the show seth meyers sold out.ge kids used to gather around their tvs and be like, "dudes, dudettes, pass me a cold one. i know we have a huge psychology examination tomorrow, but, no matter. seth meyers is on." >> seth: yeah. i don't think that's how college kids talk. >> i wouldn't know, man. i didn't go to college! [ laughter ] but, seriously, what happened, dude? your show feels so tame now. it feels like it's written for little girls in pink bonnets who lost their sheep. >> seth: little bo-peep? >> yes, seth. the shepherd girl. see this shirt, seth? do you see this shirt? i got this when the show first came on the air. passion -- passion! >> seth: how did it get so gross so fast? lll >> how did your show get so safe so fast, man? >> this show is not as funny as it used to be. >> seth: ah man, you, too? >> yes. since that gentleman started talking, the entire show has gone way downhill. >> um, my name is greg. >> okay. lhlh anyway, i prefer the simpler version of "late night with seth meyers" when there wasn't

he puts kurt meyers off because he claims burt meyers spun him. he came back to exact his revenge.his turns into a brawl. >> it's a brawl with their cars. they are beating each other up with their cars. >> it's like a demolition derby. is it me or this specific racetrack where they start beating each other up with cars because this isn't the 1st time we've seen it. >> we saw an incident very similar to this about a month ago where the guys started smashing into each other. i know this is wrong, but i love it. if you are at the track you have to -- >> you don't even know you're paying for this. >> it is very dangerous, though, to the other track officials. they are trying to flash his lights into the eyes of the driver to try and get their attention. >> one of them has a stick and he's poking it in there like he's at the zoo poking at the animal cage. >> the other racers keep going. the race does stop when this mayhem is going on. eventually the guys are separated. according to the racetrack website, nascar officials at the stadium announced penalties for tim brown and burt meyers f

i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight?and applause ] is everyone well? excellent. excellent. welcome to "late night." we begin with some news that is a little bit alarming. last month was the hottest june on record. scientists are saying the cause is global warming, while republicans are denying that it was even june. [ laughter ] i thought this was nice. in a recent interview, president obama said joe biden would be a superb president. in a related story, hillary clinton punched a hole in a door. [ laughter ] i couldn't believe this. according to a new study, 41 percent -- 41 percent of republicans still don't think president obama is an american citizen. i don't agree with them, obviously, but let's be honest, he is pretty thin. [ laughter ] [ applause ] he's somewhere else thin. this surprised me. according to a new poll, vladimir putin's approval rating in russia is at an all-time high. an all-time high. which is good news for him, because at one point, it was down to 106 percent . [ laughter ] it's a nice bounceback f

but the meyer index was very different. hospitality quotient took profit for execution which leads to higher sales, higher gross margins and, best of all, bigger profits. this is the point i want to nail home here. when picking stocks, remember you're not just betting on a given theme or industry. you are buying tiny little pieces of actual companies. those are run well. their stocks tend to perform much better than if run poorly. it's that simple. this so often gets lost in the shuffle these days as people want to place bets on entire sectors the entire market, treating stocks as though they are commodities to be traded like bushels of wheat. the performance of the gatsby index and terrific outperformance of the danny meyer proved you should never forget you are also picking companies. gatsby names are geared to the high-end consumers. many had low-end execution. lulu lemon with its leadership vacuum, coach with its total inability to turn itself around. problem has gotten worse since lou frankford stepped down in january.

seth meyers? >> seth: oh, hey. how are you? >> ha ha ha. the seth meyers? my lucky day.emy. >> seth: oh, nice to meet you, jeremy. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> i have some questions for you. >> seth: okay. ♪ >> how'd you come up with the name "late night"? >> seth: i didn't come up with it. david letterman came up with it. >> ohh, "late night." got it. yeah, so, how many writers do you have? >> seth: 12. >> whoa, wowzers. that's more than i have fingers, but less that i have toes. do you need anymore? >> seth: no. >> oh, my cousin wayne is high-larious. you should hire him. he's the one who came up with high-larious. ahh, can you call him on the phone? aww, my phone's dead. can we use your phone? >> seth: i better -- >> what time do you get into work? >> seth: around now. >> ah, makes sense, makes sense. you know, i own a cotton candy machine. big investment up front, but in the long run, it saves me so much money. where do human babies come from? i know where the others come from. >> seth: you know, i can see the top from here. >> ahh, rock, paper, scissors, shoot! pa

