this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! : yes, welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about tonight. the election enters its bribery phase, elon musk could use a friend, and i get schooled on the electoral college. so let's get into the headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] we are exactly two weeks from election day and two weeks and one day from donald trump complaining about voter fraud. but tonight, there's breaking news about one trump henchmen who probably won't be joining in this time. >> breaking news in that civil case against former new york mayor rudy giuliani. a federal judge ordered giuliani to turn over all of his valuable possessions, including his manhattan apartment, to former fulton county elections workers shaye moss and ruby freeman. [cheers and applause] giuliani owes them $150 million after they won a defamation suit against him. he claimed they were involved in election fraud after the 2020 election. >> the judge wants giuliani to hand over more than just his madison av

this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! ers and applause] >> michael: wow, welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about tonight. president obama shows off his rap skills, john kelly gives trump a history lesson, and i'll fix our entire voting system forever. you're welcome. so let's get right into it with another installment of "indecision 2024!" ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] we're 13 days away from the election, and it's a toss-up at this point. in the past few weeks, trump has made the polls tighter than his shirt collar around his little neck puss. so now democrats are bringing out the big guns. starting with a rally last night in detroit, where the opening act was local legend... [record scratch noise] eminem! that's right, people! slim shady, a.k.a. marshall mathers, a.k.a. the reason stan drove off that bridge. [bleep] stan, you really think stars like eminem reads his own mail? idiot. but oh, man, this is going to be good. eminem has recorded some of the most brutal tracks of all time. h

for more on the state of the race, let's turn to "the daily show" election center with michael kosta.how can trump be acting this unhinged and not be dropping in all the polls? >> it's simple, desi. it's what we in the polling business call the scary-to-funny ratio. you see, everyone can tell that trump is clearly losing his mind, which can be scary. but as long as it's more funny than scary, then it's fine! for example, last week, trump lied about fema's hurricane response, and now armed men are trying to murder fema workers. terrifying. but he also jerk-off danced to "ave maria" for 40 minutes! which is pretty funny. so it balances out all the murder. [cheers and applause] >> desi: that shouldn't balance out. he also threatened to shut down entire news outlets if he's elected. >> yeah, and that's so scary! he wants to ban networks like abc. but then he called that reporter "george slop-a-dopolis," which is hilarious. so maybe we should ban abc! see? the ratio works! >> desi: how can voters think like that? something can be funny and scary at the same time. >> well, actually, no. vot

this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about tonight. j.d. vance won the vp debate! tim walz also won the vp debate! and triumph the insult comic dog poops on the spin room. so let's get into "indecision 2024!" ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with the big vice presidential debate, the only time these candidates will face off. well, in the united states. the european tour is kicking off next week. but for those of us who found it very exciting, there actually was one particular moment that everyone is talking about today. >> in what was the night's most contentious exchange, vance refused to acknowledge that donald trump lost the 2020 election. >> i would just ask that. did he lose the 2020 election? >> tim, i'm focused on the future. >> michael: "i'm focused on the future?" i didn't know you could answer questions like that. next time my wife asks me why i forgot to pick up the kids, i'll say "hey,

this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! ers and applause] >> michael: welcome to "the daily show!" wow! i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about tonight. kamala is putting on a festival, tucker carlson makes everyone uncomfortable, and with the election just 12 days away, everyone in america is slowly losing their minds. so let's get into it, "indecision 2024!" [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ with less than two weeks until election day, kamala is calling in the reinforcements. tonight, she held a rally in atlanta with bruce springsteen, tyler perry, and barack obama. and she announced that on friday, she'll be joined in houston by beyonce. [cheers and applause] woo, baby! talk about a get! the last time beyonce appeared on stage with a presidential candidate was hillary in 2016, so things are looking good! it's in the bag! but don't get the wrong idea. donald trump has been bringing in some special guests, too. >> i've never -- i've never in my life spoken at a political rally. i've covered a million of them for over 30

