sanchez. >> reporter: officer randolph holder had big plans to marry his high school sweet heart, mary muhammed. tonight she down with us to talk about their dreams to buy a home, have a family, all of those dreams taken away by a single bullet. >> it's the worst feeling ever. >> reporter: mary said she will never getting the pain she felt after learning her fiancee and love of her life and why pd officer randolph holder had been killed on the job. >> we think, okay, they leave, they're going to come home, you know? but you know, sometimes just like tuesday, you know, he left, he said i love you, i'll see you later and he never came back and he's never going to every day since holder's death has been a heartbreaking struggle, but she has found comfort in the constant support of family and friends. she tries not to harbor anger over the circumstances of her loss. >> actually, i don't really want to dwell on that. i'm trying to kind of, you know, move away from the negative and positive. >> reporter: muhammed said she is determined that officer holder did not die in vain. he was her strength in l