go to legalzoom today and make your business dream a reality. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. ( cheers and applause ) that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. will farrell will be here. here it is your moment of zen. >> i was back here on february 11 to welcome home members of the brigade combat team in afghanistan. 155 of you got off that plane in the middle of the night. the only thing more exciting seeing you getting off is watching your captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight what's next for al qaeda besides freaking out every time they hear a helicopter? then a new government intrusion into our private lives. i thought they were only supposed to do that to gay people. and my guest john bradshaw has a new book about dog behavior. bad news, mr. bradshaw, dogs can't read. (laughter) >> stephen: sarah palin claims she knows all the lettering-- lyrics to rapper's delight, alaska karaoke bars, you've been warned. this is "the colbert report." captioning spons

i'm billy smith and i started my business with legalzoom. [ shapiro ] we created legalzoom to help peopleusiness and launch their dreams. go to legalzoom.com today and make your business dream a reality. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: thank you very much. folks, before we go, i have to issue a rare correction. i said that geoffrey rush has won two

at legalzoom we'll help you incorporate your business, file a patent, make a will and more. complete our online questions in minutes. then we'll prepare your legal documents and deliver them directly to you. so start your business, protect your family, launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. everybody. my guest tonight is both a rhodes scholar and a navy seesm yeah, but how many daytime emmys has he been nominated for. please welcome eric greitens. [cheers and applause] boom! hey, nice to meet you. all right, even that handshake was intimidating. [laughter] sir, you are as, as i said rhodes scholar and a navy seal. what was the last time you were deployed. >?]i 2007.> stephen: if you han deployed into the compound to take out bin laden, could you tell me about it? >> no. >> stephen: i'm going to assume you were one of the guys. [laughter] your book is called the heart and the fifth, the education of the humanitarian, the making of a navy seal. let's talk about the title "the heart and the fist." is that how you take a man down by punch him in the h

i'm billy smith and i started my business with legalzoom. [ shapiro ] we created legalzoom to help people start their business and launch their dreams. go to legalzoom.com today and make your business dream a reality. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. as we all now know, just yesterday donald trump announced at the nbc fall schedule unveiling that he would not be seeking the office of the presidency. his announcements followed quickly by the announcement that amanda peet will be going to series. both important. luckily trump did not allow the objective reality of his failed presidential run to dampen his imaginary presidential victory. >> this decision does not come easily without regret, especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by the ranking at the top of the republican contenders in polls across the country. i maintain the strong conviction that if i were to run, i would be able to win the primary. i love this guy. and ultimately the general election. >> jon: i very easily could have become the leader of the free world, restored america's status abro

at legalzoom we'll help you incorporate your business, file a patent, make a will and more. can complete our online questions in minutes. then we'll prepare your legal documents and deliver them directly to you. so start your business, protect your family, launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. launch your dreams. hey dude, i've been wanting to try one it's delicious. what's it taste like? it tastes like uh... mmm...dr pepper. dr pepper tastes like dr pepper? it uh...uhh... is that supposed to be funny? 'cause i don't think it's funny. agreed. i'm gonna ask you one more time, what's dr pepper taste like? it tastes like dr pepper? it's go time. why? 23 flavors give it one of a kind taste. it does taste like dr pepper. in your face senior! (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back. so way back in 2003 on this program we introduced a segment devouted to rounding up various news items about the homosexual agenda which we called "gay watch." (cheers and applause). >> jon: the title... (laughter) forgot i started this show 43 years ago. (laughter) anyw

over a million people have discovered how easy it is to use legalzoom for important legal documents.o start your business, protect your family, launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. by giving me huge discounts on rooms hotels can't always fill. with unpublished rates. which means i get an even more rockin' hotel, for less. where you book matters. expedia. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. ladies and gentlemen, i'm speaking to you this night, the night i'm speaking to you, the night of may the 18th in the year of someone's lord 2011. this could very possibly be the second to last "the daily show" ever. >> a california radio station paid for hundreds of billboards to warn drivers on their way to work that they have less than a month before the end of world as we know it. >> 89-year-old radio host says the world is going to end next saturday. >> jon: he's 89. [laughter] actuarily speaking he is probably not that far off. [laughter] seriously how much longer can he last? you take this type of fundamentalist fear-mongering seriously. everyone knows th

over a million people have discovered how easy it is to use legalzoom for important legal documents.o start your business, protect your family, launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. of course. ugh. ♪ [ male announcer ] icy cool intensity so you're prepared no matter how close you get. where were we? dentyne ice. practice safe breath. welcome back. my guest guest tonight is the international best selling author of the men who... his new book is called the psychopath test. the journey through the madness industry. please welcome to the program john ron sen. >> jon: thank you so much for being here. we're all huge fans of yours. we're delighted that you could be here. >> thank you for saying that. >> jon: the psychopath test. why, john, why? why would you put yourself in the way of psychopaths? >> especially because i'm a very anxious person. i suffer with debilitating anxieties to hang out with people who basically want to kill me. i'm the neuro logical of the psychopath. the psychopath knows no anxiety and i feel too much anxiety. psychopath are people who

