mr. furley... look, i don't want your job. i want you to have your job back, you see... mr. furley? mr. furley, where are you going? i'm going to apply for social security. but you can't collect that till you're 65. i'll get in line and wait. no, no, mr. furley, please. to give you your job back? he won't do that. once my brother makes up his mind, he never changes it. never? never... twice. twice? when we were little kids my brother grabbed my little orphan annie spy ring from me. he wouldn't give it back till i chased him into an elevator. what happened then? well, the elevator got stuck between floors and he got so scared, he gave the ring back to me. well, see? your brother can change his mind. death. that's when i found out he was suffering from closet-phobia. you mean claustrophobia? that, too. anyway, ever since then he's been petrified of elevators. you said he had changed his mind twice. what was the other time? when we got out of the elevator he took my spy ring back again. oh, there, there, mr. furley. don't feel bad. we'll find you another spy ring. hey, wait a second. you ju

mr. furley to bring along his camera. janet? mr. furley? i thought that was you. larry! what are you doing here? do you think i would miss your debut performance? i even brought bonnie along with me. hi, jack. oh, i'll never forget you for this, larry. y don't we take a group picture? mr. furley, i've got so many things in the stove... tripper, i had to clear table six. and it's about time, too. cheese! what is going on here? i was taking a picture of my friend and that dumb waiter got in the way. your friend. i might have known. get out! all of you, out! jack? it's late. what are you guys still doing up? we wanted to talk to you. uh, i don't really feel too much like talking. how come you didn't tell us you were working as a busboy? i didn't want to brag. don't you know we like you because of what you are and not because of what you do? yeah, thanks. listen, i really have to go... wait a second, buddy. hold it, all right? now even some of the great chefs in the world had to start someplace. that's right. by chopping down cherry trees in kentucky. mr. furley, that's wash

mr. furley's apartment. what?! it's okay. mr. furley's away for the weekend. oh. so, there's no reason why you can't go down there and show her how much you love her. show her? yeah. but you'll have to hurry. she took a sleeping pill. oh, good, good. that'll help. maybe... maybe i just better have a little brandy first. oh, come on, mr. roper. a lot of memories. that's why i need the brandy. mr. roper, it's getting kind of late. can i have another? don't you think you've had enough? brandy makes me romantic. poor him a double, cindy. boy, you should have seen helen on our wedding day. she was real beautiful, huh? mmm. i'd really like to stay and talk to you about it mr. roper... now, go to it. you know where it is. jack, you're talking to a married man. oh, sweetheart. r, truck, suv. that's smart. truecar can help. it's great for finding a new car, but you already knew that. it's also great for finding the perfect used car. you'll see what a fair price is, and you can connect with a truecar certified dealer. so, no matter what you're looking for... there it is. th

mr. furley! oh, my god, it's true. jack, why you? mr. furley... janet, please, not now. oh, he was so young... couldn't you give him any more time? ( sneezes ) it's a miracle! no, it isn't, mr. furley. well, it is a damn good trick! someone's coming. we'll explain the whole thing to you but, please, don't give jack away. right, you don't have to worry about me! get rid of these flowers. ( sneezes ) oh, god... shh! okay, now... just remember, jack-- lie perfectly still and don't breathe. ( all humming "rock of ages" ) is that him? was. yep. he's deader than a doornail, all right. yeah. well, max, thank you for coming. oh, yes, he's dead, all right! dead and gone. oh, jack, jack... jack. he was such a wonderful person-- so sensitive, so thoughtful... amen. there'll never be anyone else like him. never... never... never. amen. amen. amen. he was like the son i never had... the brother i always wanted... the friend i always... mr. furley, don't you think it's time to, uh, uh, uh... time to lower our heads in a moment of silence. lower. or a moment of silence for breath, uh,

mr. furley, come on in. hi, kids. hi. hi, mr. furley. i need one of you to feed my turtle while i'm gone. janet will love to do it. thank you, jack. where are you going, mr. furley? oh, on a wonderful, romantic weekend made just for two. hey, congratulations. yeah. leisurely little drive down to la jolla then dinner by candlelight then some intimate dancing. wow, that really sounds nice. any woman would love that. yeah. do you know one who would like to go with me? i hope you have a very good time. come on, cindy. i'll help you clean up the kitchen. if i think of anybody, i'll sure let you know. well, make it fast. i'm leaving in half an hour. yes, sir? now, jack, i know you look at me and you say to yourself "that furley never has any trouble getting women. "i mean, he's got all the moves "the threads, the savoir faire... drives girls crazy." right. crazy. jack... jack, believe it or not even i can have a brief little dry spell now and then when i don't score. no. i'm in one now. has it been going on long? my last date was in february.

