up next on jimmy kimmel, >> dicky: from hollywood, it's about "jimmy kimmel live? "tonight, sofia vergara, degree, snoop dog and music from tyga featuring offset. and now, step aside. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome. hi, everyone. thank you. relax, relax. hello. i'm jimmy. i'm your host. thank you very much. thank you for coming. thank you very much. it's -- hey, i just want to mention something real quick. if you haven't already, and i'm assuming you're an american, which i know not everyone here is, i hope you registered to vote because today is national voter registration day. and i have a new slogan i'm trying to get going to get people -- it goes like this. if you don't vote, i'm going to punch you right in the face. [ laughter ] what do you think [ applause ] it needs a little bit of work, but the gist is there. registering to vote is easy. it takes less than two minutes. that's -- i mean, that's how long it takes to have sex. [ laughter ] it's not that long. oh, just me. the mid-term elections are six weeks away a

hear what she told jimmy kimmel next. jimmy kimmel, next. rheumatoid arthritis, month after month, the clock is ticking on irreversible joint damage. ongoing pain and stiffness are signs of joint erosion. humira can help stop the clock. prescribed for 15 years, humira targets and blocks a source of inflammation that contributes to joint pain and irreversible damage. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. help stop the clock on further irreversible joint damage. talk to your rheumatologist. right here. right now. humira. where the sun

"jimmy kimmel live," and net benning. >> have a good night. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmele." tonight -- annette bening john mayer tracy morgan, emmy winning director glenn weiss and his fiancÉe jan, and guillermo at the 2018 emmys and now and furthermore here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thank you for joining us. i'm going to be honest. i'm -- i'm tired. i know -- any hour is tooar

right now on jimmy kimmel the one and only terry bradshaw. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmeldshaw, shannon purser, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from dreamers. and now, going forward, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. very nice. thank you, i appreciate it. welcome, welcome. i'm jimmy, i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. very kind, thanks for joining us on a friday night. we don't even think of going out. this is the night to stay up a

jimmy kimmel live with christina aguilera. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!christina aguilera. from summer '03, paul scheer. plus slash featuring myles kennedy and the conspirators. and now, on top of all that, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi. welcome. very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. that's very nice. i have to say -- i'm encouraged that you're in a good mood.

dan ashley. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"!- jennifer love hewitt -- and music from the lemon twigs. and now finally, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome. relax. very nice. hi, there. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. we

this abc sports report sponsored by river ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!onight, mike epps, l.a. dodger matt kemp, judge james, and music from wiz khalifa featuring lil skies, and now, here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, very nice. hi, everybody. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i'm so glad you made it. it's wonderful to be here. what a good-looking -- what a physically attractive audience. i plan to

right now on jim >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, jeff daniels, from cnn wolf blitzer, and music from charlie puth. and now, for the time being, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. thank you. i hope you had a wonderful weekend. let me tell you what i did this weekend. guillermo and i went to new york this weekend. right? >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. >> jimmy: a very romantic vacation. but i had a sobering moment. on saturday night guillermo and i went out to dinner, went to an italian restaurant. at one point during the meal guillermo very seriously looks over at me and says, i've been watching you. you eat a lot. [ laughter ] do you remember saying that? >> yeah. but it's incredible. you have two stomachs. you eat too much. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, you're not exactly sandy duncan over here. topical reference for the young people. [ cheers and applause ] anyway, by the way, explain your wake-

on jimmy kimmel live, sarah silverman. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"!ight, sarah silverman, dave matthews, and music from dave matthews band. and now, hold on tight, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching and for coming. thanks for everything.

i'm larry >> dicky: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel live". tonight, olivia wilde. from "sierra burgess is a loser", noah centineo. this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from jungle. and now, moving along, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much. welcome to the show. my name is jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. happy friday. can you feel -- can you feel autumn in the air? you'd never know it from walking around here in l.a., but summer's over. today was the last official day of summer. tomorrow's the first official day of fall. the autumnal equinox. the equinox. this is interesting. the equinox, i learned today, was first recorded by an ancient greek astronomer named hipparchus who noticed the position of the stars seemed to shift in a cyclical way and that therefore the earth must be moving along the he can waiterial plane and he decided to name this phenomenon after the gym he was a member of. equinox. isn't that something? it could just as easily have been called 24

