new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. guest tonight, he is is supreme leader of the nation of wadiya, and his new film is called "the dictator." >> we're just two ordinary american tourists. >> i love being an american. >> america is number one. >> 9/11. >> 9/11 it's the best. >> i said 9/11, 2012. (screaming). >> jon: please welcome admiral general aladeen. ( applause ) >> jon: that's beautiful. >> you're okay. you kiss my ring. >> jon: i did. the ring is not.... >> i just.... >> jon: my saliva is very caustic. i have a disease. >> you have herpes? last time i went on united airlines flight here from the flight attendant i think his name was kevin. he gave you it too. >> jon: yes, sir, too. he gives everybody herpes. that's why the service is so good. would you care for a seat? >> no problem. you ask whatever you want. no pressure. >> jon: hello. these are your guards, i guess. >> these are my virgin guards. i have 25 of them. they are checked for their virginity every night by the head of my penis. no, they are. >> jon:

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.yes food. [cheers and applause] that's it for the report,. everybody. good night. well, i don't know why they need you in the studio. surprise! oh, my god! is this for me? i can't believe you made all this fuss over my birthday. it's so incredibly thoughtful. let me give something back to you guys. ♪ i believe the children are our future ♪ ♪ teach them well and let them lead the way ♪ hey, guess what, everyone? i'm engaged. [all congratulating] engaged? hey, this isn't gonna change the way you dress or eat lollipops, is it? no. oh, then congratulations. this is for you, cerie. ♪ i believe the children are our future ♪

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.s yes food. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen, now, folks, before we go, i just got a little announcement to make. my new book "i am a pole and so can you" just came out yesterday. it's already in the on the ten on a.m. son. (cheers and applause) i'm not talking children's books, i'm talking top ten of all the books! i'm coming for you, "50 shades of grey." (laughter) sicko. (laughter) i don't even have to talk about this right now. i want to talk about something completely different. the audio book. of "i am a pole and so can you" which is read by my good friend tom hanks. the number-one movie star in the world. 400 seconds of

new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives. 's yes food. oú great! tyler here will show you everything. check out our new mobile app. now you can use your phone to scan your car's vin or take a picture of your license. it's an easy way to start a quote. watch this -- flo, can i see your license? no. well, all right. thanks. okay, here we go. whoa! no one said "cheese." progressive mobile -- insurance has never been easier. get a free quote today. >>> the president's surprise trip to afghanistan on the one-year anniversary of the killing of bin laden. what do we know today about the killing of bin laden? ." then there was a moment. when i decided to find a way to keep going. go for olympic gold and go to college too. [ male announcer ] every day we help students earn their bachelor's or master's degree for tomorrow's careers. this is your moment. let nothing stand in your way. devry university, proud to support the education of our u.s. olympic team. [ clang ] my house is where plants came to die. ♪ but, it turns out all i was mi

new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives.t's yes food. >>> the president's surprise trip to afghanistan on the one-year anniversary of the killing of bin laden. what do we know today about the killing of bin laden? ." then there was a moment. when i decided to find a way to keep going. go for olympic gold and go to college too. [ male announcer ] every day we help students earn their bachelor's or master's degree for tomorrow's careers. this is your moment. let nothing stand in your way. devry university, proud to support the education of our u.s. olympic team. [ clang ] my house is where plants came to die. ♪ but, it turns out all i was missing was miracle-gro potting mix. it's got what a plant needs. even plant food that feeds them for up to 6 months. you get bigger, more beautiful plants. guaranteed. who's got two green thumbs thanks to miracle-gro? uh, this gal. boom! everyone grows with miracle-gro. >>> we all remember where we were onier ago, may 1, 2011. president obama made an announcement to the world that we waited

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.s yes food. >> stephen: hey, thank you very much. welcome back thank you so much, folks, last year wisconsin governor scott walker lead a brave battle against public service unions which spark product tests, legislative paralysis and most shockingly of all, people care approximating about wisconsin. now governor walker and four republican state senators are facing a recall election. the primary for which will last tuesday make eight. now it would have been great for the republicans if the democrats had primary challengers for each seat it would have cost the dems money and wasted campaign time. but unfortunately, the democrats were unified and each man was running unopposed. i mean what could the republican does. >> the government accountability board voted u than newsly to allow a half dozen republicans to run as democrats forcing primaries. >> stephen: republicans running as democrats to force primaries is perfectly legitimate. it's just like when you call a time out in football by d

