not to drink, not to fornicate, i decided to go to the holy mount athos in greece, on athos i learned to live in a newgiven, we would have given birth again, but the lord gave four, our very last child, matthew, was born autistic, because he does not speak, he used to run away, ran around the village with tears, looked for him, there was a lot of sadness, a lot of sorrows, not just with this child, but he still brings joy, he answers everything... he answers yes, matthew, you have eaten, you have eaten, but they give such children for sins, their own cross, which you need to bear, don’t grumble, there is happiness, children, family, my life has become better, thanks god, he kicked it with his hooves so that he would emerge as a handsome man with black bravados. how do you like the story of evgeniy nikolaevich? there are no words, it’s just, well, somewhat similar to mine. so i, too, why i asked you, because it seems to me that there is some kind of faith, solitude, yes, life shock, very music, this probably comes the moment when the soul awakens to god, opens to god, seeks god, finds with god's help,