in october i couldn't drink myself into self respect anymore and feeling knothole. i had to get to work and mostly silver women taught me that it's an inside job and i was starting to get my own respect. the girl in the 50s and a mother and a terrible marriage. i didn't know you could be angry. my friend pat ali said if you are an american girl over 12 and you are not really angry you have missed the boat. i looked very different and felt very different and felt so isolated and scared. i had a tremendous amount of anxiety and these women and some men taught me if you want self-esteem you start doing esteem of all things. what are the sustainable things? well, service and love of people who are annoying like some of your relatives, like one of my aunts. i visit her all the time and she needs me. jesus doesn't say this is the friendly lonely people. jesus doesn't say please, please take care of the friendly for. i show up, i learned to show up and i'm trying to think, it was kind of a novelist of the soul. i raised a child and that was so intense and crazy and hard. i