the lede. that's the first story. i won't tell the cops if you let me out, greg. >> too late. does a red sphere hurt like a bully's jeer? they banned dodge ball and other human target activities over worries about violence and bullying. the wind and board voted to remove the pe perennial along with prison ball. shut up. a parent complained his child was bullied during a free for all. that sounds interesting. explained the superintendent, we spent a lot of time making sure our kids were violence free. we used games with children as targets. oh shut up. meanwhile, the ugly sport that is panda wrestling is allowed in recesses throughout the county. >> brutal stuff. sherrod, are we turning our kids into wo o -- woosies? is dodge ball a form of bullying? >> yes. i remember playing dodge ball, me and my boys, and we went hards. we used to call ourselves the headhunters. we targeted everyone else and we said, i won this one. >> did anybody mind? >> people mind. some people don't like playing dodge ball. >> but then they don't have to play. >> you do have to play. >> no you don't. in

. >> a block, the lede. that's the first stir. back to you. is dennis defending a men nighs? he is full of them since his visit with kim. and dennis rodman sat down with a mythical creature. not sure what it is. the tatood trans yebt spent two day -- transient spent two days with kim jung-un and he is a great guy. he is a great guy. >> a great guy who puts 200,000 people in prison camps? >> guess what. it is amazing how we do the same thing here jie. we have prison camps? >> this is all politics, what. >> guess what. guess what. and madonna's ex-boyfriend brought a special message from kim for someone special here in america. >> i sat with him for two days and he asked me to give owe bay you ma -- obama to do one thing smtion. call call him. >> he wants a call from president obama? >> he said, yes, if you can, did ennis, i don't want to do war. >> i'm starting to think rodman would make a hell of a diplomat. >> i am not a diplomat. >> bummer. since rodman's visit kim jung-un has been in better spirits even whistling as this tape shows. >> that song is called vodka. where to s

. >> a block, the lede. that's the first story. >> and now the least favorite part of my day. >> oh jeez. before we start the show, last year ambassador john bolton was named president of "red eye." >> see if that stirs them up a little bit. >> are you so devious. that's why you should be president of the united states or at least president of "red eye." you are president of "red eye." >> president of "red eye," john bolton. >> as is tradition, the president of "red eye" will deliver a state of the show address. ambassador, you have the floor. >> mr. gutfeld, mr. schulz, mr. levey, distinguished guest and my loyal "red eye" viewers. a short time ago i was declared the president of "red eye." it is the single greatest thing to ever happen to this nightly train wreck. for the first time in six years, "red eye" has a clear vision of what it needs to be successful. me. i'm happy to report that "red eye --" red eye" host has stopped taking prescription pills before each show. i believe this course of action will

the lede. that's the first story. it is a felony to keep me in here any longer, greg. >> no one can hear you. maybe they can. anyway, he is surly as a dad and twice as a cad. it doesn't fall far from the tree. sean penn's son was caught on camera slinging racial and gay slurs at a black photographer. hopper penn came unraffled as he entered a beverly hills office building moments after his paparazzi pop. behold those who behold things. >> are you kidding me? don't ever do that, dude. you are a kid. you are a kid. don't do -- what? that's the stuff are you teaching him, sean? >> hopper who is named after grain rock or trash issued a statement saying, quote, i was accosted by paparazzi and made to feel like an animal threatened and under attack. but that does not condone my own actions. i deeply regret my choice of words. ya, he wrote that. he sounds like such an articulate guy. sean penn was asked about the incident and here is what he had to say. >> mr. wk, a lot of striking things occur in that video. one, the intere