i disagree with them in the harriet meyers case and today. one key difference in this case the committee has identified no evidence, no evidence that he was a senior adviser to the united states or anyone else in his office engaged in inappropriate activity or conduct that violates the hatch act. as a result, i strongly open this resolution. i'd like to ask unanimous consent to enter into the record a letter we just received from head of the office of special council. >> without objection so ordered. additionally i would ask unanimous consent all back and forth letters between the white house and either staffs of the house of the senate be placed in the report. >> without objection. so ordered. >> office of special counsel -- thank you. the office of special counsel independent agency charged with investigating the hatch act violations. it is the same office that investigated white house officer political affairs under bush administration. which record now entered into the record, which all members should have explains special counsel reviewe

that's seth meyers right there. you better treat him right."s, one, i hate when people draw attention to me. and the other, she had a point, you got to treat me right. [ laughter ] when you're handing out pop chips, i want to get them first. [ applause ] but she kept going, and it was my nightmare. she was holding up everybody on the jetway, like, pointing and talking. and i was so i was having an anxiety attack to how much attention was being drawn to me. so, i put on my headphones and just look down thinking that was the end of it. at least i won't have to interact with this woman again. but, i did because as she passed me, she tried to tap me on the shoulder, but instead just like grazed my temple leaving me no choice but to sort of look up at her awkwardly. and she went, "i took care of it." [ laughter and applause ] she leaves, i think now i'm in the clear. i wasn't. i'm traveling with a friend. we were sitting on aisles across from each other. we thought let's just sit next to each other and when the person comes to sit in those seats, we

plus, find out what marissa meyer said on the call that made yahoo stock fall?nk fresh session lows. that's next. . . massive warning, biotech and social media stocks coming from the federal reserve of all places today. fed chair janet yellin making interesting marks from pence the fed's mon they're report. she said valuation metrics in some sectors do appear to be substantially stretched, particularly in the biotech industries despite a notable downturn in equity prices for such firms early in the year. now i was sort of intrigued by this, i didn't think janet yellin was a stock picker let alone a biotech or social media expert here. >> she has that long-short ibm trade. >> what place of hers? my dpurtd lcomputer lit up sayig what is she talking about? everyone got so crushed underneath that statement that it was perplexing for the whole industry. >> take for instance the biotech industry, 53 ipos this year. so far this year. we are only halfway through the year. that's the same number as the whole entire year last year. a lot of these stocks are doing really w

they're going to see emmys, and they're going -- [ laughter ] seth, seth meyers.is c.k. is a big fat -- you've got to think of that. >> seth: got it. got it. >> so, have that in your mind. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's very good. very good. i will keep that in my mind. i will probably take a screen grab of this, fold it up and keep in my wallet. >> yes. >> seth: if you see me looking at it during the emmys, that's me looking to you for strength. >> thinking, that would go good on my wall. >> seth: yes. absolutely. you know it's funny, because especially with the golden globes, i feel like people saw in you, you were very edgy, cutting, nothing was off limits. i think your show "derek" is not what people have learned to expect from you, especially with "the office." >> yeah. i've got a reputation of being like this real cutting edge, cynical, sharp comedian. which isn't true at all. you saw -- i play a bit of a role doing stand-up. you've got to be a lot swishy, arrogant -- i often say the wrong things on purpose. you know. and then when they see someone

