man responsible for the last government surplus, the most beloved living president other than martin sheen and my future close personal friend, president william jefferson, billy jeff clinton. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ don't stop thinking about tomorrow ♪ thank you, sir. [cheers and applause] ♪ yesterday's gone ♪ yesterday's gone >> thank you. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jon: i had to give them another taste of me. they deserve it. mr. president, welcome to the colbert galactic initiative on its inaugural night. this vealy impressive. >> stephen: thank you. we put it together quickly. >> one of the things on my bucket list i just added something, climbing kilimanjaro before the snows melt, riding a horse across the gobi desert and now i want to go into outer space on one of your spaceships. >> stephen: if you'll provide the funding i'll find somebody to build it. >> that's what everybody tell ms. he. [ laughter ] >> stephen: william jefferson clinton may i call you billy jeff. >> once the president leaves office, you can call him anything you like. >> stephen: really. i'm honored. [laughter

. >> stephanie: martin sheen was wrong. that's all i cared about it. >> he's great. he's catholic.hat stuff jesus actually said. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> real human rights violations that we're participating in right now. i think it is a beautiful wonderful thing and -- >> stephanie: you are very emotional and so at the station where jesus dies, she was crying a little bit. i was like honey, it is okay. wait until the next one, there is a happy ending. the next one. >> oh. >> would you like a little fun fact about pat robertson? >> i went to yale law school. >> what? >> which is ivy league. >> stephanie: it is a miracle. >> that's a particularly intellectual law school. >> ha! >> really? >> but i want you all to stay stupid because you'll keep sending me money. that's how it works. >> you said too much. >> stephanie: except you guys because you're doing the backstroke in the lake of fire. it is god's -- okay. right. all right. >> several bits in that theme. >> right. >> stephanie: hey, speaking of republican of illinois has become the latest republican to join the growing list of

>> stephanie: they reenact it and you follow them around and martin sheen was there in a crossing guardt was beautiful. >> don't you usually do this in jerusalem? >> downtown l.a. will do. >> ya know, same thing. >> stephanie: even on orbitz, you can't get a ticket to jerusalem during holy week! it is going to be expensive. so they reenact the scenes of the cross and you follow them around from station to station. right. they run a catholic -- like a soup kitchen called the hippie kitchen. it is fabulous. they do literally, the lord's work. that's what i did. >> good for you. >> stephanie: i wore my uniform, my catholic school uniform. >> sure you did. >> she didn't have the hot kind. >> the dowdy kind. >> okay. >> stephanie: battle of the hems. she kept putting them down then you roll up the top gets shorter so you look like a tart. >> jim, i have news for you. you only find the hot kind in strip clubs. >> stephanie: or porn movies. actual catholic school, not so hot. >> sorry. >> stephanie: they're like jumpers. i told you the story, i got in trouble once from the nuns because they sa