"jimmy kimmel live," and net benning. >> have a good night. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- annette bening john mayer tracy morgan, emmy winning director glenn weiss and his fiancÉe jan, and guillermo at the 2018 emmys and now and furthermore here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thank you for joining us. i'm going to be honest. i'm -- i'm tired. i know -- any hour is too early. let me tell you something. we had emmys last night, downtown, it's a big thing around here, everybody gets dressed up, there are a lot of parties after the show. my wife and i went to a couple of parties. we got home very late and then our son, who's -- we got home at 2:00 a.m. our son, who's 17 months old, you're not going to believe this, even though we got home very late, he didn't care. he got up very early. he got up at 6 :10, which is inconsiderate and i'm going to have a serious talk with him when i get home tonight. what time did you get home last night, guillermo? >> around 12:00. >> jimmy: that's pretty reasonable. g

for all of us, thanks for being >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- emmy winner peter dinklage. from "insecure," issa rae. and music from ann wilson. and now, good news, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. welcome. thanks all around. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. thanks for joining us in hollywood. i hope wherever you're watching it is dry. in many parts of the country it is not dry. hurricane florence has stopped dumping rain but rivers are rising, power's out in a lot of places, floods are threatening residents in carolina. the president, though, is on top of the situation. fear not, he went to costco, he bought a 24-pack of those big paper towels and he flew straight to the scene. [ laughter ] before he did that he tweeted this message of thanks to all those working to lessen the impact of this monster of a storm. >> i just want to thank all of the incredible men and women who have done such a great job in helping with florence. this is a toug

and now, for good measure, here's jimmy kimmel!, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] oh, that's very nice. we have so much to get to. a veritable cornucopia of crazy. all stirred up by our celebrity president, whose voice we heard

and now, in all probability, here's jimmy kimmel!s and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you for everything. it's very good to be here. thank you for joining us on one of the strangest in a very strange

up next on jimmy kimmel, >> dicky: from hollywood, it's about "jimmy kimmel live? "tonight, sofia vergara, degree, snoop dog and music from tyga featuring offset. and now, step aside. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome. hi, everyone. thank you. relax, relax. hello. i'm jimmy. i'm your host. thank you very much. thank you for coming. thank you very much. it's -- hey, i just want to mention something real quick. if you haven't already, and i'm assuming you're an american, which i know not everyone here

and now, stay put, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. very nice.. welcome. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watchg. ryicplease. i mean, listen. it's nice, but --

i'm larry >> dicky: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel live". tonight, olivia wilde. from "sierra burgess is a loser", noah centineo. this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from jungle. and now, moving along, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much. welcome to the show. my name is jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. happy friday. can you feel -- can you feel autumn in the air? you'd never know it from walking around here in l.a., but summer's over.

and now, for good measure, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice, thanks. hi, hello. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] oh, that's very nice. we have so much to get to. a veritable cornucopia of crazy. all stirred up by our celebrity president, whose voice we heard on tuesday night instructing his former lawyer to pay off a playboy playmate. now today we learn there are more tapes to be heard and shared with friends. investigators reportedly have more than 100 audio recordings of michael cohen chatting with and about donald trump. apparently cohen would record these calls and meetings on his iphone instead of taking notes because it was easier than taking notes to record. [ laughter ] i'm starting to think maybe trump doesn't hire all the best people. [ laughter ] that's the conclusion. turns out the only person in the world who uses the voice memo app on his iphone is using it to tape the president of the united states.

right now, on jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"!enn, from "single parents", taran killam, and music from st. paul and the broken bones. and now if you'll be so kind here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ ♪ i don't know, have you