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? are we well?ybody well? [ cheers and applause ] mitt romney -- mitt romney is back in the news. this weekend, romney told reporters that he thinks hillary clinton's political career has been a "monumental bust." harsh words from private citizen mitt romney. [ laughter ] congratulations to the san antonio spurs. give it up for the san antonio spurs. [ cheers and applause ] the spurs are the nba champions after defeating the miami heat in five games. the spurs celebrated by treating themselves to an extra long practice. [ laughter ] very serious. the san antonio spurs are very serious. any pope francis fans here? [ cheers and applause ] yeah. we love pope francis here at "late night." this weekend, when asked why he doesn't use the bulletproof pope mobile, pope francis says he doesn't have much to lose. [ laughter ] he then flicked his cigarette, slicked back his hair and tore away on his harley. [ laughter and applause ] he's pope -- he's pope fonzi. he's the coolest -- he's the coolest pope we're

michelle meyer's at bank of america merrill lynch joins me in studio. welcome back.ood to see you. trend,th does not make a we all know that, but how encouraging is the latest data? >> the third month of gains. that is encouraging. we have now seen some gradual the housing market. it comes after what was a string of really week data starting last summer. existing home sales have been trending down. it started in part due to the rise in interest rates, the harsh winter weather. does not feel like -- does feel like the data has gotten better. races, so off to the a lot of challenges but encouraged by the recent data. >> you talked about the fed. what impact has the drawdown in monthly bond purchases had? >> it is a good question. we heard that from janet yellen and her testimony. and it is a point of the economy that we have obviously had extraordinarily hard from the crisis. interest rate sensitive part of the economy. one that the fed feels like perhaps they have a greater ability to influence and the fact that the data has been weakening since the middle of last yea

stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night.'s "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- regis philbin john henson music guest, broos

i'm seth meyers.is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? are we well? everyone's well. some huge political news today. u.s. house majority leader eric cantor, who's been in congress for over a decade, will lose his seat after he was beaten out by a tea party challenger. the tea party would be happy, but then they wouldn't be the tea party. [ laughter ] they don't do happy very well over in the tea party. the campaign manager -- this is interesting. the campaign manager who helped unseat house majority leader eric cantor last night is a 23-year-old man -- a 23-year-old man who interviewed for a job at panera bread last month. said cantor, is that position still available? because i have found myself -- [ cheers and applause ] looking for employment. this is surprising. in an interview this week, hillary clinton said she may not run for president because she loves having time to hang out with her friends. thankfully, most of her friends live in iowa, new hampshire, ohio, florida and the great st

and now, here he is, seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening!eth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? is everybody well? that is great to hear. that is simply great to hear. let's start with some political news. yesterday, bill clinton said he would not influence hillary's decision in regards to her possible presidential campaign. said clinton, "believe me, i can't make her do anything." [ laughter ] yesterday, president obama announced a new series of climate change initiatives focusing on better preparation for extreme weather. and today, hawaiian tropic sunscreen introduced their new spf 3,000. [ laughter ] that's not a good sign. that you need 3,000. this is interesting. today is the 30th anniversary of the national minimum drinking age act which raised the drinking age to 21. also turning 30 today, a 16-year-old boy according to his fake id. [ laughter and applause ] so you're -- you're visiting from wyoming? yeah. my wife and i are going to a dinner party. and they asked us to bring some natural light. [ laughter ]

i'm seth meyers. that is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight?ers and applause ] are we well? is everybody well? lots -- and i mean lots -- of obamacare news today. a judge in virginia wrote an opinion today in favor, in favor, of obamacare, saying that getting health care from the state or federal government is the same as ordering from pizza hut versus domino's. though i'm not sure if i agree. their websites always work. [ laughter ] that was the problem with the launch obamacare. [ applause ] all the best guys were working on the pizza sites. today secretary of state john kerry traveled to egypt and had to pass through a metal detector before he could meet with officials. which is ridiculous. everyone knows he's made of wood. [ laughter ] listen to this. today is national hammock day. and just like a hammock -- just like a hammock, i can't get into it. [ laughter ] this is interesting. a group of experimental architects have begun stacking steel shipping containers in a washington, d.c. basement in an effort to create quick and affordable hous

stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, taye diggs. andy serkis. music from neon trees. featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening! i'm seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] we have excellent news. what excellent news. now i'm sure you heard about this. yesterday brazil lost to germany in the world cup semi finals by a score of 7-1. 7-1. people in brazil were so upset, they only partied until 3:00 in the morning. [ laughter ] can you believe that? 7-1. i haven't seen that many balls go by since the world naked bike ride. [ laughter ] [ applause ] after the game, the german team returned to their locker room, where they were yelled at for allowing one goal. [ laughter ] [ applaus

good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight?ers and applause ] that's just wonderful. that is just wonderful to hear. we begin tonight with something you probably heard about. orlando bloom and justin bieber almost got into a bar fight yesterday at a nightclub in spain. luckily the fight was quickly broken up before anyone's hair got mussed. [ light laughter ] many are calling the fight the "thrilla in vanilla." [ light laughter ] the thrilla in vanilla. some political news. in a speech today, president obama criticized congress for trying to sue him, saying that they need to focus on the economy and should stop just hating all the time. john boehner responded, "maybe we would stop hating, if you'd stop frontin'." [ laughter ] because when you front you get hated. [ light laughter ] that is the congressional motto. i know it's in latin so you can't tell, but that's what it is. this is amazing. according to new estimates, beyonce and jay-z will make $84 million from their world tour, which is good because $84 million is an easy n

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight?heers and applause ] everybody's well, that's great. very exciting television news today. the 2014 emmy award nominations came out this morning and "game of thrones" leads all shows with 19 nominations. [ cheers and applause ] they were nominated for best drama, best costumes and worst job security. [ laughter ] this is really interesting. netflix got twice as many nominations this year as they did in 2013. of course, some of those are nominations from last year that just finished buffering. [ applause ] our pal donald sterling is still in the news. still in the news. this week, sterling told a los angeles judge that to keep control of the clippers, he will sue the nba until the day he dies. and by the looks of him, that day was four years ago. [ applause ] he's a ghost racist. this is very strange. brazilian soccer fans, brazilian soccer fans are calling mick jagger a world cup jinx because he showed up at their semifinal match this week. though it may have more to do with who didn't

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight?ers and applause ] very glad to hear it. i want to start by congratulating the u.s. soccer team on a great run in the world cup. give it up for the u.s. soccer team. [ cheers and applause ] unfortunately as you know, last week the u.s. was eliminated by belgium, and next week -- next week belgium will be eliminated by drones. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] unfortunate outcome. that's right. the u.s. is out of the world cup after losing to belgium. however, during the loss, u.s. goalie tim howard set a world cup record with 15 saves. 15 saves. [ cheers and applause ] of course, that's still way behind the all-time save leader, jesus. [ cheers ] better luck next time, tim howard. the world cup is moving into the semifinals now with only four teams remaining. brazil, germany, argentina and for some reason, duke. one more reason to hate duke. [ laughter ] bad news for the president. according to a new poll, one-third of voters think barack obama is the worst president since world war

i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing?unds like you're doing well. [ applause ] you know what, i think i know why you guys are so excited. today is national tequila day. [ cheers and applause ] national tequila day. and that means tomorrow is mysterious leg bruise day. [ laughter ] how did i? where did i even get that? [ laughter ] is that a hoof? how do i have a hoof bruise? did i get kicked by a horse? [ laughter ] some international news. today, the prime minister of ukraine announced his resignation. he said he wants to spend more time fleeing ukraine. [ laughter ] just a little more time. just wants a little more time to flee ukraine. [ laughter ] this is exciting news. this morning, the trailer for "50 shades of grey" premiered on "the today show." it was pretty intense. al roker is still tied up in the greenroom. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is unreal. a company called igem claims they have made the first vegan cheese by injecting yeast with human dna. so the next time you're at a party, you may hear, "

demerath has one combination, meyers has the other.t's one of many layers of safeguards built into the system. >> demerath: even though we trust each other, we don't trust each other. >> stahl: aha. we thought the work would be tedious, just waiting for something that'll probably never happen to happen. but from nearly the moment we asked the question... is this just boring beyond belief? >> demerath: it is never boring because we have so many actions we do every day. ( alarm beeping ) >> stahl: alarms started beeping and the phones kept ringing. >> demerath: ma'am, i mean to ask all of you to remove all yourselves from the capsule at this point. >> stahl: so, is there anything wrong? >> demerath: nothing wrong at this point. >> stahl: we were politely asked to leave at least eight times, so they could decode messages or deal with other classified information. okay, i'm back. the officers may be young... >> demerath: if you can imagine that as being your computer... >> stahl: ...but the equipment is ancient. this, for example, is one o

