kmeers plaus-- (cheers and applause) (liz) look, jack, i'm not blaming you, but everybody got food poisoningafood was a gift from my friend, the owner of the cleveland browns. they're very expensive freshwater clams from the cuyahoga river. my whole staff has been blorching for three days, so if there's any way that we could show a rerun-- i wish i could help you, lemon, but i've already sold the ad time to the army. now, do the best you can, i need a live show from you in two days. ugh. uh, no, no, no, no. that's not for you. bianca's coming. crazy bianca is coming here? you make me wanna vomit. why? because she wants something. she only contacts me when she wants something, and she's bringing her lawyer. which means she's gonna try to bleed something else out of me in our divorce proceedings. you're not all the way divorced? well, we've been legally separated since 1989. it's been a nightmare, lemon. i mean, one minute you're newlyweds making love on the floor of the concorde, and the next your lawyers are fighting over who gets to keep the box your dog defecates in. you taught your dog to

kmeers plaus-- (cheers and applause) [peppy holiday music] merry almost christmas, everybody.tting-- frozen steaks. ipod nothings? colorful sweaters? nope, better. we are getting to participate in a charity program called "letters to santa." [booing] no, this is great. the post office collects letters that poor kids write to santa, and then we go and buy them what they ask for. look, we already did our christmas charity work. everybody here chipped in to get sue a bra. that's much better. sweet! come on, nobody but me is gonna do this? well, i, for one, think it's a great idea, because christmas is a time of giving. [groans] are you drunk? on the spirit of christmas. it's this cheap, high-proof brandy i found. i hope it's not seasonal. i'll take one, ms. lemon. i love helping people less fortunate than me. where do you find them? there are these nigerians on the internet that help me. (liz) listen to this: "dear santa, my name is chanel jenkins. "i would like some new shoes "so i can walk to school. my dream is to be a doctor some day--" [cries] that kid's never gonna be a doc

kmeers plaus-- (cheers and applause)