>> jimmy: i'm jimmy kimmel.guillermo: pizza. >> jimmy: friendship. >> guillermo: oh, friendship. [music begins to play: "like ♪sugait's like sh♪-an] it's like sugar ♪ so sweet ♪ ♪ good enough ♪ ♪ to e♪t ♪ yeah! ♪ ♪ like sugar, like sugar ♪ it's like sugar ♪ suga♪, so sweet ♪ ♪ good enough ♪ to e♪t ♪ yeah! ♪ man: are unpredictable crohn's symptoms following you everywhere? it's time to take back control with stelara®. for adults with moderately to severely active crohn's disease, stelara® works differently. studies showed relief and remission with dosing every 8 weeks. woman: stelara® may lower the ability of your immune system to fight infections and may increase your risk of infections and cancer. some serious infections require hospitalization. before treatment, get tested for tuberculosis. before or during treatment, always tell your doctor if you think you have an infection or have flu-like symptoms or sores, have had cancer, or develop any new skin growths, or if anyone in your house needs or recently had a

and now, in all probability, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you for everything. it's very good to be here. thank you for joining us on one of the strangest in a very strange year for the usa. this was a weird day. our president this afternoon, donald trump treated the media gathered in new york to a rambling, angry, jumbled, dishonest, and frequently incoherent hour and 20 minute long press conference. it might still be going, i don't know. i don't even know where to start. the wheels are off the wagon. it's time to put grandpa in an assisted living facility. because he cannot care for himself. what a performance this was. it was like the craziest voice mail from your mom ever. [ laughter ] it went on and on and all over the place, he hammered everybody, china, canada, the media, obama, george washington got it. [ laughter ] it was bananas. they say rod rosenstein wanted to tape him to show everyone he's nuts? not necess

jimmy kimmel live with christina aguilera. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! top night, christina aguilera. from summer '03, paul scheer. plus slash featuring myles kennedy and the conspirators. and now, on top of all that, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi. welcome. very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. that's very nice. i have to say -- i'm encouraged that you're in a good mood. because not everyone is. i don't know if you saw this but there's a new study from gallup, the poll people, that says last year, 2017, was the most miserable year on record. [ lone clapper ] [ laughter ] according to what's known as the global emotions report, an annual study of people all over the globe, since they started keeping track in 2005, last year was the world's most negative year. who is to blame for that? young sheldon, they say. [ laughter ] before him everything -- no. the poll said in the last year collectively the world was more stressed, more worried, sadder, and m

. >> i'm >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- sharon osbourne. from "insecure", jay ellis. jack black and kyle gass, tenacious d. and music from t.i. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thanks. welcome. welcome, welcome. thank you. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. oh, boy. there's so much going on, and we -- today was a very emotional day here in the united states. millions of americans watched the much-anticipated testimonies of supreme court nominee brett kavanaugh and the woman who accused him of sexual assault, dr. christine blasey ford. it was something to see. people were crying in front of their televisions. you'd have thought milo got killed by a crockpot. it was riveting to watch and interesting. the republican senators were very careful with dr. ford. in fact, they were too scared to even question her. they hired a surrogate, a female prosecutor from arizona, no kidding, they brought her in to do it for them. the way they found this prosecutor is very interesting. senator chuck grass

and now, hold on tight, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching and for coming. thanks for everything. i'm glad you're feeling positive. because what a day it was today. yet another -- we keep saying unprecedented. but another unprecedented day of tumult and infighting in the wild, wild west wing where team trump is absolutely reeling from the aftershocks of a brutal bombshell from within their ranks. the failing "new york times" today published an anonymous op-ed written by a current senior member of trump's administration. it is a scorching editorial. you want to hear some of it? >> audience: yes! >> jimmy: wow. this was written by a senior staffer who currently works for the president of the united states. i am part of the resistance inside the trump administration. i work for the president but like-minded colleagues and i have vowed to thwart parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations. the dilemma which he does not fully gra

and now, before i forget, here's jimmy kimmel!se ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i'm glad you're here. i do want to say to our viewers on the east coast, if you're

for all of us, thanks for being >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!ight -- emmy winner peter dinklage. from "insecure," issa rae. and music from ann wilson. and now, good news, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. welcome. thanks all around. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. thanks for joining us in hollywood. i hope wherever you're watching it is dry. in many parts of the country it is not