i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how's everybody doing? are we well? is everybody well?et started. i thought this was very cool. the smithsonian unveiled a 3d printed sculpture of president obama that is detailed enough, you see his pores and wrinkles. [ laughter ] the sculpture is so realistic that joe biden won't leave it alone. [ laughter ] "sir, the museum is closing." "i know, but he's finally not cutting me off." [ laughter ] this is a bummer. yesterday, all 156 passengers of a las vegas-bound flight were removed and rescreened at a washington airport because a tsa screener fell asleep at a checkpoint. [ laughter ] typical man. a little groping and then they pass right out. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] typical. you guys still on facebook? [ cheers ] well, early this morning, facebook crashed, blocking out users across most of the world for about an hour. so there was a very tense period where nobody could find out which of their friends felt so blessed. [ laughter and applause ] good to know. a canadian woman was arrested for having an open container of liq

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everyone doing tonight?s and applause ] pretty well? that's great. let's get started. pope francis, this is true. pope francis, today, tweeted to his 4 million twitter followers, "inequality is the root of social evil." so it looks like -- he's giving us his season tickets to the clippers. [ laughter and applause ] and no one -- no one is happier -- than the person who has season tickets right behind him -- [ laughter ] --because it is a terrible sight line when he wears that giant hat. big celebrity news. "people" and "us weekly" are reporting that george clooney is engaged to a 36-year-old human rights lawyer in the u.k. so be nice to carol in accounting today. she's taking this really hard. [ laughter and applause ] the only accounting she is doing today -- is 1 plus 0 -- equals carol. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] go easy on her. she's taking it really hard. this is great news. jay z and beyonce have announced that they will tour the country together this summer. and if i know anything about marriage, it

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? wonderful. just wonderful. thank you so much. let's get started. are there any baseball fans here? any baseball fans? [ cheers and applause ] great. well, this sunday was the baseball hall of fame induction ceremony, which finally answered the question, "is there anything longer than a baseball game?" [ laughter ] we found it. we found it. i thought this was interesting. this weekend "the new york times" came out in favor of marijuana legalization. [ cheers and applause ] apparently, someone told them that marijuana users are really into buying papers. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so seemed like a good idea to endorse it. this is unbelievable. dubai has started a program. they have started a program that will give children gold in exchange for losing weight. can you imagine? can you imagine if we had that program in america? all across the country, children would have no gold. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] no gold. "where's the gold i gave you? you ate it? [ laughter ] you ate the

i'm going to call these chad meyerisms.nings, the storm warnings were going up to the north carolina, virginia border. but now we're looking at the last update we've got nantucket in the cape, right? >> that's exactly right, from where the storm is going to go. this storm has a long duration here across the carolinas. there's one reporter there, right there is renÉ marsh and right there is where joe johns was. this is going to take a long time to get to all of our reporters. it's going to take a day and two hours, almost 26 hours to get very close to washington, d.c. and new york. that's the closest approach. gu if i keep pushing the button, all of the sudden it is right here, right over nantucket and cape cod and this will certainly have rain, wind, at least 40 to 50 miles per hour here in boston and the cape maybe even higher. the right side of the cone takes us out to sea. left side, all of the sudden that's a kblansing blow, but a 60 to 70 mile-per-hour glancing blow. still, if we get that storm, let's put it right here