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.s yes food. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> billion l- and grace probably did more to educate the american public than almost anything anybody has ever done so far. >> seriously? captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> stephen: tonight a new controversy for ot bama administration. get ready for the timothy geithner sex tape. then a new threat to american jobs, you want to take a break from your unpaid internship to watch. then my guest andy cohen is the host of bravo's watch what happens live. i'll ask him which american city has the newest crop of bitchy housewives. according to a new study, dinosaur farts may have caused prehistoric global warming. you know what they say, he who stinked it, is extinct. (laughter) this is the colbert report captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! ste

new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. ♪ [swing music plays] join us tomorrow night at 11:00. zen. >> billion l- and grace probably did more to educate the american public than almost anything anybody has ever done so far. >> seriously? captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access grou ["the colbert report" theme m captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) [eagle caw] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you so much. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. nation -- thank you so much. [crowd chanting stephen] that's very nice. oh, thank you so much. [cheers and applause] you guys are congealing like a fine pudding. [ laughter ] nation, the general elec

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.s yes food. >> welcome back, everybody, thank you very much. my guest tonight is an oscar winning actress whose memoir is called then again. i can't wait for the sequel, then again 2, then again again. please welcome diane keaton. (cheers and applause) thank you so much for coming on. lovely to meet you. >> it's lovely to meet you. >> i'm a big fan. >> can i ask you something. >> stephen: yes, ma'am. >> are you till running for president. >> stephen: always thinking about it you can never say fever. >> but you weren't at the correspondent's dinner i noticed. >> stephen: no, i haven't been to the correspondent dinner since they alerted security. >> they alerted security. >> stephen: about six years ago, yes. >> why? >> stephen: i performed. >> were you-- . >> stephen: i was clothed, i was clothed so they knew i wasn't packing. >> because i heard-- . >> stephen: you're not allowed to even maybe have a gun around the president. and these days that means buck maked is the only way to be su

new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back.d about the president earlier. and along with the same-sex marriage announcement you may have heard president obama has a new lady in his life and she... i should explain. it's call "the life of julia" and it's a new web ad explaining how the average american woman might benefit from obama's policies. from some affordable student loans to government health insurance to other... oh, my god! look out for the bus! oh! oh! (laughter) it's just all so realistic. (laughter) the whole something a little simplistic but nothing worth getting too worked up over. and watch everybody get real worked up. >> it's sexist to assume women cannot make it on their own. >> when we say kraeud toll grave government nanny state this is exactly what we mean. >> what does it say about a president's policies when he has to use a cartoon character rather than real people to justify his records. (cheers and applause) >> jon: that strategy almost worked for john mccain. (audience reacts) (cheers and applause) did

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives. it's yes food.

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.: welcome back to the show. thank you. obviously we talk a lit about horribly poor our culture has become policically. i would like to will mind everybody ten short months ago political party came together to accomplish something. they made a deal in order to raise our debt ceiling. >> the deal is shaping up like this. raise the debt ceiling by up to $2.8 trillion in two installments. stage one, cut about one trillion dollars in spending. launch a new kind of supercommittee evenly split between parties to find up to $1.8 trillion in extra savings by november. >> jon: supercommittee this is the supercommittee, right next, these guise, like the avengers of congressman only without actually being cool or having superpower. it is like eight hawkeyes is really what it is like. it's just like a guy like oh, i can shoot a bow and arrow. oh, whatter, katniss. truly it was an extraordinary moment of bipartisan cooperation in washington capped off by that "time" magazine cover that john boehner

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.. that's our show, here it is your moment of zen. >> mitt romney can beat obama. >> no he can't beat obama because his policy is the basis of obama care. >> the next president of the united states, president mitt romney! captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central

new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. got the mirrors all adjusted? you can see everything ok?ust stay off the freeways, all right? i don't want you going out on those yet. mmm-hmm. and just leave your phone in your purse. i don't want you texting, all right? daddy...ok! ok, here you go. be careful. thanks dad. call me -- but not while you're driving. ♪ [ dad ] we knew this day was coming. that's why we bought a subaru. ♪ >> welcome back to "politicsnation," mitt romney loves a lot of things, he loves his money, he loves his family, and he loves his presidents. >> bill clinton announced that the era of jimmy carter was over. >> one of missouri's greatest sons harry truman. jfk and fdr -- >> yes, the great lbj, don't forget harry truman, he even got john adams in there. he can't seem to remember the guy who came before president obama. >> i find it incomprehensible that a president can come to office and call his predecessor's record irresponsible. he was very critical of his predecessor because he put together four trillion dollars worth of debt. >> predecessor -- his name is g

