give it up for michael kosta, everybody. ( cheers and applause ). ael, man. >> yeah. >> trevor: what on earth is going on in the stock market today? >> i mean, i am crushing it in the stock market, okay. before we get into netflix, that story about the birthday party. >> trevor: surprise birthday. >> i understand how that guy feels, you know. i have worked many birthday parties. for a lot of summers i was a male stripper and they used to bake me into the cake. ( laughter ) and there was some one party, everybody got so drunk, they forgot about me. eventually i had to eat my way out of it. but i can relate to being at a party you don't want to be at. so i can feel for that guy. >> trevor: that's not the same thing, but, yeah, that's... ( laughter ) i learned a lot about you in this story. >> i guess i should share with you today is actually my birthday, so, yeah, thanks ( applause ). >> trevor: oh! what are the chances? all right, well, from me to you, michael kosta, happy birthday! >> no! i will sue you right now if you-- i'll sue all of you if you k

. >> reporter: "the morn commute with michael kosta."rom michael kosta's bike helmet. >> aahhh! so today on the show we're probably going to talk about the situation in ukraine, or, goddamn, it's steep! god! aahhh! taxi! >> "the stock watch" with ronny chieng. >> the dow is at minus 22.4. oh, now it's at minus 21.3. now it's at minus 22.4 again. >> desi lydic, live from the hill. >> some stuff happened in congress today, but i don't know what it is, because that's a different hell. >> and dulce sloan reviews cnn+. >> man, this is boring! wait. is that chris wallace? oh, this just got better. >> hey, can you keep it down? i'm shooting my new screaming show over here. >> and so much more premium content, we just came up with, like, 10 minutes ago, including jordan klepper makes coffee. lewis black singing in the shower. and the companion series, the making of lewis black singing in the shower. power napping with trevor. and the rewind, where we just play "the daily show" backwards. ( cheers and applause ) >> tds+++, surely someone will pay

but before we go to a break, let's check in on the stock market with our very own finance exert michael kosta, everybody. (applause) >> things are looking crazy, michael, what is happening with the market today? >> i'm absolutely crushing the market. and i got a hot tip for you and i got a hot tip for you, so let's get floo it, actually, before do i that, the japanese game show. >> trevor: yeah. >> i mean that's unreal. >> trevor: right. >> i know american adult children who can't execute those tasks, you know what i mean? parents, you have to be careful sending your kids out to do errands, i remember when i was a kid my dad asked my 25 year old sister to go get the family orange juice, she droach to mexico and joined a cult, you know what i mean? which reminded me, cristie, if you are watching this, we still need orange juice back at the house. so look, i'm-- (applause) okay. trevor, i'm so thankful this show takes place in japan, you know, imagine a place like south africa where the kids would have to watch out for all the giraffe in the streets or-- . >> trevor: no, no, no, we have giraffe

for the headlines but before we go let's check on the stock market with our good finance expert michael kosta, everybody. (cheers and applause) >> thank you. what's going on in the market today. >> the markets, i mean look, inflation, that last story, that reminded me, we will get to this in a second. but the school lunches, you know, i remember being a kid and feeling this way. cuz i used to get beat up every day at school for my brunch money, i went to private school. but here's the question that no one is asking, right. these confiscated chips, candies and sodas, where are they going, everybody. okay. i got an answer for you. i bet tu is the lunch ladies that are grabbing them because they are not going to eat the sh hit they are cooking am i right. >> i will get to this in a second but you know, when i was a kid trevor, and i used to have food left on my plate my mom would say hey, you better eat that. kids are starving in africa. and i used to say to her look, mom, some day i'm going to work for an african, okay. and i am going to ask that african, so i am just going to, for a section, i

for the headlines, before we go to a break let's check in on the stock market with our very own michael kosta (applause) it's been crazy out there, what is going on with the market today. >> i'm crushing the market. i mean and i'm crushing the market. i got a hot tip for you and all of you, but first i want to talk to you, that music on the airplane. >> trevor: yeah. >> i mean how did that guy even get a full guitar back there as a carry on, you know what i mean. i am not even allowed to have a six ounce body of desani water, maybe i should start putting my water in the guitar, you know. there? okay. look, as a warning to everybody, we don't want what happens on the subway to start happening on the airplane, right, people play music on the subway. we shouldn't have that on the airplane, people start break dancing on the subway, we don't need that in the airplane, people holplane we will all get sucked out at 30,000 feet. >> trevor: pretty valid. >> here is the other thing about that amazon story, trevor. they are going to raise our prices? here san idea for amazon, why don't, instead of deliv

so to give you a little taste, i'm going to get some help from our very own michael kosta, everybody. ( cheers and applause ). you see... for your-- for your understanding and enjoyment, kosta and i are going to read sections from the transcript for you. now, he will be reading the parts of various lawyers. and i will be playing donald jackfruit trump. and, again, we're just going to read excerpts from the actual transcript because i promise you, no comedy writer is going to come up with something funnier than this. ( laughter ) are you guys ready? ready? ( cheers and applause ) so just so you understand, the key section begins with lawyers playing a video from a 2016 trump rally. >> if you see someone getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? seriously. knock the crap out of them, would you, that was your statement? >> oh, yeah, it was very dangerous. we were threatened. ( laughter ). >> with what? >> they were going to throw fruit. ( laughter ) we were threatened. we had a threat. ( laughter ). >> how did you become aware that there was a threat that pe