mr. collins was talking about los angeles. - oh no, no, ronnie, please. let your father talk about oklahoma.

mr. ronnie's neighborhood". we did, umm, reagan reading the christmas carols. we've done a translation when gorbachev visited. we had yakov smirnoff, the comedian, as a translator. but the favorite sketch we've done goes back ten years. and, i understand, it was ten years tonight that we aired this. and when you see this sketch-- i have to point out, we did this live. we don't pre-tape them because we like the audience reaction. kind of a dangerous sketch to do because of the timing was it's an old comedy device that you'll see in a moment. the actor was fred holliday, who plays reagan's chief of staff, jim baker. and i should point out, as a form of reference ten years ago, that james watt was the secretary of the interior in the reagan administration. so here is the reagan sketch from 1982. watch the monitor. [ applause ] >> well, now, would you send in jim baker, please? [ laughter ] >> morning, mr. president. >> well, good morning, jim. >> yes, sir. >> mr. president, your press conference is scheduled to begin in an hour, so we only have a short time for me

-[ronnie] well, mother, we're all set up. oh, hi, mrs. morton. -[blanche] hi. -[ronnie] we did this at the fraternity once. it was a riot. -[blanche] well, i'll go home and get harry's lunch. oh, i forgot to wind my watch. ronnie, do you have the time? -[gracie] oh, sure he's got the time. wind it fo her, ronnie. -[blanche] thank you. bye. -[ronnie] bye. -[gracie] bye. now, you're sure this will work? -[ralph] oh, yeah sure, mrs. burns. all the controls are under the cushion in the couch. now there are four buttons. just push them one at a time, and mr burns'll -[gracie] ohh. i'm going in and try it. -[ronnie] you know, with my mother and father going to palm springs, we're going to have the whole house to ourselves. we oughta have a ball tonight! -[ralph] i called milerd and joyce, and all the kids at sc. they'll be here at eight. -[ronnie] wonderful. i'll take care of the records and the record player. -[ralph] i'll take care of the girls. -[ronnie] and about 8:30 i'll start serving sandwiches. -[ralph] i'll take care of the girls. -[ronnie] and after sandwich

mrs. morton. - hello ronnie. - ronnie. today you're 21 and you're a man. you don't say hi to people you say, "how do you do" and shake hands. - oh! how do you do mrs. morton? - how do you do mr. burn. - now isn't that better? come have breakfast. (trumpet music) - after you mrs. morton. - oh thank you mr. burns. (audience laughs) - blanche, a cup of coffee? - alright. here you are. - thank you mother. - sugar? - oh yes please. - alright. - mother you know i only take two lumps. - that was when you were a boy. (audience laughs) - yeah you're a four lump man now. (audience laughs) - mother what are you staring at? - oh i'm just admiring the wonderful work i turned out. (audience laughs) you know i can remember when you were just a boy. i had faith in you. i knew you'd be a man someday. - well i had good start in that direction. - and your father wanted a girl. you know i'm glad i disappointed him instead of you. (audience laughs) - well certainly you can't please everybody. - good morning blanche. good morning george. - well how do you do mr. burns? - how do

you see, we've got to make ralph and ronny friends again, and blanche thinks you'll be better than teacups. (laughter) - i don't know what you mean, mrs. burns, but i'll do anything to make ronny happy. - aw, good. now, since ralph thinks that ronny stole his girl, the way to even things up and make him happy is to have ralph steal ronny's girl. that's you. - wait, you mean ralph is going to steal me away from ronny? - well no, not really. and make him think he's doing it. - but that would make ronny jealous, and i like him a lot, and i don't want to lose him. anyway, why pick on me? ronny has lots of other girls. - oh no, no, no. you're the only one. - i am? - well, sure. that's why i called you instead of all those other girls. (laughter) - well mrs. burns, ma'am, i'll do it. might do ronny good to show him he hasn't got me hogtied. - well bonnie sue, ma'am. i don't know what that means, but i'll call the boys. ronny? ralph? will you come down here? - the boys are up there together? but i thought they were fighting. - well, certainly. they couldn't fight if they weren't together. (laughter) - mother, did you want to see... bonnie su

