- no it won't take too long. - mrs crabtree, mrs crabtree! congratulations on your new automobile. - that's a good one. that car's a real beauty. you should give it everything it deserves. - what do you mean?' - my name is harris. your car deserves the best and so do you. - [barbara] i still don't understand. - well insurance, barbs. the car needs insurance and so we do we, right mr harris? - you're an understanding man mr crabtree. your husband understands. - it'll be expensive too, right? - well, uh... - i mean for complete coverage. - expensive? - we'll need personal liability right? - right. - fire and theft? - of course! u can't do without property damage and collision! - major medical? - ooh major medical, why of course i almost forgot! every car owner has major medical. - scratches, dents, lacerations... - say crabtree, you should've been an insurance man. - if i say so myself, what a beautiful m.o. - and don't forget animal coverage. - animal coverage? for the car? - for the car? - oh sure, suppose a dog nips at those soft beautiful t

mr. crabtree. - [brunette man] mr. crabtree. - no comment. - mr. crabtree. - [female reporter] but you do admit your car can talk, mr. crabtree? - no comment. - [brunette man] mr. crabtree. - what do you want!? - i'm a television producer and i'd like to star your car in a series. - oh, that's ridiculous. (female reporter whispering) - mr. crabtree, if you'll just put these earphones on, david brinkley wants to talk to you. david brinkley. (laughing) hi. hi, dave. (chuckles) (stammers) no. i'm sorry, no comment. you certainly don't talk like that on the air, mister. well, yeah. well, the same to you! well, you can tell chet you oughta all smile more often! - [female reporter] mr. crabtree! mr. crabtree! where is your car? - it's out in the garage and that's where it's gonna stay! - garage! garage! (mob shouting) (mob shouting) - [gladys] "disappear," he says. (mob shouting) (banging) (mob shouting) (crashing) (mob shouting) - [dave] hey, now, what's goin' on? wait a minute. just a second. wait a minute. (mob shouting) fellas, what's goin' on in here

mr. crabtree. my visit here this afternoon is based strictly on the relationship between attorney and the client. coming here was simply more convenient than . - are you buckled in, agnes? you have your retainer, do your job. - alright. - use this photograph tomorrow when you go before the license board. (whistles) shameful. - oh, it was shameful. yes, sir, shameful. - i'm counting on you, crabtree. i want the greek grotto closed tighter than the drum. it's a den of an equity. - may i see the photograph, henry dear? - it's not for your innocent eyes, agnes. - thank you, dear. he fourth attorney i've had on this case. i'm certain they bribed the other three to drop the matter. - nobody bribes me. - i hope not, for your sake. - (funny sound) (audience laughing)

mr. crabtree, - yeah. - did you drop this? - yeah, that's a... - department of sanitation. - what'd they do with the tickets? - ah, for pete's sake, barb. - i forgot so we'll miss the plane. - what'd you do with it, i gave it to you - no you didn't, dad. - don't contradict your father. - yeah. how do ya find anything in this snake pit? - here. - you got a sharp little pair of eyes there, randy. - we're gonna miss you, darling. - you're just gonna be gone for the weekend. - is there anything you want me to say to mother? - yeah, but i can't tell ya in front of the kids. (laughing) - cute, cute. - of course, it shouldn't be too tough. - check, grundy. - yeah? - ya see that balcony? - yeah, i see the balcony. - [voiceover] that's the place. right across the street from the airport, you're gonna take a fiddle lesson. - i'm gonna take a fiddle lesson. - it'll look like you're gonna take a fiddle lesson, only ya ain't gonna take a fiddle lesson. you're gonna be at the balcony with a fiddle, only it ain't gonna be a fiddle, it's gonn

mrs. crabtree, my wife. ms.... - brown. how do you do? - i'm happy brown. - won't you sit down? - thank you. your job mister crabtree will consist of preparing confidential reports which must be mailed to your employer. - mailed? but why? - because you will be working alone. in your own office with no direct supervision and no assistance. - you mean i'm going to be in charge? ms. brown i hope i did not this represent my previous experience, you see i've always held a job as an employee. - that has been understood. now subscriptions to a number of financial journals. you will be supplied with a list of important corporations. whenever one of these corporations is referred to in the journals you will make a note of it and consolidate these into a report which must be mailed at the end of every day. - i quite understand ms. brown. but to whom do i mailed these reports? - to the box number you already have of course. - oh. - the office is completely prepared for you. and here are your keys. - well thank you. - your hours will day on saturday. can you start in the morning? - yes. i th

mr. crabtree. my visit here this afternoon is based strictly on the relationship between attorney and the client. coming here was simply more convenient than . - are you buckled in, agnes? you have your retainer, do your job. - alright. - use this photograph tomorrow when you go before the license board. (whistles) shameful. - oh, it was shameful. yes, sir, shameful. - i'm counting on you, crabtree. i want the greek grotto closed tighter than the drum. it's a den of an equity. - may i see the photograph, henry dear? - it's not for your innocent eyes, agnes. - thank you, dear.