polls, nah, they're forcaptioniy comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org. >> stephen: tonight, a new way to crack down on illegal immigration. has anyone asked them to leave in espanol? [laughter] and it's the jewish new year, so put on your little flat party hats. then ken burns is here to talk about his new documentary "prohibition." in his honor, i will interview him hammered. amazon unveiled its new ipad competitor, the kindle fire. i'm going to use mine to order the new iphone. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. you're very kind. [audience chanting "stephen"] thank you very much, you especially. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you. welcome to "the report." good to have you with us. thank you so much. thank you so much. thank you. please, please. folks, folks, you know what, if i were here, i'm sure i would do the same thing. and, folks, everybody out there in not-on-tv land, it must seem to you as though all us celebrities know each other. i bet you think

"uh-uh, nah."seriously, i had a lovely "time this evening, "but i will see your ass back in standard time where you belong." and she's like, "oh, you'll be back. "they always come back for my ( bleep ) in the dark." ( screeching ) and you will be like, "thank you, daniel, "and your new "daylight savings time. "you kept me from having sex with a pterodactyl." and you don't wanna sleep with a pterodactyl, not at your place. they have a 14-foot wingspan minimum. they're knocking everything off your counters. they're like... then you have to go to target. you're on a budget. that place gets expensive. you go in there for two things, but then you see the frames. who can pass up brush silver ? i say we change all our socket covers, not just the bathroom. ah, you see that guy ? one guy ! i kept going 'til one person was like, "holy ( bleep ), "that joke had everything. "oh... oh, my goodness. "do you mind if i recap ? "there was sex, "there was pterodactyls, "the knickknacks at target. "and i was just te

polls, nah, they're forcaptioniy comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

polls, nah, they're forcaptioniy comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org. >> stephen: tonight, a new way to crack down on illegal immigration. has anyone asked them to leave in espanol? [laughter] and it's the jewish new year, so put ono

. >> nah. >> no, we moved on. >> yeah, i'm over it. >> you know what?hat's going to be a pass for me, too. >> yeah, i don't feel well at all. they poisoned me. >> i'm not feeling it, either. so that's going to be unanimous no from us. >> sorry. >> god! >> oh! (door slamming) >> hey, now! >> come on, man. >> what was that? >> totally uncalled for. >> who slams a door? >> babies. >> i mean, that guy's got some real growing up to do. i mean, have some respect for christ's sake. goddamn savage. i am a legend. >> august 18th, 2011,from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: no, no! i applaud you. (laughter) our guest the multitalented anne hathaway, very pleased about that. but first, there is an ongoing argument in this very country, about how best to close the enormous deficit that we have incurred. republicans have proposed doing it entirely through spe

it's going to be breezy and cool with nah northerly wind. here is the extended forecast. hot, hot, monday, tuesday, and maybe even into wednesday we'll see mid 90s inland. and then we'll see a little cooldown. you know how it goes. we can only stretch three or four days together. >> it seems like that, yes. >> and the fog returns. but this time only briefly. friday at 2:05 i believe p.m. fall begins. and this is kind of interesting. into saturday of next weekend i know it's a long ways off but we could be looking at our first pretty strong offshore wind flow event. temperatures get hot. it gets dry. >> fire danger. >> fire danger. a long ways off. we'll be watching. >> thanks a lot, nick. >>> right now we want to check in with brody brazil of comcast sportsnet. hello, brody. how you doing? >> great, diane. good saturday to you. let's get started with sports. logistically many have counted the giants out of the playoffs but statistically the team very much keeping hope alive. we'll tell you what is currently delaying first pitching colorado as the g men try and win seven s

nah i absolutely think we need to stop terrorism i think that's why we need to stop dropping bombs on civilians in the middle east i think that's why we need to stop shipping people up to guantanamo bay never to be tried or charged with any crimes i think terrorism is a travesty and so if people want to stop terrorism they should stop supporting it they should stop producing it is just making it an intrinsic part of you know international policy if you really want to fight terrorism start where you can work most effectively start creating the conditions to give rise to people lashing out in desperate ways so that he think the government was wrong to be you know have their eye on you. i think the government was wrong to have their eye on us we were up to no good i mean like in the sense that we were going up there to protest and engage in civil disobedience but in the the idea that we were going out there to engage in violent activity i mean if you look at the court documents and if you look at you know the testimonies you can see that we were actually repudiating a lot of ways violent

