it's the mystical union of two people inspired to create new physical life while god adds a soul in a divine and ef-able, beautiful three way. so when you use contraceptions, you are not only sinning, you are cock-blocking the almighty. (cheers and applause) i got god's back on this one. but catholic bishops are especially angry because paying for con contraceptives contradicts a belief that those bishops hold dear: that catholics don't use birth control. which isn't easy because 98% of catholic women use birth control. (laughter) the other 2% are nuns. (laughter) now, i know you may be wondering if i, stephen colbert, practice birth control. yes, i do. i practice natural church-approved birth control. it's like holding in a sneeze. (audience reacts) ah ah, ah, oh. (cheers and applause) i'll keep practicing. i'll get it one day. now, some in the liberal complain-o-sphere are saying if you have you take taxpayer money you have to take taxpayer rules and, yes, the church accepts a little federal money here and there. in 2010, catholic charities received $2.9 billion. but that's only 62%

the mystic cords of memory stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearth stone all over this broad land will yet swell the porous of the union, which again touched as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature. >> i am beginning to feel so perfectly home and i enjoy everything so much. we may perhaps at the close of four years be glad to relinquish our claims. >> i have been temporarily to occupy this big white house. i am a living witness that any one of your children may look to come here as my father's child has. >> we are having so much bliss. >> we must settle the question now, whether in the free government, the minority has the right to break up in any way we chose. if we fail, we will go -- >> we have the most beautiful flowers and grounds in excitemeh to turn ay own, there are so many lovely drives around and werrias at ou >> ft. sumpter has been assaulted. i appeal to all loyal citizens to maintain the honor, the integrity and the existence of the union. this is essentially a people's in maintaining the substance of the world whose leading object is to lift artificial weights from all shoulders, to clea