michelle meyer with bank of america merrill lynch.tious view than we have heard from a lot of other people recently. let's look at the forex report. quiet. sterling still elevated. scarlett? berkeley's chief economist will be the next guest. ♪ . . this is "bloomberg surveillance." >>this is "bloomberg surveillance." -- >> this is "bloomberg surveillance." >> russia prepares for communications with kiev. this bull market will surge ever higher. and u.s. authorities take on german banks. good morning, everyone. this is "bloomberg surveillance." world live from our headquarters in new york. it is tuesday, july 8, i am tom keene. joining me scarlet fu and adam johnson. our guest host for the hour, dean maki. the doctor with us this morning. >> tom, overnight, u.k. manufacturing unexpected jobs the most in three months. in japan, they posted their surpluses income form exports come up more than makes up for a weaker yen. we have a few items coming out. 7:30, small business optimism. 10:00, the job openings. we are gritting its a lot of job

chirac, secretary powell and secretary principi, general meyers, members of the united states congress, my fellow americans, ladies and

. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: i'm seth meyers. "late night." how's everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] we're all in a good mood? that's great. did anyone here watch the all-star game? [ cheers and applause ] the american league won the major league baseball all-star game, 5 to 3. "what a low scoring game," said brazil. [ laughter and applause ] probably -- that's probably our last world cup joke for four years. you have to wait four years for a new world cup joke. some political news, this week dick cheney called president obama "the worst president of my lifetime." come on. obama may not be perfect, but there's no way he worse than john quincy adams. [ laughter ] [ applause ] come on. more political news, yesterday, iran asked the u.s. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program. when asked how much time they needed, they said, "ten, nine, eight, six, three." [ laughter ] i couldn't believe this. according to a new report, kim kardashian will make over $85 million from her new smartphone game, kim kardashian h

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: love mike meyers. tatum will be stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oo la la >> jimmy: we're going to do a little arm wrestling. >> steve: you're going to arm wrestle channing tatum? >> jimmy: i'm going to arm wrestle channing tatum friday on the show. >> steve: you are going to arm wrestle channing tatum? >> jimmy: that's right. i'm going to arm wrestle tanning chatum. [ light laughter ] but first, we've got a fun show tonight. his films have grossed nearly eight billion dollars. he's a giant movie star. [ cheers ] he's the best. his latest "edge of tomorrow" is out on friday. it's getting great reviews. it's got like 91 percental positive on rotten tomatoes. he did. it's actually a fun movie. "edge of tomorrow." tom cruise is here. he's in the house. [ cheers and applause ] don't mess around with tom cruise! plus from the hit show "keeping up with the kardashians" kendall and kylie jenner are joining us. [ cheers and applause ] we love kendall and kylie. and we have music from the pretende

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? are we well?ers and applause ] excellent. i'm so sorry that i have to start off tonight with some unfortunate news. a new study -- a new study shows that only 28% of americans think the u.s. is the greatest country in the world. and that's only because they couldn't name any other countries. [ laughter ] that's sort of a double burn. i like this story. bbc news has ordered their staff to stop giving equal time, climate change deniers during environmental discussions. said climate change deniers, "that's okay, we got all the time in the world. [ laughter ] nothing bad is ever going to happen to us or anything." listen to this. a new rumor. love new rumors here. a new rumor surfaced that the next iphone will feature an all-glass exterior. because why should just the front be cracked? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] full coverage. now when you hear full coverage, it's referring to the cracks. [ laughter ] this is interesting. today, north korean leader kim jong-un was seen limping across the sta

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everyone doing? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful.is wonderful to hear. this is pretty cool. this is really cool. last night, oakland a's star yoenis cespedes won the major league baseball homerun derby with 28 homeruns. and this is weird, four walks. [ laughter ] i was surprised to hear this. sunday's world cup final was the most watched soccer match in u.s. history with over 26 million viewers. it'd beat the previous record by 25 million viewers. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so it wasn't close. there's a new study out and we are big fans of new studies here at "late night." [ light laughter ] well, according to a new study, one in four americans admit to not exercising at all. and as a result, one in four americans is actually two in four americans. [ laughter ] when you do the math. [ applause ] [ laughter ] some political news. yesterday, white house press secretary josh earnest said that president obama has brought tranquility to the global community. and that's good, josh. you should always open with a joke. [ laughter ]