. >> nah!e break, there's very few people that will be there in a butcher -- i said i would be there for you. >> i'm just saying i don't think this one race you see as a major upsetting process. >> sean: claire mccaskell is running for the hills. -- [ talking over each other ] >> emblemmatic watch is going on -- especially the fact it is happening in new york in senator schumer's district. >> we couldn't get the sheriff of another county who was a republican to show up. the reality of politics is, self-preservation exercise. >> sean: let me ask john. we just did the gibson guitar issue. we had the sew. they raid this place. -- we had -- if the wood was finished abroad they would be fine. they had the proper documentation. now they are told if you move your facilities overseas and create job there, does this impact the administration? doesn't that bring home every big musician in the country who loves gibson guitars, how stupid and insane regulation and bureaucracy is? >> i think president obama

. >> anything nah brings in money is great. >> reporter: and a little notice helpst. >> researchers say bob could be to blame for out of control kids. >> get those orders ready. okay okay. >> reporter: a new study found a fast pace of the cartoon and others like it impair a child's brain function and could lead to behavior problems. one doctor said nine minutes of watching has an effect. >> the kids that watch this fast paced cartoon immediately afterward had a lot of difficulty planning things. executing things and delaying things. >> he recommends slower paced programs instead like mr. rogers neighborhood or seasame street . >> a celebration took place at a bakery that's the rene carnation of an institution. melvin's danish bakery. it was created after the 81- year-old store closed last july. it was reopened as a coop and this month it's marking it's first rebirthday. >> they saved the wonderful oakland institution and -- saved my birthday cake. i think generations of oaklanders know this place. >> reporter: it now offers a taste of oakland with danish and korean pastries and speciali

. >> anything nah brings in money is great. >> reporter: and a little notice helpst. >> researchers saye bob could be to blame for out of control kids. >> get those orders ready. okay okay. >> reporter: a new study found a fast pace of the cartoon and others like it impair a child's brain function and could lead to behavior problems. one doctor said nine minutes of watching has an effect. >> the kids that watch this fast paced cartoon immediately afterward had a lot of difficulty planning things. executing things and delaying things. >> he recommends slower paced programs instead like mr. rogers neighborhood or seasame street . >> a celebration took place at a bakery that's the rene carnation of an institution. melvin's danish bakery. it was created after the 81- year-old store closed last july. it was reopened as a coop and this month it's marking it's first rebirthday. >> they saved the wonderful oakland institution and -- saved my birthday cake. i think generations of oaklanders know this place. >> reporter: it now offers a taste of oakland with danish and korean pastries and special

saying this is the first time in the history of the country that the speaker of the house has said, nah, we don't want you coming over. we have some votes to take, we're just back from vacation. we got other business. can't do it. so the president takes the high road and says, okay, i'll move it to thursday night. but i thought jobs was the number one priority. it's not. it's the republican schedule. and once again there, may be people in liberal corners across the country that say, obama caved again. no, he didn't. it's a speech and it's a plan. it's been much anticipated, it's been talked about for weeks. but even when it comes to a joint session of the congress, the republicans want to lower the bar when it comes to class and respect and priorities in this country. now, you tell me, who's on your side tonight, folks. is it boehner? is he on your side? or is he on the side of his cronies in the house who were more concerned about their hectic schedule. fact, they don't care about you wokking folks in america. and they don't care about creating jobs. and that's why they've just been he

gerald, last year, you were a precenter on cnn heroes all-tar tribute, introduced magnus and farn nahett. >> i feel myself reading about this incredible man, what he had achieved. and just feeling -- i was just very, very moved. please join me in honoring cnn hero and i'm proud's fellow scotsman, magnus farrow. total pride he was scottish and hugh mility humility. feedses a half million children every day over the world. >> you saw magnus at his home, didn't you? tell me about that. >> i chased him down, swapped a couple of phone calls, okay, i'm coming to visit you. went spent date with him and his family, is saw his charity, all the people that work for him. >> piers: a remarkable man, isn't he? >> a remarkable man and beautiful soul. >> piers: more firefighting and vote for your favorite at cnnheroes.com. the winner will receive $250,000 and be cnn's hero of the year. back to the cast of "the good wife" in a moment. look, every day we're using more and more energy. the world needs more energy. where's it going to come from? ♪ that's why right here, in australia, chevron is building

