ladies and gentlemen, bears have gone metrosexual. they're moving from man-eating to manscaping. it's a direct threat to the safety of our spas. soon they'll be full of grizzlies getting mani pedis so they can tear us limb from limb without breaking a claw. i for one will never go in for a facial again. i might come out without a face. are those cucumber slices over my eyes for hydration or a garnish? we'll be right back. [cheering and applause] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much. folks, it is primary night in alabama, mississippi, hawaii and american samoa. now, i pretaped the show, so no one tell me who won or where american samoa is. [laughter] whoever wins tonight, they will be plain spoken folk. because while obama drones on and on with his sat words, there is no topic that these gentlemen cannot explain using phrases no more complex than "i like to eat y'all's cheesy grits." i mean, just listen to how rick santorum breaks down global warming. >> the dangers of carbon dioxide, tell that to a plant how dangerous carbon dioxide is. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. t