new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives. coming up, blocking the vote, this 93-year-old woman marched with dr. king for voting rights, now her vote has been taken away. it's outrageous, exclusive interview is next. >>> steve king can be added to the voices calling for fairness. king writes, "i don't want to apologize for being rich. i want you to acknowledge that in america, we should all have to pay our fair share. that's called stepping up and not whining about it. "for republicans asking those to pay their fair share, it's like a scary movie, a scene out of the shining. >> come on, the top 1% pay 38% of the taxes in america, how much more do you want them to pay. >> his idea of fairness, at imposing it on ores. >> red rum. >> it's fine to talk about those things in quiet rooms. >> what is in room 1237? >> nothing. there ain't nothing. >> republican tax policy, be afraid, be very afraid. [ donovan ] i hit a wall. and i thought "i can't do this, it's just too hard." then there was a moment. when i decided to find a way to k

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new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.food. >>. >> kelly: welcome back too hannity. we continue with mitt romney. governor, now you are in this position, i don't suspect you are going to break news and tell me who you are going to select as vp so i won't ask you that question. but i will ask you, what are you going to be looking for in a running mate? >> well, i think the key criteria is whether an individual could potentially become the president of the united states and be seen as that by the american people. whoever is elected, i hope it will be me, but you have to make sure the person who is vice president, number two in line is a person of capacity that could lead the country if necessary. that is the most important. the process, you're right, it's being led by my former chief of staff, beth myers. she is carrying out in a way that i think is professional and thorough. as for the people we may be considering. >> sean: top secret. can i ask if you have a short list? >> i've got nothing for you on vp front. >> sean: i'm

new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives.m, stream, stream... ♪ strea-ea-ea-ea-eam ♪ stream, stream, stream... ♪ when i want you... ♪ ...in my arms... ♪ when i want you... ♪ ...and all your charms... ♪ whenever i want you, all i have to do is... ♪ [ female announcer ] introducing xfinity streampix. stream your favorite movies and full seasons of shows instantly on any screen. find out more online. instantly on any screen. you're going down! it's all over! no! it's not over yet! sofas that can take anything life throws at them. ♪ >> jimmy: there you go. that's scarlett johansson in "the avengers." that's a lot of fun. that's got to be fun. >> yeah, no, that was terrible. >> jimmy: it was? >> no, it was painful. that's all. terribly painful. >> jimmy: for jeremy or you? >> both of us. jeremy wounded his neck, completely couldn't turn, you know, when you do that where you can't turn and he did that, like, tying his shoe that day, when was the biggest injury he sustained. >> jimmy: that sounds like an excuse. maybe you wounded hi

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.yes food. aren't just a "show." [ sizzling ] there's a reason that sound instantly starts up the waterworks in your mouth. [ sizzling ] it's the sound of flavor erupting, as freshly prepared ingredients sear, simmer, and caramelize, right there at your table. but, hey...it is a pretty good show. i'll have that. [ male announcer ] try our new sizzling entrees! like the double barrel whisky sirloin, the new sizzling n'awlins skillet, and more. starting at just $9.99. only at applebee's. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- josh brolin. bethenny frankel. and music from kimbra. with cleto and the cletones. and now, what everyone's dreading, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you very much. that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i thank for watching and for coming out to visit. hope everybody's okay. everybody feeling okay tonight? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i had an unusual thing happen to me last nigh

new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives.y: there you go. that's scarlett johansson in "the avengers." that's a lot of fun. that's got to be fun. >> yeah, no, that was terrible. >> jimmy: it was? >> no, it was painful. that's all. terribly painful. >> jimmy: for jeremy or you? >> both of us. jeremy wounded his neck, completely couldn't turn, you know, when you do that where you can't turn and he did that, like, tying his shoe that day, when was the biggest injury he sustained. >> jimmy: that sounds like an excuse. maybe you wounded his neck and he didn't want to admit it. >> no, they were like, jeremy, we need you, he was like, what -- oh, that was it. >> jimmy: you are telling me these people aren't really super heroes? >> no, yes we are. >> jimmy: that is disappointing. >> i promise. i'll show you my thigh hold late earl on. [ applause ] >> jimmy: good night! thanks for watching. did you go to the prom when you were in high school? >> my senior prom, i went with my boyfriend at the time. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.s food. >>> we're back with a story out of colorado getting big national attention. nearly two weeks ago, republican congressman mike coffman of colorado was speaking at his fundraiser when he unloaded this one about the president. >> i don't know whether barack obama was born in the united states or not. i don't know. but i do know this. in his heart, he is not an american. he is just not an american. >> that outrageous comment made it on to the local news five days later. only then did congressman coffman issue a statement saying "i misspoke and i apologize." i misspoke and i apologize. then a station in denver caught up with the congressman. tuesday passed and to ask him about this and asked him about why he had made the statement in the first place. here is what congressman had to say. >> after your comments about the president, do you feel that voters are owed a better explanation than just i misspoke? >> i think that as i stand by my statement, they misspoke, and i apologize. >>