something to say about international affairs and otherwise and look at romney and this field and say, nah, none of them will do and run out and be looking for someone who has expressed over and over again not just ambivalence of running for president but his disinterest in running for the white house is a dangerous game. i think it will come back to hurt republicans if christie doesn't get in and win. >> steve, let me do something counterintuitive and ask you about nicolle wallace's book. >> it's a great book. >> this book, a person treated sensitively as a person who has mental illness issues ends up getting to be vice president because we have a political process that allows that to happen. there is a very rigorous process for choosing a vice president in this country. the overall process is supposed to sort of weed out people who shouldn't be qualified to hold that office. do you think our nominating process actually does adequately test people for whether or not they're going to be good at being president? >> i do believe the nominating process for president is an excruciating process

. >> nah, you ain't going to put words in my mouth. >> whatever they do with it, that's up to them.ou're not going back on that unit. >> i'm not trying to get back on the unit. my objective was reached. >> that's the thing that really [ bleep ] me off. and i think you really [ bleep ] me on that. >> what's that? >> because i think you had this planned all along. to [ bleep ] it up. >> [ bleep ] that dude up. listen, my reputation proceeds me. ain't a [ bleep ] going to mess with me. you know why, i'm going to bring that [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. i didn't do that. i didn't do that. i mean, that's major breakthrough for me. >> no, you allegedly hit him over the head with a mop thing and nearly killed him. >> now, he ain't got no signs of a mop wringer hitting him in his head. >> you didn't see him after. >> huh? >> you didn't see him after. >> i just seen the dude! he bit off more than he can chew. and because he got served, i'm responsible for that? no, it ain't work like that. it ain't work like that. that's some type of racist connotation in there. you know, it has to be. as soon as i g

. >> nah, they don't wash that around here. >> bye-bye. >> we're done. we're married.

. >> nah. >> way in the middle of nowhere, doggone it. we talked it up. >> i was looking at the clear skies there. did you notice that? >> you were looking at the satellite, i was looking at the sky behind it there. temperatures today around the bay area average up to 18 degrees above normal and at this hour, we're still awfully warm anywhere from san francisco where today's high temperature topped off at 88 degrees, it's currently 83. it was 96 in san jose. 97 in santa rosa. and temperatures in the mid- and high 90s east of the bay, as well. as we go high into the sky with our hd camera looking out towards ocean beach, the air temperature there today at 74 degrees. unseasonably warm weather will continue again tomorrow, but it's going to cool down right there at the coast all because of low clouds and fog pushing back into the bay area. right now in the 90s, concord and oakland at 83 degrees. otherwise, san francisco 83. it's in the low 90s in santa rosa. the winds are flat. humidity 21%. but that's going to change with this. this is the

most of the people i asked said, "nah, probably not." they're on a vacation, not a history class. wave jet, i want parasailing. i want all of that stuff. >> davidson: royal caribbean built this private resort in 1986. it's only ten miles from milot and the citadel, but it might as well be on island thousands of miles away. i have to admit, i laughed, at first, when i learned that one of the excursions-- at 18 bucks a person-- is a historic walking tour of a private beach built by the cruise line 25 years ago. >> 1803, november. we just kicked the napoleon's army out. >> davidson: but the tour was actually really good. and made me realize that when people learn about haiti's incredible history, they do want to know more. >> napoleon lost so many people here. you know what he did? he was so broke that he sold louisiana to thomas jefferson. you've heard about the louisiana purchase? >> davidson: royal caribbean got some bad press last year after the earthquake for running a private fantasy land for rich americans, so close, but so cut off from so much misery. but royal caribbean argu

>> under state law, anderson, end yap nah is not allowed to oversee religious schools it is very hardd of investigation at religious schools. in the 1970s, the pastor and head master at the school, both arrested, went to court, the head master charged with aggravated assault and battery of a child, the pastor charged with conspiracy. the conspiracy charge against the pastor was dropped. the jury found the head master not guilty of aggravated assault but the jurors later said when interview they had would have found him guilty of a letters charge of child abuse. the church consider:ed that a victory, nevertheless. >> the pastor says almost all the students are happy. do -- do we know? any truth to that? >> certainly a lot of happy students, we can't characterize the percentage, also a lot of loyal students and ex-students the targeted e-mail campaign not to run this story. he inferred these ten people are the only unhappy ones. we know scores of people we have got in touch with very unhappy, terrorized at school. didn't have a time to put most on tv, others afraid to talk on television

