captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> hello, everybody. i'm bruce johnson. today rick santorum is insisting he'll remain in the presidential race, despite mounting pressure from party leaders who want to rally

captioning sponsored comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight, the obama administration puts so much pressure on the coal industry, soon it will be the diamond industry. [laughter] then i explore the income gap between men and women and get paid pretty well to do it. [laughter] and my guest, richard hersh, is going the fight a tiger, and if he survives, we'll talk about his book on higher education. 30% of online traffic is porn. according to the new england journal of underestimating things. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) [audience chanting "stephen"] >> stephen: thank you very much. [cheering and applause] thank you, everybody. thank you for joining us in here, out there and obviously all my viewers from ravenclaw and hufflepuff. [laughter] nation, some days i have to do this show no matter how sad i am. tonight is one of those nights. i mean, look at me. i'm a mess. my part is all over the place. my knot dimple is off center. i might as well be in

governor of a state where he once sold captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh acc >> stephen: tonight, can liberals and conservatives find common ground? yes, if the conservatives can drill for oil on it. (laughter) and my guest, harvard professor michael sandell has a new book called "what money expect buy." it's pandas, i've tried. (laughter) i like to think outside the box. then when i'm tired of thinking i get back in my box. (laughter) this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. very nice. (cheers and applause) (audience chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you so much. thank you so much. thank you. welcome to the "report," good to have you with us. nation, as you know, i love space exploration. venus, jupiter, planet hollywood. (laughter) i'm all for colonizing mars if it has really good buffalo wings. (laughter) and i'm totally jacked into the space scene. i've trained with nasa. i've talked to astronauts in orbit and i have a treadmill named after m

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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen i don't know what you thought you were doing between may 1 and may 6. but i have some news for you-- you are now attending the first annual montclair film festival. tell your brother jeff he can graduate from law school some other time because you're going to be seeing some great films like the may 5 creeping of "flat daddy" a documentary about military families who cope with loved ones station overseas using life-sized card board

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) rz welcome to the report, everybody. good to have you with us. (cheers and applause) thank you so much. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you so much, everybody. thank you so much. please, first of all, before we start the show tonight i have to take a moment here to give a big shoutout to all my bronies. (cheers and applause) and i do want to reiterate that i do not know what that means. (laughter) nation, there are a lot of nieces out there very excited right now. nation, i hope you had a fantastic easter. i spent the holiday surrounded by family, going to church, and totally dominating my neighborhood easter egg hunt. suck it, tyler! i can't believe-- i cannot believe you fell for the old go check under the hedges trick. there was nothing under the hedges. i got all the eggs! including these three, i took them from him. i won easter! you can win. (laughter) and mine wasn't the only display of east erat let civil. >> an easter

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephenion, i don't know what you thought you were doing between may 1 and may 6. but i have some news for you-- you are now attending the first annual montclair film festival. tell your brother jeff he can graduate from law school some other time because you're going to be seeing some great films like the may 5 creeping of "flat daddy" a documentary about military families who cope with loved ones station overseas using life-sized card board cutouts. not to be condition fused with flat packing, the gripping documentary about ikea that does not exist. to find out more visit montclairfilmfestival.org. get your tickets today and be part of the first-ever film festival with talkies. i'm telling you. they are the future, kid. that's it for the

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captioning sponsored by wpbt captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org join us anybodyat nbr.com. you'll find full episodes of the program, complete transcripts, and follow us on facebook page. and on twitter at bizrpt.

we'l captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (cheers and applause) >> stephen: it's it f t

applause) >> stephen: that's it for the captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group.org - merry christmas eve eve, jack. - likewise, lemon. is there any chance you'll still be around tomorrow? - sure. you want to go to the penn station kmart with me and then watch tootsie? - i'm sorry. that's what you're doing instead of spending christmas eve with your family? - it's my new thing-- travel on christmas day. that way, i avoid the annual lemon family blowup. and this year it's gonna be a doozy.