new oscar mayer selects.[ male announcer ] it'we have product x say "yes." and we have product y. we are going to start with product x. the only thing i'll let you know is that it is an, affordable product. oh, i like that. let's move on to product y, which is a far more expensive product. whoaaa. i don't care for that at all. yuck. you picked x and it was geico car insurance and y was the competitor. is that something you would pay for year after year? i, i like soda a lot but for a change of pace... >>> mitt romney can't connect with regular people but he doesn't have to be a regular guy to do it. he just needs to be a better actor and that's where this guy comes in and he's inside the actor's studio and mitt romney pays attention. he will never be the same. that's next. kiwi. soy milk. impulse buy. gift horse. king crab. rhubarb pie. lettuce shower. made by bees. toucan sam. that's not cheese. grass fed. curry. gingersnaps. soup can tower. 5% cash back. right now, get 5% cash back at grocery stores. it pay

new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. i get my cancer medications through the mail.y're looking at shutting down post offices coast to coast. closing plants is not the answer. they want to cut 100,000 jobs. it's gonna cost us more, and the service is gonna be less. we could lose clientele because of increased mailing times. the ripple effect is going to be devastating. congress created the problem. and if our legislators get on the ball, they can make the right decisions. >> north carolina might rewrite the state's constitution by making marriage between a man and a woman. the only recognized domestic union. polls indicate that amendment will pass but not -- not if the good people of north carolina listen to what reverend dr. william jay barber has to say about it. when you hear him speak, you can almost hear some north carolina voters changing their minds. i don't know how many but some. i am absolutely convinced he has changed minds. what he had to say yesterday is that powerful. you have got hear this. and michelle obama has found her voice on the campaign trail.

new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food.. [ growls ] lucky for me, your friends showed up with this awesome bone. hey! you guys are great. and if you got your home insurance where you got your cut rate car insurance, it might not replace all this. [ electricity crackling ] [ gasping ] so get allstate. you could save money and be better protected from mayhem like me. [ dennis ] dollar for dollar, nobody protects you from mayhem like allstate. >>> let me finish with thp. we just had clint hill onto talk about the secret service. he's a sterling model of the agents that's been assigned to the service over the decadedeca. there are thousands of others, people like jerry par who save ed ronald reagan. had he not done what he did that bleak day and getting him to the hospital, there's a real question whether reagan could have made it. i don't doubt there are many stories like this on the part of those defending the presidents. because of a few knuckle heads, the reputation of the secret service has been harmed, not permanently but

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new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.s yes food. >> sean: and it was primary night in america on tuesday and the results in three crucial races show the momentum is currently now on the side of the gop. wisconsin where unions are attempting to recall republican governor scott walker but if yesterday's outcome is any independencecation, wellion big labor has a lot of work to do because as the "milwaukee journal sentinel" points out walker received more votes than all of his potential democratic opponents combined. this despite running in basically an uncontested primary. the republican senate primary in indiana where long time incumbent dick luger fell to tea party favorite richard murdoch. >> everybody on this committee feels an enormous sense of loss that dick luger, extraordinary senator, a great thinker about foreign policy, somebody who was willing to make things work in the senate for our country. and he was willing to reach across the aisle which is the only way you get things done. so it is a great blow to that con

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.s yes food. mexican kayaker fell 300 feet straight down and landed in the history books. check out this jaw dropping plunge. the kayaker paddled over a huge water fall in washington state. it's about 13 feet taller than niagara falls. only the second person ever to do it. he doesn't get an official record because he popped out of the kayak at the bottom. built quite a rep kayaking community for daring dives. he has been over plenty of water falls before but none as dangerous as this because he had to hit the water exactly right. of course. well, it's tough to fight a videotape confession in court especially when the suspect made the video himself. using the camera he is accused of stealing. check it out. >> to introduce you, my name is [inaudible] this is me, hi. in a stolen camera that i stole. but it's okay. the cop won't figure it out. >> trace: obviously the cops did figure it out. they say they used surveillance video of him breaking into a car to track him down. that's when they