ronnie? - uh-huh, he's crazy about me. i just found about it. - you did? - hello, girls. i just got a call from mr. burns. imogene, how 'bout a big kiss now that we made up? - you're wasting your time, ralph. she's ronnie's girl now. - you're kidding. - no, it's quite true, ralph. ronnie and i love each other dearly. - dearly? why that two-timing sneak. - ralph, i know how you feel. why, i'm heartbroken too. - oh, my car's right outside. and i know a perfect spot on mulholland drive. it's great for curing broken hearts. - you do? - how 'bout it? - oh, i'd love to. - oh, hi, everybody. my dad just phoned me. oh, hi, imogene. (audience laughs) - let's not even wait for mulholland. - i was just gonna say... i better talk to dad. - you don't have to. i know what it's all about. (audience laughs) - yes, you do know what it's all about. not that i care, but what about you and ralph? - well, you saw what happened. he went off with mary. but doesn't matter as long as you love me. - i do? - well, your father told me so. - oh, well, father knows best. (audience laughs) - well, what are we waiting for? let's take a d

mr. velasco is here. - did you get rid of ronnie and ralph first? - oh, sure, i had to bribe them though. i gave them each 10 dollars. - oh, good, good. - it wasn't easy either. i had to chase them half a block before i could catch them to give them the money. - well, at any rate, they're gone. - yeah. - oh, mr. velasco, here. right here, senor. - [velasco] how do you do? - fine. - here are your lifeguards. - yeah, here we are. - you are the lifeguards? - that's right. let's do a little swimming now. - all right. - but they wrote they were college athletes. - well, yes, you know, college athletes. the better the athlete, the longer it takes them to get through college. - then they must be champions. - well, i'll bet you've never seen swimming like that before. - i can honestly say no. - [harry] nice work, men. - [velasco] may i ask you, where did you learn that stroke of yours. - from a boyhood companion, my dog. - and where'd you learn yours? - you mean this one? i'm an old pool shooter, eight ball in the side. - well, gentlemen, i'm sorry, even th

ronnie] it's not her idea. she doesn't know anything about it. it's all my idea! - yeah-- - mr. von zell, you can do it because you have the impressiveness, authority, dignity, integrity-- you had me hooked when you got to authority. are they in there? - [ronnie] mmmhmm. - well come on in, watch me work. - no, i can't. i've got to show bonnie some of the lawn. - well, you can't play polo with glasses anyway. - well, hello, gracie. this must be the young man everyone's talking about. good, good. i rushed right over from the studio. i want to direct him in my next picture. - thank you, sir. - you what? - yes, gracie, i am a director. - oh, harry, i know you're an announcer. - no, gracie, i am a director and i want to sign this young man for my next picture. - if you want to sign him, why are you winking at me? - gracie, i ran into ronnie outside and he told me you had this young man in here you wanted to get into the movies so naturally i am a director. - i gave that up! - you mean you're not working for us anymore? - no, i am a director! a big director, the biggest. i am interes

ronnie! he's out in the garden taking care of mr. jantzen's children. - oh! i didn't know that ronnie liked children. - well, i didn't either, but he seems to be crazy about these. (audience laughs) - kathy! what are you doing here? - ronnie, please forgive me. i've been such a stupid fool for doubting you and what's that hair doing on your sweater? - oh, that's mine. - but this happens to be red! - well, um, uh, ronnie hasn't had that sweater on in a couple of weeks and that was the color of my hair then. - there i go being jealous again. oh, ronnie, if you'll give me back the ring, i promise i'll never take it off. - good music! - we're sorry. we didn't know you had company. bye. (giggling) - those are the jantzen children? they're lovely, they're charming, and we're not engaged. (angry music) - kathy, what's the matter? - nothing, and our engagement is off. - ronnie, what's wrong? - oh, it's kathy. there's four beautiful girls living in the house and she's jealous because i was in the garden with them. kathy! - four beautiful girls in the garden? (audience

ronnie? - no, i'm blank. - mr. von zell, you have the floor. that ronnie needs the boat. - how are you going to do that, tell him this is holland and the dike broke? - i told you blanche would come up with something good. go ahead, blanche. - well honey, i was being sarcastic. - oh. mr. von zell, you have the floor. - i thought we could tell george that ronnie needs the boat for his health. you know, the salt air? - tell dad i need it for my health? - that's a wonderful idea, ronnie! oh ho ho, if blanche couldn't think of something, i knew you could. (audience laughter) - oh, gracie, i was-- - please, mr. von zell, you had your chance and you couldn't come up with anything. - well, i just started to say, it was-- - now, remember ronnie, if you want the boat, you have to make your father believe it's for your health. so go up and see him, and start coughing. - coughing? oh, mother, i couldn't do that. - well, all right, i'll go with you and do the coughing for you. you just cover your mouth and your father will think

