mr. addams. mr... (miss dunbar exclaiming) gomez: let's fly away together, to the black forest. e's been there. a black forest summer, winter, autumn, spring... fester, can't you see i'm busy? gomez, how could you? it's easy. watch. i don't know about you, but i come from a long line of stool pigeons. morticia, i don't know how to tell you this, but your husband's a fake. my husband, gomez? you got another? he's playing footsies with another woman. and when i say footsies, i don't mean footsies. dear noble gomez. noble? he's just pretending, uncle fester. pretending? then why is he drooling so much? he has to be convincing. (stutters) he sure convinced me. having that woman laying down in his arms like that, with her hair straggling down all over her shoulders and her eyes afire and her cheeks aflame... you saw all that? yeah, and i only caught a glance. i do believe dear gomez has built up that woman's ego sufficiently. uncle fester, you better go tell him. don't worry, i know what to tell him. we don

addams family? and they're taxpayers, aren't they? if you say so. mr. and mrs. addams coming up, sir. psst! mrs. addams, mr. addams, do forgive the delay. please sit down. thank you, mr. mayor. darling, show his honor that ridiculous tax bill on our house. here you are, sir. ridiculous. it is out. just a moment. you never even looked at it. well, i didn't have to. i've looked at your house. we'll cut it in half. the house? no, no, dear lady. the tax bill. a-a-as a matter of fact, we'll cancel it altogether. or, to be really fair, we'll send you a rebate. great scott, look at the time! i'm going to be late for that cornerstone ceremony. do forgive me, do forgive me. goodbye. clyde! incompetence in office. the bane of our existence. to think that in the last election i voted for that unmitigated scoundrel. not only that, darling, you voted for him twice. well, i cast my first vote so early it slipped my mind. somewhere, someplace there must be a politician but who? i don't know who. but if i find him, he's going to get some mighty strong support in this coming election. now, darling, put your hand

yes, mrs. addams. you thumped. oh, lurch. i'm in terrible shape. so i see. remember my french pen pal, yvette? folies-bergere. she's coming here to visit me. oh, c'est si bon. you can say that again. she thinks that i'm 6'3" and built like cary grant. well, it's not that bad. i've got a couple of days to get in shape. but zen-yogi isn't gonna do it. corset? corset! 'course not. no. i'm gonna go on a crash program of diet and exercise, but secret. secret? yeah. you know how gomez and morticia feel about exercise. they think it's silly. i'll have to do it early in the morning. hey, i'll do it with that guy on tv, jack la lanne. the muscle man. he's on at 6:50 in the morning. (moaning) what are you moaning about? i'm the one that's gotta get up and do it! jack on tv: one, two, three, four. one, two, three, four. come on, ladies, hit it. one, two, three, four. one... shoulders back, squat. hit it. one, two, three, four. one, two, three, four. come on, one, two, three, four... what is he doing? he's either

mr. addams. easy come, easy go. and now if we could just meet old mrs. adams. as soon as she's finished wrestling the alligator. wrestling the alligator? (door opens) ah, here she is. well, i finally beat that darn alligator. u. she certainly photographs differently. do you really wrestle alligators? oh, just once in a while. she actually prefers kangaroos. this is abigail quincy adams? certainly not. i wouldn't have that woman in this house. robespierre! i'll have lurch get your hat. the bell's out of order. well, think nothing of it. (gong resounding) you rang? the gentleman's hat, please, lurch. robespierre! did you call me, mother? what have they done to you? blow up the train, and then she wanted to put me in the guillotine just because my name is robespierre. my husband is going to write a letter to the papers about this. how can i? all my pens are broken. let's get out of here. what's the matter with them? soreheads. oh, poor wednesday's going to be broken-hearted. , darling, i'm afraid you're going to have to forget about robespierre. forget? i've alrea

no, mrs. addams. where can that boy be? the river? and keep your eyes open. you do the best you can. (man laughing maniacally) (man laughing) (echoing) to marry, or not to marry? that is the question. whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous... i heard you calling. that wasn't me, that was cousin fungus. i'd better turn off the echo. thing? is cousin fungus coming to the wedding? oh, no, he doesn't get out much. what exquisite taste. do you like it? it's a divine tunnel. then stay here with me. just the two of us? (fungus laughing) no, the four of us. cousin fungus and thing. we can play four-handed solitaire. you do paint a lovely picture. but we can't. you must think of ophelia. think of all the many romances that started out a bit wobbly and then worked out. think of romeo and juliet. they died. ah, but what fun they had those last three days. i suppose there's nothing we can do. courage, mon ami. you spoke french. gomez, now control yourself. we don't want to give cousin fungus the wrong idea. yes, yes. w come along. p

i'm gomez addams, fester's nephew. well, i'm mr. logan. thaddeus logan. logan, huh? well, that's as good a name as any. querida, this is mr. logan. mr. logan, this is my lovely wife, morticia. oh, mr. logan. how do you do? (stammering) fester lives here? oh, yes. won't you please sit down? there are a few things we think you ought to know about uncle fester. oh? well, i know all i need to know. by thunder, i admire your confidence. lightning quick. yes, it eases my mind to know that you'll be with him in his time of trouble. oh, well, i don't anticipate any trouble. no, i got all the papers right here, ready to sign. oh, we'll have those institutions eating out of our hand. institution? oh, no, we couldn't send him to an institution. no need, sir, he's an addams, and we look after our own. besides, the poor dear isn't violent. fester? crack up? completely off his trolley. keeps talking about big business deals and mergers and that once fine mind has been reduced to a shambles. (chuckling) oh, well, i know what you mean. yeah, i often feel like i'm cracking up. you lo