we'll be right back. [ shapiro ] at legalzoom, you can take care of virtually all your important legal matters in just minutes. now it's quicker and easier for you to start your business... protect your family... and launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. >> jon: welcome back. our cities are dying. sadly even if we do legalize heroin many of them simply can't be saved. jason jones filed this heart- breaking report on a once great american city rendered unununwrecks on niceable. sfroo san francisco has schools that are facing $100 million in cutbacks and now there's this. >> san francisco didn't even make it into the top ten on a new survey of the gayest cities in america. >> yes, san francisco, the city that flew the nation's first rainbow flag and is the birth place of the rusty trombone, has fallen behind orlando, pittsburgh and even st. louis. their city symbol is a giant vagina. the ranks have left gay san franciscans like tim selig outraged. >> san francisco is "the" inundisputed leader of gay cities. >> you're not. you're number 11. >> no, we are the ga

lewis black. [ shapiro ] at legalzoom, you can take care of virtually all your important legal mattersr for you to start your business... protect your family... and launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. and launch your dreams. what's the most amazing ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, oh, the funnest writer, actor, director, also now a novelist. his new book is called "2030: the real story of what happens to america." please welcome back to the program the great albert brooks. [cheers and applause] >> thank you very much. respect. respect. >> jon: thank you very much. >> very nice to see you. >>i want to give you a complime. >> jon: please. is this about the food in the green room because we try very hard? >> no. the last week and a half of all the shows, your bin laden stuff has been the best. >

over a million people have discovered how easy it is to use legalzoom for important legal documents.start your business, protect your family, launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. now, obviously, friday night, you're going out. you're going to see "bridesmaids." going to be a huge opening, number one film. saturday night, i'm going to ask you to stay in and watch wyatt cenac's hour-long stand-up special right here on comedy central. it's wyatt cenac for an hour. ( cheers and applause ) i work here-- i barely get to spend that kind of time with him. so it's a very strong opportunity. here it is, your moment of zen. >> the white house hopes to put that behind him and jay carney hopes to never review another rap star. >> i don't know how you can have any rap star come to the white house with any of their lyrics. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

over a million people have discovered how easy it is to use legalzoom for important legal documents. so start your business, protect your family, launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. or...you can get all this. for 5 bucks, you can get a sub. kfc's $5 everyday meals. 5 meals, 5 bucks. choose from one of the colonel's favorites, like two pieces of original recipe. your choice of sides, biscuit and a medium drink, just 5 bucks. 5 freshly made today. 5 for 5 bucks every day. so why get a sub, when you can get a whole meal -- any day? today is a kfc day. and today tastes so good. >> stephen: and now performing the song "words i never said" competeuring skyler grey from the album "lasers" please welcome lupe fiasco. (cheers and applause) ♪ its so loud inside my head ♪ ♪ with words that i should have said ♪ ♪ as i drown in my regrets ♪ i can't take back the words i never said ♪ ♪ i can't take back ♪ the words i never said ♪ i really think the war on terror is a bunch of-- ♪ just a poor excuse for you to use up all your bullet ♪ ♪ how much money does it take to r

over a million people have discovered how easy it is to use legalzoom for important legal documents. so start your business, protect your family, launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. launch your dreams. yeaaaa... awesome, man. incoming! that was sick, bro! woooooohoooooo that stick got no piece of me. yeaaaa... unreal! 76 training buddies. natural movement perfected. realflex from reebok. >> jon: welcome back to the show! so dominique strauss-kahn former head of the international monetary fund was arrested this week after agenciedly sexually assaulting a hotel made has posted bail of $1 million in cash. how does the head of the international monetary fund get that kind-- well, there goes nigeria's mosquito net money. all right. obviously one is presumed innocent-- (laughter) >> jon: until proven guilty. one would like to reserve judgement, let the courts do their work. of course that has not prevented strauss-kahn supporters from making the case for his innocence. for instance french philosopher bernard henri levy, look it up, people, that's how it is pro

it's albert brooks, everybody. [ shapiro ] at legalzoom, you can take care of virtually all your importantcker and easier for you to start your business... protect your family... and launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. >> that's our show. here it is, your moament of zen. >> art and literature are often the first targets of tyranny because they're the most prominent features

we're the vargos and we created our wills on legalzoom.[ laughter [ shapiro we created legalzoom to help you take care of the ones you love. go to legalzoom.com today and complete your will in minutes. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. >> chris: now a quick program note. next week we'll sit down with congressman ron paul, who has been called the godfather of the tea party, as he explores another run for the white house. that's it for today. to my mom and all the other moms out there, happy mother's day. have a great week. we'll see you next "fox news sunday." captioned by closed captioning services, inc

we're the vargos and we created our wills on legalzoom. finally. [ laughter ] [ shapiro ] we created legalzoom to help you take care of the ones you love. go to legalzoom.com today and complete your will in minutes. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. and complete your will in minutes. >>> drop 25% tax on china. the messenger is important. i could have one man say we are going to tax you 25%. and i could say another, listen you [bleep], we're going to tax you 25%. >> chris: well, donald trump dropping an "f" bomb explaining how he would handle china if he were president. it's time now for the sunday group. brit hume, fox news senior political analyst. nina easton, of "fortune" magazine. bill kristol of "the weekly standard." fox news political an list, juan williams. before we get to this, i want to clear up, because we looked up to what michele bachmann had been saying. she quoted the u.s. ambassador of libya saying 30,000 people had been killed in the nato strike so far. in fact, what embass gore gene kretz said, he estimated t