mr. burns. - oh, hello, kathy. - is ronnie home? - yeah. ronnie, kathy is down here. - [ronnie] oh, great, come on up, kathy! - waiting for ya. - oh, has he told you the news? - no. - we're engaged! - engaged? - look at the beautiful ring he gave me. (audience laughs) - congratulations, it's lovely. the four of us will be very happy. - i don't understand. - but i do. (cheerful music) think i'll go over there and ... no, i got a better way to fix her wagon. you probably wonder what it is. now if some shows had this suspense, they'd make you wait and tune in tomorrow. not us. (audience laughs) [daughter] sometimes the hallways felt like a giant maze. [mother] jenny didn't feel like going to school, and she slept during the day and was up at night. she seemed irritable all the time. and the weight was really hard to hold up. [mother] one day my daughter was crying, that's when jenny told us she thought about hurting herself. [daughter] then my parents got me treatment. - oh, why of course, mr. burns. interrupt me as much as you'd like. we're p

- apartment that ronnie burns rented? - yes, i'm mr. waldon, the landlord. - oh, well what's your address? - 5118 north sycamore. - oh, dear. - anything wrong, gracie? - ronnie rented an apartment. that was his landlord. goodbye. (laughter) - ronnie leaving home? why? - oh, it's all george's fault. he's been fighting with ronnie. oh, that george burns. if he didn't have children, you couldn't call him a father. - maybe george has been too harsh on ronnie. - come on, blanche. you know, i'm going up and telling that husband of mine just what i think of him. i'm going to tell him that he's bossy, stubborn, arrogant. you know some more words, blanche? - well, certainly i do. nasty, inconsiderate, and overbearing. - these are very nice compliments but why? - well, thanks to you ronnie has rented an apartment. - ronnie rented an apartment? - his landlord just phoned. ronnie gave him a check with the wrong date. - gracie, if i explain this, will you listen? - oh, you don't have to explain it. i know what it is to put a wrong date on a check. i

mr. von zell. - hi ronnie, i've got laryngitis. i can hardly talk. - that's too bad. mr. von zell, do you think you could lend me $65? - and my ears are even worse. - hi, mother. - hello, ronnie. - boy, were those exams rugged. you know, ralph and i studied like dogs. we're bushed, just beat. you know, if we could go to palm springs for a week and recuperate, that would save our lives. - well, why don't you go, ronnie? - well, we'd love to, if we could dig up $65. - well, when i was your age and needed money, i went to my mother. - that's a wonderful idea, ronnie. why don't you go to blanche's mother? (audience laughs) - no, gracie, that wouldn't do. see, my mother's up in seattle. what about you? - well that won't work, either. my mother is in san francisco. (audience laughs) so i guess, ronnie, you'll have to get the money from me. - [blanche] yeah. - well, thank you, mother! a week in palm springs, that's just what i need. i'll do nothing but rest. - where you gonna stay? - [ronnie] at the desert hacienda. - the girls? oh, then i better go with you! oh i know girls, the

mr. ronnie campbell. >> one of the boogeyman policy for me was across our political union. if this country votes to stay in the union on the 23rd, what y, i guarantees does the prime a minister got that these will bes put into a treaty, written into a treaty, at that time. >> well, first of all, it's already an agreement and will shortly be deposited at the u.n. as an international law decision and so,x! therefore, it is -- g it will already be by then legally binding and irreversible. the thingngim about getting out of ever closer uniot and indeed redefining closer nec union, i think that's so important that it needs to go into thehe treaties and the n agreement here is when the p treaties next change that will be written in those treaties, so if you like we have a double lock on this a vital point.. >> mr. johnnfu barron. >> thank you, mr. speaker. stopt i suggest this is tinkering. it is certainly not fundamental range. the red card will not stop unwanted taxes and regulations on this country. can i put it to the prime ned minister that he should at least accept the pos