right now, on jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, sean penn, from "single parents", taran killam, and music from st. paul and the broken bones. and now if you'll be so kind here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ ♪ i don't know, have you noticed what's going on here? we have looking at the tv, we had football this year. if you were ready or not, it came back. i don't know if you saw this, but the cleveland browns snapped a 17-game losing streak that goes back to 2016 and snapped it with a tie. they tied 21-21. the browns turned the franchise around. they becoming a soccer team. what's really sad is by starting the season, the browns are off to the best start since 2004. the things are looking sideways, i guess. if you spent the day watching the dolphins-titans game. you spent the whole day watching. they went on for seven hours and 10 minutes. it w it was itant rick football. they murnlged with the afl. players were kneeling just to get some rest. two members of the miami dolphins. to protest police brutality. it's a tough thing. a lot of pe

♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, mike epps, l.a.odger matt kemp, judge james, and music from wiz khalifa featuring lil skies, and now, here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, very nice. hi, everybody. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i'm so glad you made it. it's wonderful to be here. what a good-looking -- what a physically attractive audience. i plan to make love to each and every one of you before the night is over. so, we have a lot to get to, starting with -- i want to start with some alarming news for those of us who have cell phones, which is all of us. actually, does here not have a cell phone? everyone has a phone, right? there are no lunatics in the audience. all right, sir. everyone has a phone but that may change because according to a new study from a company that studies these kinds of things, by next year, by 2019, half of all cell phone calls will be from scammers. i think i might be at half already. i don't get a ton of calls. when my phone rings, i'm surp

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thanks. welcome. welcome, welcome. thank you. thank you.i, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. oh, boy. there's so much going on, and we -- today was a very emotional day here in the united states. millions of

>> >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- jim carrey, andy cohen, and music from nathaniel rateliff & the night sweats. and now, stay put, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. very nice. hi, everybody. welcome. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. very nice. please. i mean, listen. it's nice, but -- we will begin tonight with a terrifying story out of philadelphia. the city of brotherly love. where the citizenry fell victim to one of the most unusual robberies ever. the largest live insect heist in history. maybe the only live insect heist in history, i don't know. [ laughter ] thousands of bugs have been stolen from the philadelphia insectarium. thieves made off with more than 7,000 bugs including millipedes, rhinoceros roaches, lizards, frogs, snakes and venomous spiders valued at more than $40,000. i get why people steal, but what's the plan after a theft like this? unless you live in an ant farm you walk around the street going, wanna buy

>> >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live"!andy cohen, and music from nathaniel rateliff & the night sweats. and now, stay put, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. very nice. hi, everybody. welcome. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. very nice. please. i mean, listen. it's nice, but -- we will begin tonight with a terrifying story

right now on jim >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!", from cnn wolf blitzer, and music from charlie puth. and now, for the time being, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. thank you. i hope you had a wonderful weekend. let me tell you what i did this weekend. guillermo and i went to new york this weekend. right? >> guillermo: that's right,

and now, and furthermore, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thank you for joining us. i'm going to be honest. i'm -- i'm tired. i know -- any hour is too early. let me tell you something.

and now, don't move, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much.ere. jimmy cartery. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. relax, relax. ace frehley is here. what's happening? hope you had a quick weekend. i want to tell you a story about

. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- rami malek -- jennifer love hewitt -- and music from the lemon twigs. and now finally, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome. relax. very nice. hi, there. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. we are back to work. thank you for joining us on the day after labor day. also known as back to my horrible life day. i hope you had a good and long holiday weekend. you know it's kind of funny, we go back to work, and inevitably you ask your co-workers, how was your weekend, how was your vacation? eastern though you've already seen every detail of every trip, every meal, every cocktail, and every sunset on instagram, you know it all already. we should come into work and say, "you had a good weekend, i know." they estimate that more than 16 million americans traveled by air over the holiday weekend. and here's a fun statistic. they did a study. the germiest place at the airport, the place with the highest levels of v

