you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah.cheers and applause] >> stephen: oh, hello.

you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better.h. 64 calories of beer with a refreshing lemonade twist. because the best kind of lemonade, is beer lemonade. new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight is a journalism professor at boston university, also an author. his latest book is called "lost in shangri-la: a true story of survivor, adventure and the most incredible rescue story of world war ii." please welcome mitchell zuckoff. [applause] thank you for being here. >> thank you, jon. >> jon: this is an incredible story. "lost in shangri-la" about some soldier centers world war ii who are stranded in new guinea after a plane crash. >> yes. >> jon: now you came across this when you were reading an article in an old newspaper. >> correct. >> jon: what was it like to find out that there was a time where people read newspapers? [laughter] >> oh, it was very exciting for someone like me. >> jon: sure, sure. >> it was like going in a time capsule. >> jon: absolutely, yes. >> wonderful. >> jon: so 20.

new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light. wow, that sure comes in a tiny glass.h no no i have giant hands. i'm very manly in the hand area. you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah. >> welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight made a documentary about the making of a u.s. citizen. i know how you do that. i learned it in health class. please welcome alexandra pelosi. [cheers and applause] nice to see you again. >> thank you. >> stephen: thanks for coming on. >> thanks for having me. >> stephen: you are an emmy-winning film maker. you made journeys with george, diaries of a political tourist, right america. feeling wrong. your new documentary starting when? >> fourth of july, of course. >> stephen: citizen u.s.a. you documented people all over the united states being sworn in to become u.s. citizens. >> did you read it? >> stephen: no. >> yes, i went to all 50 states to meet new american citizens to find out why they wanted to become american citizens. >> stephen: to steal our jobs. [laughter] right? >> they actually bring jobs, too. ther

you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah.cheers and applause] >> stephen: oh, hello. [cheers and applause] before we sign off, ladies and gentlemen, i'd like to end the show on an upbeat note: debt. recent -- death. recently the inventor of teleprompter passed away at 91. his device revolutionized the news business before. teleprompters came along newsmen needed to know what wear talking about. i rerye heavily on a teleprompter and not just at work. how else i could remember my wife's name. i just called her lady me. you'll be sorely missed. don't stop reading this, newsman it's me hubert, i programmed this to be displayed on my death. investigate my arch people nemes finnous cue card. i destroyed his career and wiped out his invention. avenge me, avenge me eeeee.

new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light. (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back to the program. we're discussing the issues of the day, sex scandal and health care issues. for more, though on the sex scandal, this brave new world of penis-based messaging, we're joined by senior women's issues correspondent kristen schaal. kristen, welcome. (cheers and applause) kristen, recently we've seen several high-profile male organs leaked on the internet. (laughter) chris brown's, brett favre, now congressman weiner. deviant? disgusting? what's your reaction to this rash of penis photos? >> well, jon, i mean, it depends. sometimes my reaction is (gasps) and then other times it's (oh, my god) and sometimes it's like... (laughter). bravo, sir. bravo. >> jon: right. what do you think is the issue behind all this? >> well, jon, sending photos of your penis craze can be chalked up to an age-old misconception that women want more information about your penis. (laughter) and that seeing it will make you more attractive. (laughter) >> jo

new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light.to my guest tonight, an actress, her new film is called "bad teacher." >> hey, welcome back. a bunch of us are going out tonight to see period five play. do you want to come? >> period five? >> yeah, the teacher band. >> i rather get shot in the face. >> hey. >> hey! >> so are you guys coming to the palace tonight. my band's going to do a few songs. >> you're in period five. >> you're looking at the new rhythm guitarist and back-up vocalist. should be fun. >> should be amazing. lynn, you want to come. >> yes, yes. >> jon: please welcome back to the program cameron diaz. [cheering and applause] hello, young lady. >> good to be here. >> jon: nice to see you. >> thank you, thank you. [cheering and applause] >> jon: pleasure to have you on the show again. >> it's so great to see you. i'm always so happy when i get asked back to come. >> jon: we're very excited to have you here because this is a special occasion. >> it is a special occasion. >> jon: about two weeks ago i had stitches in the