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how are you all doing tonight?s and applause ] that's wonderful. that's wonderful. i apologize because i have to start tonight with a little scary news right off the top. the fbi, the fbi has captured a man accused of sending over 500 letters filled with white powder to president obama. the fbi said he was a disillusioned middle-aged man who felt beaten down and powerless at work. and the guy who sent the letters was kind of a mess too. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i was surprised by this. a new poll shows that younger americans sympathize less with israel than older generations do. but then again, most young americans think israel is that cat on "the smurfs." [ laughter ] of course, most younger americans are like we're not watching "the smurfs" old man, you watched "the smurfs." [ laughter ] our old pal donald sterling, you all remember donald sterling, well he's still in the news. still in the news. a los angeles judge has ruled in favor of donald sterling's wife and will allow her to sell the l.a. clipp

this next one is from melissa meyer in st. louis. love st. louis. ad for dog's chew toy. >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: all right. there's some of the features here. look at the fourth one down. recommended for dogs and gerbils between 20 and 50 pounds. [ laughter ] >> steve: 50 pound gerbil. >> jimmy: dude, have i talked to you about how big my gerbil's gotten? >> steve: how big is your gerbil? "big enough!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know, man. that's the problem. >> steve: i don't think it's a a gerbil, dude! >> jimmy: i had to take it out to the -- and i get a steak and potatoes. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: at least 70 pound gerbil. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's a kia gerbil. that's why man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one is from t.b. in new york. one of those capcha things. you know those -- squiggly words you have to type in before you can buy tickets for concerts and stuff like that. well, check this out. type this in. ass head. [ laughter ] >> steve: that was your first band. >> jimmy: honey -- that was my first ba

>> stock has doubled since marissa meyer took over -- yahoo!'e ali baba ownership is yahoo!'s entire market cap, $37 billion. that is putting a floor under this stock. stuart: she is not really changing the operational structure of yahoo! to make that profitable. let's move on to nicole petallides, the dow in record territory. give me the winners. nicole: exciting for the bulls out there for your 401(k)s and iras. the dow in record territory led by technology. intel raising their guidance better than expected. that is up 7%. that is huge. in new high, microsoft, 3.5%, ibm another great performer up 2.3%. for the year, year to date, the best performers are in tel up 41%, caterpillar up 20%, microsoft 17%, cisco and merck follow. stuart: loved it. absolutely love it. jack lew says is patriotic to pay sky-high taxes. >> i totally disagree. why is it patriotic when it comes to what the corporate fix is. here's what they want, at what the administration wants to fix it, get corporate ownership of u.s. companies, you would have to have foreign ownersh

chirac, secretary powell and secretary principi, general meyers, members of the united states congress, my fellow americans, ladies and gentlemen, it is a high honor to represent the american people here at normandy on the 6th of june 2004. 20 summers ago when another american president came here to pay tribute to the men of d-day, he was a kracourageous man hims and a gallant leader in the cause of freedom. and today we honor the memory of ronald reagan. mr. president, thank you for your gracious welcome to the reunion of allies. history reminds us that france was america's first friend in the world. with us today are americans who first saw this place at a distance. and the half light of a tuesday morning long ago. time and providence have brought them back to see once more the beaches and the cliffs, the crosses and the stars of david. generations to come will know what happened here, but these men heard the guns. visitors will always pay respects at this cemetery, but these veterans come looking for a name and remembering faces and voices from a lifetime ago. today we honor all the

meyers by asking her to testify. that's the court's language, not mine. so there is no allegation of inappropriate or illegal conduct in the situation before us today. we haven't exhausted all the other avenues of getting the information. the court talked about there being an ongoing process and how things are generally worked out and that the parties in myers had reached a self-imposed, self-declared impasse. we haven't reached that. so i think the issue here re involves around whether or not there is an impasse. there's not. allegations of wrong doing? there is not. there is no ongoing investigation on that basis. i think we want a pretty -- won a pretty important victory as a congress in the meyers case to say that in all situations a white house is not swiletted to absolute immunity. but then the court had some very specific language about when it's appropriate to move forward. we're not there yet. if we want to press, we risk losing some ground or at the very least tying us up in litigation for a long time that doesn't serve the american people. we c