now on bbc news, melissa hogenboom explores the hidden forces at play that shape a mother's identity. years ago i became a mother for the first time, an immersive new reality. i'm a science journalist at the bbc and i have spent over a year researching the science behind how motherhood changes us and why this change can feel so stark and overwhelming. i was intrigued when i came across these intimate diaries about the experiences of new motherhood written by a dutch doctor in the 1980s. her words struck a chord, even three decades later. i had a strong drive to do something and to be able to fulfil that. almost everything changes - during this time and i think women aren't fully prepared for that. yeah, maybe the maternal brain is a bit misunderstood. there is an orchestra of the brain activation. the way society looks upon you changes hugely. guilt doesn't necessarily to be intrinsically intertwined - with the experience of motherhood. i now live in the uk but i was born in the netherlands, so i travelled back to my home country of my two children in tow to meet the author of those d