you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah.how like to check in with the gay community in a segment we for some reason decided to call "we're here, we're clear, get newsed to it. same-sex marriage in california continues its long path through the court system. new york seems poised to become the most populated area yet to codify marriage equality. >> governor andrew cuomo announces his marriage equality bill, which would allow gay couples to tie the falmouth. >> one vote in the state senate is all that's needed to make same-sex marriage the law in new york. >> jon: one vote. one, do you hear that, california? eat our dust. [laughter] we were a gay mecca way before you came along, let me tell you that. in new york city, walt whitman was banging dudes in brooklyn when you folks were still squatting in a river biting gold nuggets, huh. if anyone's getting marriage equality, it's going to be new york. capisce, california? enjoy your court cases. we're just going to push this through the legislature. we'll have it done quick. >> the

you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is the director of the new film,-- of forgotten dreams in 3-d. >> our time is even more constricted in this location and there's no possibility to get close to the paintings. >> unfortunately, there are things you won't be able to show in your film and you won't be able to see. you can't get closer. that is the case with these absolutely marvelous paintings in the farthest chamber, this grouping of lines it is especially the case with this where the lower portion of a woman's body has been changed. >> stephen: oh my god, even cavemen sent obscene tweets. please welcome werner herzog. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: whooo, whooo, good to see you, mr. herzog. >> thank you. >> stephen: now, sir, this movie is called cave of forgotten dreams. now explain to the people exactly what is this cave, and where is it? >> well, it's in the south of france. it was discovered about 16 years ago. and it turned out that it was the oldest,

here's your mgd 64, and your 64 calorie martini. wow, that sure comes in a tiny glass.h no no i have giant hands. i'm very manly in the hand area. you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah. >> stephen: welcome back. [cheers and applause] welcome back, everybody. [cheers and applause] folks, i'm sure many of you are surprised we're back at all.ç if you remember christian preacher and california raisin harold camping predicted that on may 21st, the world would end and all human life would be destroyed, except for the holy, who would be raptured to heaven. but apparently, earth refused to explode before it could see "the hangover: part 2." [laughter] like many of you, i made my preparations -- turned off the oven, gave up on beard hygiene, and bid farewell to my hell-bound neighbors in spray-paint on their garage door. [laughter] which reminds me, i've got to return that spray paint to my other neighbor. of course, the people who counted on the anguish of armageddon feel a little cheated. jim? >> fitzpatrick, a 60-year-old retiree had put his mon

new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light. >> stephen: welcome back.heers and applause] thank you very much. folks, you know, it's not a secret, i love helping seniors. that's why i like to set aside special time on my show for them and like phonecalls to my nana, i only do it twice a year. this is stephen colbert's senior moment. ♪ çç folks, we all know that pot smoking is a menace and not just to our nation's dwindling supply of el fudge cookies. but look who is okay ting now. >> pretty much the last place you would expect to find hundreds of people smoke pot but seniors living at the laguna woods retirement community also known as leisure world have formed a nonprofit medical marijuana collective. >> the thought of nausea disappears and it's replaced by what is commonly called the munchies. >> stephen: our elderly are getting baked. no wonder they are eating dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon. [cheers and applause] folks, we cannot have the greatest generation burning down. before you know it, they'll be crocheting black light pillow and trying to sy

new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> welcome back.ery funny comedian. his show fx's "louis." thank goodness it's back for another season. >> it's a mother dog. it's a mother dog like 14-nipple belly. that's what happens if i go like this. it's happening now, you just can't see it. it's a six pack for a whole other reason. it just hangs in sections. it actually is three sections with a split in the middle. >> jon: please welcome back to the show "louis"ck. [cheering and applause] >> that was really funny. >> jon: great to see you. >> thank you. [cheering and applause] >> jon: i'm so glad the show is back on. >> thank you >> jon: you want to do it again? >> i don't want to shake. i just want us to hoover. >> jon: do the hover shake. first episode was so good. >> thank you. jon and your acting now is getting good. >> you were describing it. i thought you were saying, "you're acting now," which is the way it feels. it feels goofy. >> jon: you and i have worked together for so many years. and we all sucked. they always wanted to make us ac