the lede. that's the first story. now let me out of here, greg. >> an old saw meets hee-haw. jim carrey's new video talks about big guns and small penises and blames a dead movie star for violence in america. the actor said in a statement, quote, i find the gun problem frustrating and cold dead hand is my fun little way of expressing that frustration. take a look, fans of taking a look. >> ♪ charl ton these stone movies are no longer in demand ♪ ♪ immortals melee forever in the stand ♪ ♪ the angels couldn't take him up to heaven like he planned ♪ ♪ because they couldn't pry that gun from his cold dead hand ♪ >> what dw -- what did he say? >> ♪ it takes a cold dead hand ♪ to decide to pull the trigger ♪ ♪ it takes a cold dead heart ♪ ♪ and as near as i can figure ♪ ♪ your plan your bibbing is bigger ♪ ♪ but we know ♪ your chariot may not be swinging low ♪ >> haven't had enough? we have more from this tired old tumble weed. >> ♪ and on the one ♪ who held the gun ♪ he sick the vultures and coyotes ♪ ♪ only the devil's trudy -- true devotee ♪ ♪ could get fear from pain and fear ♪

the lede. that's the first story. and now a show guaranteed to put you to sleep, america. >> can they win without ho chi minh? "the amazing race" the show and not the swedes was questioned on taste after contestants went to han noi, vietnam for a pitstop. teams were tasked with memorizing a communist song performed by kids in front of the ho chi minh. >> this requires east -- requires performance of the song dancers will reveal the word of the celebrated song. >> ♪ >> it is like one direction. >> it is like "glee" with starvation. competetors then had to match the lyrics to propaganda posters outside. later, they were forced to visit the b-52 memorial in ha-noi which is a site that has a shot down american bomber. >> they must now make their way to the b-52 memorial, the site of the wreckage of a b-52 bomber shot down during the vietnam war. and it is where they will find their next clue. >> here? wait, wait. >> this is a double u-turn. >> shut up. all in all, a great tribute to our troops. well done, cbs. and one com

the lede. that's the first story. how is this show still on? >> wow. >> do small knives no longer risk lives? the tsa says they are okay along with a bunch of other formerly banned items like sporting equipment and reece witherspoon. on tuesday the agency announced for the first time since 9/11 small blades will be allowed on board airplanes. other newly approved are golf clubs, ski poles poles and lacrosse sticks which i believe are used to get cats out of trees. i am not sure that is a sporting device. it will give them more time to concentrate on the biggest threat, ie, nonmetallic explosives. the flight attendant's union there is no fan of the plan. they want it to be resibded. rescinded. while we agree a passenger wielding a small knife or hockey stick poses less of a threat to the pilot locked in the cockpit, these are real threats to passengers and flight attendants in the pa is yes, sir cabin. this the passenger cabin. meanwhile the taser sword is still banned. >> it was built into the bottom. how it charges. >> do not accidentally fall

the lede. that's the the first story. >> they are getting more and more personal every day. the news hit like a punch to the stomach with a fist made of knives. and those knives made of smaller fits. ryan gossling is taking a break from acting at a time when america can't get enough of him. in an interview with the ap, the actor said of his craft, quote, i have been doing it too much. i have lost perspective on what i am doing. 24 is hard to read. i think it is good for me to take a break and reassess why i am doing it and how i am doing it. i think this is probably a good way to learn about that. then he added the more opportunities i am given the more i learn about how easy it is to "f" it up. >> you fight for freedom and then you have enough rope to hang yourself. i do have so much freedom. well this news has sent ripples of shock throughout the nation. it is all but overshadowing president obama's historic trip to israel. so how are the fans reacting to this hiatus? let's bring in the president and the founder of ryan gossling's fan club, edward medina. i have to ask you

the lede. and now the longest hour in television. >> must their dialogue be such a slog?and paul got a haul after the tog-athon. eric holder responded by a letter. dear senator paul, it has come to my attention you asked an additional question. i wonder how he found that out. does the president have the authority to use the weapon niecessed -- the weaponized drone? the answer is no. that was kurt. so was his filibuster worth it? the answer to the question is no according to john mccain. >> the country needs senators who care about liberty. if mr. paul wants to be taken seriously, he needs to do more than pull political stunts that fire up impressionable libertarian kids in their college dorms. he needs to know what he is talking about. >> he wept back to his garage and tipping erred with his hand radio. for more lets go to the cat. >> that is a feline baster. >> it wasn't even that funny. he was making a pun on the filibuster. dan, welcome to our new, permanent set. i want you to pretend you watch the filibuster and pretend you don't have a social life and don't have kids

