that man is michael scott. [laughter] he's supporting about 20 nigerian princesses. ow, michael is a great delegator. he never does any work himself--ever. ha ha! ha ha ha ha! and one time i walked in on him naked. and his thing is so small. [chattering, whooping] (kevin) how small is it? if it were an ipod, it would be a shuffle. (all) ohh! uh, can i make just a little announcement? in a professional roast, usually the roaster will say something nice about the roastee after they're done. something about how much they love them, so just keep that in mind. mike claims we're all a family. we are! isn't that right? we are a family. oh, okay. so, um... what's his name? all the way in the back, there. oh, very funny. mmm. what's his name? uh... [laughs] i'm thinking roy. roy left years ago. what's his name? i don't believe i have had the pleasure. michael, i gave you a ride home last week and we spent an hour in traffic. what's his name? jefferson. nope. his name is michael. [rim shot] [playing tune of what i like about you] [audience clapping with beat] ♪ what i hate abou

michael scott paper company. okay. vy official. "dear mr.ase be advised that it is in violation "of your condominium agreement "to conduct a business headquartered "in your residence. the penalty of forfeiture of residence..." >> no, okay. it's fine. it's fine. we're just gonna add, "find office." >> how are we gonna find an office how can we pay for an office? >> nextn the list: song parodies. >> okay, okay. achy brky fart. >> great. let's sing it in the car. >> no, no, no. mystumps. lik my humps, but a guy with no gs. >> yeah. >> we can do this. >> we can do this. ♪ everyone that's still in town, ♪ ♪ is at friendsgiving, so come on down. ♪ ♪ the turkey's hot and the table's fu, ♪ ♪ join the party, everyone ♪ that's my kind of holiday. people find out state farm does car loans as well as they do insurance, our bank is through. good point. grab an edge. look there's two guys on the state farm borrow better banking sign. nope for real ere's two dudes on the state farm borrow better banking sign. [ reporter ] breaking news from the state farm

he's michael scott.tiply it by the business of life. all those bills, budgets, accounts and taxes. it's a complex probl, but you don't have to solve it by yourself. at intuit, we make tools to help you simplify it all, so you can focus on what matters most. intuit. simplify the business of life. [ man ] adventure, it means taking chances. it means tryi sething new. [ woman ] just, that uncertainty of what's to come. [ man ] just kidding. ♪ can you please stop doing that? ♪ [ woman ] you walk outside in brooklyn, and it's cement and broken glass. and this is just like... the opposite of that. ♪ the opposite of that. as it is a rec room with a bunch of computers in it. and fraly, if i had my way, i'd toss the computers in the "gar-bahge," but unfortunately, we use them for practically everything we do, so... that ain't gonna happen. he's a temp. don't worry about him. alice! all right. stay awake, okay? my aunt joan. oh, well, she--she worked here before i did, so there's no nepotism involve in fact, to be

it's michael scott again. i just spoke with michael scotch. to be returned, everything's fine. >> michael... >> and i really, really need to talk to david. >> please hold. >> charles miner.

the real estate version of michael scott, and that was this guy. he did half the interview as ace ventura. - tell me about the cologne. how much? - oh. an entire bottle at least. - you're definitely hoarding this, by the way. - guess--guess what poster he had on his wall. - austin powers. - mm-mm. - ferris bueller. - mm-mm. you're getting colder. - not night at the roxbury. - no. the odd life of timothy green. - i'm sorry. how did you think i was expected to guess that? - i don't know. but it's interesting, right? - it's fascinating. - he said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it, and it's right next to his desk. he must look at it, like, 20 times a y. - that's amazing. well, listen, you can't win 'em all, right? - mm-hmm. - so the next interview has to be better. - i don't know. - what do you mean? of course it will. you're amazing. - i know. it's just, even if it was a great boss and a great job, i just--i don't-- i don't know if i-- if i want to-- i don't know if i want this.

