and was brought to my mind by a wonderful psychiatrist in germany he's a professor psychiatry michael linden who said me he said, how are you feeling? right now? and i said, great. and he said, no, not i can see. you're concentrating on this interview. you're and he was right. i was actually exhausted i had had to wake up at 5 a.m. to do the interview because i was in l.a. and he was germany. i hated how i looked on the webcam, right? i hadn't put on makeup. i look terrible. he is relaxed and happy. we did it on his schedule in germany and if being to think about how i was feeling was to produce negative responses. so that's our doing that with kids tending to their feelings, worrying about their feelings, telling them to self-monitor and pay attention to their feelings. it sounds compassionate. it really does but i think it often and if you think about it produces the negative a negative reaction. right. because actually if you thought about it of life getting through a day involves a certain amount of repression right being good friend, being a good spouse, getting work done. it means not