liz lemon. [faint applause] wait, how could liz win a fellowship award? she doesn't like people. no, followship. presented annually to the woman--sorry, person, who best exemplifies a follower. i'm not a follower. it also comes with ten grand. i accept this proudly on behalf of followers everywhere. when i think of the free-spirited liz lemon i met just one year ago. so resistant to product integration, cross-promotion, and adverlingus. it pleases me to see how well she's learned to follow. uh, is this because of that ge sketch? he has a microwave for a head! but it's such an excellent ge microwave. you said i didn't have a choice. so what are you gonna do with your money, put it into a 401k? yeah, i gotta get one of those. what? where do you invest your money, liz? i have, like, 12 grand in checking. are you an immigrant? ms. moroney! i can't believe how fast you lost the weight. if i can't be monique fat, i have to be teri hatcher thin. either way, you're laughin'. oh. oh, no! my uniform! oh, sorry. let me get that off. turn around.

- liz lemon, do these look like wizard nipples to you? - well, i don't know. are the lightning bolts supposed to be going in or out? - exactly-- it's all wrong! these worlds are so clear in my head. - oh, are these the characters for your porn video-game? - the working title is "goregasm"-- colon-- "the legend of [deleted] slayer." - sorry about the wizard, tracy. i'll call the korean animators. - yeah, you fixulate this! - - i'm sorry. - liz lemon, do you know what it's like to be the only one who cares about your job when everybody else around is goofing off like a bunch of goof-offs? [whining] yes! - oh, oh-- emotions-- you having your woman times? - what-- no! i just had my "woman times" last-- oh, boy! ["30 rock" theme plays]

liz lemon. [liz laughs] not as much as he's into his pie watch.head sounds perfect for you right now. low pressure, high nerd factor, come on. (jenna) if you're serious about getting your personal life on track, you need to work at it. okay, fine. i'll ask him out. i win. no, the french maid werewolf thing is cut. you're supposed to be hillary clinton right now. what? pete! gary! lutz! what do you think sounds like the better idea for a new show? a talk show without a host, just the voice of the dead lady from desperate housewives; or a reality show with a lot of super hot nannies who move into a house and help fat kids lose weight? never mind. this television programming stuff is just one unpredictable ass ache, and i want you to get it out of here. kenneth, please. come in. is this about the clementine i took off the actors' snack table? because the catering lady already talked to me.

i'm trying, liz lemon, but i can't concentrate.y block is making waffles, and it's makin' me horny! wait, you smell maple syrup too? you live all the way in jersey. that's weird. [beep] hold on. [beep] hello? do you smell maple syrup? yes! don't panic, lemon. it's probably not a chemical attack. what do you mean "probably"? it's probably just a strange wind pattern coming off those factories in staten island, where food flavors are made. i don't think it's northrax. what's northrax? it's a chemical agent we sold to the saudis in the 1980s. it smells exactly like maple syrup. but i don't think this is it. well, how do you know? because northrax kills you within ten seconds. okay, i'll talk to you tomorrow. [exciting jazz music] ♪

that's liz lemon. oh, the girl who got my flowers. yes. hope you enjoyed them., i finally just threw them out this morning 'cause they got that really bad flower smell. i kind of couldn't stop smelling them. (woman) advanced hip-hop! you ready, here we go! here we go, take it-- five, six, seven, and... one, huh! hup, yeah! uh! whoo! turn it! don't give up, ponytail. come on, you got this. come on, girl. [jack laughing] lemon, come here, you've gotta see this. it's a video of a baby panda... sneezing. sit here. don't watch the mother, just watch the baby. [sneezes] [jack laughs] that is the cutest thing i've ever seen. isn't that adorable? you have to fire 10% of your staff. what? we're synergizing backward overflow. i don't write the policy, lemon, i only enforce it. no, but i've never fired anybody in my life. it's an acquired skill. i'm not trying to make your life miserable, but this is coming from the top. now, there are 140 people on this show, so go out there and make 126 people very happy. no, i don't think i can do that. everyone that works at this show

lemon, come on in. oh, no. see your girlfriend first. no, liz, please, jack and i have to have boundaries. make appointments here in new york. and i work around c.c.'s schedule in washington. mr. donaghy, what are we doing this evening? there is an 8:00 showing of fred claus... okay. well, you were gonna help me go over my finances. so i have a checking account. i am two payments away from owning my bike. also, i have a star that my aunt named after me. although that was recently downgraded to a gas giant, so... i booked gladys knight onto the show.

lemon. i love helping people less fortunate than me. where do you find them? there are these nigerians on the internet that help me. (liz is chanel jenkins. "i would like some new shoes "so i can walk to school. my dream is to be a doctor some day--" [cries] that kid's never gonna be a doctor. better buy it a jet ski. [reluctant agreeing] this is what the holidays are all about. okay. merry christmas, everyone. [telephone rings] hello? (jack) i'm free, lemon. where are you? i hear sunshine. i ducked down to florida for a surprise early christmas. i showed up three days early, showered my mom with gifts. she called them all "adequate." it's a christmas miracle. well, i'm glad to hear it went well. tell colleen i said hi. i wish i could, but she's out for her morning walk. and i'm off to have a real christmas. fly to rio, tan in the nude. bet on some monkey wrestling. just like norman rockwell always drew it. well, have a good flight. i could fly there without a plane. [laughs] [engine starts] [humming] [tires screech] [suspenseful musical swell] [gasps] mother. [exciting jazz music] ♪

lemon. ? >> i have a really handsome boyfriend. don't question it. don't overthink it. >> happy two-week anniversary. >> she's a bit of a control freak and overthinker. >> one thing that never changes is that lizpeless when it comes to picking men. >> listen. >> we wondered if they met on that chain gang. >> i just told chris that i'm officially disapproving. >> clue number two, is jack now a single dad? last season jack's wife was kidnapped by a korean dictator. will he left to raise their little one? >> money. >> i want money, too. >> some very unusual situations. it would event be "30 rock." take off that jacket. if you're not wearing one of those christmas sweaters out of guilt -- >> wrong jacket, they weren't sweat sweaters. happy 2012. >> clue number three, will art imitate life? >> they take the actual events and actual missteps and use it in the show. >> hmm, sounds like jack may be playing words with friends on an airplane soon. >> catch the laughs starting january 12th on nbc. >> 8:00 folks, tune in. >>> alec is going to stick to be an award-winning actor, he just announced that he's long aspires to be the next major of new york city. collective awe. >>> i doubt we have heard the las