does she ever mention michael scott? >> no. what are you talking about?life. oh, wow. [claps hands, sighs heavily] ahh, legs are sort of giing out. long drive in the car. so let's just-- we'll just continue. [sighs] oh, wow. [deep breath] okay... >> michael, get off the floor. >> yeah, yeah... i can't do this, pam. just read-- just read the cards. >> [whispering] michael, you have to-- >> no, i'm okay. i'm all right. [heavy sigh] okay...okay. >> that was weird, huh? it's all part of the presentation. it was confusing, right? because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. i'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened, and the fact that i'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [as forrest gump] sales is like a box of chocolates. you never know which vendor you're gonna get. forrest gump. ♪

let's see, he's really... >> michael scott, manager. hi, how are you?>> nice to meet you. >> great. >> yeah. >> hey, look at that. >> whoo! i can assure you we don't need a new system, though. happy with ours. >> hello, may i help you? >> jimbo. >> jim? >> hey! >> hey! >> hey! >> hey! >> hey! all: hey! >> okay. i'm, uh, i'm gonna be going. >> hey! all: hey! >> [laughing] what was that? >> that was funny. >> that was funny. let's go do it to somebody else. >> hey! [cheerful music] ♪ ♪ been pinning fun ideas along the way. ♪ ♪ thanksgiving photo booth, before the meal ♪ ♪ to capture all the joy we feel ♪ ♪ elf on a shelf, like it, pin it ♪ ♪ with my redcard, i'm in the game to win it. ♪ save big this season with price match, plus 5% off and free shipping with your debit or credit redcard. ♪ that's my kind of holiday. >> oh, look at that. >> ohh. >> cupids and hearts. really shoving our faces in it this year. you doing okay, bud? >> i miss stacy. >> yeah, i hear ya. it's been four months since i was with holly. and she was way hotter than stacy. so if you

"michael scott paper company." you want in? do you want to be a part of this?h. obvious-- >> and you are not going to, either. >> oh, agreed. mmm, except-- >> here's the thing. what i wish for you is that you land a job at a company that "a," exists, and "b," has a salary because they're set up to do that kind of thing. >> hey, hey. what's up, chuck? >> jim. >> h. >> what are you doing? >> nothing. just talking. >> okay. chael nded in his two-week notice. did you also hand in your two-week-- >> i didn't. >> no? okay. [sighs] >> you want me to translate the german instructions for you? >> no, i'm sure they're pretty much the same as the english instructions. >> [scoffs] typical american arrogance that got us involved ina war we never should have been in. >> that's a really-- >> world war ii. >> well, fine. do the german instructions say what this is supposed to do? >> [clears throat] deutsch. let me see here. it is either an incense dispenser or a ceremonial sarcophagus. >> hmm. >> my german is pre-industrial and mostly religious. [door slams] >> pam. listen, th

a guy named michael scott said he was coming for for lunch and noticed two bucks on his neighbor's dry way. this is in british colombia. michael did say he noticed a doe in the area and he believes they're fighting over territory. >> they can't get any traction. >> they're in the yard, they're under this tree. the fight goes on for a really long time. you can hear all the noise they're making, antlers banging together. >> i'm rooting for the smaller one. i'm rooting for the underdog. >> the underdear. >> i like that. this is the scary part. they get wrapped around this big pine tree. their antlers are still connected and they're folded around the thing. the younger, smaller buck takes off and older one chases after him. >> sometimes criminal don't think things all the way through p . i have two videos to show that. we start down in australia. he and a projector stole valuable tools. apparently they had a brain freeze because they left some important evidence behind, a slurpee. >> we found a slurpee that was still melting and we went to 7-eleven and asked if we could have a look at thei

[wheezing laughter, coughing] [coughing continues] yes, michael scott for dr. jocelyn, please.ello, doctor. i was just following up about my mole again. no, i was looking online about sebaceous cysts. i have not been squeezing it. [groans] could i stick it with a pin? ugh. toby flenderson to the principal's office. your mother called. and it appears that you wet the bed again. so you have to get home to wash your sheets because they're yellow and they're wet with your urine. [knocks ♪ you-- and at 6'6" from the university of north carolina, jim halpert! that's pretty funny. [laughs] hey, you know what? did i drop my, uh... what? what the heck... is that, uh... you find it? i didn't. i'll look somewhere else. all right. all right. [door slams] uffd] would you like fries with that? please drive around. [cheerful music] ♪ ♪ ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's so groovy now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting to