new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light. >> welcome back, everybody. thank you very much., thank you very much. nation, tonight it is my solemn pledge that i am not going to be saying anything more about anthony weiner's tail rod. but i do want to talk about another person connected with the tricky dick in my one part series better know a henry kissinger. tonight hen key kissinger, the fighting kissinger. kissinger was the most famous practice tishner of real politic which is german for [bleep] about to get real. kissinger also opened american relations-- relations to china during the cold war. he set up the first meeting between nixon and mao by sending each of them a note saying the other one thought they were cute. kissinger support for secret bombings in cambodia has earned him criticism from christopher hitch ens, daniel elsburg and everyone in cambodia. now i personally am a huge kissinger fan. kissing-- kissinger gave hope to nerds everywhere by making nerd sexy famously saying power is the ultimate aphrodisiac and backed that up by spending much of the '70s in clos

(cheers and applause) here's your mgd 64, and your 64 calorie martini.hat sure comes in a tiny glass. oh no no i have giant hands. i'm very manly in the hand area. you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah. >> welcome back, everybody. hey, thank you. nation, i don't often say this. but i'm ashamed. thank you. last night i showed you an x-rated picture of anthony weiner's penis, a picture that blogger and journalish andrew breitbart had in his possession but said he would not release. i'm trying to the do the descent thing and not release the vote owe-- photo. i'm doing there to try to save his family but it got out anyway that should have been based on this earlier picture, this penis clearly wanted out.ñr anyway last night i said that breitbart released the photo when he was visiting the-- anthony show but it turns out breitbart was just another victim of the gotcha media as he explained on the susteran with greta von record. >> i went on the show ooum's friends with one of the guys on there and i just decided before i went to

you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah. budget with expedia. make it work. booking a flight by itself is an uh-oh. see if we can "stitch" together a better deal. that's a hint, antoine. ooh! see what anandra did? booking your flight and hotel at the same time gets you prices hotels and airlines won't let expedia show separately. book it. major wow factor! where you book matters. expedia. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you so much. welcome back. everybody knows and it's no secret out there that i have had a long time beef with "sesame street". they teach our kids all the wrong lessons. like the hairy man living in a dumpster is your friend. (laughter) and that the letter "d" is a reliable sponsor. pay up, "d." don't make me send 7 after you. you heard what 7 did to 9. but now these monsters-- cookie and otherwise-- are brainwashing our kids as part of a new initiative called "for me, for you, for later." which teaches tot it is importance of saving and self-control. the d.v.d. is a little confusing but from what i c

you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah.you will cad through my eyes, please welcome to the program, tim tebow. (cheers and applause) good to see you. >> good to see you. first of all, i'm sorry to say during this time of the football strike you really let yourself go. >> it's really embarrassing. >> i'm trying. >> how are you holding up. are you bored, is this the first time in your life that you can remember not having football during this time. >> pretty much it is. this is the first time that i've gone this long without competing or playing since i was probably four years old. so it is a little weird. it gives me a good opportunity to train and meet up with guys on my team and continue to work hard. >> jon: are you training with the guys on your team. >> i am. >> jon: who organizes something like that i know the team is not allowed, i guess, right. >> we're not allowed to talk to anyone necessarily involved with the organization. but we've gotten together and brian really lieds the group and we have workoutses with all m

you know mgd 64 only has 64 calories. whoa, that feels better. yeah. at do you think?to get all new appliances. we'll go to the warehouse stores and pick out everything you want. the sinks ringing. hello? you think those guys have "everything you want? " consider this your wake-up call! only sears has kenmore, and all ten of the top ten brands. the other guys don't even carry all top three. i hope you brought an umbrella 'cause it's raining cold hard facts up in here. thinking about buying appliances somewhere else? think again. sears. phone retract. [ horse neighs ] [ whimpers ] ♪ [ crackling ] ♪ [ male announcer ] the story that became a legend, now in 3d. no glasses required. "the legend of zelda: ocarina of time 3d." rated everyone 10 and up.