the lede. that's the first story. you can't keep me locked in here forever, greg. >> oh yes i can, disembodied voice. he wants guns bared, but not for his guard. after unleashing a stupid parody video mocking gun owners owners and calling them heart less [belief] jim carrey admits he has armed security. that's right, security with arms. on monday the activist tweeted, good morning, hope you are enjoying cold, dead hand. that's his video. fyi, my bodyguard doesn't have a hundred rounds in his clip. have a nice day. smiley face. he wants america gun free except in his proximity. a little rhyme there. but does having security immediately bar you from having an opinion on gun control? we posed this question to a mier cat. does it bar you from having an opinion on gun control? >> he is like an msnbc viewer. they get really board watching the same old stuff all the time. a little jab that might get me a raise. and welcome to the program, big fan of yours. >> thank you, thank you. >> i love your show. >> of course you do. >>

. >> a block, the lede. that's the first story. >> well, dennis rodman was wrong.here is something you don't thought hear every day. the pope is divine, and argentine. with white smoke lifting from the sistine chapel they picked jorge bregorgio to be the new leader of the church. the newly named pope francis who is 76 and the noneuropean pontif in a thousand years thanked his fellow cardinals saying they have, quote, chosen one who is from far away, but here m why. he is of course not from africa as a certain vatican observer assured us during the day. >> one of two black guys will be the pope ssments simple as that. >> the black p the world. he is more understanding and peaceful individual. >> okay, dennis. rodman was at the vatican on a mission to promote a gambling website. never change, dennis. for more let's go to the vatican correspondent. we need a bigger budget. itthe caliber has gone downhill. tom? >> hi. >> hi, andy. >> you are catholic, but my understanding is that 120% of the world's catholics do come from latin america. does this choice make a lot of s

the lede. that's the first story. and now here is fat head mcrankey. >> i didn't hear anything. normal. >> he is a man without a band. but michael bloomburg is not giving up. new york/mayor/-- new york mayor/nag. bloomy discussed with a boob named david letterman. >> for the first time in the history of the world, more people will die from overeating than under eating this year. i think it is incumbent on government to tell people what they are doing to themselves and let people make their own decisions. our job is to educate people. >> yay, starvation across the world is eradicated. nobody is dying of starvation. letterman who reads chimed in that corporate food industry is to blame. good for him. >> it is so engineered, the taste, the sweetness, the saltiness, the amount of pressure one needs to crack a potato chip with their teeth has all been engineered so people continue to eat that kind of food. >> as long as you don't ban cheese-itz. that's my addiction. >> go bang an intern. while the ban may bow a bust, bloomburg has changed the national conversation as he tweeted, quot

. >> a block, the lede, that's the first story. and now back to this a-hole. >> right on. >> did you hear that? >> i thought i heard something. >> it has been happening a lot, and i am not sure where it is coming from. i don't know who to talk to because i don't know who that is. >>> all right, they have a degree, but they are no not free. it is the soil -- it is the symbol of our economy. college graduates who have moved back home in 2011 a whooping 45% of recent graduates were living with their mom and dad and that figure is 45% higher than in 2001. the report by a researcher finds if you expand the age range it is worse. about 60% more 18 to 34-year-olds were shacked up with their families in 2011 than 10 years prior. finally it is worth noting no young people are living in a crawlspace in my apartment against their will. i keep saying that the smell is an old accept particular tank. an old septic tank. they believe it because they are stupid. you know who else isn't ready for adulthood? >> that is the world hairest human baby.