"michael scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers 10% off for one year." >> why dom my computer. >> okay, you know what? you came up with this idea. i remember you told me that you loved the willy wonka movie when you were growing up. >> impossible. >> yes, you did. >> i wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetishized it that much would have made no sense to me. plus we weren't allowed to see movies, so... do the math. >> what are you writing? >> "had conversation with michael "about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. discussed movies." >> would you like to go to lunch with me? just the two of us? >> with all my heart. >> you guys are throwing a lot at me. >> well, all i'm saying is it's the first date, so just keep a respectful distance. >> right. >> i don't think jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her. >> no, that is what i mean. >> shush. kevin, a playful touch on the arm or on the back, it can show your interest, and it's really romantic. >> like that? >> no. stop it. >> don't touch her, don't talk to her, don't look at her. put your he

what he years ago, michael scott was accused of a homicide case in salt lake city. there was a note the na evidence. he was identified ultimately through a fingerprint on a piece of duct tape. he was also accused of the rape of 214-year-old girls in salt lake city. the question was does the dna sample match the suspect? at that time the crime lab was using what our card -- what are called rf lps. the same principles i showed you apply here. what we have loaded into this gel, he have the victim's dna, andave the defendant's dna, then we have free samples from the evidentiary sample loaded at different concentrations. pattern in the defendant, here's the pattern in the evidentiary sample. is this a match or not? what do you think? i see some heads nodding. this was established as a match at the time. is this sufficient to put him in jail? to convict him? we have tot because ask the question how common would this profile be in the general population? we do some statistics, that i will not talk about here, and we estimate the frequency of this profile in the population

michael scott did corso was accused in a homicide case in salt lake city. there was no dna evidence that was identified ultimately through a fingerprint on a piece of duct tape but he was accused of the rape of 214-year-old girls in salt lake city. there were samples from the rapes so the question was does the dna from the evidentiary sample matched the suspect? at that time the crime lab is using what were called rfl he's but the same principle another kind of tandem repeat. the same principles apply here. but we have loaded into this gel we have the victim's dna and the defendant's dna and three samples from the evidentiary sample loaded at different concentrations. here is the highest concentration so here is the pattern in the dif and it and here is the defendant in the evidentiary sample. is this a match or not? what do you think? i see some heads nodding and this was criteria established at the time a match. is this sufficient tube put dicorso in jail and to convict him? probably not exist we have to ask the question how common with this profile be in

turn you turn and sign these deals but obviously that will michael the couple scott who is now in vilnius covering the summit will tell you more over to you paul. well a year leaders and heads of state have gathered here in vilnius for the two day summit german the german chancellor angela merkel and british prime minister david cameron are amongst the guests attending an informal dinner on thursday evening it's believed they're going to be discussing their next move on how to deal with ukraine politicking i decided that this isn't the right time for them to sign that association agreement with the you know of course the summit was meant to be where the formalities were completed on that deal of the last week decision from kiev surprise many off the years in negotiations to get to this point but the ukrainian president viktor yanukovych says that the terms of the deal on to grable for. for his country at the moment he says that the six hundred million euros on offer from the e.u. and the i.m.f. to the country to modernize simply is not enough now that is something the president of the eur

thanks. >> thank you, scott. >> michael pachter. doc, got the allocation yesterday. what do you make of what the stock is doing today? >> well, i still say, judge, it goes significantly higher. i would be a buyer at that level. it doesn't mean i short it here. i checked with my buddy, john tobacco, at locate stock. he said it costs you about 40 cents to borrow the stock if you can get a good borrow. they say it is very tight. i would wait on trying to short this one. you'll have the options next friday. if you really have to be short, it's the safest way to play the short side. >> anthony, i would love to know what the hedge funds think about twitter. >> okay. so yesterday, i did an analysis of that, to try to take a look at who was trying to own it, who was flipping it in the marketplace. it seems in general that this is a story that people have held short term on the hedge fund side. what i also think is interest g interesting, i do believe that goldman sachs will step into the marketplace here and support this name through their capital markets desk at least for t

well, the play that everyone's talking about and that scott rudin, the producer, seems, michael, to have made totally critic-proof, is "betrayal," with daniel craig and rachel weisz, and a third person that no one's ever heard of before. i think the advances are going to hit like $14 million before it opens. does it matter even if it's good or bad? >> it's critic-proof, and the premium tickets are $423. you have to mortgage your house to get a good seat. and the thing is, no one's talked about rachel weisz. she happens to be an oscar winner, you know, she has a pretty good career going on. but it's all about daniel craig. and it's actually very brave of him to play a part where she's cheating with the other guy we don't know the name of. it's also brave of all three of them -- >> haskins: they're married, right? >> yes, they are married. and it's also brave of all three of them to do a play that goes backwards in time, because we remember "merrily we roll." [snores] >> oh, come on! >> it's just too much work, with the audience paying that much money, to have to then figure out, "oh, wait

