(audience applauds) norm macdonald. (audience applauds) robert schimmel. (audience applauds) and deray davis. (audience applauds) now robert, how'd you meet your wife? i heard this was a crazy story. - um, my wife, um was my daughter's boss at a baby boutique. - well, you in the baby store. what were you doing in a baby store? - what was i doing in a baby store? - you were shopping for baby stuff? - well, yeah, and to visit my daughter in there. - like you have a baby already then? - yeah. - so you walked in with a baby, and you still mack somebody while you was there. that's game, that's pimpin' right there, man. (audience applauds) he walked in with a baby in his hand, like, "yo, you want one of these?" (all laugh) - i can be yo baby's daddy. (all laugh) - she was going through a bad marriage, and, uh, i started to as soon as i met her. she's my daughter's age. - [byron] is she really? - i'm gonna be 57, and she's 31. - [byron] are you kidding me? (audience whooping and cheering) - yeah, yeah. yeah, woah, i'm paying $10,000 a month alimony, yay. so, uh..

tonight byron welcomes wendy liebman, norm macdonald, robert schimmel, and deray davis. and now, a man who was almost adopted by madonna, byron allen. (drums playing) (audience applauding)

tonight byron welcomes wendy liebman, norm macdonald, robert schimmel, and deray davis. and now, a man who was almost adopted by madonna, byron allen. (drums playing) (audience applauding)

protect it allows me to continue to drink my coffee, and it was a real easy >>> weekend update with norm macdonald. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. and now the news. our top story tonight, texaco oil reeling from the public outcry over racist remarks made by some of its top executives at a tape recded meeting, today announced a dramatic change in company policy. no more tape recorded meetings. [ laughter ] >>> meanwhile, the u.s. armys dealing with a scandal of its own, as dozens ofemale recruits have charged drill instructors with sexual sexual assault. analysts are calling it the best argument yet for gays in the military. [ laughter ] >>> attorney general janet reno has assembled a task force to determine whether federal campaign finance laws were violated by democrats, republicans or both. another task force will attempt to determine whether attorney general reno is a man, a woman or both. [ laughter ] >>> this week in a secret ceremony in australia, michael jackson was married for the second time. asked what makes his new bride special, the king of pop @said, she's taught me