mr. benny. - and i want to tell you, ladies and gentlemen, he was actually a sensation there. you know, i can't tell you how many nights he received a standing ovation. nce laughter) - well, the nights the audience gave me a standing ovation, mr. benny, it was because there were more people my age than your age. (audience laughter) - wayne, there are always more people your age than my age. (audience laughter) believe me. - you know, mr. benny, working with you was an experience that i'll never forget. whenever i wasn't on stage myself, - the way i walk? well, strangely enough that you should mention that, because a lot of people have worked with me and stole my mannerism, you see? but you didn't. - with my voice, i wouldn't dare. (audience laughter) (audience laughter) - oh yeah, i see. now, wayne, why don't you run along get ready for your song? - yes, sir. i don't like to complain, sir, but i'm not very happy with the dressing room arrangements you made for me. - well, wayne, i'm sure that s

he's always late-- - mr. benny, mr. benny! - yes? - i'm a new stage hand here, and i've been an admirer of yours for years and years, and i thought lad to. - write to me personally! - to you, ok. i say, what's your name? - herman, herman e. verdexiphlusjk. (canned laughter) - herman what, what was that last name? - verdexiphlusjk. (canned laughter) - herman e. verdexiflux...? - verdexiphlusjk. - i see, i see. you spell that? - v-e-r-d-e-x-i-p-h-l-u-s-j-k. (canned laughter). verdexiphlusjk. - verdexiphlusjk, i see. that's a strange bunch of letters there. how'd you ever get a name like that? - my father used to make eye charts. - it's easier if you cover one eye. (canned laughter) here, try. - verdexiphlusjk, i got it. did i spell it right? - yeah, uh, most of that. ned laughter) thank you very much! oh, i've been a great admirer of yours for years and years, big fan. - thanks, thanks, that's very, very nice. (applause) well i've seen everything now. don, will you finish the sandwich so we can get going with our rehearsal? we've got a

"now mr. benny, how can you possibly have the nerve "to compare yourself with anyone who knows "music as well as he does?" well, my only answer to that is that i believe my devotion to the violin is even greater than his, would continue to play after being tarred and feathered. (laughter) i'd like to see him rosin his bow with sticky fingers. (laughter) oh, here's one more letter that i want to read. it says, "mr. benny, with all the work you do "on your television shows, do you have any time i have a very nice social life. i go to maybe 15, 20 parties a year, and the nicest part of it is that the parties that aren't planned are the best ones of all, you know? those that just happen by accident, and i remember yesterday, i must tell you what happened yesterday, i ran in to my favorite motion picture star, jimmy stewart. and a very good friend of mine, and he had told me that night, last night, that he was going to g anniversary, he and his wife. and he begged me to join them. (laughter) and even tho

(audience laughter) - oh, today only, sir. - oh, oh. - [man] hello, mr. benny. - hello. - we're all set up here, so we can start recording just as soon as mr. hope comes down. - oh, fine. well, i brought my violin along, in case i want to put a little music on the record, you see? so, while i'm waiting for bob, i'll practice a little bit. - oh, fine, you go right ahead. he'll be down pretty soon, i imagine. all right, let's see. okay. (violin music) no, no, this is bob's house. (violin music) - oh, thank you, thank you. (audience laughter) (audience laughter) - gee, i'm sorry. - yeah, well, watch it. i'll be down in a minute. last time i pulled this my pajamas fell down. - the stock market dropped the same day. (audience laughter) oh, my ace chauffeur. hi, ace. take me back to shower number five. - very good, sir. - take a shortcut through the bowling alley. - oh, you know him. he likes to travel. (audience laughter) - [jack] (mumbling) this is a wonderful idea i've got, making this record with bob. now, let's see if these jokes are all right. yes, it starts ou

-mr. benny, mr. benny. i think you're being rather foolish. but if you insist, there's a dr. granger down the hall, who uses a different method. i don't know too much about it, but i know he doesn't use needles. -well then that's the guy for me. (sneezing) -oh, that was me. -come in. yes? -dr. granger? -yes. -oh doctor, dr. whitney sent me in here to see you. because i need some allergy tests. and he told me that you don't use needles. i think they're barbaric. -oh well, good. good. -well now, where is your trouble exactly? -well, i have irritation. i keep scratching my arms all the time, they're driving me crazy. -slip off your coat then, and we'll get down to your trouble. now just roll up your sleeves and sit over here. and make yourself comfy, and i'll be right with you. -alright, now here. let me show you that. right here, see that? -oh! you are a mess. -i assure you i can't stand needles either. i get woozy when i play my phonograph. oh, this rash could have been caused by any number of different things. let's see how you react to certain foods. they're a very big offen

- yeah. - that's what you think. - well, look, mr. benny, if dennis is so upset, maybe we shouldn't sing. - oh, look, don't let him worry you. when i say you can sing another song, you can sing it. he can't do anything to stop you. now, go ahead. ? wish the railroad didn't run so near. ? ? 'cause the rattle and the clatter of that old fast freight ? ? keeps a-making music in my ear. ? ? go bum again. ? (audience laughs) ? go bum again. ? ? hear the whistle blow. ? - ? if you go, you can't come back. ? woo-woo! (audience claps) i've seen you do some awful things before, but this is the worst. - oh, no, mr. benny, i didn't have anything to do with it. i don't know how it happened. (thump on ground) hey, nick, not now! it's me! - i thought so. get off of here. missed. you know, it's the one thing i've always regretted. i can just imagine what it would have been like if i had gone to college. - [jack] you know, the campus life. (crowd cheers) the football games. with three or four other swell guys. - gee, i hope we have as much fun this year as

(audience laughter) - yeah, but i don't understand, mr. benny. i did have a babysitter, you see, i used to go to your house right from the studio. i was making charley's aunt at the time. (audience laughter) - gee, i used to tell all the kids that my babysitter was a funny old lady who smoked cigars. (audience laughter) - well, that was years ago, you know? but jack, i can't tell you how happy i am with the success you have with your wonderful voice, and the recordings, you know? your great records, lovers, lollipops and roses. you know, i made a few records myself with my violin. - oh, sure, i know. i have your last record. it's a collector's item. - it is? - yes, cylinders went out with thomas edison. (audience laughter) - [jack] (fake laugh) (audience laughter) - that's a joke. - i know, i know. (audience laughter) - my father always told me that it's always wise to interject a little humor. when you came on my show? - no, i did that on my own. - [jack] yeah. - as a matter of fact, i got some very good advice once. i was told that when you're

(applause) ("the jack benny program" theme song) dennis. dennis. hello, margaret. hello, mrs. mitchell. is dennis home? well, he must be over at tommy's. they were out here playing a minute ago. all those mouths to feed. how are they? they're all teething. oh. well, bye, mrs. mitchell. goodbye, margaret. [music] there she goes, tommy. yeah, dumb old margaret. she can't help it if she's a girl. can i use your bathroom? sure. come on. hey, mom. i'm home. so i hear. hello, tommy. he's polite, mom. he's just in a hurry. okay. do you know who was just here? sure. it was margaret. but i was hiding in the bushes. mrs. mitchell: why were you doing that? 'cause girls are no fun. 'em because they're a girl. first thing you know, you end up playing house. true, true. no tv for you tonight. [phone ringing] i'll get it. i'm not complaining. i became interested in playing house when you stopped-- dennis: hello. --making mud pies and began making apple pies. guess what we've got out there on the phone, a long-distance call for you. long distance? hello. daddy. grandpa? how are you? where are