would like to take a minute to acknowledge many people here in the room, michael from the children's creativity museum and scott from ybca resident, activist rick smith and from the garden festival. they are all on board with the principals and very concerned. i will take this moment as well to acknowledge comments from john oeb leng, i would like to call to your attention our principals and remind you with a we are advocating for. thank you. >> good afternoon. i want to echo on -- johnson comment and about the community schools and keeping us abreast of the process you are going through. i'm speaking as a board member on behalf of the yerba buena alliance as community as guidance for the way forward for yerba buena's future. we really em implore that you use these principals for your consideration of yerba buena's future. a brief subscription of these principles that all these buildings remain so. and that any displacement of these uses should be prohibited. secondly that all sources and often we've seen them turn them over. these funds are legally to ensure they are used for that purpose. regarding the use an

scott hideler on the thai border. >> michael eaves is here with a look at the sports headlines and theiami dolphins hazing story takes a significant alternative. >> we've heard from one side of this situation. richie incognito says his threatening text and pleal were anything but bullying. incognito made those remarks in an interview which aired sunday on fox sports. martin is expected to issue a video statement within the next few days. we've yet to hear his side of the story. >>> and finally a special treat for some of our nation's armed services today, as the dodgers opened dodger stadium to about 100 service women and women, for army, air force, coast guard, navy, coming up a little bit later we'll talk to gleason about his time they army as well as his time in the major leagues and tony he also received the purple heart. >> that's strong. >>> next on al jazeera america. a decade of war in the democratic republic of congo. >> i'm kimberly on board the aircraft carrier why u.s.s. theodore roosevelt. coming up high technical warfare. unconventional wisdom weeknights - 10 eastern on a

michael d. little, forensic advanced certified peer specialist coordinator, philadelphia department of behavioral health and intellectual disability services, philadelphia, pa; monica scott, outreach substance abuse counselor, baltimore substance abuse systems, inc., baltimore, md. tom, peer-to-peer services is an increasingly unique and an important part of a recovery-oriented system of care, of systems whether municipal or state systems, that are looking to set up a recovery-oriented system of care. what is peer recovery support? peer recovery support is it involves people with lived experience of both addiction and/or mental health and in recovery, and it's using that lived experience as the fulcrum, or the leverage, to do the services. they're non-clinical, they're strength based, and they work on building trust with the person, and i would also say they are also mutually reciprocal, so the person giving help also gets help in the equation. very good. and leah, talk to me, i mean, we have both the substance use disorder and the mental health consumer recovery concepts that we are going to be talking about today in the show. so, tell me a little bit about, is there an

michael finney, 7 on your side. >>> if you're looking to add a new sweet something to your thanksgiving menu, ryan scott has some ideasyou may know ryan as the host of "food rush" on our live well network. here's ryan with a look at his "food rush" holiday challenge. >> it's that time of the year again. i'm going to give you a simple dish with four ingredients that's sure to be a treat for the holiday season. this is my holiday chocolate bark with pretzels and pistachios. set it right on a bowl, leave it for ten minutes and let it melt. take a spatula, mix the chocolate just like so. you take your melted chocolate and literally just pour it in and on your sheet pan. okay, you smear this guy out just like so. my version of bark, it can be anything that you want, but what i like on it is pistachios and pretzels. take pretzels, crumble them just like this right on top of your melted chocolate, pistachios, same thing, right over the top, and final little touch is a little bit of sea salt. 20 minutes to an hour in your fridge, and you are good. you'll find more festive recipes by tuning into the three holiday editions of "

. >> our scott cohen is at the scene at garden state plaza, and joining us is mall security, michaelen. michael, let's kick it off with you. the new jersey mall shooter was able to walk into the mall, he had a rifle. what kind of measures do you think need to be taken to prevent that from happening again? >> maria, and bill, thank you for having me here. >> welcome back. >> thank you, bill. it's important to understand that incidents like this don't just happen. and as much as we're focused on response, we have to invest and quadruple our effort when it comes to prevention. that is the only opportunity we have to truly prevent incidents like that from happening in the future. >> scott, i mean, you're there at the mall. i've been there many times. we all have. those of us who live in this area here. i mean, it's a -- it's an open target. i hate to use that term, but, i mean, it's very easy to get into. you're anonymous. it's a huge mall. i can understand how easy it would be to penetrate the perimeter there. >> well, that's the issue. it's the issue that faces the security professiona