especially since up to 7.4 additional mgd's will be required for in-stream flows in the watershed. addressing what happens in times of drought. thank you for the opportunity to comment. again, my congratulations to your staff on a really fine job. commissioner vietor: thank you. >> i also want to compliment staff. they came to the citizens advisory committee and gave a presentation. i would like to thank julie for giving us that demonstration. i understand it is totally complete, a really great plan, but i hope the next plan will finally be able to find a yield to non-portable sources like rainwater harvesting and gray water and black water. that would be really great because we have been looking at these for years, and you are not going to have an accurate plan if we really do start doing a lot more of those alternative supplies. we will have to figure out how to quantify it. the next thing is i am thrilled that you are part of the climb alliance, but the piece that you put on climate change and the urban water management plan i believe is word for word from the 2007 draft eir for

that changes once you get past that time when customer demand will exceed 184 mgd. this is in compliance with the water conservation act of 2009. officthe legal requirement are t we have it submitted after july 1st to the state of california. i am happy to answer any questions. >> this is a public hearing as required by the law and i suggest that we go to public testimony at this time. do we have any speakers. >> good afternoon, commissioners. it is neat to see that the projected plan is down. we are making really good progress. a couple of concerns are related to taking more water from the -- river. one of the solutions for a meeting that losses through the -- river. we're hoping that we are able to find other sources. the water storage and recovery project is looking at using surface water to recharge the ground bass and and we would much rather see something like recycle water or storm water. this was referred to in an earlier item. this is something that we would like to see as a steady. do we have to go with a reverse osmosis or is there a way to use lesser tre

new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light. this flat-out delicious -- the new $3 flatbread breakfast combo. a toasty 6-inch flatbread breakfast sandwich and a 16-ounce cup of freshly brewed seattle's best coffee. all for just $3. build your better breakfast today. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ here to perform calgary off their new album bon iver, ladies and gentlemen, bon iver. don't you cheshish me to sleep. ♪ never keep your eyelids clippednote ♪ hold my for the pops an clicks. ♪ i was only for the father's crib ♪ ♪ ♪ hair long alone ♪ ♪ always keep that ♪ cross you ♪ always hesitate ♪ ♪ ♪ have to keep it low ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ bon iver, the album is bon iver. we'll be right back. (applause) >> thank you very much, welcome back. folks, before we go, i just want to remind everybody you can go to the web site colbert nation.com and see a bonus song from bon iver, a live version in the studio of skinny love. it did not suck. and join us tomorrow night for day two when my guest will be both florence and the machine. that's it f

that changes once you get past that time when customer demand will exceed 184 mgd. this is in compliance with the water conservation act of 2009. officthe legal

that changes once you get past that time when customer demand will exceed 184 mgd. this is in compliance with the water conservation act of 2009. officthe legal requirement are t we have it submitted after july 1st to the state of california. i am happy to answer any questions. >> this is a public hearing as required by the law and i suggest that we go to public testimony at this time. do we have

new mgd 64 lemonade. refreshingly light. >> jon: that's our show, join us next week at 11:00. and if you get a chance, check out the very funny new movie john hodgman is in, the best and the brightest, it opens tomorrow. he's in it i can't speak for his mustache but i know he himself in is in it. here is the moment of zen. >> lindsay grachl doesn't enjoy war. he would like everybody to come on as soon as we can. >> how many troops do you need to fight 25,000 taliban fighters? >> lindsay graha captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) >> dr pepper presents, teamfest coachella 011. (cheers and applause) ♪ ♪. >> stephen: whooo! whooo! whooo! (cheers and applause) whooo! whooo, whooo, whooo! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you so much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thanks for joining us, folks. it is the last night of my summer concert series and of course i save the biggest n