[screams] is microsoyeah, it is.he ipad? just head to the app store and download it. now, you have microsoft word on your ipad pro and it works with apple pencil. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. where's the car? it'll be here in three...uh, four minutes. are you kidding me? no, looks like he took a wrong turn. don't worry, this guy's got like a four-star rating, we're good. his name is randy. that's like one of the most trustworthy names! ordering a getaway car with an app? are you randy? that's me! awesome! surprising. what's not surprising? how much money erin saved by switching to geico. everybody comfortable with the air temp? i could go a little cooler. ok. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. athank you, but next time.... this is the beer we drink. eberhard anheuser. adolphus busch. ♪ today, unlimited gets the network it deserves. verizon. (mic thuds) uh, sorry. it's unlimited without compromising reliability, on the largest, most advanced 4g lte network in america. (thud) uh... sorry, last thing. it's just $45 per line. forty. fiv

engine roars to life] [dog howls] ♪ dramatic opera music swells from radio ♪ [howling continues] is microsoyeahownload it. now, you have microsoft word on your ipad pro and it works with apple pencil. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. [upbeat music] - since trump's inauguration, here at "the daily show," we've been playing this game. it's called who's the real president? we sit around in the office and try and figure out who's really running the country. because you know it's not trump, right? we know it's not trump, and i figured, i was like, let me show you the current standings. the number one stop in this week's edition of who's the real president goes to... [drum roll] [cheers and applause] steve bannon! [audience boos] yay, steve bannon. yay! and, guys, can i be honest with you, this tally wasn't even close, because in the past week we've learned so much about the power and influence that bannon has in the white house. - bannon played a key role in crafting president trump's extreme vetting order, that temporary ban on immigrants from seven predominantly muslim countries. - ever

is microsoyeah, it is.he ipad? just head to the app store and download it.rosoft word on your ipad pro and it works with apple pencil. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. ♪ heigh ho ♪ heigh ho ♪ heigh ho heigh ho it's off to work we go here's to all of you early risers, what's up man? go-getters, and should-be sleepers. from all of us at delta, because the ones who truly change the world, are the ones who can't wait to get out in it. [cheers and applause] - so as you all forgot, it's black history month. let's commemorate it with a look at the most recent black history: the obamas and what they're doing post-presidency and pre-apocalypse. - the obamas appear to be enjoying their r&r as they vacation on billionaire richard branson's private island in the virgin islands. you see them there taking a casual stroll in beach attire, the former president in flip flops and wearing his hat backwards. - he never wore his hat backwards as president, i don't think. - he's never worn his hat backwards. like, why is that a thing people even notice? he's wearing hi

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is microsoyeah, it is.he ipad? just head to the app store and download it.rks with apple pencil. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest was a fellow correspondent on "the late show" for nearly ten years. he's now the executive producer and the star of "the detour" on tbs. >> let's go. the red light! no, no. i'm going to stay here and wait for the white man. >> no, let's not use this phrase in this new neighborhood. >> relax. our kids don't see race. >> the white man didn't tell you you could cross yet. >> excuse him. jim crow? what do you guys call the white man? >> you don't want to know. come, come! no, they're fine. come, see, there's no traffic. let's go. ( honk ) >> stephen: please welcome jason jones! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: fantastic. wow! lovely! thank you! >> stephen: were you about to do this? >> no, not at all. >> stephen: good because i don't do that. i thought you were bring out on me. >> happy president's day. >> stephen: to you, too. and prime minis

for longer lasting relief...in one chewable tablet try duo fusion from the makers of zantac is microsoyeahord on your ipad pro and it works with apple pencil. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. ♪ a just be calm side. ♪ you got a, "i never thought i'd get married at 65" side. ♪ ♪ "hey i'm just looking" side. ♪ man, you better buy that ride, whooo! ♪ ♪ that's why there's nationwide. ♪ ♪ they help to know, protect and grow your many sides. ♪ ♪ yeeeahhh ♪ nationwide is on your side. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> jimmy: look at this. the energy in this room. he is one of the most iconic musicians of the past five decades, one of the top grammy winners of all time, and a a recipient of the presidential medal of freedom. performing a medley of "isn't she lovely" and "my cherie amour," with a little help from the roots, please welcome mr. stevie wonder! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> i love you, michelle! ♪ ♪ isn't she lovely isn't she wonderful isn't she precious ♪ ♪ i can't believe what god has done he's given the world such a wonderful woman ♪ ♪ girl you are lovely made from love ♪ ♪ [ c

is microsoyeah, it is.he ipad? just head to the app store and download it.with apple pencil. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. >>> so for all the people out there, what's the one thing you would tell them to make it happen? >> there is nothing special about the six of us. we're all self-made. we've all failed 1,000 times. >> it doesn't matter how many times you fail. you only have to be right once. >> looks like we have some new -- >> before "shark tank" we had four employees. we worked out of a shared workspace in my apartment. >> and 2 1/2 years later we now have 29 employees and are moving have 29 employees and are moving into an 8,000-square-foot office. >> last time you saw us, this place was empty. and now in just two years we're fully occupied and created 60 new american jobs. look at us now! >> just three years ago, we were selling our product, lovepop cards, out of shelves in our basement to our graduate school classmates. >> now we have over 30 people in the office, 140 in our production facility, and we just hit our first million-dollar

is microsoyeah, it is.he ipad? just head to the app store and download it. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. thins! our eyes on the amazingly then, feast your mouthhoy! on their rich chocolate-chipped-ness! it's no trick we put an exclamation point on thin and ta da, it's thin-credible! made with... ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. i don't want to brag, but we have -- i believe we have an incredible writing staff for this show. and these writers every day, they come up with smart jokes, fresh jokes, jokes that i believe challenge you as an audience. but the thing is, other days, to no fault of their own, they just don't. they just don't have it. [ light laughter ] and the jokes they write stink. but instead of me throwing those jokes out, they made the argument, they made the argument that these jokes that were no better than a joke you would find on one of those corny popsicle sticks when you were a kid. these terrible jokes, they believe they can be saved with what they call, "kiss-ass graphics." [ laughter ] let's see