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>> a couple of nights ago they had the captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, a new pill can cure prejudice. really, you can trust me. i'm white. [ laughter ] then, the latest innovation in food delivery. spoiler alert: it's digiorno. [ laughter ] and my guest charles murray has written a new book about the state of white america. i believe that state is utah. [ laughter ] the u.s. soccer team failed to make the olympics. now if only soccer would fail to make the olympics. this is "the colbert report!" [ captioning sponsored by comedy central "the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] thank you, everybody. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] the way you chant, the way you chant, i would love to see you march in knee-high boots. thank you for joining, ladies and gentlemen. thank you for joining us for what might be the end of the republic. [ laughter ] i have warned you for ye

someone criticized you for gaining too much captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause). >> stephen: welcome to "the report." thank you for joining us! khrapb(crowd chanting "stephen) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you very much! thank you so much! wow, wow, thank you, please. ladies and gentlemen, i have to tell you, with a greeting like that you would make me drunk with power if i weren't already high on life. (laughter) nation i don't know how to say this but i need to start the show tonight with a rare apology or cobbology. (laughter) we're still working on the name. i've never made a mistake before. (laughter) you see, last night i talked about so-called pink slime, the meat-like product whose real name is actually lean finely textured beef or l.f.t. b. l.f.t. b. because our beef now has so many hormones it's a member of the transgender community. (laughter) apparently some in the twittersphere have accused me of being transphobic. so i just wan

. ♪ captioned by media access group at wgbh at wgbh access.wgbh.org (b(2(2(2 >> april 16, 2012.medy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: we will... welcome to the daily show. jon stewart. our guest tonight, the great jane goodall, the world's foremost expert on chimps. our topic tonight: the coming ape rebellion. and will bananas save us all? before we get to that, folks. you know i'm a simple man. all i need to be happy is a decent cheese burger, a tasty brew and a world championship from all my favorite sports teams and on occasion where a powerful organization trips on (beep). >> president obama at the white house following a trip to colombia, a visit that was overshadowed by a prostitution scandal involving members of the secret service. >> jon: ah-ah. somebody loves me. somebody loves me. yeah! oh, my god. to the point-nator. this is going to be awesome! >> 11 special agent allegedly brought prostitutes back to the hotel. thursday morning hotel managers realized one woman hadn't picked up her

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> tonight "the colbert report" presents super tuesday 2, election bugaloo, death match in helloware. >> good evening, ladies and gentlemen. i'm stephen colbert, reporting live from a beautiful tollbooth here in delaware, the rest stop state. tonight residents will be casting ballots in five states -- connecticut, rhode island, pennsylvania, new york and delaware -- with major consequences for the five g.o.p. hopefuls. [laughter] now, i should mention that i planned this coverage months ago, back when the race was a wee bit tighter. but i already spent the money, so let's go to our election night team. joining me now from washington, political analyst and former head of the d.n.c., donna brazile. donna? >> it's a great honor, sir. >> stephen: thank you, donna. make sure you hold on to those receipt, please. >> sounds like plan. >> stephen: okay. and at the family research council headquarters, conservative activist tony perkins. tony, i hope you brought a book. [laughter] okay. and for the international pers

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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org i blew, and now it smells like my mouth. - i never sleep on planes. i don't want to get incepted. are you going somewhere? - carol has a flight to raleigh-durham, so i'm going with him, and we're gonna drive out and spend a few days at an inn at nags head.

captioned by media access group at wgbhontit access.wgbh.org annenberg media ♪ for information aboutia programs call 1-800-learner and visit us at www.learner.org. here, kitty, kitty! here, kitty, kitty, kitty! here, kitty, kty you'd think it wld be ea to tell which kids had trouble with their eyesight. [ thud ] but that's not always the case. even though one in four children may have a vision problem, eye doctors tell us the symptoms aren't always so obvious. we do know that 80% of all childhood learning is visual. and without good vision, kids can have trouble learning to read. [ girls screaming ] ow! and may fall behind in school. for clues on how to spot the real-life signs of cldhood vision problems and what parents can do, visit checkyearly.com. a public service message from the vision council of america and reading is fundamental.

whoa-oh ♪ whoa-ohh i know you know ♪ the way i feel and captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access grouptragedy, the campus in mourning. two students died, hours apart. >> >> good evening, everyone, thanks for joining us, i'm adam may. the campus reeling tonight after the deaths not one, but two students this weekend. "wjz" is live, derrick has more on these tragic stories, derrick? >> reporter: these stories are unrelated. one of those deaths remains unexplained. the other caused by a hit and run driver. the driver still on the loose >>> the campus knew -- news of the two deathses spread quickly. 27-year-old national guardsman served two tours of duty before enrolling in townsend university. >> it has been really hard for everybody. >> >> reporter: his fraternity brothers say his body was discovered by friends in his off campus apartment. his death not appear suspicious. an autopsy is underway to determine how he died. >> he was the only brother that we could go to for everything. he would help us out so much >> >> reporter: his death came hours after a hit and run driver struck and kil

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will see you on the lincoln tunnel, motor captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

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