mr. furley... mr. furley! hey, are you trying to hide from us? please come out. i'm not setting one foot out there until jack comes back. might have gone up to check on larry again. maybe we should, too. chrissy, aren't you worried about exposing yourself to his germs? hey, if i care about somebody i don't mind exposing myself. mr. furley! okay, if you won't come out then we're going to go see larry. yeah. good. give me a call san francisco? yeah. that's where larry went for the weekend. boy, that was good. ( grunts ) i'm ready for dessert. how about you? well... the chockin moose pie. "chockin moose..."? uh-huh. the choc... the chocolate mousse pie! i'll be back in a flash. okay. jack! jack, we want to talk to you. who are you? who are we? who are you? yeah. i'll be back in a second, doreen, chrissy, janet. good. you're all here. i was just about to explain. uh, you see, doreen uh, this is janet, and this is... chrissy. chrissy. but i also promised you dinner and i tried to call you. she didn't get my message. didn't i try to call you? well, you said... i had to

mr. furley's pers secretary, um.. i can tell you that, um... mr. furley likes to stay reloseal co his investments no matter how large or small. and who wants to live that y and i would the eatwo grccesse but there's more to life than money, isn't there? ke wha i mean, of course there is. the most beautifulan a thing little g in the world. but wen'u engadutiful? one of the grubb girls? verna, the one that owned her own tractor? well, yes, but i marrie me a bety contest winne- miconsss wis. me? uh... ll.. myitwiy never woty const but sh.. mr. furley. a you hear tt? "mr. furle she iln't ge used to the idea. you didn give mmuch tim how loave you two be married a couplef months now. well, i'll be! ered out. ahand i live pretty ch lau isn'at righthoy? fake lghr ) so much for the "laus" pt. it's getting late. miss wood g.u . well, fine, sir. . nk, it was really a pleasure meeting you. and you, little lady. odightmrfuey. s. rley oh, right. good night, mr. furley's sretary. goodht well, merle, you ce back real sn, yea ll, weguess i had better well, merle, yo

mr. furley. and they know everything about interior decorating. i don't know, janet. oh, please, mr. furley. you know, to, um... oh, set a tone and create the mood. well, yeah, that's true. when you're the prince of passion you know all about bedrooms. i guess it's okay but you're liable for damages. okay, thank you! oh, mr. furley, thank you. i promise you won't regret this. if anybody stops here tomorrow about my ad just send them to my place. freeze! did you say you advertised before you even asked me? oh... oops... you caught me. well, see, i knew that it was going to be all right because you are such a wonderful person. ( chuckling ) oh, well, yeah, that's true. now, mr. furley don't say anything to chrissy. it's a surprise for her. you're going to redecorate o? paint around her while she's asleep? we're all supposed to go skiing this weekend but at the last minute i'm going to back out. then, by the time they get home, it will be all finished. ( chuckles ) you are a very sneaky person, you know that? thank you. and don't tell jack, either 'cause he'll just blab it out and spoil

mr. furley. it's my brother-- he upsets me. well, i can relate to that. see, he's in town and whenever i'm around him, i just... i feel bad about myself, you know? i know exactly how you feel. you and i have got something in common. when i was growing up my parents told me i was. that's terrible. they tried to be nice. i remember they used to take us to the beach. well, that sounds like fun. i hated it. bart buried me in the sand. mr. furley a lot of little kids bury each other in the sand. head first? and you really want to hear something? after my brother lost all of his baby teeth he used to steal mine so he'd get the money from the tooth fairy. while you were asleep? no, out of my mouth when i was awake. wasn't he a pistol? i don't feel so bad about growing up with lee. thanks a lot, mr. furley. i feel better... wait. aren't you going to fix our sink? i can't. i'm so depressed talking about my brother i've got to go lie down. look who i saw downstairs. oh, mr. furley, have you met jack's brother? what's the matter with him? he's just, uh... he's aller

mr. furley... what's she going to pay him with? fairy dust? mr. furley, did you want something? oh, i just found out about jack losing his job and i... where did you hear that? larry just told me. shut up. if there's anything i can do... you can help me convince jack to take his boss to court. to court? why? to fight for his rights. the only reason she fired him was because he told her you're kidding. no, the woman was all over me. gee, how awful. so, you can see, mr. furley this is a clear-cut case of sexual harassment. are you sure? of course i'm sure. didn't you hear what we said? are you sure it's har-assment? yes. and not ha-rassment? what? some people say har-assment and some people say ha-rassment. e does it make? it makes a lot of difference. if it ever happens to me, i'll know how to pronounce it. would you mind terribly if we got back to discussing jack's problem? i thought that's what we were doing. oh! forget it, okay? i'm not going to court. i'm not about to make a fool of myself. jack, come on. better a fool than a coward. what's that supposed to mean? you sound li

mr. furley, can we come in please? what's up? well, uh... as you may or may not know so we decided to come down here and appreciate you. landlord appreciation week? how come i never heard of that? ( clears throat ) well... because you're a landlord. you can't appreciate yourself. well, thank you. here, sit down, make yourselves comfortable. i'll take your sweater. handcuffs! those are handcuffs! you were right, we couldn't fool him! are you in trouble with the law? no, no. we put these on ourselves. we were just fooling around. now, look, i run a clean, family building here. i won't put up with anything kinky! no, no. it's nothing like that. it's all just a big dumb mistake. and we came to ask your help to get these off. oh, why didn't you say so in the first place? i can get those cuffs off in no time flat. you can? how? you may not know it but when i was younger they used to call me "fingers furley." what's the matter, fingers? it's locked! oh, well, now what are we going to do? chrissy, just slow down and relax. i've got it! jack, you won

