essential needs, people continue to hoard things, which is why when one of my graphics guys, bill marko, tried to order toilet paper on instacart-- this is true-- he got this message asking him an alternative this box of printer paper. go for it, bill. pro tip: you can save toilet paper by printing double sided. quarantine-while, "a dog was so excited that its owner was home for quarantine that it sprained its tail from too much wagging." "rolo, a 7-year-old dachshund," "has movement from side to side, but he is struggling to lift it up in the air." don't worry, rolo. eventually, that happens to all wieners. quarantine-while, meanwhile, as the country stays home, many people are working remotely on the video meeting app zoom. that's one of the ways we're making our show, but it's causing all sorts of new workplace issues. for instance, one "woman forgot she was in a video conference, and started pooping." well, it's been an internet sensation. in fact, the video has been "viewed more than 7.5 million times." and is available for free on pornhub. we've got a show tonight. i'm going to zo