can't waste time to fix a big old mexican burger. let's get a good happy soda and scream, lord. that's a karate blade. stiffer than stiff candy. crazy. [cheers a [eagle caw] >> stephen: tonight, a shirtless fugitive is found in florida by swinging a dead cat. [ laughter ] then i profile an exciting new technology. i hope it's an iphone that tells you when to get in line for the new iphone. [ laughter ] and, my guest jared diamond has a new book about what we can learn from traditional societies. if it's how to hang a gourd off your penis, i got that one covered. [ laughter ] a shipment of 18 human heads showed up at o'hare international airport, when i clearly said i was flying to omaha. [ laughter ] this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. thank you for joining tonight's broadcast. thank you so much. [crowd chanting "stephen!"] [cheers and applause] ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. in here, out there, folks, you can feel the energy in this room tonight bec