provisionally what people in that poll are saying is, nah. we would rather not have you unless we have to have you. i mean, that's sort of the romney strategy. you'll be distracted by these other people but come back to good old mitt romney because he can get it done in the context of running against obama. but right now i think republicans at the grass roots are really interested in rick perry. some of these numbers for rick perry are just, we're curious about you, rick perry. we really want to know. so that's -- >> david, i think a part of this, we don't like to talk too much about it but i'll do it darn it. part of this may be southern conservatives, christian conservatives, people in the religious right, who have been shopping around looking for a candidate like them and romney isn't like them. he is a member of the lds church, obviously a northeastern guy, harvard guy, st. paul's guy, whatever, went to one of those schools up there and he is not one of them. isn't it as simple as geography if you look at it that way? >> in part. there ar

polls, they're actually -- usually, i'll say, polls, nah. they're for strippers and cross country skiers. but -- >> all right. let's talk more about palin with our political producer, peter hamby in column beea, south carolina. as you just heard there, it was classic sarah palin. she even talked vaguely of a jobs plan. give us a recap. you were there. what did she say? >> reporter: you're right, she did, kind of for the first time, offer a little bit of a five-point plan, conservative boiler plate but did talk about eliminating the corporate income tax rate completely. for her, it was actually a very good speech. i talked to some republicans who say this is a speech she should have been giving for the last two years after she left the governor's mansion in 2009 out there in alaska. she really hit a lot of tea party themes. she also veered into specifics and drew some contrasts with her potential republican rivals, if she does decide to run. palin has sort of done a little bit of damage to her brand over the years. >> namely, governor rick pe

. >> reporter: nah. the taco bell chihuahua died of a stroke years ago. >> the dog is participating. >> reporter: no, the dog is not participating. >> it's getting up with it. >> it's probably hot and sexy and with all of the stress in the world, it's somebody's fantasy and escape so obviously it's working for all three of them. >> much oo, mucho baby. >> reporter: jeanne moos, cnn, new york. >> one of the odder stories here. >>> baseball jocks going soft on us. we'll explain the colorful kitty accessories. >>> and how can president obama deal with the partisan bickering? we'll read some of your responses after the break. every time a local business opens its doors or creates another laptop bag or hires another employee, it's not just good for business -- it's good for the entire community. at bank of america, we know the impact that local businesses have on communities, so we're helping them with advice from local business experts and extending $18 billion in credit last year. that's how we're helping s

nah. there's another side to the texas governor.kes $150,000 a year as governor, enjoyed additional lavish perks and travel mostly funded by wealthy supporters. imagine that. texas supporters paid for the governor and his family to travel around the world. sometimes on private jets. paid for them to stay at luxury hotels, resorts, vacation in colorado ski towns and attend tons of sporting events and concerts. rick perry is also accepted a wide range of very expensive gifts including 22 pairs of cowboy boots. some costing $500 a pair. somebody else pays hi cable tv bill. taxpayers pay his rent, $8,500 a month for perry's 4600 square foot mansion in austin. the governor and his family have been living in the five bedroom seven bath mansion since 2 hou 7 while the governor's mansion undergoes repair. four years? what sort of repairs are those, you imagine? all copacetic in the lone star state which has some of the loosest ethics and campaign rules in the country. nonetheless, it is tough to imagine supporters aren't buying influence wh

. >> polls, they're actually -- usually i'll say polls, nah, they're for strippers and crosscountry skiersbut -- [ applause ] but polls in those parts actually show that some people there believe that economy has actually improved. see, there may not be a recession in georgetown, but there is in the rest of america. >> reporter: classic sarah palin there, i guess you could say n iowa. one thing she didn't do in iowa and we don't expect her to do today is declare or announce her candidacy for. the. she says she will have a decision by the end of this month. she could jump in late and raise a lot of buzz and raise a lot of money at the last minute. >> she's a tease. >> i love it. paul, have a good time. thanks so much. going to air senator demint's forum in its entirety from 3:00 to 5:20 eastern time, john king will anchor that special coverage. cnn the exclusive national broadcaster of the forum. carol? >>> it's your turn to talk back on one of the big stories of the day. the question for you today, do unions help or hurt america? it's a question labor union leaders want you to consider on