and now, before i forget, here's jimmy kimmel! request [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i'm glad you're here. i do want to say to our viewers on the east coast, if you're anywhere near the path of hurricane florence, get out of the path of hurricane florence. states of emergency have been declared in georgia, maryland, virginia, and the carolinas. they say florence could drop 10 trillion gallons of water on north carolina this week. more than 1 million people have been ordered to evacuate. not everyone follows rules, though. some people have other plans for this storm. people like this chill dude and his friends in kitty hawk. >> for this group of kitty hawk locals -- >> got it under control. >> it's just another day on the beach despite the mandatory evacuation notice and hurricane warnings. they say they're going to ride it out. >> hunker down, run the generator, watch movies, drink beer, eat food. >>

. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, terry bradshaw, shannon purser, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from dreamers. and now, going forward, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. very nice. thank you, i appreciate it. welcome, welcome. i'm jimmy, i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. very kind, thanks for joining us on a friday night. we don't even think of going out. this is the night to stay up and watch television. just like the president does all day. you know, the president spent -- actually, he got out today. he spent his day in few sals, south dakota, draining the swamp, no doubt. while all manner of hell continues to break loose back in washington, d.c. but it was good for him, he needed to get out of the office. he was in billings, montana, last night with the latest stop on his violent torpedo of untruth tour. [ laughter ] while there he continued to try to discredit the savage anonymous op-ed that was written by a member of his

"jimmy kimmel live," and net benning. >> have a gd >>> tv's number one daily viral video show "right this minute." robert is about to meet one tough cookie. >> somewhere in his 80s. >> why he's not afraid of a bunch of young punks. >> don't come back, ya hear? >>> rescuers come to the aid of an injured dog -- >> left on the side of the road. >> how a little tlc gets this sweet guy back on his feet. >>> and a fire tornado spews flames. >> reaching about 200. >> the moment the firefighters feel they met their match. >> get out of here. >>> and your chance to win a tuesday ipad mini with the tuesday buzz word. >>> and it's about to get serious. >> what happens to the field with their debacle. >> oh, ow. >>> you're hanging out with your friends having a little bit of fun, putting money down on the horses, when suddenly -- three armed guys come barging in. two with hammers, one with what appears to be a shotgun. the guy behind the cash register's there. he now puts his arms up, but watch what this man does. dennis o'connor somewhere in his early 80s, he's not going to stand back. he's goi

and now, hold on tight, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching and for coming. thanks for everything. i'm glad you're feeling positive.

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thank you for being >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! and dave salmoni and animals. and now, look alive, here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. very nice. thank you very much. well, that's very kind and i thank you and i welcome you. you're joining us on a somber day in the united states when

jimmy kimmel live, >>> tv's number one daily viral video show "right this minute."ets a direct order. >> he's like, cool. >> who sparked the family fight with a car caught in the middle? >> she let him to do it. >>> see the dog who went viral for her bright red fur. >> this is not normal. >> now see how scarlet is getting her old color along with a new home. >>> it's an absolutely spectacular view of. >> drift something i don't think we've seen it. >> the brilliant handy work of a genius with a drone. >>> and one intrusive prankster. >> what's up? >> up? >> s the awkward fun regarding stranger's >>> i can guess? splitting a car in half, is this predivorce 50/50, i'm getting the front of the car, you're get the back. >> you say i'm crazy but your mind went there. >> you are crazy. >> well, that's exactly what happened. the judge ordered the bank to split the car with his -- so he's like, cool. >> he's doing it with an ax. i mean, there's a lot of anger going on in this video. >> very interesting choice for sure. >> it's making an impact. who knows whether or not she

when we come back, jimmy kimmel, you are not going to believe the so-called disturbing, creepy joke hedge kavanaugh. he has lost his mind. we will play that, and he has an obsession. we will explain next. ♪ re, you can choose any car in the aisle, even if it's a better car class than the one you reserved. so no matter what, you're guaranteed to have a perfect drive. [laughter] (vo) go national. go like a pro. see what i did there? get the worx turbine 600 blower with revolutionary power. turbine 600 uses patented jet engine technology to generate extreme blowing force. turbine 600 is up to twice as fast as leading brand gas blowers and is half the price. it's worx season. t the homeg brand gas blowers and is half the price. of our dreams. i went to move a box to the basement and... (bubbling, dripping) not part of the dream. we needed to pay for repairs and replace the water heater. a loan through lending club gave us affordable rates with a clear end in sight. a few questions online and within days we had the money in our account. now, if only getting these things unpacked was just as

