't believe it. i really don't. there wasn't much on the ballot, but there were three different measures involving medical marijuana. the one that passed was proposition d which limits the number of marijuana dispensaries in the city. there are ton of them. they're everywhere. but the rule now is there cannot be more marijuana stores than cupcake shops. because they feed on each other. proposition d will limit the number of dispensaries in l.a. to 135. just to give you a point of reference, there are 1

>> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- robert downey jr. from "star trek into darkness", simon pegg. and music from goo goo dolls. with cleto and the cletones. and now, thank you for your patronage. here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> that's very nice. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i can see you're excited. it's friday night. it's time to -- it's not? oh, crap. well, it feels like friday night. robert downey jr. is here with us. [ applause ] >> jimmy: now, here's the thing. robert was originally scheduled to be here to promote "ironman 3" but since that's doing so well, he's switched focus and will now promote his new high-end goatee trimmers. also here, simon pegg of the "star treg" movie. and we'll hear music from the goo goo dolls. if you' been watching the news, charles ramsey from cleveland, last night he was busy eating a big mac when he heard woman screaming. he rushed over, kicked the door in and it turned out she had been missing for ten years and two other women in the house who had also been missing. but thanks i

jimmy kimmel introducing "bachelor babies." jimmy kimmel introducing "bachelor babies."n it comes to getting my family to eat breakfast, i need all the help i can get. i tell them, "come straight to the table." i say, "it's breakfast time, not playtime." "there's fruit, milk and i'm putting a little nutella on your whole-wheat toast." funny, that last part gets through. [ male announcer ] serving nutella is quick and easy. its great taste comes from a unique combination of simple ingredients like hazelnuts, skim milk and a hint of cocoa. okay, plates in the sink, grab your backpacks -- [ male announcer ] nutella. breakfast never tasted this good. smoke? nah, i'm good. [ male announcer ] celebrate every win with nicoderm cq. nicoderm cq is the unique patch that helps prevent the urge to smoke all day long. double your chances of quitting with nicoderm cq. ♪ don't stop what you do ♪ i won't stop loving you ♪ because i love the things you do ♪ ♪ whatever you do, don't stop [ female announcer ] the laughing cow cheese. rich, creamy decadence, but with only 35 calories a wedg

>>> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, mel brooks, science bob pflugfelder, and music from the airborne toxic event. with cleto and the cletones. and now, what more can i say, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. here you're watching on a great night tonight. usually when i say you're watching a great night, i'm lying. but tonight it's actually the truth. tonight, we have mel brooks, science bob pflugfelder, and music from the airborne toxic event. so try to stay away wake. tonight on the program, here's some of the demonstrations bob pflugfelder has done on the show before. >> whoa! >> wow! [ applause ] >> jimmy: tonight, he will be igniting a rainbow of fire, a hunl multipronged toilet paper weapon and he built personal hover crafts for us. you know, i tell you, when i was a kid, they used to have ads in the back of the kmomic books, build your own hovercraft. even in the kid when my imagination was vast, i knew i was too dumb to build one by myself. so i decided to get my

. >>> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, mel brooks, science bob pflugfelder, and music from the airborne toxic event. with cleto and the cletones. and now, what more can i say, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy.

here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> that's very nice. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i can see you're

enjoy the the long hol >> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, chris pine. from "nashville", connie britton. and music from dawes. with cleto and the cletones. and now, as you well know, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. high atop my mountain fortress, i have a lot to get to tonight. so i'm going to start with

"jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ed helms. and jewel. with cleto and the cletones.nd now, that's not all, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. it's very nice. hello, thank you for watching. thank you for joining me on your television. i do appreciate that.

"jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jon favreau. gabourey sidibe. and music from band of horses with cleto and the cletones. and now, what else can i say, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> thank you, that's very nice.

and now, most of all, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for watching, thank you for coming. how are you doing?