new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives.s yes food. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives. now's the time to move from to where you want to go. look up. with u.s. bank let's get the wheels turning. use our strength & stability to open new opportunities. to lend, and lift ...every business...every dream... to new heights of prosperity. good things are happening. just look up. with u.s. bank. havputs you at 5 timesartbeat calgreater risk of stroke. don't wait. go to afibstroke.com for a free discussion guide to help you talk to your doctor about reducing your risk. that's afibstroke.com. >> sean: more bad election news for team obama as the president suffered another embarrassing primary on tuesday night, following a near loss to keith judd in the west virginia primary, the races in kentucky and arkansas yesterday were no better. in kentucky, president obama lost 42% of the vote to voters who chose to be uncommitted. in the state of arkansas, 41% of voters voted for the challenger, a guy named john wolf, over pre

new oscar mayer selects.h babe is not demeaning or insulting of women in any way. it is an acknowledgement, ladies and gentlemen, that a proud conservative woman is inately attractive for independence or intellect and doesn't mind being called a babe. >> joining me now krystal ball. krystal, he is coming after you. you started stoprush.net and so he has now started -- he calls i rush babes for america. >> well, one clarification. i was one of the original founders and had part of the idea for stoprush.net. but stop rush has been a tremendous success because of hundreds of volunteers nationwide who have been logging reports and tracking sponsors. so, he was coming after a nationwide movement against him that has been very, very damaging to his business and to the business of clear channel radio. >> yeah. we have the ceo of the company saying they have lost millions of dollars because of what you and what the national reaction has been to his attacks. >> right. they came out to say they had lost millions. they

new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. that's good morning, veggie style. hmmm.or half the calories plus veggie nutrition. could've had a v8. >>> i am absolutely comfortable with the fact that men marrying men, women marrying women and heterosexual men and women are entitled to the same exact rights, all of the civil rights and civil liberties. >> that, of course, was vice president biden on "meet the press" pushing the president to come out in favor of gay marriage apparently a little earlier than he had planned. joining me is david gregory. first of all, the week that was planned for both candidates, want to start with gay marriage and biden. how about this back-channel leakinging, apologizing, he was going to do it on "the view." it seems that there's a nervousness that the white house doesn't want the president to look week here. >> well, the reality is what it is. the vice president came out for gay marriage and changed his view before the president did and they were not prepared for that because it caused them a cascading effect where the president does it

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new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives.yes food. >>> back to "hardball," now for the side show. first up, do you remember for first summer job? the obama administration kicked off an initiative trying to help companies hire summer jobs. >> my first job was cleaning gum and stuff from the electronic mats from front of sliding doors. my grandmother started crying. don't be embarrassed to work hard, even if it makes your grandmother cry. i'm sorry grandma. >> my first was delivering the philadelphia boulton. you think security would be a top priority, sfligt there is a ban on concealed firearms for inside the convention center. the mayor asked rick scott for the pan to include the event zone. some of the pans include water pistols, slingshots, brass knuckles, clubs, and guns. >> it is unclear how disarming law abiding citizens would better protect them from the dangers and threats boesed by those that wougt flout the law. it must be protected from government overreach. why would anyone bring a gun to a national convention, i j

new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. >>> welcome back to "politicsnation." election day in north carolina. votere decide if the state should become the 31st with a constitutional amendment that says marriage should be between a man and a woman. it has been hotly contested with spending by both sides topping $3 million. it's a lot of money to ban same-sex marriage. especially since it's already been banned. that's right. the state already banned gay marriage in 1996. and this amendment doesn't just reban it, it also rurts civil unions and domestic partnerships for straight couples as well as for gay ones. one of the most vocal opponent of the amendment has been democratic governor bev perdue, who called it bad for families in an ad released last month. but unfortunately, it is just the latest extreme proposal she's had to fight back against. republicans of north carolina have been on a right wing thrill ride since taking over the state legislature in 2010. but governor purdue has vetoed a record 16 bills to protect the people in her state. bills with new abor

new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. how did i get here? dumb luck? or good decisions?nes i've made. ones we've all made. about marriage. children. money. about tomorrow. here's to good decisions. who matters most to you says the most about you. massmutual is owned by our policyholders so they matter most to us. massmutual. we'll help you get there. >>> mitt romney made a visit to a struggling charter school in west philadelphia today. things were going really well, until he brought up class size. >> i came into office and talked to people and said what do we do to improve our schools and a number of folks said, well, we need smaller classroom sizes, that will make the biggest difference, so i gathered information across our state, we had 351 cities and towns, i said let's compare the average size of classroom students with the success of our schools to see if there was a relationship. in fact the school district with the smallest classrooms, cambridge, had students performing in the bottom 10%. >> some on the round table took issue with romney's stance. >> in first thr

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