with your host, michael kosta! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: thank you! to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we are coming to you live! right now, we are live! the vice presidential debate has just wrapped up. it was right here in new york city. and just outside the venue, each candidate's supporters were embodying our forefathers' passion for elevated political discourse. >> we're not going back! we're not going back! >> suck my [bleep]! suck my [bleep]! >> michael: "we're not going back," "suck my [bleep]." the campaign in a nutshell. but before we get into the actual debate, it's important to remember how high the stakes were tonight. they weren't that high. because as i previously mentioned, it was a vice presidential debate. one of these men will lose and we'll never hear from him again, and the other one will become vp and we'll never hear from him again. so tonight probably won't matter much to the voters. but to the news media, it was a historic opportunity to get people to watch tv. >> choose your vice. as anticipation builds for one of the mo

this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about tonight. gambling addicts have a new sport to bet on, costco's out of toilet paper again, and charlamagne tha god is here to tell us who's working the polls. so let's get right into headlines! come on! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] the presidential election is just 34 days away. and if you thought the stakes couldn't get any higher, well, good news: now they can! >> well, you could soon see folks betting on the outcome of this year's congressional elections. that's because a federal appeals court declined to block a lower court's decision allowing it. it is a blow for a government agency that argue doing so could undermine election integrity. >> michael: place ya bets! place ya bets! democracy may fall, but your bank account doesn't have to! okay, yeah, okay! thank you. but yes, betting on elections is about to be legal. which is great for everyone who

michael kosta is here! [cheers and applause] what do we got, michael?orrow night, and "the daily show" will be airing live, right after it! balls, butthole, dicks, titties. [laughter] >> jon: i'm -- what? >> well, i don't want to let a curse word slip out on live tv, so i'm getting all of my bad words out now. skull[bleep], nutsack, jizz -- you see, jon, i want tomorrow night to be classy. ass, nipple. [cheers and applause] >> jon: just on a strategic basis, isn't that going to make you more comfortable swearing on tv? >> i think it'll be okay, [bleep]-face. >> jon: michael kosta, everyone. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> migrants that came in illegally that were so vicious, like you have never seen before. if you wanted to do a movie, there is no actor in hollywood that could play the role. there is nobody that could do it. these actors, you know, they are a little bit shaky. they can't play the role. they will bring in a big actor and you look, you say, he's got no muscle. he's got no muscle! we need a little muscle! >> sorry. - life is a tes

michael kosta! kosta, what's coming up this week? [cheers and applause] tell the people!w what trump said about arnold palmer. but this week, i'll be investigating other famous dead guys' junk. for instance, winston churchill. jon, let's just say that during the war, he was getting double rations of hog! all right? it's true, jon. >> jon: i -- i didn't know that. >> well, then there's einstein. did you know his upstairs brain wasn't his biggest? you know what i mean? >> jon: i think we know what you mean. >> lot of dead penises. >> jon: michael kosta, everyone! now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> 14 million votes and he won, 22 people running, 22 democrats running, looking at my hair up there. let me see. oh. i don't like it. i don't like it! excuse me. i'm going to recomb my hair, do you mind? i am going to recomb my hair. mr. future senator. mr. future senator. you got to get him [hip-hop music] - the two most important rules in my family were, never make eye contact with a junkie and never wake my father when he took his nap between jobs. ♪ ♪ we had to eat quietly

michael kosta has more. >> last year, fox news reached a nearly $800 million settlement with dominion that they rigged the 2020 election. >> we begin with some breaking news in one of the most consequential media trials in decades. >> dominion voting systems had alleged the right wing network knowingly broadcast lies that its voting machines were used to steal the 2020 presidential election. >> a voiding a trial that would have tuned fox news 'has biggest stars into star witnesses, the company will cut a $787.5 million check. >> what you might not realize is that fox only reported those claims after one brave woman dared to send them an email. surely an email like this must have come from a seasoned investigative journalist or deep state whistle-blower. so who exactly was this incredible source? >> i kind of like and myself to the statue of the girl in front of the big bad bull on wall street. >> meet marlene. staring into the eyes of one of the most powerful unknown people in american politics was thrilling and intimidating at the same time. i needed to know, how did she do it? >> i