. >>> jimmy kimle h kimmel has an what life is like in the vatican. us. us. thank you so much.ppreciate it. i'll be right back. they didn't take a dime. how much in fees does your bank take to watch your money? if your bank takes more money than a stranger, you need an ally. ally bank. your money needs an ally. >>> let's gather around the water cooler. what do you have for us today? >> thanks, bill. governor chris christie proved that in front of a group of school children visiting in his office this past friday, they spotted a spider on the governor's desk. take a look. >> where is he? there he is. that's all part of being governor. any bugs on your desk you're allowed to kill them and not get in trouble. >> posted that video on his youtube page with governor versus spider showdown. peta said, quote, the spider execution. he probably did it without thinking. some people put the spider outside but spiders are often scary. people can prevent them from pondering their worth. listen, you got a spider on your desk, what do you do? you kill the spider. i'm sorry, peta. i apologize.

jimmy kimmle live is next >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!"onight alyssa milano. chris "ludacris" bridges. and music from darius rucker. with cleto and the cletones. and now, let the truth be known, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. we have a great show. thank you for traveling from near and far for what i'm

the morning news starts at >> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, tobey maguire -- kerry washington -- and music from will.i.am with cleto and the cletones. and now, what could be better than this? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. welcome. i'm jimmy, host of the show. thank you very much. thank you for joining me. i don't normally do this, but since you're here, i would like to take mo

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

and now, as you well know, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. high atop my mountain fortress, i have a

. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- ethan hawke -- the bachelorette, desiree hartsock -- episode two of "the baby bachelor" -- and music from thirty seconds to mars -- with cleto and the cletones -- and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ]

. >> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, pierce brosnan, greta gerwig and music from alice russell with cleto and the cletones. and now, face the facts, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming. i want to start the show off with some good news. i went to the dentist this morning and my teeth are perfect. no cavity, no decay. my gums are pink and beautiful. everyone in the dentist's office came by to just admire my mouth. i even went room to room to talk to the other patients about their teeth. you know, some people get their teeth whitened, i have mine blackened just so i can fit in with the rest of everyone else. that's how white they are. on my way out, my dentist tried to give me a little bag with the floss and a toothbrush and a little tube of colgate. i said save this for someone who needs it. and then i got in my car and i drove to work smiling the whole way so everyone could enjoy my beautiful teeth. you're welcome. speaking of perfect teeth, martha stewart is on the prowl. have you he

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming to hollywood. i was in new york last night for the whole weekend. here's the thing about new york. here in l.a., people do a loot of texting and driving. it's mostly women. i haven't done a full scientific study, but it soom es women are more involved with their phones than men are. but in new york, people do something that i think is worse than texting and driving. they text and walk. they have their heads down and they just move forward. doesn't matter who's in the path, they just go. they'll go right out in traffic. it's nuts. i'm working on plan, though, to stop it. i had my research and development team building me a nur of car, billing an entire car made out of the same material they make nerf basketballs out of. it's going to be yellow so it looks like a cab. i'm going to bump them. maybe it will stop them, maybe it won't, but the important thing is i will have a car made out of nerf. why not make all cars out of nerf. no

. >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony. eyes.. colors become richer. details become clearer. which for a filmmaker, changes everything. because now there are no more barriers between the world that i see and the ones i can show you. the sony 4k ultra hd tv. go olive garden's three course italian dinner, just $12.95. choose one of five new entrees. go grilled with our new chicken toscano served with creamy parmesan risotto. or go succulent with our new shrimp penne. plus soup or salad and breadsticks. finish on a high note - dessert! three full courses just $12.95. olive garden, we're all family here! and try our lighter fare menu. 5 delicious choices under 575 calories. be on board for this one. it's sears super memorial day event. with thrilling offers, like up to 30% off all appliances. plus an extra 5% off appliances with your sears card. this is where members always get more. this is sears. so you can do more. ♪ ♪ only degree has motionsense activated by your movement, the more you move the more it protects. ♪ do more. ♪ degr