mr. furley... i guess i really bowled him over, huh? hey, why the long faces? jack failed his cooking exam, and he's going to move out. move out?! it's a good thing i showed up when i did. jack, it's time you and i had a talk. what's all this about you running away? don't you know that when the going gets tough the tough get going? so you failed. big deal. look at me. i've failed almost everything i've ever tried. i've never really amounted to anything. my whole life has just been one big failure after another. ( voice breaking ): i'm the laughing stock of my family. the only reason i have this job jack, if you can wait until tomorrow i'll go with you. i'm so depressed. that's it. i'm going to go pack. hey, hey, wait a second, jack. now, look, maybe you didn't fail. maybe they made a mistake. st can't understand how. i mixed all the ingredients. i wrapped the salmon in the dough and i put it in the... sheila's apron! you should have put it in the oven. that must have been when he did it. i should never have turned my back on him. i wouldn't turn my back on a gu

mr. furley? you bet i would and i'm going to start by showing you the nerve center of this complex-- my apartment. come on. wow, a dream come true! oh, and, jack... $100... due tonight! that's your first lesson. oh, hi. hi. we got the stuff for billy. oh, yeah? don't touch. chrissy: janet, come quick! what, chrissy? chrissy, what is it? billy's gone. jack, what did you do with him? well, he got a little too close to the edge of the balcony and i just... aah! jack, stop kidding. okay, no, serious... he's downstairs with furley. furley's teaching him how to be a landlord. jack, stop kidding. no, it's true. ( doorbell chimes ) ja-- i'll get the door. billy, come on in. you okay? sure. oh, good. oh, jack. can i talk to you alone for a minute? do to me? will you just come on? you heard him; it was his idea. now, no more tricks, man. you can fool furley but not me, all right? listen, i know you're short a hundred bucks for rent money. so... i want you to have this. a hun...? where'd you get this hundre

mr. furley... mr. furley! let go! oh, waiter... yes, mr. miller? a little green for the navy bean. that's kitchen comedy. it's just... carry on. ( whistles ) sprinkle with tarragon. miller! you are doing great. i am? jason deveroux told me he just loves your soup. he does...? well, i knew he would. hey, what's a piece of paper doing in this chicken? oh, that. that's a special dish of mine. ." i never met a great chef who wasn't crazy. one salmon mousse, mr. miller. ah, one salmon coming right upstream. ( chuckles ) ( chuckles ) how's the salad coming, felipe? oh, very well. and may i say what a pleasure it is to work alongside the great david miller. oh, well, thank you, felipe. oh, no. thank you, senor. six years. six years i work in this kitchen. but i watch i learn i slave waiting for the chance to become a chef. and along comes this gringo and steals my job. ( chuckling ) felipe, is there something the matter? your greatness. yes. ( metal scraping ) it's all right. i am a patient man. i wait my chance. after all, he cannot live forever. you david miller? yes, sir, that's me. le

mr. furley... mr. furley, what about janet? do you think i could get lucky with her? yeah, maybe a little candlelight, wine, soft music... we're talking about our janet and that old man! you ought to do something about him. like what? tell that over-the-hill don juan to buzz off. be a man! no, i can't. oh, that's right. i keep forgetting. you can still tell him to buzz off. i can't. janet would kill me, mr. furley. ee my father leave with janet? yes! he should be ashamed of himself. he's old enough to be your father. my father and janet? on a date? that's wonderful. i knew you'd feel the same way as i... what?! well, it's the first time dad's been out in years. that's why we can't leave them alone. for a long time you can get awfully thirsty. oh, jack, i had no idea janet was that desperate. are you kidding? not janet, your father! oh. the poor man's been so lonely he's probably forgotten what to do with a woman. not anymore-- i just reminded him. we're talking about two consenting adults. no. i never consented to anything. not you. now, stop thinking about them d sta

mr. furley, marriage is very important to janet's parents. if they found out the truth, it would break their hearts. ah, listen, don't you worry. i'll fix everything. wait, wait, wait. listen, you don't realize how lucky you are to be getting a son-in-law like jack. he is one fine guy. oh, you don't have to sell jack to me. i can see he's a man's man. how'd you know? thanks a lot, mr. furley. you know, it isn't every day that a guy like jack gets married. well, i should hope not. he was a playboy. had girls over all the time. i never thought he'd settle down with just one. well, i hope he's changed. yeah, if you only knew how much. i'll see you all. nice meeting you. ( furley laughs loudly ) what a strange man. well, i'm dying to see the rest of your apartment. oh, is this your bedroom? yes. no, don't go in there, mom! don't go in here. twin beds? why on earth would you have twin beds? actually, mom, we only use that one. well, then, why do you have this one? in case we wear that one out. why don't i make some coffee? mother. honey. ruth: oh.