michael finney, 7 on your side. >>> now if you're looking to add a new sweet something to your thanksgiving menu, renowned san francisco chef ryan scottas some great ideas. you might know ryan as the host of "food rush" on our live well network. here's ryan with a look at his "food rush" holiday challenge. >> it's that time of the year again when you have people over to the house for the holidays. i'm going to give you a simple dish with four ingredients that's sure to be a treat for the holiday season. this is my holiday chocolate bark with pretzels and pistachios. what i did here, take my chocolate chips that you can see. set it right on a bowl, leave it for ten minutes and let it melt. take a spatula, mix the chocolate just like so. you take your melted chocolate and literally just pour it in and on your sheet pan. okay, you smear this guy out just like so. my version of bark, it can be anything that you want, but what i like on it is pistachios and pretzels. salty, sweet, the whole thing is delicious. take pretzels, crumble them just like this right on top of your melted chocolate, pistachios, same thing, right over the top, and f

michael. thank you for your time. gregg: plate of cheese. let's go over to jon scott standing by for "happening now."gg. gregg: all right. >> obamacare rollout troubles continue unabated, word now six people, six were able to sign up on day one of the affordable health care exchanges. we're getting new info how badly the rollout was botched. we have analysis and news coming up. plus our first obamacare town hall on "happening now." what questions do you have? some of them on tap, how much will it cost to fix the websites? could this end up resulting in a single-payer system? do new policies really mean better coverage? tweet your questions at happening now. we'll be up in 10 minutes. gregg: looking forward that to, jon. thank you very much. do you recognize the star behind the costume? who ditched glamorous look for a geriatric get-up? we'll tell you made gregg: toronto's mayor in some legal hot water these days. place say they found a video showing the mayor smoking crack but not enough evidence to bring charges. jonathan hunt with the details from our new york newsroom. jonathan, the mayor a little

scott walker coming on. he'll be a leading presidential candidate. i'm larry kudlow. we'll be back tomorrow night. >> narrator: in this episode of "american greed"... maurice michaelconvicted bank robber who claims he's gone legit. >> mccant carried himself as somebody who was legitimate. he had the swagger of a rap promoter. >> narrator: mccant offers 30% returns on investments in his rap-concert-promotion business... >> he actually said to them, "you can stop the bleeding that you're suffering in the market if you invest with me." >> narrator: ...and investors are forking over their entire nest eggs. >> i liquidated my i.r.a., and it was to the tune of a million dollars. >> narrator: and later... mark anderson holds millions of dollars' worth of fine wine in trust for clients...

scott, emily van camp. i don't know who all of these people are. some of them went to the white house and met with the president about this. jennifer hudson, michaele. >> this is the marketing, this is the outreach they are choosing to do. the question is a celebrity focused campaign going to be enough to get young people to spend 200, $275 a month on health insurance when the alternative is to simply pay a penalty of $95 next year? that is the question. this is the administration's question, can we make this work? they ran a focus group and they were unable to find a majority of young people to sign up at a price point they were asking them about. >> california has an $80 million marketing budget just for marketing obama care in california. >> thank you peter of the wonderful reason magazine. coming up, i am critical of obama care and the government dominated system that preceded it. does any othplace have a better system? there is one. that's next. stick with innovation. stick with power. stick with technology. get the flexcare platinum. new from philips sonicare. that's why there's new duracell quantum. only duracell quantum has a hi-density co

tomorrow's show we'll talk to wisconsin governor scott walker and coming up next "gq's" men of the er. there's one of them there, deputy editor michaelmale announcer ] what if a small company became big business overnight? ♪ like, really big... then expanded? ♪ or their new product tanked? ♪ or not? what if they embrace new technology instead? ♪ imagine a company's future with the future of trading. company profile. a research tool on thinkorswim. from td ameritrade. kand i don't have time forisim. morunreliable companies.b angie's list definitely saves me time and money. for over 18 years we've helped people take care of the things that matter most. join today. you give them the giggles. tylenol cold® helps relieve your worst cold and flu symptoms. but for everything we do, we know you do so much more. tylenol cold®. afghanistan in 2009. on the u.s.s. saratoga in 1982. [ male announcer ] once it's earned, usaa auto insurance is often handed down from generation to generation because it offers a superior level of protection and because usaa's commitment to serve current and former military members and their families is without equal.