. >> all of that is ahead, but first here's a look at what's coming up tonight on jimmy kimmel live on abc7 news at 11:00. jimmy. >> thanks, dan and alma. consider this a warning. have you ever talked to britney spears? >> um, hey, i'm down. >> why don't we use social media to reach out because i would love t when i have an asthma attack... i feel like a fish with no water. learn how to prevent your child's next asthma attack. because even one attack is one too many. this is customizable str...whatever size.r family. it's saving money with flexible channel packs. live tv and the latest shows to stream. and all your streaming apps in one place - even netflix. this is how xfinity makes life. simple. easy. awesome. get started with xfinity internet and tv for just $34.99 a month for 12 months and customize by adding flexible channel packs. click, call or visit a store today. (boy) grandpa, look what i got! (woman) oh dad, wait 'till you see the bike we got for jake. (narrator) hearing loss happens gradually with age... making it easy to ignore. yet most older americans aren't getting thei

but first here's a look at what's coming up on "jimmy kimmel live" right after abc 7 news at 11:00. jimmy. >> thanks, dan. it's a big night for pizza. >> he eats pizza in the same way as a muffi >>> a wield police chase in los angeles went for more than two hours tonight before coming to kind of a weird ending. it started in burbank when police tried to stop a porsche convertible for driving in the wrong direction. the driver and his female passenger tried to outrun officers on the freeway but circled back to burbank and calmly got out of their car, letting it roll down the street. isn't that odd? then look. there's the door smacking another car. officers quickly pounced, arresting both of them. anyone not get caught doing that? >>> well, piles of trash, needles and a lot worse. this is what cleanup crews found when they entered an airbnb in san francisco. just an unbelievable mess. abc 7 news yoert direporter dio talked with a stunned property manager. >> horrible. horrible. the person who was renting here had defecated through the entire home and urinate all over the place. >> rep

they think they were black, jimmy kimmel, what is going on. democratic fund-raiser the other night in l.a. where he disclosed with any semblance of balance. watch. >> a late night talk show host, the prevailing witness was, don't take a site, you your audience. you make fun of everyone. i'm sure you know this, if you look around the channels, that wisdom is no longer prevailing. this is an emergency. we need to fight, we need to do everything in our power to repeal and replace congress. >> repeal and replace this congress. he basically said he doesn't give a darn about his audience. he will take a political side. you know my jimmy kimmel's ratings are at the bottom row? because of things like this. why drive your audience away? i liked him so much better when he was helping people win ben stein's money. >> laura: let me just say, there's nothing funny. >> he's not a comedian. he was never a comedian. >> laura: can we do holograms of carson? i want holograms of johnny carson and maybe a little early david letterman. any of the stuff -- guys, yo

we'll be right back with my response to jimmy kimmel's sleazy kavanaugh commentary.ser you get to home, the more you know the commute is worth it. you and that john deere tractor, you can keep dreaming up projects all the way home. it's a longer drive, but just like a john deere, it's worth it. >> laura: time now for the last bite. ♪ on last nights "nights "jimmy kimmel live," the committee and offered this trenchant analysis of the kavanaugh fight. >> i think there's a compromise here. hear me out on this. so kavanaugh gets confirmed to the supreme court, okay. in return, we get to cut that pesky penis of his off in front of everyone. >> shannon: i suppose he could take the boy under the mantra but you can take the mandrel out of the boy. he seems to have a real obsession here. >> this game show was because gus was in my pants. i've stuffed something in my pants and you are allowed to feel around the outside of the pants. you have ten seconds to then guess what is in my pants. are you ready? such... go. >> laura: at least we know it jimmy's favorite line is. do you