mr. denton] oh? well tell me, what can i do for you? - well, that publicity romance between maria tornini and ronnie burns has got to stop. - why, it'll do 'em a lot of good. mr. tornini, is very strict and he wont permit. (von zell stammering) well you see, he doesn't speak a word of english. - oh? - do you understand italian, mr. denton? - no, no i don't. - that's what he's speaking. - sounded more like he was stuttering. - yeah, but in pure italian. (von zell stammering) oh, stop showing off. you see, that's why he brought me along, i'm his interpreter. - (von zell stammering) gracie? - now you see, gracie, that's italian for thanks. you're welcome, i'm glad to do it for you. - there's one thing i want to know. will you ask mr. tornini why he objects to this harmless little publicity stunt? - alright, mr. tornini, why do you object to this harmless little publicity stunt? - aren't you gonna ask him in italian? - oh, i don't speak the language, i just interpret it. - well, speak up mr. tornini, why? - arrivederci. - oh, you see. you'll get one as soon as we get to the ice cream parlor. - you're very charming mrs. burns. mr. von zell if

even - you have a very remarkable mother. - oh yes, i know and so is ronnie. - i do, but mother i don't think we oughta do this to mr. von zell. - oh hi everybody, gracie... oh, hey how's the campaign coming, ronnie? is imogene gonna win? - it's pretty close. looks like it's gonna be nip and tuck. - well if nip and tuck win it this year maybe imogene can get it next year. (audience laughing) - do it to him mother. (audience laughing) - i called you up here about something very important. the boys wanted your opinion. - oh, about what? - well, what would you think of a wife who spent $60 for a pair of shoes trimmed with rhinestones, without telling her husband? - $60? gracie, how could you. poor, george. - i didn't say it was me. - gracie look i know you, you don't have to try to fool me. right away, before george finds out about them. - oh harry, would you do it for me? - i certainly will. $60 for shoes, it's just amazing how easy it is for people to take advantage of someone. - certainly is. (audience laughing) - what store do these shoes go back to? - well look, if you'll just take it over to blanche's, she and i

ronnie? - don't you remember? i'm mrs. burns, i phoned you earlier. - oh, yes, about the young man. - yes, and here's the picture you asked me to bring over, and the address is right there. goodbye. oh, and as soon as you get a couple of good prospects send them right over because ive only got four months left to stay out. (audience laughing) -well, they all say they're young. this is ridiculous. (audience laughing) - i wonder how that story is developing. you must admit that was pretty fast thinking putting in von zell's picture instead of ronnie. and take a little peak. von zell is going to get into trouble, and i'd like to enjoy it. - that's all i can tell you, mrs. crowley. this is the man that mrs. burns said is looking for a wife. - good heavens, i'm anxious, but i'm not desperate. (audience and george laughing) - don't turn him down too fast. i have a feeling that this man has money. - that's possible. he must have something. well, i think i'll go over and talk to him. you know, there's one thing. if he does have mo

ronnie? - oh, mother, this is mr. roberts, the movie director. i brought him over to meet bonnie sue. bonnie sue? - oh, she's upstairs, i'll call her. bonnie sue, ronnie's here! but in the meantime, i want you to meet the new italian actress, tina cacciatori. - italian? - how do you do, ms. cacciatori? - bonjourno, sir. - you're a very pretty girl. - gratzi, sir. - oh, when you're leaving, be sure and say goodbye. she also knows arrivederci. - as a matter fact, i speak a little bit of italian. (speaks italian) - i don't think i can answer that, sir. i wish i had a mouthful of grapes. - oh, so do i! - ms. cacciatori, as it happens, there's a part in my picture that calls for a texas girl. i just have the feeling that you might be able to play it. - i know i can! - oh, hello art! - [mr. roberts] hello, george! - mr. burns, i got it! - well good, good. - daddy, i got a part in the motion pictures. - oh no you don't. no daughter of mine is going to be in motion pictures. you're coming home with me. - aw, that's too bad. well, i'll just have to find another girl to play davy crockett's wife

