she made when a nasogastric tube seems effortless and dignified. only years later in writing this book i finally put into words why that meeting left me feeling so an easy and humble. the gestures in that room seemed larger than life, an object seemed like symbols, and why she herself seem like an actor playing a part. nothing was incidental. the characteristics of her purse not that it was a spontaneous and in positive were in fact copulate and almost responsive to responses. her clothes were loose and vivid because they were decoys against the glowing outline of the tumor in her abdomen. her necklace was distractingly large size to the full attention away from her cancer. her room was topsy-turvy with bottles and pictures. the hospital room filled with cards. without that it would evolve into the anonymity of any of the room in any other hospital. she had tangled her leg and that precise angle because the two had invaded her spine and begun to paralyze her other leg making it impossible to sit any other other way. her casualness was studied. her