mrs. fitzsimmons: tales of redemption from an irish mailbox." january 29th. please welcome greg fitzsimmons. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you very much. this country's scared. i spent 38 minutes going through airport security last week and i know exactly how long it took because later that night, i found the tsa screener's watch stuck between my ass cheeks. it's excessive. we have nothing to be afraid of. we're america. we're always going to be fine. why? because we have a lot of water. notice the poor countries? kind of dry. here it's a joke. we have so much water, we just blast it into the sky. we have fountains. what is a fountain? it's just us showing off. look at all this water we got. and, you can't even buy a small shower head anymore. now it's a manhole cover that's dropping 1,000 gallons a second. but that's not wet enough. i need more. how about four other showerheads at other angles? i can just stand there. one in the face, one in each pit, one's hitting my nuts from behind. not wet enough. i need more. blow steamed wate

mr. fitzsimmons'

mrs. fitzsimmons. it is great. >> you are plugging somebody else's work? >> i read your work. i got it on the kindle. actually i read the fitzsimmons book and it is great. >> can i recommend something for you all? it is something for a stocking. >> it would fit into a stocking. >> mick, what about -- is it countdown to lock down? >> countdown to lock down, the memwior and i appear on a show called "impact" on spike at 9:00 p.m. >> what is rain? >> rain is a group i volunteer with and i donated half of the proceeds from "countdown to lock down" and all joking aside, if someone out there has been assaulted or knows someone who has they can either go to rain .org, rainn. organize or 1-800-656-hope. so thank you for mentioning it. i appreciate it. >> absolutely. >> bill, don't make a joke. >> i was going to say i met those girls. >> i could just move on. i could just move on to jeddidiah right now. what should people do first thing when they get up in the morning? >> go to see a new column out, and i will be on the willis report today and barney and company on monday. >> excellent