ronnie] oh, dad, i want you to meet marie. this is my father. - hello, marie. - how do you do, mr. burns? - and this is mr. von zell. - bonjour, monsieur. - bonjour, mademoiselle. (audience laughs) (marie speaking french) (harry speaking french) - pardon? (harry speaking french) - i know what you americans think that means, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself, you're much too old for that! - look, marie, how about you and i go out in the garden? (audience laughs) - i am too old to say it's a nice day? - i think so. (audience laughs) - george, i may have a confession to make. did you just meet the girl with ronnie? - i certainly did. - oh, well, then i have a confession to make. - [gracie] natalie isn't the exchange student -- - she's blanche's mother? - [gracie] no, no, this is blanche's mother. - the other one is the exchange student. - these are such lovely flowers. (giggles) - and from the way things are going, von zell might turn out to be blanche's father! (audience laughs) - mom, harry has something to say to you. harry, i'm waiting. - mrs. baker, mother! - i will, on one condition, that you stop

mr. knox will survive this, and we will probably see him again. >> they're lucky i didn't smack the [ bleep ] out of one of them. >>> coming up -- even as ronnie tyeppeals the ruling on his prison wedding, he faces a different kind of family problem. >> my dumb ass brother just got hit with a [ bleep ] seven inch shank. >> i have no clue how it got there. ibs-d. you know the symptoms when they start. abdominal pain. urgent diarrhea. now there's prescription xifaxan. xifaxan is a new ibs-d treatment that helps relieve your diarrhea and abdominal pain symptoms. and xifaxan works differently. it's a prescription antibiotic that acts mainly in the digestive tract. do not use xifaxan if you have a history of sensitivity to rifaximin, rifamycin antibiotic agents, or any components of xifaxan. tell your doctor right away if your diarrhea worsens while taking xifaxan, as this may be a sign of a serious or even fatal condition. tell your doctor if you have liver disease or are taking other medications, because these may increase the amount of xifaxan in your body. tell your doctor if you are pregnant, plan on becoming pregnant, or are nursing. the most com

mr. burns. - oh, alright. george? it's sweet of you to want to include him. you know, he likes to know what's going on. (audience laughing) - yes, gracie? - oh, this is professor henderson, ronnie's teacher. - oh? - i guess he came to tell us how wonderfully well ronnie's doing in his class. - hello, professor henderson. - how do you do, sir? he's doing very well in my class, but not with his studies. - i thought so. - there's an attractive young lady sitting a few rows in back of him. he's been in my class for three weeks now, and has yet to look in my direction. - oh, professor, you must be exaggerating. - oh, no, what i'm telling you is true. - well, i'm on my way, i'm in a little hurry, excuse me. goodbye, dad. (audience laughing) - [george] ronnie. don't you know this gentleman? - am i supposed to? - you see him every day at college. - oh, of course! you're the man who runs the hamburger stand off campus. (audience laughing) i didn't recognize you without the cap. goodbye, mr. uh... - newman. - newman, yes! (audience laughing) - that girl must be a knockout. - now you see the reason for my visit. unless ronald buckles down to his studies, i'll be forced to drop him from the

mr. stewart left when he was speaking about the four and a half years i had a seat with ronnie davis was head of the hugdz overseeing 3e78dz were not impedes from joining neighborhood bye bye the housing or housing authority for their failure to come up with a ambulance for hundreds of residents ♪ facility i think that is a learning lesson interestingly enough the community that lives around myself and many others that wanted to build a denser project in fact, that's what we did in the case of broadway and battery the freeway off ramp the community worked well together i think they ended up with a better project and the same what broadway samson as staff indicated unfortunately, we only do a handful of these on an annual basis i have no process with quote/unquote streamlining the process but have to be cognizant and this is an admonition having that cycle often results in a better project and with the nonprofits get that the one exemption was booker t. i have to say for the record i find is it ironic that one of my colleagues who was active in opposing that project is a snatch for for th

mr. stewart left when he was speaking about the four and a half years i had a seat with ronnie davis wasd of the hugdz overseeing 3e78dz were not impedes from joining neighborhood bye bye the housing or housing authority for their failure to come up with a ambulance for hundreds of residents ♪ facility i think that is a learning lesson interestingly enough the community that lives around myself and many others that wanted to build a denser project in fact, that's what we did in the case of broadway and battery the freeway off ramp the community worked well together i think they ended up with a better project and the same what broadway samson as staff indicated unfortunately, we only do a handful of these on an annual basis i have no process with quote/unquote streamlining the process but have to be cognizant and this is an admonition having that cycle often results in a better project and with the nonprofits get that the one exemption was booker t. i have to say for the record i find is it ironic that one of my colleagues who was active in opposing that project is a snatch for for the ju